No Matter What

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"Five minutes!"

Maureen squealed and grabbed Mark's arm. "We're on we're on we're on!"

Mark laughed and extricated his arm from her grip. "Breathe, or you'll collapse before you even get onstage."

Maureen laughed, turning over backwards and sticking her tongue out at the boys before dancing away. "I will not! I'm going to rule the world!"

Benny looked after her, smiling. "And this morning in English she had to run to the bathroom to puke."

Mark whirled. "You're fucking kidding me."

Benny grinned. "Not at all, my friend. She came back green – she blew chunks for sure."

Mark laughed. "I will never let her forget it."

Roger came up behind Mark, face painted in stage makeup. He lightly bumped Mark's shoulder.

"Ready for your debut?"

Mark grinned. "Not my debut, thank god. I have the incredible pleasure of getting to not be onstage."

"You ready, Roger?"

"Yeah," Roger said, turning from Mark to look at Benny. "I'm good."

Benny nodded, walking to the front of the stage to peek out the curtains. "Man, I'm glad you made me write instead of act. Thanks," he said, peering out at the crowd.

With Benny's back turned, Roger quickly looked around and then placed a warm palm against the small of Mark's back.

"Good luck," he whispered, and Mark smiled at him before stepping away.

"You, too," he said, catching Ms. Dalaine's eye. She nodded at him, smiling, and Mark clapped his hands together.

"Come on, everybody," he called softly. "On with the fucking show."

- - - - - - - - - - -

- - - - - - - - - - -

It went by dizzyingly fast, Mark standing in the dark wings beside Benny and his stomach tight with nervousness. But Maureen was fantastic, loud and confident. By the end of the show, Mark was grinning hugely. He clapped and whistled along with the rest of the audience – though Mark worried there had been a bit of a stunned silence when the lights went down.

But still, there was definite applause. Mark waited, the third group rushing onto the stage just as Mark's group barreled towards him. Maureen threw herself into Mark's arms.

"Oh my god!" She yelled.

Mark shushed her, laughing. "Maureen, shut up! The other group is about to go."

"Sorry," Maureen stage-whispered, her eyes wide. "But it was so awesome."

Mark smiled warmly at her. "You were wonderful."

Maureen reached up and grabbed Mark's face, pushing her lips wetly against his cheek. "You too. It was a good show."

Benny came up behind Mark. "Hey. You were great."

Maureen beamed. "Thanks!"

Mark looked around. "Where's Roger?"

Benny shrugged. "He's around here somewhere. Why?"

Mark shook his head, embarrassed, and saw Maureen wink behind Benny and then draw her hand across her mouth in a zipping gesture. Mark rolled his eyes.

He, Maureen and Benny watched their classmates' show from the wings, Maureen hanging onto his shoulder, occasionally glancing at Benny in the darkness.

When the lights went down again, the whole class assembled onstage to take a bow. Mark strode out, grinning, and gave Maureen an even bigger smile as she grabbed his and Benny's hands just before the lights went up again.

They took their bows together, the audience in front of them cheering – Mark could hear his mother over everyone else, and suddenly wished he'd stayed in the darkness of the wings – but Mark couldn't see Roger anywhere. As everyone else ran off the stage, breathless and giddy and laughing, Mark stalked through the wings. On the third try he found Roger.

"Hey, you," he said, walking up to him and smiling. "What are you doing hiding out? You should have bowed with the rest of us."

Roger smiled, face scrubbed clean. "Didn't wanna."

"I thought you'd jump at the chance to be in front of a cheering crowd," Mark said, teasing.

Roger grunted. "Yeah, if I was playing it might've been different. This," he waved a hand, "Was more about you. I didn't care so much."

"I didn't care, either," Mark protested. Roger grinned at him.

"You are such a fucking liar. I've seen you these past weeks – you loved the whole thing."

"It was okay," Mark said grudgingly, and Roger laughed.

"You're so full of it." Then he paused, looking down. Mark followed his gaze and only then noticed Roger had one hand behind his back.

