DISCLAIMER: I don't own House. But I do watch it religiously.
Q is for Quarantine
Chapter Four:
"Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital is hereby placed under quarantine by the CDC."
Beats of silence passed painfully. Then House's piercing blue eyes rolled upwards and disappeared behind closed eyelids. He smacked his forehead with his hand.
"I don't believe it," he groaned. "I'm stuck in a hospital with diseased patients and ignorant CDC doctors. Why is the whole hospital quarantined? In fact, why are we being quarantined in the first place?"
"Exactly what I was saying," said Cuddy, glaring at Doctor James.
He stuck his nose up pompously in the air. "I was under strict orders to detain the hospital once the CDC received word of the unknown virus here."
"How did you find out so quickly?" asked Cameron from behind House and Cuddy. The orange-suited doctor looked to her with a flicker of hesitation dancing across his face before he answered.
"We're well informed," he said evasively.
"What's that supposed to mean?" demanded Chase. Cuddy made a little noise indicating disgust and turned away; the ducklings looked at her strangely.
"That's translated as 'the CDC has spies in the hospital and I'm royally pissed at the fact that I didn't notice'" said House, making James squirm. "Notice that he's not denying it; guilty as charged."
"I'm sorry, spies? That's ridiculous, even for you, House," said Foreman.
The other doctor assumed an offended expression. "Just because the truth sucks, doesn't mean you have to blame it on me."
"Who's the mole?" said Cameron, obviously believing House's theory on the conspiracy.
"Two nurses in ITU and one in the clinic," answered Stacey, coming up beside their huddle of people and sounding a little breathless. "And I found out who else was in contact with Cosgrove; four medics, five nurses and two doctors. They're waiting for you in you office now. Then there's the whole ICU ward," she added after drawing a deep breath. She then handed Cuddy a slip of paper with the names of the 'traitor' nurses' names on them.
"How did you find out?" asked Cuddy, reading the short list.
"The powers of persuasion as a lawyer are limitless," said Stacey dryly.
House suddenly started to have a coughing fit. Some coughs bore a surprising similarity to the words 'threatened' and 'interrogated'. "Excuse me," he apologised after a final almighty wheeze. "Please continue."
"I just poked around a bit," concluded Stacey. "They all confessed in the end."
Cuddy heaved a sigh and House interjected, "On the bright side, that's three less pay cheques you have to sign every month. And there'll probably be even less, since we'll all be dead by the end of this quarantine."
"No one's gonna die," said James in what he thought was a calm voice, but was actually quite patronizing.
"Uh huh, sure," said House, completely overriding the CDC doctor. "You don't even know what disease we're dealing with. How can the CDC place us under quarantine if you have no idea what you're putting us in quarantine for?"
"I'm going to have to contradict you there, Doctor -?"
"None of your business."
"Right, Doctor," James carried on with a self important air, even though he had just been snubbed. "In relation to your earlier claims about the CDC not knowing anything about the disease, I have to say that you are completely wrong; we know for a fact that the disease present in the primarily infected patient is a strain of Ebola." He paused dramatically for the assumingly shocking news to set in. I mean, Ebola, he thought to himself, bet they didn't see that coming!
At the mention of the Ebola virus, Chase frowned. It was one of the many diseases and viruses he had searched earlier on and he and the team were well informed on the subject. They had argued about the possibility of it being Ebola, which was extremely low, and in the end, they had concluded that
"That is absolute crap," said House disdainfully. "You are insulting my intelligence. At least get your facts right before you start a public scare over Ebola."
James remained adamant. "We have reliable sources-"
"Ah, the confession," said House, smiling at his colleagues. "You see, Foreman, the CDC do have spies posted at the hospital."
James was frowning. "We have people keeping a look out for anything suspicious in most hospitals around the US," he admitted grudgingly. "You never know what kind of bugs turn up in society these days; we have to take extra precautions."
"While that is all very well," said Cuddy in a voice of strained calm. "We have everything under control here, so there really is no need for quarantine."
