You know, I don't just pick the songs at random. I usually listen to them on repeat as I am working on the chapter. If you have any of the songs you should try listening to them as you read. Allot of the time, it enhances the reading experience. I should sell surround sound.

Read please.

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Derek woke up just as the sky was starting to become brighter then it was dark. Without opening his eyes he propped himself up on his elbow in order to see the time. It wasn't necessary, Addison wasn't beside him blocking his view. He rolled back on to his back and willed his eyes to open and to stay open. After a moment they obeyed and began searching the room for her.

He slowly maneuvered out of bed and crossed the room to where she was watching television. Snagging a throw from the back of the chair, he cuddled in beside her like a small child.

She didn't move or even look at him.

Groggily he slipped one arm behind her and around her waist, his other reached around her and pulled her towards him so there was no space between them. He rested his face close to hers and held her tightly.

She continued to flip aimlessly though the channels. She closed her eyes and was lulled momentarily by Derek's still sleepy deep rhythmic breathing against her.

"Can't sleep?" he questioned.

She shook her head silently.

"Why?"

She shrugged.

He squeezed her lightly, "Today's a big day," he murmured.

She didn't respond.

"Come back to bed," he whispered, nuzzling her neck gently.

"Yeah," she agreed numbly, uncurling herself and turning off the television.

Derek was still not completely awake as he guided her back to the bed, his hands on her shoulders.

She crawled between the covers, then looked at Derek in surprise as he crawled in beside her instead of going around to his own side.

He wrapped his arms around her again and fell immediately back into a deep sleep.

She lay there and watched the sun come up.

She never did fall back asleep.

XXXX

Derek smoothed the comforter down one more time and sat down on the bed. Propping some pillows against the headboard he reached for a medical journal that was sitting on the table beside the bed.

He figured he had about 10 minutes before Addison stopped pacing the bathroom and took the test.

He squinted. He moved the journal further away and sighed. He hated that he was starting to need reading glasses. And he hated that Addison had been telling him that for the last 2 years. He dug his glasses out of the drawer and sighed as he put them on. He didn't care how good she said he looked in them, it would be a cold day in hell when he wore them at the hospital.

He sat comfortably and flipped through the journal. He was pretty damn content with life. The sun was out, a rarity in Seattle, although it promised to cloud over again later. It was cold out, but that just meant that warm cozy socks and warm cozy sweaters and warm cozy fires were necessary. All of which he had. And it was that time of year when the leaves are bright yellows and reds, and there are just as many on the trees as on the ground. And he was pretty sure that 20 minutes from now he and Addison would be celebrating the impending arrival of their baby.

He was pretty damn content with life.

Addison emerged from the bathroom and Derek shifted so that she could sit on the bed in front of him.

"So?"

"We have to wait 10 minutes," she told him. She groaned, leaning forward until her forehead touched the bedspread, "I think I am going to throw up."

"Are you nervous?" Derek teased, slipping his hand under her sweater and rubbing her back, occasionally running his hand along her sides and towards her chest.

"Aren't you?" she asked, her voice muffled by the bedspread, "Stop trying to feel me up, this test could change everything."

"Not really," Derek replied, not stopping, "If you are, great. If your not, then I try harder next time."

"Excuse me?" Addison demanded, hastily sitting up and getting off the bed.

Derek grinned, and smiled at her in a manner that could be described as dreamy, "Next time I'll just have to try harder to knock you up," he teased.

"You want me to be pregnant?"

"Of course," he paused and looked at her face for the first time, "Don't you?"

"No!"

They stared at each other in disbelief.

"Oh my god," Addison turned away and covered her face with her hands pressing hard against her temples. She exhaled slowly, and inhaled as she pushed her hair back out of her face and brought her hands back to rest over her mouth and nose, "Oh my god," she sank to the floor at the end of the bed, brought her knees up to her chest and buried her face against them.

Derek stood, took a few steps towards her, then turned away and ran a hand through his hair, "You don't..."

"Derek," she brought her head up but didn't look at him, "I am 37 years old. Do you know the risks having a child at my age? Even in the best of circumstances."

Derek turned towards her but he couldn't see her, she was hidden by the bed.

"I have a stressful job, an extremely stressful, complicated and unstable personal life. You cannot possibly want to bring a baby into this."

"Unstable..."

