Author's note- since this story is completely finished already I will be posting it kind of quickly. Feel free to leave reviews whenever you find it. Hope you like my take on J and C trying to stay away from each other.

Chapter 5

Three Months Later

Carly

I hurry down the hallway, filled with construction materials, and into my office, one of the only rooms in the building completely renovated. The foreman on this project promises the hotel will be ready by our Grand Opening next month. I have serious doubts. But he knows he better come through or face my wrath.

My cell phone rings right on time. "Hi, Lainey."

"Hello, Carly. How are things going today?"

Lainey calls me three times a week for therapy sessions over the phone.

"Hectic as usual but I'm handling it."

"Feeling overwhelmed?"

"Not at all. This is a cake walk compared to the average day during my marriage with Sonny."

"Glad to hear you are coping well. Enjoying your time in New York otherwise?"

"The city will never bore me that is for sure."

"Thinking of staying once the hotel opens?"

"I don't think that would be fair to my children."

"What about for yourself ? What do you want for your future?"

Here we go again.

I'm happy to just stay even each day, no heartbreaking lows that make me want to give up like during my breakdown. But Lainey always pushes for more. She wants me to plot out my future and work toward it. Otherwise, she claims, I will just stumble into another life, marriage, or situation that is unplanned and unhealthy.

"I want, " I tell her "to be proud of myself. And I am where my business is concerned. But I also have just as strong of a desire to be a good mother. So if that means moving closer to Sonny so that his seeing the kids doesn't involve a plane trip than that is what I will have to do."

"Have you spoken to Sonny lately?"

"Only concerning the kids."

"No, fantasies of getting back with him?"

"I'm beyond over that."

"Okay. And the truce is holding with Jax?"

"It's strange to work with him now that we are broken up. But I think he knows, just like I do, that we weren't right for each other long term."

"And any thoughts about Jason?"

Lainey tries to help me but I am starting to think she is off base with her declarations that I have to give up my hopes on Jason ever loving me back. She just doesn't get how big of a piece of me is invested in that dream. I don't know what I'd feel like if I completely let it go. I have been trying but I would be lying if I said I had gotten anywhere with it.

"Of course I think about Jason."

"In what context?"

" I worry if he has someone to talk to. We haven't even spoken in months. Sonny says he is fine but can I believe that? Sonny doesn't know Jason like I do. I wonder if he is back with Sam. Would he call me if they got engaged? Married? And if I could be happy for him then. I mean really in my heart glad that they have each other and not jealous. Would that mean I'm past him finally?"

"Do you think you could feel that way?"

"No way in hell. I rooted for him and Courtney and Jason's heart was broken. I don't want to let another woman do that to him again."

"And you wouldn't do that? So you should be with him?"

"Is that so wrong to believe?"

Lainey sighed, "It is. Only because, as far as everything you have told me, Jason does not ever want to reunite with you. So you are setting yourself up for heartache."

"I can handle that. I have before. I can accept he doesn't want more. But I can't make my heart stop wishing he did. It's just not possible."

"You seem to be doing well in New York. Maybe all you need is more time away. Have you started dating again?"

"I've been on a few."

"Anyone that could turn serious?"

"If you are asking me is there anyone I met who will mean more to me than Jason or who I would choose over him then no."

I don't want to feel these way. By this time in my life I thought I would be more mature than this. If a man doesn't want me I should be away to accept that. And I can with every man but Jason.

I'm trying to put him firmly in the friendship category of my heart.

It's not working. And I am not sure I want it to.

I can't go a day without your face

going through my mind.

In fact,

not a single minute

passes without you in it.

Your voice, your touch, memories of your love

are with me all of the time

Let me let go, baby

Let me let go

If this is for the best

Why are you still in my heart?

Are you still in my soul ?

Let me let go !

Faith Hill lyrics