The Seduction Of Uchiha Itachi

Yes, I am updating rather fast. No, I really don't care. You shouldn't either if you like this story. I hope you enjoy this chapter.

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Chapter Two: Serenading Uchiha Itachi

Sasuke nodded dumbly after Naruto's comment, unable to say anything due to being shocked stupid by the blunt letter. They ended up at a large compound, which looked incredibly familiar to Sasuke.

"Sasuke, I'm sorry, but if you really love Itachi then you shouldn't be mad at me for this…" Naruto said, looking suspiciously nervous. Sasuke narrowed his eyes and nodded slightly. Naruto sighed and turned towards the gate.

"Hey! NEJI!" Naruto yelled into the compound. Sasuke's eyes widened as he took a step back.

"Oh hell no! I'm not taking any help from the Hyuuga!" Sasuke growled as he attempted to do an about-face but ended up facing Neji instead.

"Help with what, Uchiha?" Neji asked, the ever-present smirk on his face. Sasuke glared back.

"None of your business, Hyuuga." Sasuke sneered. Naruto hugged Neji tightly.

"Hi Neji!" Naruto greeted joyfully.

"Hello Naruto. Now, why do you need my presence?" Neji asked, smiling sweetly at Naruto. Sasuke glared.

"I told you Hyuuga! It's none of your-" Naruto cut him off.

"Sasuke needs help gaining his brother's heart." He said. Sasuke flinched and waited for the scheduled disgust.

And waited.

And waited some more.

"Wait- You're not disgusted with me?" Sasuke asked, incredulous. Neji shook his head.

"Of course not. It's nice to know that I now won't have a rival for a… certain someone's affections. Besides, I'm just surprised that you even know what 'love' means." Neji said, smiling darkly. Sasuke smiled back, just as darkly and Naruto stood in the middle wondering what the hell was going on.

"So Neji, here's the deal. Me and Sasuke-"

"Sasuke and I." Neji corrected.

"Right. Whatever. Sasuke and I sent him a card expressing all his love and crap. Itachi's response wasn't really what we were hoping for in the least." Naruto said as he pulled the card out Sasuke's pocket and gave it to Neji. Neji's pupil-less eyes scanned over the note until handing it back to Naruto.

"Somehow, I'm not surprised at Itachi's response." Neji said.

"How?" Naruto asked.

"Well, how would you react if your last living family member suddenly said he loved you?" Neji asked. Naruto laughed.

"Alrighty then! Will you help us?" Naruto asked. Neji nodded and Naruto whooped.

"C'mon Sasuke! Let's get our next helper!" Naruto said, pulling Sasuke along by the hand as they went into the village marketplace.

"Hey! Hey, Gaaaaaara!" Naruto said, spotting a familiar head of red hair. Sasuke and Neji looked up and said at the same exact time:

"Gaara?"

Gaara walked up to their little group, smiling a little at Naruto. Naruto hugged him too, and Sasuke sniggered a bit at the jealous look on Neji's face.

"Gaara! Can you help us?" Naruto said. Gaara looked up and just noticed Sasuke and Neji on either side of Naruto. He narrowed his eyes and faced Naruto again.

"Anything for you Naruto. What do you need my help with?" Gaara asked. Naruto brightened up.

"Oh thanks Gaara! Well, Sasuke is trying to gain his brother's heart and Itachi thinks otherwise so we're trying to help him out a bit." Naruto explained in one long breath. Gaara looked relieved at the prospect of Sasuke loving someone else.

"Okay. I'll help." And then they all journeyed the two minute trip to Sasuke's house where they planned and planned.

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One Hour Later

"Okay, I got nothing. How about you guys?" Naruto asked, running his fingers through his bangs. Sasuke groaned.

"Nothing." Neji sighed.

"Same here." Gaara blinked.

"How about a serenade?" Everyone looked up at him.

"A serenade?" Naruto asked. Gaara nodded.

"Yes. Sasuke can sing to Itachi outside his window to prove how much he loves him. Then we'd be doing something fairly illegal (since we're trespassing on someone's property) and that should prove something in the least." Gaara explained, everyone giving thought to this.

"It's crazy enough to work! Now, I've got the perfect song too!" Naruto proclaimed, his infamous fox grin stretching across his face.

"What?" The other three asked at the same exact time, much to their annoyance.

"You are going to sing… 'Cotton-eyed Joe'!" Naruto said, the blank looks on everyone's face finally hitting him.

"Wait, you don't know the song 'Cotton-eyed Joe'?" Naruto asked slowly. All three of them shook their heads.

