Ch.20 Please Forgive Me! I Still Love You!
Walking back, she wrapped her arms about herself, feeling cold even though the sun was brightly shining. She felt she was living in a deep dark hole that she couldn't get out of, and whenever someone would come along to help her out, she'd just get deeper and deeper. Though she could feel her heart beating in her chest, she felt as if her soul was gone. She was lifeless…a doll…nothing.
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It had been a week since Hinata had came over to his apartment…it had been a month, three weeks, and four days since that terrible morning…not that he was counting. And yet, the pain he was feeling was only barely turning into numbness. He wasn't sure if he enjoyed it yet or not…to feel such pain or to feel nothing at all…he decided nothing at all. He walked aimlessly around the village at night. He couldn't stand to be in his apartment anymore, it held too many memories, good and bad. And he couldn't afford to walk around in the day, there were still women that were part of his old fan club, women he desperately wanted to avoid.
However, he needed to train, training helped take his mind off of everything for a little while. He always wanted to make sure he had total concentration, making sure he didn't think of her or what he did to her. Currently, he was fighting against a stationary post, an imaginary enemy, when part of the rookie nine came around. And before he knew it, he was suddenly being attacked by an angry whirlwind of blonde.
"Damn you, you asshole!" he heard a female scream before he was dodging attacks from a very pissed off Ino. She had gotten much faster over the years, and the way he was feeling right now…he was having difficulty blocking and dodging her. But before long, Shikamaru and Choji came running, grabbing hold of her arms and pulling her away from him.
"Let me go! Let me at him!" she screamed, trying to shove her old teammates off of her.
"Ino you have to calm down." Choji urged her while Sasuke was catching his breath and watching the crazed scene before him. But Ino ignored his words, her blue eyes flashing her rage at the Uchiha.
"I won't calm down! He broke her! She has a broken spirit because of him!" she screamed, still struggling against her captors.
"Ino she'll be okay…she was doing better before she saw him last week." Shikamaru argued, before looking at Choji, silently urging him do to something, this was way too troublesome for him. Nodding, Choji used his chakra to increase the size of his arms, wrapping them around Ino, allowing Shikamaru to let go of her.
"Yeah she was getting slightly better…that was before she saw him last week, fucking the same slut that fucked Naruto at their wedding!" she cried, her body becoming exhausted from her failed attempts to free herself from her boyfriend's massive arms. She watched in anger as Sasuke slowly dusted himself off, as if he didn't care about a thing she said. Without a word, he silently turned and started to walk away.
"And all she wanted…was to tell him that she was pregnant." She said, loud enough for Sasuke to hear.
Sasuke froze in midstep, his eyes widening with shock. Whirling around, he could see Ino with a smirk on her face.
"Oh got your attention now, huh? You bastard." She taunted still pinned against Choji. Sasuke's heart pounded quickly in his chest, he stared are silently, speechless. Hinata's pregnant? His heart squeezed in his chest, but his face schooled to a look of disgust and uncaring. He humphed, and once again turned to leave.
"It's probably from that sick bastard that raped her." He said under his breath, walking again from the three.
"I only wish!" Ino yelled angrily. "Because maybe then you would pity her! Care about her! But no! That baby inside her belongs to you!" Once again, Sasuke froze in his tracts. Hinata's pregnant with…my child? Our child? He lowered his head as his mind grew numb and it became more and more difficult to breath. She only came by to tell him that she was going to have a baby…their baby, but he…Sasuke groaned softly and closed his eyes shut with pain. Guilt quickly filled his heart, he was a bastard. A bastard that didn't deserve her, a bastard that hurt her for no reason. His guilt and love for her tore him apart, how could he have done that to her? He wanted to hurt her the worst way possible, and it was all for naught. His heart cried out to her. What have I done?
"Where is she?" Sasuke asked softly, his back still to the three. Because of the silence that had filled the air, Choji had relaxed his hold on Ino. But at Sasuke's question, she shot out of his arms, launching herself at the Uchiha. Grabbing his shoulder, she turned him around and slapped him hard.
"Oh NOW you care about her?! NOW you feel guilty for what you did?!" she screamed at him while Choji rushed forward and captured Ino once again. Sasuke didn't move, his cheek stinging with pain, his eyes remained glued to the ground.
"Well it's too late now." Ino said, calming down. "Luckily I talked her into thinking about herself, her future. By now, she would be leaving the abortion clinic…baby free." She growled, venom dripping from every word, poisoning his heart. Sasuke slowly looked up at her, his heart crushed. If he were a woman, he would cry from all the pain and guilt in his soul. How was a man supposed to take the news that his girlfriend was pregnant with their baby and then aborted it, all at one time?
Ino had opened her mouth to say more, but stopped at the look in Sasuke's eyes. Never had she seen him look so depressed, so…lifeless. It was as if she was looking into Hinata's eyes…they carried the same pain. She didn't regret what she said or how she said it, if he was just now feeling the pain the Hinata was going through…then good. But a small part of her did feel bad for him, if he was feeling guilty for what he had done to her, then it meant that he did care for her and if he was feeling pain for what she had done with their baby, then it meant that he did love her.
