ROAG: And now, its time for the RANDOM HP TALK SHOW OF RANDOMNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! With your host LLLLOOORRRRDDD VOLDEMORT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Applause Enter Voldemort wearing his normal evil-looking robes. He also has a large jack o' lantern stuck on his head)

Voldemort: HAWO FOX, an wewcum to ow hawwowin swat duck ates speshil!

Audience: Huh?

Voldemort: O, sowe.

(He attempts to remove jack o' lantern from his head, but it doesn't work. Charlie the backstage manager runs on and puts a charm on it, so we can see a vague imprint of his face in it, and it moves with his mouth, so we can hear clearly. he spits out a bunch of seeds)

Voldemort: Ew! Anyway, HALLOOO FOLKS, and welcome to our Halloween slash Dark Arts Special!!!! We have a very exciting show lined up today. First, a special exclusive interview with a personal friend of mine, then, a craft segment, and finally, a musical appearance!! Soooo LETS GET STARTED, SHALL WE?! Now, it is my pleasure to introduce a great old friend, and today's interviewee, THE SNAKE!!!!!!!!

(Applause The snake slithers on and sits in tacky chair next to Voldemort's)

Voldemort: So, Snakey, I haven't seen you in a while! How's life going for ya?

Snake: None of your businesssssss.

Voldemort: OK, soo...how do you like our show, here?

Snake: Pathhhhhhetic.

Voldemort: Now, now, Snakey, you never used to be this hurtful.

Snake: SSSSSSo?

Voldemort: So, you're really bugging me, and I'd appreciate it if you'd stop.

Snake: Thatsssss your problem.

Voldemort (in monotone): Anything at all you'd like to share with our audience?

Snake: (coils tail around giant starbucks cup, pulls it towards him, drains it, puts it back, belches loudly, and wipes his mouth with his tail) Nothhhhhhhing whatssssssssssssssoever.

Voldemort: Good.

(A big puff of pink smoke obscures everything. When it clears, we see an Emeril-style kitchen set and Voldemort behind the counter in chef's suit, surrounded by pot of boiling water and several platters of various vegetables and spices. The snake is lying on the cutting board)

Voldemort: Change of plans, folks! Instead of today's interview, we're having a recipe hour, where we shall learn to make SNAKE SOUP!!! Now, you take your serrated knife, and slice your snake into leeeetle tiny pieces, like so...

(The audience is disgusted. Charlie the backstage manager saves the day once again by calling for a commercial break)

Voldemort (munching on snake soup): HALLOOO FOLKS! Welcome back! Its time for our craft segment! Please welcome my lovely assistant, Hermione Granger!!!

(Hermione enters and stands behind the craft table with Voldemort)

Voldemort: So, Hermione, what will we be making today?

Hermione: We're going to make some quick-and-easy, cost-free witches' hats!! Now, you'll need some black felt, a needle, black thread, and a pretty ribbon to tie around the middle. First thing you want to do is take one piece of the felt and draw a circle, for the brim of the hat.

(She draws a perfect circle. Voldemort tries 8 or nine times, but can't get it. He gets frustrated and kills the people in the front row. Charlie calls commercial break)

Voldemort (wearing little oddly shaped hat):WELCOME BACK FOLKS!! Our time's almost up, so please welcome a musical appearance by SEVERUS SNAPE!!!

(Snape enters wearing fluffy chicken costume, and looks very much as though he was blackmailed into this.)

Snape (singing):

I love you

A bushel and a peck

A bushel and a peck and

A hug around the neck...

(His face turns really red. The audience laughs their heads off. Snape runs offstage and sounds from backstage indicate him demanding a latte and a trailer.)

Voldemort: O...K, then. BUH BUH BYES!!!!!!!!

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A/N:

Hey guys, believe it or not I can actually take full credit for this chappie myself! It was one of the ones I managed to salvage from the dark depths of my hard drive from the original script. Reviews are not only highly encouraged, they're BEGGED FOR! REVIEW IT PLEASE!

As always,

XdefyXgravityX