"Whatcha got?" He asked curiously, trying to peer around Roger and see.

Roger pushed him back with his free hand. "Back off a second, and you might find out."

Mark stepped back and held out his hands. Roger sighed, but there was a tiny smile on his face. "Here."

He held out his hand, holding one red rose. Mark looked at the flower, then lifted his eyes to Roger again, his eyebrows shooting up.

"It's tradition," Roger said somewhat defensively. "Dalaine told me it was tradition to give the director flowers. I couldn't afford any more."

A slow grin had been spreading its way across Mark's face as Roger spoke. "That's … very cute."

"Shut up," Roger said, smiling and bringing his wrist close to his face, checking his watch. "It's not even nine yet. Wanna go somewhere?"

Mark nodded happily, and Roger took his hand, starting to lead him out of the theatre when Mark stopped short.

"Fuck."

"What?"

"I forgot my mother's here."

- - - - - - - - - - - -

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Mrs. Cohen was preening over Benny. "So handsome! You've gotten so big, almost a man!"

Maureen was standing beside her, a little out of view and enjoying herself hugely as Mrs. Cohen reached forward to grab a bicep as they all stood together in the parking lot. Roger snorted and immediately regretted it when Mrs. Cohen instantly turned towards him.

"And you … you must be Roger. We have heard so much about you."

"Mom …"

"What?" She stepped forward and grabbed Mark's face, kissing him loudly on the cheek and then holding him in place by his shoulder as she licked the palm of her hand and smoothed his hair. "There. That's been bothering me all night."

"Mom!" Mark threw a panicked look Roger's way. Sure enough, Roger was laughing silently, Maureen leaning against him and stifling her giggles. Fuckers. Thank god he'd pressed his rose in the English textbook in his locker before they'd exited the school. He'd hated to do it – but he couldn't begin to imagine his mother's reaction to someone giving him a rose. Mark grimaced just thinking about it. At least this way he'd have it preserved.

"You were wonderful, honey," she said, suddenly turning to Maureen. Maureen and Roger quickly sobered up, and Benny took his chance to smirk at Maureen behind Mrs. Cohen's back.

"And you," she said, turning back to Mark and pulling him into a crushing hug. "What a lot of work! And what an impressive story!" She released him, looking thoughtful. "But why did the girl leave? And why did you leave it at that? Happy endings are so much more cheerful, sweetheart."

"I'll keep that in mind," Mark muttered, casting an evil look Maureen and Roger's way. He would never feel sorry for her again. And as for Roger …

We'll, he'd still make out with him, who was he kidding?

But maybe he'd bite him or something.

Mark looked away uncomfortably. Shit. Not good thoughts to have around his mother.

She was currently standing between Benny and Maureen. Roger ambled over to Mark, grinning.

"Shut up," Mark said automatically, watching his mother. She was holding onto Benny's shoulder and – was she – oh, fuck, was she scolding him?

Yep. There was the wagging finger. Fuck.

Mark hurried over in time to see Maureen blush furiously. He should just leave her to suffer. But what was his mother saying?

"…Such a good little girl, always scraped her shoes before coming in. And always asking for permission to use the bathroom!" Mrs. Cohen giggled. "The number of times I heard her voice waking Mr. Cohen and I in the middle of the night … but so cute now, you know … she needs to be treated right …"

"Mom!" Mark jumped in, smirking inwardly at Maureen's relieved expression. She was so gonna owe him now. "Listen, it's getting kind of late, and we – we need to write up some post-show reports. While everything's still fresh in our minds."

Mrs. Cohen smiled at him. "Yes, dear. Have fun, and if you smoke pot I'll be able to smell it the instant you walk in the door." Mark stared at her, and she suddenly reached up and pinched the side of his ear.

"Ow! Mom!"

She grinned. "Don't lie to your mother. She always knows." With that she turned around and started walking away, rummaging in her purse. "And be home before eleven!" She called over her shoulder, and Mark simply waved.