"Please…where is she?" Sasuke begged her, surprising her. Sasuke was one who never begged for anything. But she turned her head away from him, unwilling to disclose Hinata's location. Sasuke was an amazing ninja and she could trust him with her life, but she didn't trust him with Hinata's heart.
"She's on her way to the Hyuuga compound." Choji said, surprising everyone except Shikamaru. Ino squealed with anger as she turned in his arms and hit him not so gently on the chest. He grunted with a pain as he looked at her, but she froze at his look. With his arms at normal size again, he held Ino closer to him as he bent his head down to whisper in her ear.
"He's in pain Ino…he deserves to know…he loves her." He said softly, her angry look grew soft as she slowly wrapped her arms around him and laid her head on his chest, nodding silently.
Sasuke looked away from the couple, it hurt too much to look at them…he could almost imagine that it was him and Hinata. Nodding his head, he started off in the direction of the Hyuuga compound.
"Well actually, she's probably at Ino's right now…she was staying there for a while and just decided to go back today…she's probably still packing." Shikamaru said with a bored voice, looking up at the blue sky, disappointed that there were no clouds today. Sasuke turned to look at Shikamrau in surprise, but then nodded his head and changed directions.
"Thanks." He murmured as he rushed past them, running to Ino's apartment, only knowing where it was because that was where Naruto proposed to Hinata during a party they were attending. He remembered feeling horrible and terribly jealous, his forbidden love for her tearing him apart. But now that pain was nothing to how he was feeling at the moment. With every breath he took, with every beat of his heart, he felt pain. He had to fix this…he had to get her back, pride be damned. Pride can't fill his empty arms at night. Pride doesn't make him smile or laugh…pride doesn't warm his heart with love.
He ran as fast as he could, flying like lightening across the village. He made only one pit-stop but other than that he was heedless of his friends or fangirls looking for him. Heedless of the messenger from the Tsunade who was looking for him. His focus was Hinata, his life was Hinata…if he didn't have her, he was dead. Powered by the sense of urgency, he pushed more chakra into his feet, running faster. After a few minutes, he panted for breath at Ino's door. He lifted his hand to knock, but stopped. What if she doesn't talk to me? What if she doesn't forgive me? What if I lose her forever? His blood turned to ice at the thought of never being with her again, of never being able to tell her that he loved her and that he no longer cared if she used him or not…he still wanted her. It hurt, it hurt to think that she really did just used him and that she really did hate him, but he was hoping that she could find it somewhere in her heart to take him back. Before, he had hated the thought of being the fool, of being her clown…but now…he would rather be her clown than live life without her.
Sasuke knocked hesitantly, unsure of himself, unsure of how she would react. After a few moments, the door opened slightly, revealing his lost angel. She looked pale and dark circles ringed her red eyes. Her ivory eyes widened with shock at seeing Sasuke in front of her. She gasped softly and he could see that tears started to form in her eyes.
"Hinata…" he breathed softly, but suddenly the door was slammed shut in his face. Luckily, he had stuck his foot out and stopped the door from closing all the way.
"Hinata, wait. I need to talk to you." he said urgently as he leaned heavily on the door.
"Go away!" she yelled trying to shut the door.
"Hinata please! Open the door!" he begged.
"Leave me alone Sasuke!" she cried.
"Hinata…listen…"
"No you listen!" she cried, making his head snap up to look into her hurt and angry eyes. "I have been through ENOUGH for one year! I stupidly believed that you would be different from Naruto, but it is clear to me that I made a mistake! You and Naruto are the same! Love doesn't exist or if it does…it doesn't exist for me." She said dejectedly, lowering her head and wrapping her arms about herself tightly.
"But we're not the same." He said softly through the door.
"What?"
"We're not the same…if we were the same…then maybe I would have had a chance with you years ago." He said, his black eyes gazing intently through the door. Hinata started to shake her head slowly from side to side.
"No…don't." she whispered, her heart tearing in pieces at his words. She had to remember that they were just lies, they we're real. His love for her was only an illusion, and illusions are never real.
"Please Hinata…I'm sorry." He said softly, in a defeated voice, his small glimmer of hope gone. But before he could get up and leave, the door suddenly opened making him fall forward into the apartment and knocking Hinata down. He got up quickly and went to her in a rush, worried.
"Hinata…are you okay?" he asked softly, she slowly got up but then yanked her arm out of his light grasp. Though her action was not surprising, it still hurt him. He looked away, his eyes full of sadness as he backed away from her. He turned to close the door, and paused, he could feel her eyes on his back. She was waiting for him, but for some reason…he was speechless. Ever since that morning she told him she had used him, he had thought of countless situations where he would come across her and he would tell her exactly what was on his mind. In some cases, he would ignore her and yet in others he would fall to his knees before her and beg for forgiveness. But now, he couldn't remember any of the speeches he had thought of, he couldn't think of what to say to her, how to get this started. All he knew, was that he loved her and he was terribly sorry for making her believe that he was with Sakura.