"With all due respect," said James impatiently, in a tone that suggested no respect for the hospital administrator at all, "in case you haven't realised, if this is a case of Ebola, it's in the best interest of national security to put a lockdown on the hospital to prevent the disease from spreading."
House nudged the other doctor with his stick to get his attention. "Key word in that sentence: 'if'. What happens 'if' it's not Ebola, huh? Not gonna look so smart then, will ya?" House poked him just one more time, for good measure and to get his point across. "And I can tell you now, it's not Ebola."
James was quickly starting to loose his cool. His face was steadily becoming redder behind the mask of plastic he was protected by. "Of course it's Ebola," he spat. "Bleeding from the orifices suggests-"
"Ah," said House. "I wondered when we'd get technical. Now, if orifices include eyes, fingers and gums, then yes, quarantine away. But if you actually paid attention in med school, you might have found that those body parts are not orifices. Well done, here's a gold star, go to the top of the class; that's lesson one on the human anatomy covered. Next topic: how to deflate a bighead with a small brain, not so hard when the bighead is an idiot and wearing an orange jumpsuit."
James flushed and Chase chipped in, "And even if it was Ebola, you wouldn't be wearing a protective suit anyway because the strains that are harmful to humans are not airborne viruses." He cocked an eyebrow at the CDC doctor. "So unless you're a monkey, you don't have to wear the suit."
"And trust me, orange is so not your colour," added House, with a knowing look.
James had turned crimson with the onslaught of abuse he was receiving from the doctors around him. They had gathered an audience as well; nurses and other consultants had all stopped to witness the bantering between House and his team and the CDC doctor, most of them sniggering behind their hands and clipboards.
"Move along!" he snapped, and everyone immediately resumed their tasks, slight smiles tugging at their lips. He took a couple of steps up to House, so that he was towering over the crippled doctor. "Now you listen to me, Dr I've-Got-My-Head-Stuck-Up-My-Ass, I know it must be hard for you to accept the fact that you're wrong for once, but, buddy, you gotta chew down hard on this one and swallow your pride. When the CDC says it's Ebola, then it damn well is Ebola. When the CDC puts a hospital in quarantine, then the hospital will be put in quarantine. There's nothing you can do about it."
"So when the CDC tells you to jump off a cliff, you'd jump off a cliff?" asked House quizzically. "Phew, thank God I don't work for the CDC, I'm already crippled enough as it is."
Doctor James was murderous. "You stupid bast-"
"What is going on here?" A strangely accented voice echoed down the corridor and all the doctors (and lawyer) turned to face in its direction. The crowd parted for a middle aged man who was making his way towards them, garbed in a white coat with a little ID tag on his breast pocket, not very well distinguished between the other doctors in the hospital. However, he held himself with a quietly confident air, not exactly overly pompous like James, but he seemed to be in a powerful position, and he knew it. He had dark hair that framed equally dark eyes and a sharp hawk-like appearance that was both striking and handsome. The women in the group all straightened as he neared, and Foreman and Chase exchanged glowers. House just retained a mildly sick expression, though he had stiffened (but nobody noticed).
"What is going on?" the man repeated when he had reached them. "James," he addressed the CDC doctor directly. "Why are you wearing the contamination suit? The team was told not to wear it."
"What? Oh, I was not informed… I'm sorry, sir, it won't happen again," he stuttered, embarrassed beyond belief.
House snorted. "That's right, go on, shoo, get rid of the body condom."
The man James was so humbled by turned to regard the diagnostician. They looked each other up and down, as if they were animals eyeing each other before a fight. They were both seemingly equally dangerous predators in a field of lesser hunters, casting about, waiting for the other to strike. Tension was filling the air, already heavy with simmering resent and contempt. An unnatural hush descended upon the hallway, and not even Cuddy dared to intervene. All eyes were trained on House and the other man.
"House," he said unyieldingly.
"Is this the cliché moment where I say your name in return?" asked House mildly. The other man smirked.
"Still as sarcastic as ever, are we?" commented the man in his clipped accent.