He turned to find his friends staring at him. Benny was snickering.

"That was pathetic, even for you."

"Fuck you," Mark shot back. "She would have eventually started telling all your embarrassing stories, too. You should fucking thank me."

Benny just snorted, then glanced at Maureen, sidling up beside her and bumping her hip with his. "You were such a good little girl," he mocked. "So what the hell happened?"

Maureen flashed him a flirty smile, and Mark ducked his head to hide his grin. "I met you. It was all downhill from there."

Benny snorted, and Roger came to stand next to Mark. He grinned wolfishly, flashing his teeth. "Your mom is a piece of work. Remind me to never do anything around her."

Mark stared at him glumly. "She'll still find a way. We're powerless against her."

Roger leaned closer, making sure Maureen and Benny were still absorbed in each other before speaking quietly into Mark's ear. "Once when I was younger I was staying over at this kid's house and I wet the bed. It was the most embarrassing moment of my life."

Mark gazed up at him. Okay, it wasn't exactly a romantic story – but it was Roger trying to equalize the situation. If Maureen and Benny weren't here right now he would wrap his arms around Roger and press their bodies close together –

"Hey, Mark?"

Mark turned to see Maureen and Benny facing him. Maureen gave Mark a hugely exaggerated wink, giving a little jump. Mark smiled, shaking his head.

"I think we're gonna go, get some pizza or something. Wanna come?"

Mark shook his head. "Nah. But listen, you guys, you were great. You both did fantastic jobs, and – thanks."

Maureen threw herself at him. "It was fun! And it was great," she said, grinning. "Even if it did have a downer ending."

Mark shook his head, smiling. "But it was a happy ending, don't you see?" He said this quietly so Benny and Roger couldn't hear. "The audience just didn't get to see it, that's all."

Maureen giggled and kissed him on the cheek. "Watch out for those aliens."

"You too."

Benny walked over and clapped him on the shoulder, and then he and Maureen started walking together out of the parking lot. Roger stood beside him, his hand resting on Mark's lower back.

After a few moments, Mark noticed the light quality of the sky, starting to turn purple above them. He turned to Roger and put a hand on his back, tracing a circle.

"The roof?" He asked.

Roger nodded, a smile playing on his lips. "The roof."

- - - - - - - - - - -

- - - - - - - - - - -

In the past weeks, they'd come to the roof often, whenever they needed an escape – where no one could see or reach them and they had all the silence they could need.

Or when they wanted to make out.

Now they lay together on the sun-warmed cement that was just starting to cool, watching the sun glow more brightly as it began to set. It was almost summer now, and it was a beautiful night.

Mark looked over at Roger, who was staring up into the sky. He was beautiful. Mark sighed inwardly. He didn't want to bring this up. He wanted to reach over and kiss Roger and tangle and move their bodies together until everything in the whole fucking world was forgotten and Roger was the only thing that really existed.

He took a breath, deciding that could wait. "Rog?"

"Mmm?"

"Where are you going to school? In the fall?"

Roger snorted. "I'm not. I'm moving to the city and getting a band together. I'm gonna work mopping floors at any recording studio that will hire me and then make a demo." He looked over at Mark and grinned. "And then I'm gonna be a rock star. I was going to leave the second I graduated, but I think I'll stick around 'till September."

Mark gave him a tiny smile. "I'm going to Brown, you know."

Roger turned sharply. "You're not going to NYU?"

Mark shook his head. "Benny and me – we applied ages ago. And got in. We're going to be roommates," he finished a little lamely, feeling miserable. How had things changed so much, so quickly? Everything he'd thought he wanted then – it was just ashes now. Nothing.

Roger wiggled a little closer to him. "Come with me."

"What?"

"Just – come with me. To the city. We can live together."

Mark could see it immediately. Forget going to school, forget homework and the stress of tests and the shithead professors and overdosing on caffeine just to get everything done … instead there was a soft sunset in Central Park, movies and plays and watching Roger play in smoky clubs, then going home together and crashing in some shit apartment, this feeling when they were together lasting forever.

