So I started this at... like 3 am. Gave up at 4 am cause I had written nothing, and went to bed. Then at 5 am I started writing again and finished at 7 am... It's 7:05am right now, and I am making an executive decisions not to post until I can see straight. We'll see how that goes. Pretty sure nothing makes sense.
4:17pm - Well, I still can't see straight (maybe I never could). But, it does make sense. Go team stress writing.
The song is Helpless, and it's a cover by KD Lang, and it's PERFECT.
Enjoy.
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Derek flipped his phone closed and sighed. Well, that was done.
He pulled up to the trailer and climbed slowly out of his car. He surveyed his trailer and the land around it. He hadn't really been around that much lately. It had been summer the last time that he had actually slept here. The day Meredith had been sprayed by the skunk maybe, or Addison's dinner party. In any case, that was August, and they were now well into October.
He had lived here just over a year. He had shared that trailer with Addison for almost 8 months. 8 months that he didn't completely hate. He had at first. She was invading his space with all her girl things and making it necessary to move a rainbow of 'delicates' if he wanted anywhere near the bathroom sink. Actually, that hadn't been to bad. All he really needed to keep in the bathroom was his toothbrush and razor.
The closets were the real issue. The woman had allot of clothing. But really, most of his shirts and pants folded and fit neatly in drawers and most of her things hung up, so that had worked out okay in the end. The shoes. The shoes were a problem. Her shoes that each needed their own labeled box to keep them safe from any lurking wilderness evils. The shoes had posed a problem. But his shoes didn't all need to be in the trailer, he wore the same ones almost everyday. And his shoes were tough man shoes so they were okay in the plastic containers outside.
It was the dog really. Things got crowded with Doc. And he ate her shoes. She didn't like that. Well, he only did it once. And she gave him the silent treatment for 10 minutes and didn't give him a treat on her way out like she usually did, so he never did it again. And they laughed more when they had Doc. Actually Doc hadn't really been as much of a problem as he thought he would. Addison loved Doc, and he'd always wanted a dog.
The annoying part had been her constant complaining about hating the trailer. But she really only complained in the morning. And the trailer was a hassle with both of them trying to get ready at the same time. And you did almost have to hold your breath to pass by each other it was so narrow. And she wasn't a morning person, so really, she dealt with it allot better then he expected her too. And the complaining wasn't usually so much about the trailer itself, more what the trailer meant, which was him being stubborn and trying to make her feel like an intruder.
Which she was.
For about 3 days. Maybe a week. He wasn't really sure when he started liking the fact that he was coming home to lights and company instead of darkness.
He had missed her when she had left.
He surveyed the land and the trailer again.
He kind of hated the trailer.
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Addison kept her head down as she crossed the hospital lobby and slipped in an empty elevator. She dug a compact out of her purse and checked her make up again.
She had forced herself off the floor of her bedroom after a solid hour of crying only to realize that she was late for work. She had paused only to cuddle with Truman for a few minutes. He had been standing guard over her for the last 45 minutes. He didn't seem to realize that he was a pig, and a rather small one at that, and not a dog or a person.
She had rushed from the house trying not to notice just how many of Derek's things had made their way into her home, and sped to the hospital. She'd then sat in her car for 10 minutes using every artistic skill she possessed to make her make up cover the mess that was her tear stained face.
If she kept her head down and didn't talk to anyone she would be fine.
She threw herself into her work. Nurse's looked at her oddly but she didn't notice. Izzie trailed her the entire morning even though she was only working on one case with her. What worried Izzie the most was not that Addison looked like she might throw up or faint at any moment, it was that she was wearing jeans and a sweater which was Addison fall version of 'hanging around the house'-wear. In fact it had been several days since Addison had come to work wearing her regular designer outfits and shoes.
Addison paused at the deserted nurses station and started pulling things up on the computer. Izzie watched her curiously. Normally Addison went out of her way to avoid the computer. For one thing the nurses would put a hit out on you if you touched it, and she was somehow already on the bad side of Debbie. But Addison wasn't really doing anything, just staring, clicking, and playing with the drop neck of her gray sweater.