"Still as arrogant as ever?" countered House.
"You can talk."
"That's the best comeback you could come up with? What are you, nine?"
"And what are you, sixty?"
"Hey, this stick has a lot of uses, even to a pensioner. Want me to show you?"
"You're going to have to extract it from up your arse first."
The ducklings, Cuddy, Wilson and Stacey watched the two like they were playing ping pong with a ball that refused to fall out of their striking ranges, trading blows until they exhausted themselves of moves. Except they didn't; the hurling of petty comments and remarks went on for quite some time before Foreman interrupted.
"Uh, excuse me, but who the hell is this guy?" he said loudly, looking to House for an explanation to the man's identity. The team focussed their attention on House now.
"That is absolute bollocks, House," the man was saying to him.
House put a hand to his ear. "I didn't get that last bit. 'Bollocks' did you say? At least speak English if you expect me to understand you."
"What are you talking about? I am English, you idiot; you Americans are the ones who don't know proper English."
"Ouch, low blow there. You do realise that you're standing in a hallway full of Americans, right? Oh, wait, you must know Doctor Chase, you guys are both British! Did you go to the same med school? Must have; you people are quite pathetic doctors. How do patients survive in Britain, huh?"
"I'm NOT British," exclaimed Chase exasperatedly. "And I don't know who this guy is."
"Ah, but you didn't deny you were a pathetic doctor. Good, the first step to curing oneself is admitting your faults," said House, rounding on Chase for a moment.
"Wow, insulting your own employees is really going to create the ideal positive atmosphere at work, isn't it?" said the man.
"Oh, Chase isn't my employee, he's my lapdog," House corrected him. Chase rolled his eyes and Cameron glanced at him sympathetically. Foreman shook his head, also feeling slightly sorry for the Australian who was receiving a major bashing in front of a man that they didn't even know.
"Can someone please tell us what is going on?" Wilson burst out unexpectedly. "Who is this guy?"
"Oh, he's British and-"
"Do we care about his nationality?" snapped Stacey.
"Why, do you think English accents are sexy? Most American women do. Hmm, if I speak in a British accent, will you finally admit you love me more than your husband?"
Stacey was spared answering when Cameron stepped in and addressed the man directly, not allowing House to get a word in. "I'm sorry, but apart from the fact that you come from England, who are you and what have you get to do with the quarantine?"
Go Cameron, everyone but House thought collectively. The man smiled at her warmly, as opposed to his initial stony glares at House, before replying.
"I'm Doctor Matthew Walker, Director of the CDCP," he said smartly, British accent more pronounced now that he had stuck his chest out. House gagged. "I know you're jealous, but there's really no need for childish insults," Walker threw back at the other doctor, who only stared at him serenely as if he had said nothing. "Is he always like this?" Walker said to no one in particular, raking a hand through his dark hair, sweeping it away from his forehead.
"Uh, yeah, most of the time. He's usually worse," added Foreman as an afterthought. Cameron and Chase nodded in agreement.
Walker chuckled. "Oh, you haven't changed one bit, have you, Greg?"
"Not really. I wish I could say the same for you, Matt; you've gotten worse - more up yourself, if that's possible."
Cuddy intruded. "Wait, you guys know each other?"
"Unfortunately," sighed Walker.
"Feeling's mutual," said House.
"When did this happen?" asked Stacey, intrigued.
"I transferred to the US when I was in training. Went to the same med school as House and from there, we became the best of friends, as you can imagine," grinned Walker good-naturedly.
"I wonder what went wrong," muttered Wilson to himself.
"We went our separate ways after a number of years together," recounted Walker, sounding as though he relished the memory of him and House parting ways. "And fate must have brought us together again, because, well, here we are." He finished with an ironic smile at House.
"Yep, all bunged up in a hospital with six diseased patients and a few doctors with no idea what they are treating," said House, jabbing his stick in James's direction. The other doctor had so far kept out of the conversation, but turned beetroot red and glared at House when the attention had once again fallen on him and his unnecessary orange suit.