Mark swallowed, his throat suddenly dry. "I don't think my parents would like that very much."

Roger laughed. "It's not about making your parents happy – it's about doing what you want to do with your life."

Mark turned to face the sky above him, away from Roger, stunned. It was so fucking stupid, but he'd never actually thought about what he wanted to do with his life. There were all these assumptions about what he'd do that were just accepted, about what he was supposed to accomplish, without ever really defining it for himself. He never went further than knowing he had to make the grades to get into a good school.

Roger continued, looking at him intensely. "Just tell them all to fuck off and come with me."

Mark shook his head. "Benny and I – "

"What?"

"Well – everything's already all set up. And my parents – they – they would castrate me."

Roger stared at him, eyes burning. "Fuck it. Fuck it all."

Mark shook his head slowly. "It's all been paid for already."

Roger exhaled, frustrated. "If you really wanted to – "

"I do want to," Mark interrupted him softly. "I just – university is really important – and maybe it will help me figure out what I want to do with my life."

"I have to go to the city," Roger said, a pained expression on his face. Mark scooted closer to him, raising himself up on one arm and leaning over to kiss Roger softly.

"I know."

Roger shook his head, not meeting Mark's eyes. "Now I don't want fall to come. I thought you'd be coming with me."

Mark rolled onto Roger, looking down into his face and smiling. "We've got the whole summer ahead of us."

Roger nodded silently, and Mark pressed their lips together again. Roger returned the kiss and deepened it, wrapping his arms around Mark and holding him close. Their tongues rolled against each other, and Mark moaned, running his hands over Roger's neck and into his hair. He broke away a bit and kissed Roger's eyebrow. Roger closed his eyes slowly, and Mark kissed his forehead, his cheek, the side of his neck.

He pulled back, looking down into Roger's eyes, and Roger reared up suddenly, desperately capturing Mark's mouth with his only to pull away and place slow open-mouthed kisses on Mark's neck, grasping his head and pulling him closer, kissing up to his ear, over his cheek, next to his eye. Every spot of skin Roger could reach he kissed, one hand on Mark's neck and the other on his back, holding him close against his body.

Mark chuckled breathlessly. "That tickles."

Roger smiled against his ear, speaking softly. "You feel good."

Mark closed his eyes, turned his head to kiss Roger's arm. "You, too."

Mark leaned down and kissed Roger gently once more, slowly exploring his mouth. When he pulled away, he smiled. "You taste good, too."

Roger smiled and then sighed, turning his head slightly away from Mark.

"It's okay," Mark whispered, and Roger nodded, Mark gently guiding Roger's face back to him, lips lightly touching lips once more before rolling off the other boy, laying beside him and kissing his shoulder.

Roger smiled, and sat up a second, leaned over Mark and kissed his stomach. He lay back down and Mark turned so they were facing each other, Roger's eyes looking bright.

"Promise, no matter what happens, we'll stay in touch – and when you're done school, you can find me and we'll live together. We can be roommates, taking on the big city together."

Mark smiled. "Brown isn't that far from the city."

Roger looked at him and nodded, swallowing. "I know. And it's only for a few years."

Mark nodded too, losing his smile and looking to the sky. "I just – "

"I know."

Roger looked away, then locked his eyes on Mark again. After a moment he slid over and rested his head on Mark's shoulder, wrapping one arm around Mark's body.

"We'll always be together, no matter what, right?"

Mark looked down at him, smiling softly, and leaned over to kiss Roger on the forehead again, just over his eyebrow, letting his lips linger against Roger's warm skin for a long time. Then he leaned back down and arranged himself so he could put an arm around his friend, cradling Roger's head in the crook of his elbow and his hand resting lightly on Roger's shoulder, pulling him close.

"No matter what," Mark promised, and they both lapsed into silence then, watching the sky steadily grow darker, wrapped in each other's arms until the huge red glow of the sun finally sank beneath the horizon.