"Man, you guys must have been socially repressed or something!" Naruto stated, forgetting he was talking to an emo teenager that used to be bent on revenge, an emo teenager that has something against his family in general, and a demon-host murderer. Socially repressed indeed.

"Well, this is how it goes. Sasuke, is there a fiddle in here or somewhere?" Naruto asked, the look on Sasuke's face at the mention of a fiddle amusing the hell outta him.

"Yeah, I think it's in my closet." Sasuke mumbled. Neji smirked at him.

"Why do you have a fiddle Uchiha?" Neji taunted as Naruto jumped up to retrieve the fiddle.

"Because music soothes the beast inside." Sasuke replied seriously. Neji had nothing say to that.

"By the way, Gaara?" Sasuke asked. Gaara looked at him.

"What?" He asked.

"Why are you even here? Shouldn't you be in Suna?" Sasuke inquired.

"Plot-convenience." Was all Gaara said, and that was all they needed to know.

"Okay! Found it!" Naruto said. He then pushed it into Gaara's arms.

"Okay Gaara, you'll play this!" Gaara face was utterly stupefied. Naruto turned to Sasuke again.

"You got a banjo?" Naruto asked.

"…No." Sasuke replied, completely irked now.

"Fine, you got a guitar?"

"Yes. Under my bed." Sasuke said, happy at a more reasonable request.

"Alright!" And he ran to Sasuke's room again to get the required instrument. Neji didn't even ask.

"Okay, Neji, you play this one!" And Naruto gave Neji the guitar.

"So, this is how the song goes! You ready?" Naruto asked, satisfied with all three heads nodding.

"So, let's go!"

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Three Hours Later

Naruto had successfully pounded the song into their heads and now they were on their merry little way to the Akatsuki hideout, instruments in hand. They showed up at the window with purple curtains and knew it was Itachi automatically.

"All right, everyone. This is it!" Naruto prepped.

"Right." The other three said.

"Since we're in the property of a highly dangerous organization full of notorious murderers, we have an 89 percent chance of dieing. So what will your last words be?" Naruto said, smiling just as gleefully as before.

"Well, I'd say 'Screw the main family! Go to hell for all I care! Wait, better yet, I'll meet you there!' Yeah." Neji replied.

"Die daddy." Gaara growled.

"Love me in hell aniki!" Sasuke said. Naruto smiled and pointed at the spot right outside the window so Itachi could see them when he woke up.

"Let's get our equipment set up, okay?" Sasuke pulled Naruto away from the group for a moment.

"Naruto, may I ask a question?" Sasuke inquired with a fake sweet voice. Naruto shrugged.

"Sure. Do what you got to do." Sasuke's smile instantly dropped.

"What the hell does this song have to do with me attempting to gain Itachi's heart?" Sasuke asked with a dark voice.

"Simple. It talks about a pretty dude who breaks all the women's hearts and then is left surrounded by nothing but men. So, it's about a gay cowboy." Naruto explained. Sasuke twitched.

"That doesn't explain anything-"

"Yes it does. So go get your man, you Cock-sucking Cowboy, you!" Naruto said happily and pushed Sasuke to the middle of Neji and Gaara.

"And one-two-three, Start!"

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In Itachi's Room

Itachi was in the middle of a very important beauty sleep when the sounds of country music started to flow through his ears.

"What the hell-?" Itachi muttered as he opened his window to see his little brother singing a well-known gay cowboy song with two people he knew Sasuke didn't associate with.

"If it hadn't been for cotton-eye joe
I'd been married long time ago
Where did you come from. Where did you go?
Where did you come from cotton-eye joe?"

"In God's name…" Itachi swore as he leaned out the window to see a bit better.

"He came to town like a midwinter storm
He rode through the fields so handsome and strong
His eyes was his tools and his smile was his gun
But all he had come for was having some fun…"

And when it was time for the guitar and fiddle solos, Itachi decided two things were for sure.

One: They were all fucking insane.

Two: Damn, those boys could play country music.

Gaara used the fiddle better than he used sand and one would not have been able to see Neji's fingers anyway, he was playing so well. Sasuke, Itachi never would've guessed Sasuke could even pull a southern accent, let alone a whole song.

But none of this was any excuse for interrupting Itachi's sleep. But someone beat him to the chase on telling them off.

"SHUT THE HELL UP, un!"

End Chapter

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Damn it all, this chapter totally suxxors! I didn't even get everything I wanted in yet… Man… Well, at least I got some emo bashing in. And I got in the line I've wanted to use for something for so, so long (cock-sucking cowboy)! In the next chapter: stuff happens, major character death (just kidding), and a boyslut. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, because I sure as hell didn't.