So here is the nutshell. I lost the chapter. I think it happened like 2 weeks ago when the power randomly went out in my house, but I didn't notice that I had lost the chapter because, well, I was writing like 4 chapters ahead. So then I went to edit it, it was gone. So then I spent like... 4 days trying to rewrite the damn thing with limited success. So now we are left with this very short chapter. Basically what I decided to do was just post what I had, which is basically all the important stuff and then I can move on with the story and the next chapter which was not lost.
So where we left off was Caleb died (oh a note on that, I don't just kill off "their" kids for kicks. I love Caleb, he rocks my socks. But he could not be saved, their was nothing I could do about it, he was to broken. But if it makes you feel better, Caleb's death is bringing to light some of the startling complexities of Derek and Addison relationship which will be further explained in the coming chapters. huh. That sounded rather intelligent. Go me.) Anyway, Caleb died. Before that Derek and Addison had sex again, but it was more of a weird comfort thing then the other times which had a liquor induced element or like... sex-out-of-habit. Oh and Meredith is 'interested' in a guy from her piliates class.
This chapter picks up like... I dunno, like a couple hours after the last chapter. Enjoy.
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Derek stared unseeingly at the ceiling of the trailer.
He didn't think that it was possible to feel so... helpless.
He felt like time had stopped, and that there was no possible way that the world was still moving outside his cramped messy trailer.
Addison slowly pushed open the door to the trailer. Silently she walked to the back and wordlessly sat on the edge of the bed, slipping off her shoes and socks.
"It hurts." Derek murmured, "It physically hurts."
Addison stared at her lap, "Yeah," she replied softly.
Derek watched her until she started to take of her zip-up sweater.
"Addy," he murmured weakly, "I'm not..."
Addison froze , her arm locked behind her. She stared straight ahead. She took a deep breath and slipped the sweater all the way off and tossed it to the side, "That's not why I am here."
She glanced back over her shoulder at him.
They were changing the unspoken, undefined rules. And that was dangerous.
Derek and Addison locked eyes. Addison shifted and crawled up the bed, easing herself down onto her side
They watched each other but didn't see one another, both were lost in thoughts.
Finally Derek sighed, his voice trembling and turned back to stare at the ceiling, "I'm sorry Adda."
Addison inhaled sharply until she thought her lungs would explode, She couldn't hold back the sobs.
Derek rolled slowly onto his side and watched the sobs rake her body for a moment. He was so numb that he wasn't sure how to react.
His own tears were starting to run down his face when he finally reached out and placed a hand on her hair.
Neither spoke another word.
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"How is he?"
"What?" Meredith said loudly into her phone, turning away from the TV that was blaring be hind her.
George sighed and repeated himself, "How is he?"
"Who?"
"Derek."
"What?" Meredith questioned, still unable to really hear, the sports bar was really loud.
"Derek." GEorge repeated louder, "How is he?"
"Fine, "Meredith replied in confusion, "I guess. Why?"
George groaned, "You haven't talked to him have you."
"What? About what?"
"Caleb. He died. On the table."
Meredith was silent a moment, "Caleb? Derek's patient? From New York?"
"Ya. He didn't call you?"
"No," Meredith stood and began gathering her things, "He probably wanted to be on his own for awhile. I'll go see him now."
Meredith said a fast good bye, ignoring the winning shot and the victory dances, and quickly left the bar.
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Addison dragged her eye's open as she heard a soft knock at the door. She was still curled on her side while Derek stared unseeingly at the ceiling.
There was another soft knock and Addison slowly eased herself up.
"Don't" Derek said into the darkness.
"But..."
"Just don't"
"It's probably Meredith. She'd be worried..."
"I don't want to see anyone right now."
Addison sighed and lay back down, "Okay."
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Meredith stood on the deck for a long moment.
The trailer was dark and silent, but his car was parked off to the side.
She stared at the woods, expecting him to emerge at any moment. He often walked when he wanted to clear his head.
40 minutes later she gave up and drove home.
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The first birds were beginning to wake up before Derek or Addison spoke again. Neither had move the entire night with few exceptions. Addison got up and poured them glasses of scotch which neither of them drank, and Derek walked to the other side of the bed to rip the answering machine and the phone from the wall. He was in no mood to deal with the outside world.
"Thank you," Derek whispered softly into the blackened room, "Thank you," he repeated, reaching out and taking her hand in his and tucking both hands under his arm to lay on his chest.
"Where else would I be."
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I held you close as we both shook for the last time take a good hard look!
I'm not okay.
I'm not okay.
I'm not okay.
You wear me out.
Forget about the dirty looks
The photographs your boyfriend took?
You said you read me like a book, but the pages are all torn and frayed
I'm okay.
I'm okay!
I'm okay, now
(I'm okay, now)
But you really need to listen to me
Because I'm telling you the truth
I mean this, I'm okay!
(Trust Me)
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
Well, I'm not okay
I'm not o-fucking-kay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
(Okay)
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So there you go. Derek and Addison inside the trailer, hiding. Meredith outside the trailer, waiting. To be perfectly fair, she doesn't understand the relationship that they had with Caleb. Derek tried to tell her and to involve her, but she didn't really get it. So she is outside, waiting, alone. And they are inside, being not okay, together.
What's the next chapter... I forget. Oh, it's the next day. And Meredith starts to think that maybe Derek and Addison are a bit closer then they are letting on.
Review, cause I just unpacked my VooDoo dolls and we do not want to get back into that again do we. DO WE?