Chapter Four
Jason
I sat in this car all night. Long after I hugged Carly while she cried in my arms and she said "It's no one faults. It just is what it is. I still love you a little too much to really be happy with anyone else. But I'm going to work on that now. Just not here. Not around you."
Then she kissed my cheek and walked away.
I made it my car before I broke down. That was a success, I'd say. Then I spent the better part of five hours debating if I should go up to the hotel suite she had for the night and talk to her some more.
But what would I say?
This shouldn't still matter after so long. But it always has. I learned to deal, cope, get through. And so did she but now she doesn't have Sonny as the big obstacle between us. If we wanted we could go there again. And that fact is too much for her.
Some days it feels like too much for me too.
I question why I pull away from her when I know she wants more from me. But I can't be who she wants. I don't have it in me to believe in that future she dreamed up when she was pregnant with Michael. I let it go to survive years ago and it's not something I can just go for now.
If she really wanted it then she would have never chosen Sonny. But what happened is in the past. They were the couple that made it. We weren't.
I'm fine with that. So why can't I go home and go to bed?
Because taking care of Carly is a job I can't let go that easily. She's going to be out of my sight everyday for months, at the least, and I want to see her one more time. But I can't rehash why we don't work with her again.
A limo pulls up in front of the hotel and I watch as Max steps out of it. He goes inside and soon comes out carrying luggage. Carly follows behind him, wearing a black dress, black coat and a pair of sunglasses.
Max shoves the luggage in the trunk. Morgan, Michael and Leticia come out of the hotel and scramble into the limo.
It would be nice to hug the boys one more time but I don't want to upset them. Better to just watch from a distance.
Carly looks around. Does she see me? She raises her hand and pulls down the sunglasses. Our eyes lock.
Even from here I know she has spotted me. I can feel, even more than I see, her eyes squint, her mouth curves into a sad smile. She lifts her other hand and gives me the slightest wave.
Then the sunglasses go back on and she is moving toward the limo and out of Port Charles.
And I still didn't say good bye.
Everything I am
And everything in me
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be
I'll never let you down
even if I could
I'd give up everything
if only for your good
So hold me when I'm here
Right me when I'm wrong
Hold me when I'm scared
You won't always be there
So love me when I'm gone
Love me when I'm gone ...
When I'm gone
When I'm gone
When I'm gone
Three doors down lyrics