"Hinata…I…I feel…" he struggled to get the words out.
"I trusted you." she whispered, interrupting him. He turned around to see her turn away from him, her arms still holding herself tightly. "You…you promised to never…leave me." She said softly, tears slowly falling down her cheeks. Sasuke watched her shoulders shake as she tried holding in her tears, seeing her now, seeing her cry because of him broke his heart. He had told himself long ago, that he was the one who should've been with her, not Naruto. Promising himself that he wouldn't hurt her like Naruto, but he ended up breaking that promise as he did with the one he made her.
"Y-you p-pr-promised t-to…" she began to stutter, her tears choking her. Sasuke looked at her back with agony and despair.
"Hinata, please…I…I'm so sorry." He said, his heart throbbing with the pain he caused her. Hinata trembled, hearing his deep voice full of pain. Why does this always happen to her? She had already hardened her heart to one man that she had loved deeply, why does she have to do it once again? It nearly destroyed her, when she had made herself move on, to over come the painful love she had held for Naruto. But to do that once again, except with Sasuke…what would it do to her? They say that the first cut is the deepest, but why was Sasuke's betrayal more painful than Naruto's?
Hinata's body shook as her hands came up to clasp her head, she was being tore with her confusion and indecision. She didn't want to forgive him, she didn't want him to hurt her again, she didn't ever want to be in so much pain…but she didn't think she had enough strength to banish her love for Sasuke like she did with her love for Naruto. The anguish in her heart stole her breath away. Sasuke watched her with her inner turmoil, and after a few minutes he just couldn't stand it anymore. He couldn't just watch her and not do anything. Walking forward he gently turned her and wrapped his arms around her.
The feel of his arms going about her made Hinata snap her eyes open and gasp lightly. He was pulling her closer to him, trapping her with his arms.
"No." she cried softly as she struggled against him, tears flowing faster. Being in his arms was torture, taunting her with memories of what was and what use to be. Sasuke easily overpowered her feeble attempts, pulling her close and burying his face in her hair.
"Hinata please forgive me…I…I love you." he croaked, his voice thick with emotion as he shut his eyes tightly feeling her silky strands on his face and inhaling her sweet scent. He could hear her cry softly against his chest, to be able to hold her in his arms once again…was bittersweet. But she shook her head, quivering in his embrace.
"D-don't, please…y-your w-words are k-killing me…and y-you love is like p-poison." She cried softly, her heart being shredded with her own words. Sasuke had trouble breathing, swallowing down the very large lump in his throat.
"I…I didn't take her Hinata." He said softly, pushing through his pain to try to explain to her. "She was passed out…I…I only made it look like I did…to…to hurt you." Hinata cried harder, not wanting to believe again, not wanting to hope again, not wanting to be vulnerable again.
"H-how c-could you? Why?...How d-do I know i-if you're l-lying or not?" she asked him through her tears, clutching his soaked shirt tightly, forcing herself not to wrap her arms around him.
"You had hurt me Hinata…I…I wanted to make sure that you would be in as much pain as I was feeling. I'm sorry Hinata, I'm so sorry. You have to believe me." He said, tightening his arms around her, his eyes shut with pain.
"I did once…and look where it got me." She said with a calm cool voice, one that sent shivers down his spine. Turning his head to look at her, all he could see was her determination to hold out against him, he could see her clinging to her pain and torment, making her heart cold. Unforgiving. All hope was gone as he slowly lowered his arms and stepped away from her. Her eyes were red but dry, her emotionless expression chilling his heart and soul. He nodded his head in understanding, she would never forgive him. Like Naruto, he had lost her, forever. He remembered telling her that he was smarter than Naruto, that he would never leave her…but it seems like he was wrong.
Sasuke stepped towards her once more, and leaned down. He closed his eyes and gently brushed his lips against hers, but her touch was cold and unyielding. Pulling away, he looked at her sadly.
"I'm sorry Hinata…for you…and for what happened to our baby." He whispered as his hand slowly reached into his pocket. He looked down as he pulled out a small black velvet box and took her hand, placing it gently into her palm. "This…this was for you. Keep it." He said softly, before turning around and quickly leaving the apartment.
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AN: OMG! I know I know, I'm such an evil author to leave such a cliffy but please don't shoot me! This was going to be the second to the last chapter, but it was getting too long, and I don't want to give you a really long chapter and then a short last chapter. So I cut this chapter in half. Thank you all so much for the reviews! You guys totally warmed my heart, I thought I was doing bad because hardly anyone was reviewing. But since I know now that I'm still loved, I'll try and update the next chapter tomorrow night or Saturday afternoon…depends on how many more reviews I get for this chapter. So for now I leave you suspense, but if you guys keep showing me some lovin' then I promise you shall not be in suspense long.