The Seduction Of Uchiha Itachi

Five chapters straight, awesome. This chapter will rock your socks. It actually won't if you don't like Tobi and/or Masochist-Sasuke (wtf? Of course he's a masochist!). But hey, everyone likes Tobi!

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Chapter Four: Wooing Uchiha Itachi

"Someone please explain to me what's going on?" Sasuke asked, his body twitching at the boy on his favorite chair.

"Ah, Tobi is sorry. Tobi didn't mean to scare you; just Tobi has to be a good boy…" The boy, supposedly named Tobi said. Naruto raised an eyebrow.

"So, what happens if you're not a good boy?" Naruto asked. Tobi's face scrunched up in pain and he gripped his head in agony.

"TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!" He screamed. Sasuke slapped him.

"Don't you scream in my house. I think you've woken up the entire village, and I don't want anyone to come in here and see that I have Akatsuki members helping me plan something." Sasuke scolded. Tobi looked down shamefully.

"Alright. Tobi will not scream." Tobi said. Sasuke almost smiled and settled on patting Tobi's head, despite the fact that Tobi was probably older than him.

"So, Tobi, un! We need your help, un!" Deidara said. Tobi smiled at him.

"Tobi will do anything for Deidara. Just give Tobi the word." Tobi said with a dreamy voice. Sasuke rolled his eyes.

'Why is it that most blondes have that obvious crush that they're completely oblivious to?' Sasuke asked himself, watching the way Tobi gazed at Deidara.

"Okay, Sasuke here needs help gaining Itachi's heart, un. They've tried many things, but haven't gotten that successful, un. And I know you're pretty good in the love department, un?" Deidara asked. Tobi nodded vigorously.

"Yes! Tobi is very good in love! Tobi is willing to help Sasuke because Sasuke is fami-" And then Tobi shut up. Sasuke glared at him.

"Continue what you were saying…" He demanded. Tobi shook his head.

"Tobi can't. Tobi get in big trouble and becomes bad boy when in trouble. And Tobi is a good boy." Tobi said. Sasuke had to respect that, for to have a teenager speak in third person a entire conversation must've been a very traumatizing experience.

"So… Tobi, what should we do?" Naruto asked. Tobi scratched his chin.

"Did Sasuke try wooing Itachi yet?" He asked. Naruto shook his head.

"Then, have Sasuke give Itachi gifts! Tobi believes it might not be completely effective, but it might work." Tobi explained. Everyone looked thoughtful.

"Let's try it! Sasuke can't get injured this way, can he?" Naruto said. Sasuke rubbed his forehead subconsciously. Neji and Gaara, who were very close to being forgotten in the plot, both put in their ideas.

"Well, maybe we should think about what Sasuke should give Itachi." Neji said.

"I agree, for we want Itachi to like it, right? So, let's think it out." Gaara also suggested.

"So, who knows Itachi the most?" Naruto asked. Everyone looked at Deidara and Tobi.

"What do you think we should get Itachi, brother?" Naruto inquired. Deidara thought for a moment.

"Maybe, we should send him candy, un. It might work, un." He suggested. Sasuke shrugged and went into the kitchen. He came back out with a pretty bar of chocolate.

"Will these do?" Sasuke asked, everyone looking at the box of candy.

"Sasuke! Don't you know about those chocolates?" Naruto asked, outraged. Sasuke shook his head.

"Those chocolates are the most expensive and delicious kind ever created in Konoha!" Naruto yelled. Sasuke slapped him.

"Don't yell in my house! And it's just a Hershey bar. What's so special about them? They cost fifty cent's at the store!" Sasuke said.

"Well, as much as I hate to agree with the Uchiha, he's right." Neji mumbled. Gaara nodded. And so, since writing every freaking detail of how they wrapped up the candy is most boring, the wrapped chocolate was put into Tobi's arms and he was pushed outside.

"Huh? Why does Tobi have to do this? Why Sasuke not do task?" Tobi asked nervously. Naruto and Sasuke looked at each other and smirked, and then turned back to Tobi.

"Tobi isn't being a good boy, now is he?" Sasuke asked, a cruel smile on his face. In the time-span of a second, Tobi was streaking down the road screaming "TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!"

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At The Akatsuki Hideout

Itachi was finally getting to sleep after that little performance with his brother. Well, that is until his door was slammed open and no other than Tobi was in the frame, holding a wrapped package.

"Sasuke give you gift to accept love, Tobi deliver gift!" Tobi exclaimed, handing him the gift. Itachi looked at it warily and carefully opened it.

"Is… this a Hershey bar?" He asked out loud, holding up the chocolate bar. Tobi nodded hyperactively.

"Yes! Sasuke really wants Itachi's love!" Tobi said. Itachi handed him the car and then made a motion to get Tobi to come closer.

"I need you to relay a message for him, okay?" Itachi explained, smiling.

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At The Uchiha Compound

Tobi came through the door, munching on a chocolate bar. Sasuke jumped up and grabbed the collar of his robe.

"Did you eat the freaking chocolate before you got to him!" Sasuke growled. Tobi shook his head 'no'.

"Itachi gave Tobi candy. Itachi also sends Sasuke message." Tobi said. Sasuke let go of him and then looked at Tobi expectantly.

"Well? What is it?" Sasuke asked impatiently. Tobi wiped the remains of the chocolate on his robe and then faced Sasuke…

…And punched him in the jaw. To add fuel to the fire, Tobi spoke in the same exact tone of Itachi.

"'Foolish little brother, why do you not get the point? You are not to love me! Stop this foolishness at once!'" He recited. Sasuke got up and rubbed his jaw. Deidara came up to him with a determined expression.

"Sasuke, are you willing to continue, un?" He asked. Sasuke winced and nodded.

"Then, we have already created the next plan, un! Tobi, un!" Deidara said. Tobi faced him with a giant grin on his face.

"Yes Deidara?" Tobi asked. Deidara looked at him with his one available eye.

"Would you mind sending these flowers to Itachi, un? I think it might work, un!" Deidara said, giving Tobi a bouquet of purple flowers.

"Tobi will do anything for Deidara! Tobi will most definitely deliver this to Itachi!" And Tobi was off. Sasuke, who's once fiery determination to win his brother's heart got even hotter, put an ice-pack to his abused jaw.

"Ready or not Itachi, you're going down!" Sasuke growled. Everyone stared at him and he quickly corrected himself.

"I mean going down in the throes of love!" And everyone went back to their own business.

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Twenty Minutes Later

Everyone was beginning to fall asleep, until the front door was slammed open and an enraged Itachi with a red nose stomped in, a panicked Tobi behind him.

"SASUKE!" Itachi's horribly nasally voice roared out. Sasuke thought for a moment, did Itachi's voice always sound that stuffed? Then Itachi came to his spot on the couch.

"YOU FOOL! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA TOWARDS WHAT YOU HAVE DONE!" Itachi thundered at Sasuke. Sasuke shook his head weakly.

"These are not my type of flowers I like! In fact, I'M ALLERGIC TO THESE FLOWERS!" Itachi growled through clenched teeth. Sasuke laughed weakly and threw a pointed glare at Deidara, who smiled sheepishly and hugged Naruto closer to him.

"Um…Oops, un?"

End Chapter

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I think I'm having too much fun beating up Sasuke as well (no offense Sasuke-lovers). Way too much fun. Anyway, I'm surprised with how long it took me to get this chapter out, seeing as how it took more than one day (a new feat!). I hope you enjoyed.