"Addison?" Izzie said finally, wisely choosing not to address her as a professional, "What happened?"
Addison didn't reply. She looked up at Izzie for a moment, then looked away, " I'm going..." she paused uncertainly, the stood up slowly and turned, "I'm going up to nuero for a few minutes."
Izzie forehead furrowed, "You know... you know Derek's not there right?"
Addison was motionless, she closed her eyes tightly and didn't move.
"He took a sick day."
Addison turned and stared at Izzie, "A sick day?" The deja-vu hit her like a ton of bricks, "No. No!" she repeated, diving for the phone, knocking over a jar of pens as she grabbed the receiver.
"Addison?"
Addison's hands shook as she dialed.
His cell phone was turned off.
"Son of a bitch," she murmured, frantically disconnecting and dialing a new number.
"What's going on?" Izzie demanded, "Are you and Derek fighting?"
Addison stood motionless, then dropped the receiver on the counter and sank slowly into the desk chair, "The phone in the trailer is disconnected," she looked up at Izzie, "He disconnected the phone in the trailer."
"Why would he..."
"He's leaving," Addison spoke as if in a trance, "The bastard is leaving town."
Izzie was silent.
"He's just... leaving," she stared blankly, "Again."
XXXX
Addison slowly eased her car into park. She had hoped, no prayed, that Derek's Range Rover would be sitting in the driveway when she got home. But of course, it wasn't.
She sat in the car, staring out the window. It was raining, again. It seemed appropriate.
She slid out of the car and walked slowly towards the house, she didn't even care that she was getting drenched.
She paused at the top step.
Instead of continuing towards the door she turned and walked across the front of the house down the steps and onto the grass. Within a matter of moments her shoes were ruined and her feet were soaked. She continued across her lawn and down to the river. She walked along it for a moment until she came to the bridge that Derek had built.
She had been furious when he built that bridge. He claimed that there was better fishing on her side. But it was the summer, and they were in their 'no-string, no-talking' phase and she had viewed the bridge as a complication. It was practical though. It took half an hour to drive to his trailer and only 5 minutes to walk.
She continued along the river, then slowly up the slope towards the trailer.
She froze. Stared. Then took a step behind the trunk of a large tree.
She watched as Derek emerged from the trailer and threw a duffle bag into the back seat of his Range Rover. He then walked back towards the trailer, checking the hitch to make sure that the vehicle and trailer were properly attached.
Everything was gone. The deck was bare. No barbecue, no deck chairs, no picnic table. No containers holding whatever wouldn't fit in the trailer. The canopy was folded up and everything was packed away.
Addison turned away and leaned against the tree trunk, staring at the gray rainy sky between the mostly bare tree limbs.
He was really leaving.
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Big birds flying across the sky,
Throwing shadows in our eyes.
Leaves us
Helpless, helpless, helpless
Helpless, helpless, helpless
Baby can you hear me now?
The chains are locked
and tied around my door,
and baby, will you sing with me somehow.
Helpless, helpless, helpless
Helpless, helpless, helpless
Helpless, helpless, helpless
Helpless, helpless
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They don't want to get back together. That is all there is to it. I tried. I tried. Addison was suppose to get mad and run out of the hospital spewing expletives about her 'no good son of a bitch ex-husband" but she didn't. And she was suppose to speed all the way home in hopes of catching him, but she didn't. Instead she is just numb and ... well, helpless.
And that damn pregnancy test has been sitting in her bathroom for hours and no one has checked. The damn thing isn't even reliable anymore. So they are going to have to go through the whole process again. Which is ridiculous, cause Kimber and Izzie have known for days. I'm starting to think, ya know, she's like 10 days late at least, that should tell you something right there. But on the other hand, she has spent a good 2 weeks stressing herself out.
My favorite part of this chapter is the very first section with Derek. Where he is listing all the reasons that he hated having Addison in the trailer, and then he turned it around and was like "well I guess that wasn't so bad". My favorite favorite part being him talking about protecting her shoes, or rather his 'tough man shoes' protecting her pretty girly shoes.
I am going to try one more time to get them back together. But after that I give up. I really do.
Review.