The Seduction Of Uchiha Itachi

Well, this seems to be quite a good story. I've haven't gotten one bad remark yet. I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Disclaimer: You know what? This is going to be the general disclaimer for the whole story! I don't own anything!

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Chapter One: Locating Uchiha Itachi

"You want me to WHAT!"

Sasuke shook his head to get rid of the headache that showed up because of Naruto's loud remark.

"I need you to help me seduce Itachi." Sasuke repeated. Naruto stared at him and then looked at his ramen.

"Did they put something in your ramen?" Naruto asked, poking at the bowl. Sasuke slapped his hand away and sighed again.

"I understand if you don't want to help me. So, I'll just go angst in my giant empty house and cut my wrist and tomorrow don't bother coming to my house. I won't be there." Sasuke mumbled as he laid the money down for the ramen and proceeded to walk towards the exit. Naruto frowned and cursed under his breath.

"Wait Sasuke. I'll help you. Just… don't do anything stupid, okay?" Naruto said, paying for his ramen and walking out with Sasuke. Sasuke smirked.

"Okay then Sasuke, what do I have to do?" Naruto asked as they walked down the street.

"Well, I need to know about how to gain someone's heart." Sasuke said.

"I'm not sure if I can really help you with that…" Naruto replied warily. Sasuke stared at him for an incredibly long time without blinking.

"Okay! I'll attempt! Just blink for God's sake!" Naruto growled, not amused at the almost-smile on Sasuke's face.

"So, tell me Naruto, what do you think I have to do to gain his heart?" Sasuke asked. Naruto thought about it.

"Why don't you send him a card expressing your feelings and all that crap?" Naruto suggested. Sasuke looked pensive.

"Well, we have nothing else, so let's try that." Sasuke said and they went to Sasuke's house where he wrote the letter on pretty heart-print paper and was prepared to send it.

"Um Sasuke?" Naruto asked as they went to the post-office.

"What?"

"Where does Itachi even live?"

That stopped all progress right there. Sasuke stared at him and sighed.

"Well, I don't know."

"Then how are you going to get the letter to him?" Naruto asked, not really taking in the glint in Sasuke's eye.

"Say, can't you summon your frogs?" Sasuke asked. Naruto blinked.

"Oh. I see what you want me to do know. But that would be quite abusive of my power, wouldn't it?" Naruto asked crossing his arms. Sasuke glared at him.

"Screw that! Don't you want me to experience true happiness and not try to kill myself again like last week!" Sasuke growled. How Naruto didn't want last week to repeat.

LAST WEEK

Sasuke was on the ground bleeding from his wrists, repeating the same thing over and over again.

"NOBODY LOVES MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeee!"

And then he cut his wrists one more time. At that time Naruto came in.

"Hey Sasuke! I brought some ramen-OH MY GOD!" Naruto screamed as he ran to Sasuke's limp body. Naruto, being blonde (no offense), only knew one way to help someone who was lying limp on the ground dying.

CPR.

"One- two- three! Breathe!" Naruto yelled as he did mouth to mouth on Sasuke. Blood filled his mouth as Sasuke sputtered back to life.

"I-Itachi?"

"No, it's Naruto."

"Well damn."

PRESENT TIME

Now that he thought about it, he should've known that Sasuke was in love with Itachi.

But last week was not going to happen again on Naruto's watch.

"Fine. I'll do it." Naruto grumbled. He summoned Gamakichi and gave him the letter, asking him to deliver it to Uchiha Itachi. The frog was off again with a 'poof'.

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In The Akatsuki Hideout

Itachi was enjoying a nice relaxing bath after his latest assassination. He relaxed fully and reminisced on how good life was.

"I wonder how my little brother is doing…" No sooner than he said that, an orange frog popped into the bathroom with a note in its mouth.

Itachi had the strangest urge to scream.

"Here, it's from the boss's friend or somethin'." The frog said, putting the letter on the edge of the bath.

Itachi stared. A talking frog. He was feeling just a bit faint at the moment.

"Um… Thank you?" Itachi said, unsure on what to do next.

"No problem. Enjoy your note." With that, the frog popped away. Itachi stared the flower-print note.

"Let's just read it." Itachi muttered to himself. He picked up the note and opened it.

Itachi,

Love me. I love you. Love me back. I can't hate you anymore. So, I won't stop until you love me. Yeah.

Love,

Sasuke

"Is he high?" Itachi said out loud.

PS,

I'm not high.

"I'm sure Orochimaru did something to him." Itachi continued, crept out by the letter.

PSS,

Orochimaru had absolutely nothing to do with this.

Itachi stared at the note a little longer and got out the tub. He got dressed quickly and pulled out a sheet of paper and a pen.

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Back In Konoha

Sasuke stared in glee at the unopened letter he held in his hand. Naruto was getting quite annoyed with Sasuke's prancing.

"Just open the goddamned letter!" Naruto growled from between clenched teeth. Sasuke sneered at him and opened the letter. He then read it out loud.

"Dearest Sasuke,

You're smoking that chronic aren't you? Because there is absolutely no way possible you can love me. No way. So, just remember to hate me and everything shall come out fine.

Sincerely,

Itachi

PS,

GET AWAY FROM THAT CHRONIC!"

Naruto and Sasuke were silent for five minutes straight. Until Naruto proclaimed:

"We're gonna need back up for this."

END Chapter

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Well, that was fun. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. In the next chapter, Naruto employs the help of two people to help Sasuke's love life, and Naruto finds a brother-figure in an unexpected person.