"Yes, unstable," she said bitterly.

"But I thought," He paused, "I thought we worked that all out. I love you. I want to be with you."

"Ya, I caught that," she replied sarcastically.

"Then what is the problem?" he demanded.

"You have told me you love me so many times in the last few days if has stopped making sense."

"You want me to stop telling you I love you?"

"No," she groaned in frustration, "God. Do you even remember what the last two years have been like for us? Honestly remember? In New York..." she paused, grateful that he couldn't see her, "In New York we never saw each other. When we did all we would do was piss each other off or ignore each other or have sex. And you'd buy me jewelry to apologize for the fights, and yes, you'd tell me you loved me when we made love and when you were in a good mood and when you'd call to say your were working late again, but it got so repetitive that saying it back got repetitive. It wasn't real anymore."

"You don't think this is real?"

"Then in Seattle," she continued bitterly, "I apologized so much for Mark that I even stopped believing what I was saying, and I told you that I loved you so many times that it stopped meaning anything. And you never said it back."

"I told you I loved you."

"You thought I was asleep," Addison scoffed, "And then after Meredith, God, after Meredith you apologized so many times I lost track what you were apologizing for, and so did you. It became a habit, 'Good Morning Addison, I'm sorry. How was your drive in this morning, have I mentioned that I'm sorry,'" she mocked.

Derek was become increasingly angry and saddened, "Addison..."

"So now your saying that you love me," she cut him off, "And I believe you, I do. And I believe that you are sorry for everything that happened between us, and so am I," her eyes began to well up with tears, "But all this has happened in eighteen months. Almost two years where we didn't want to even be around each other for months at a time. Imagine where we could be nine months from now. You honestly want to bring a child into that?"

Derek clenched his fists.

"The only reason we are even in this predicament is because we haven't been able to keep our hands off each other since we got divorced. We are like a habit to each other Derek. In the past week between the two of us we have broken up with five different people, and you didn't even manage to end it with Meredith until yesterday afternoon. So explain to me how a relationship in which we only have sex is a good one to bring a child in to. Because in my mind the fact that we can sleep with each other, but not the people we are actually dating, does not mean that we are meant for each other."

Derek felt every muscle in his body tense," Are you saying..." his jaw twitched, "Are you saying that you don't love me?"

Addison just buried her face against her knees and started to cry silently.

"Give me something here Addison."

She didn't respond, just cried harder.

"God, Addison!" He exclaimed, "You have put me through hell. I have been killing myself trying to prove to you that I love you," he turned and took a step towards the door, stopping short of punching the wall, "But it seems you just don't want to be alone if you have to have my baby. Am I close?" he demanded. "You just didn't want to be by yourself with a baby. And what's more, you wanted me to be in love with you so that you would know that I wouldn't leave you again," he gripped the door frame tightly and stared at the floor.

Addison continued to cry silently on the floor at the end of the bed.

"You almost got what you wanted, I do love you, but," he paused, "I'm leaving."

"Derek..." she cried softly.

"I hope you don't have to do it alone."

"Derek..." she said a bit louder, turning towards him for the first time.

He was gone.

She buried her face against her knees and continued to cry.

A few minutes later she heard his car start, then drive away.

That's when she started to sob.

XXXX

so throw me a rope, to hold me in place,

show me a clock, for counting my days, down,

cos everythings easier when you're beside me,

come back and find me,

cos i feel alone.

XXXXXXXXXX

Well, that's it. I hope you all enjoyed the story. It kinda got out of control there, I didn't expect it to get this long.

And I know that you are all pretty mad at me right now. I didn't tell you if she is pregnant or not. Sorry, but I couldn't decide.

I'm kidding. KIDDING. That's not the end. I decided to pull a Shonda and do it in parts. Mostly 'cause Addison pulled that. So there is still more coming, but I make no promises that everything will tie up nice and neat, 'cause that's just boring.

You all hate me now don't you?

Joke:

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates." About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. "You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Julie said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner." Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom"

My mother would do something like that. She is SO passive aggressive.

Incentive: Your own Astrid. I promise to give them ventilation this time. And I'll throw in a 6 pack of Keith's. If your Canadian you are probably sudden really excited, if your from anywhere else, you've been missing out on some good beer.

Review. This chapter only I am accepting hate mail, accepting and expecting.