The Seduction Of Uchiha Itachi

Well then, a new chapter, a new character, and a new reason to puke because of this chapter. No one is opposing on the Sasuke-abuse, but I did get a request to not damage his face anymore. It's been done. Any more requests?

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Chapter Five: Nursing Uchiha Itachi

"Geez Deidara, you still screw up as much as ever." A voice called from behind Itachi. Everyone turned towards the door and saw an unfamiliar head of red hair.

Deidara squealed in delight.

"Sasori-no-danna! I thought you were dead, un!" Deidara remarked. Sasori shrugged.

"I was very dead. But you know… a little deal goes a long way." He said with a bored voice. Sasuke, who was attempting to get past Itachi, got a good look at Sasori.

"Hey, dude, are you high?" He asked, taking in the droopy eyes and relaxed face. Sasori shrugged again.

"I always look like this." And that answered every question in the world ever, except for the meaning of life and why Sasuke won't give up on Itachi. Naruto pulled Deidara to the side for a period of time as Tobi took on a distressed look.

"Tobi was just about to get laid too!" Tobi wailed as Sasori once again shrugged and sat down on the couch. Sasuke's eye twitched, why was everyone just letting themselves in?

Meanwhile, the two blondes were silently planning. Well, not so silently with Konoha's Loudest Ninja and Mr. Un-And-Danna-And-A-Bunch-Of-Other-Words-That-No-One-Really-Knows.

"Okay, so what do we do now?" Naruto asked. Deidara rubbed his hairless chin.

"Well, nothing that includes flowers obviously, un." He replied. Naruto thought real hard, and a metaphorical light bulb blinked in his head. Deidara got the same look on his face and they glanced at each other.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Naruto asked.

"Only if you're thinking what I'm thinking, un." Deidara said. They grinned deviously evil grins and plotted like they've never plotted before!

With an actual idea, gasp.

Now, back to the others. Itachi was currently walking upstairs to his old room, Sasuke, Sasori, and Tobi trailing after him.

"Why are you people following me?" He asked, voice still stuffed up. Sasuke attempted to talk but his brother cut him off with a simple:

"Shut up, Sasuke."

"Wow Itachi, no wonder he wants to kill you so much! You're the worst older brother I've ever seen!" Sasori exclaimed. Itachi shrugged and gave him the 'Do I look like I care?' look. And then, the allergies got the best of Itachi. As soon as he came into his room, his head immediately felt stuffy and he couldn't breathe.

Sasuke and Sasori were having a very angst-filled conversation and didn't notice Itachi's rapidly purpling face. Tobi, who was still moping about Sasori's return, came back to the real world as soon as Itachi was about to face-plant the floor.

"Itachi!" Tobi yelled out. Sasuke and Sasori both came out their conversation to see Tobi struggling with a limp Itachi.

"Oh Dear GOD! Itachi!" Sasuke screamed as he grabbed the body and laid it on the futon. Naruto and Deidara ran inside to see Itachi in a futon, barely breathing and Sasuke panting with Tobi. Sasori just shook his head and walked towards the door.

"This is the most dysfunctional family I've ever met! You, my angst-filled emo friend, are an even worst brother than Itachi. I hope you feel happy." He said with a disapproving shrug, and walked out. Deidara just smiled at his back and turned to Sasuke.

"Sasuke, un! We've got a fool-proof plan for you, un!" He exclaimed. Sasuke glared at him.

"Really? Like the last three?" Sasuke asked coldly. Deidara gazed at him with his one viewable eye and smirked.

"The last three weren't fool-proof, un. We never said they were, un." He replied. Sasuke opened his mouth to retort, but realized he was right. Damn that smart blonde.

"All right, what's the plan?"

ONE HOUR LATER

"Sasuke, un! You look absolutely fine, un! Don't worry, un!" Was the first thing Itachi heard as he came back to consciousness. Quickly followed by:

"What are you talking about! This is the most embarrassing thing since that kiss with Naruto!" A deep voice whined, making it sound least effective.

"Hey! I thought we agreed that we both liked it!" Another deep voice called out, indignant.

"That doesn't make it any less embarrassing!" The first deep voice growled back.

"Can we stop fighting, un? Let's get this show on the road, un!" The feminine voice called out.

"Dude, no one's said that since, like, the 90's in America…" The second deep voice said.

Needless to say, Itachi was very, very scared. He had no idea what to expect, and seeing as how he was one of the most notorious members of Akatsuki, then he'd better suck it up and prepare.

The door slammed open and-

"TA-DA, un!"

-there Sasuke was in a nurse outfit. Itachi didn't know whether to have a heart attack or faint of shock. Guess which one he chose.

"Damn it! I knew it wouldn't work out! He fainted!" Sasuke growled, fingering the skirt. Deidara and Naruto moved out the room, mumbling about emo kids and their ungratefulness, un. Sasuke sighed and sat on the floor next to the futon, smoothing out the wrinkles in his skirt.

And then, he did what he does best. Angst.

"Man, I'm such a screw up. I can't even love you right. All I'm doing is hurting both you and me, well more so me, but still. It's obvious you don't love me, and all I'm doing is writing a suicide note listening to those blondes. No matter how much I try, you still don't love me…" Sasuke sighed again and leaned back against the wall, sneaking a peek at Itachi's comatose body.

"Yet after all of this, I still love you… I'm such an idiot…"

"Damn straight."

Sasuke sat up and looked at Itachi's almost smiling face. With just a bare hint of happiness.

"You heard me? Everything?" Sasuke choked out, shocked. Itachi shrugged.

"Yeah. So what? Doesn't that say something about your sanity, talking to assumed comatose people?" Itachi asked. Sasuke looked at him sadly and stood up. Walking towards the door in his nurse outfit, Sasuke turned his head towards Itachi.

"I'll be back with some medicine." He mumbled, words laced with angst. Itachi just shrugged. Sasuke was at the doorframe when Itachi's amused voice called him.

"Hey, Sasuke…" Sasuke turned around to see an actual smile on Itachi's face.

"I love you Sasuke. Just not the way you want me to." Sasuke's shock only grew.

"You're my foolish little brother. And you're going to have to try a bit harder to gain my heart." Itachi finished, smirking his Uchiha Brand™ smirk. Sasuke smirked back.

"Oh, I'm not done yet." And he walked out. Itachi just shook his head and looked at the shadowy figure that was now at the door.

Wait- Shadowy figure at the door?

"Itachi, that moment was so gay."

END Chapter

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My god that was gay. And minimum Sasuke-abuse too, but it'll be back all right, the Sasuke-abuse. But, now Sasuke has a chance with Itachi. In the next chapter: More stuff happens, Sasori's accused of being high, and gayness. A lot of gayness. Gayness ahoy actually.

…But what can you expect from a yaoi fic? I hope you enjoyed this chapter.