"We know that we are experiencing an outbreak of an unknown Ebola strain amongst a substantial amount of patients in the ICU ward, and a possible infection in some of the nurses in their attendance," offered Walker. "If that's not a good reason for quarantine, then I don't know what is."
"I know it's quite hard for your non-existent brain to comprehend, but get it through your hollow skull; this is NOT a case of Ebola," House had an almost pained expression on his face from having to say this over and over again.
"You know what, I'm sick of this," announced Walker. "I don't care what you have to say, Greg, but I'm putting this hospital under quarantine whether it's Ebola or not. You don't have a say in this; what I say goes, and for the next few days, we're gonna run tests on everyone to make sure the pathogen hasn't spread."
"I thought Ebola isn't airborne," said Cameron.
"It isn't," agreed Walker. "The CDC has to take precautions, that's all."
"I suppose we have no choice then," said Cuddy, exhaling a deep breath. "How long will the quarantine last?"
"I don't know yet," admitted the Director, "but I assure you, we'll be done in no time."
"Hey, I have a question," said House, raising a hand. It seemed as though he had finally conceded defeat with the quarantine issue. "Actually, it's more of a demand. I want to lead the investigation to diagnose the patients."
"You are joking, right?" House's face remained blank and serious. "Absolutely not! Are you out of your mind? The CDC will handle the testing and diagnosing; only doctors with specific experience can handle a case like this. I'm sorry, but that's a definite no."
House smiled. "Is that so?"
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"Here are the files," said Stacey gruffly, offloading the stack on House who thrust the pile into Chase's arms. The Australian transferred the papers onto House's desk and he, Cameron and Foreman began to diligently sort through the information.
"Good luck," muttered the lawyer, swivelling on her heel to leave the doctor's presence. House caught her arm.
"We're stuck in a quarantined hospital," said House. "You might as well get used to being around me cos we'll be seeing an awful lot of each other." Thanks to Walker, thought House to himself. At least that was one good thing that the Englishman had done for him and just about the only positive aspect of the quarantine.
"I'd rather not," said Stacey, wrenching herself from House's grip and distancing herself from him.
"Afraid you'll fall back in love with me?" commented House casually, but his icy eyes were fixed on hers intently.
"Keep up this little fantasy romance, because that's all it will be; a figment of your imagination," said Stacey cuttingly, before turning and storming away from House's office. The door slid shut with more force than necessary behind her.
"Lover's quarrel?" murmured Foreman questioningly, shifting through a sheaf of notes, whilst also eavesdropping on House's conversation.
"She's in the stage of denial," said House confidently, retreating further into his office. "She'll be begging me to have her in no time."
"I'm sure," muttered Chase, also looking at various sheets of print-outs. They were all so tired now, staying marginally awake on the caffeine from copious cups of black coffee. Chase held a yawn in, not wanting to show weakness or any sign of tiring in front of his colleagues, though it was obvious they were all suffering from severe fatigue.
"I can't believe we're still working," he said instead, rubbing his watering eyes.
House sighed mightily. "I know you need your beauty sleep, Goldilocks, but the patients come first."
"You're not doing this for the patients," Cameron pointed out. "You're doing this to prove that you're a better doctor than Walker."
"True," said House, tossing a ball up and catching it.
"What is the history between you two, then?" asked Foreman, scratching his head. "What turned such a sweet friendship so sour?"
Cameron and Chase stopped reading to listen to House's answer. He was still playing with the ball, refusing to reply, but soon enough, his mouth opened and he spoke.
"So what did the test results for Cosgrove show?"
A/N: I'm sorry I took a little longer to update this time and for the fact that this chapter was mainly all dialogue! And for the fact that this was an insanely slow and boring chapter, but I just wanted to show House's talent for bickering and bantering with the new character, Walker, as well as the ducklings and everyone else. But I didn't mean for it all to be speech! Ooops. I'll try harder to make the characters DO something in the next chapter, as opposed to standing around and arguing, LOL. Thank you for all the reviews for the previous chapter, and please keep them coming!
Daygoner