The Seduction Of Uchiha Itachi

I just realized that I keep putting the title on the top of the page even though it should be obvious of what the story is called. Man, I'm lame.

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Chapter Seven: A Date With Uchiha Itachi

"FABIO! I need your help!" Came the panicked voice of one Uchiha Sasuke. Hidan stuck his pinky in his ear and cleaned it.

"For the last time, I'm Hidan!" Hidan growled. Sasuke ran into the room and grabbed the front of Hidan's robe.

"Shut up and help me!" Sasuke growled menacingly. Hidan narrowed his own eyes and wrenched Sasuke's hands off him. Sasuke then went into a hyperventilating state.

"I need help! I need help!" Sasuke wailed. Hidan rubbed his temple.

"Yes, you do need help. But, is it too much trouble for you to explain what you need help with?" Hidan asked. Sasuke stopped and stared at him.

"Hello! I have no idea what to wear!" Sasuke said. Hidan stared at him with wide eyes and his lips pressed together in a frown.

"Oooh, I can't help you with that!" Hidan mumbled. Sasuke snapped his eyes to him wildly.

"Why not?" Sasuke growled. Hidan pointed at his hair as if it was obvious.

"I have gray hair. Premature-gray haired people have little to no fashion sense, and when we do, it's gothic or gay." Hidan explained. Sasuke glared at Hidan's hair and slumped on the ground next to Hidan.

"Oi… What am I going to do?" Sasuke asked. Hidan thought for a moment and winced.

"I know people with an excellent sense of fashion. But, I think you won't enjoy the answer…" Hidan started. Sasuke raised an eyebrow and sighed.

"Let me guess, blondes?" Sasuke said sarcastically. Hidan nodded and Sasuke suddenly regretted his sick sense of humor.

"No… no no no no! I won't believe they have a sense of fashion! Don't you see what Naruto wears on a daily basis?" Sasuke ranted. Hidan covered his mouth as he chuckled.

"I just now noticed how gay you really are! I mean, dude, not many men can honestly give their opinion on someone else's clothing sense!" Hidan said between his laughs. Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"I knew I was gay when I was twelve. It was all Naruto's fault, I swear! Like, I didn't want to kiss him, but it just happened and a girl's ass wasn't really that awesome anymore, you know?" Sasuke said, sighing. Hidan patted his back.

"I know how you feel man. I didn't know I was gay until I saw your bro', then everything I thought I knew about myself suddenly went swoop." Hidan said, making a motion downwards with his hand to emphasize his point. Sasuke nodded and they were silent until what he said clicked in Sasuke's brain.

"Wait… You have the hots for my brother, who I love?" Sasuke asked incredulously. Hidan nodded. Sasuke still stared at him.

"Then… why are you helping me?" Sasuke inquired slowly. Hidan shrugged.

"I… don't really know…" Hidan admitted. Sasuke looked away. There was a really awkward silence before the door slammed open.

"'tte-bayo!" Naruto cried into the room, Deidara not far behind.

"We heard someone needed some fashion advice, un! And so, here we are, un!" Deidara exclaimed proudly. Sasuke and Hidan, who were temporarily rendered speechless, just stared.

"Y'know… I could've sworn you locked that door…" Hidan said dazedly. Sasuke nodded slowly.

"I could've sworn I did too…" Sasuke agreed absently. Deidara just laughed and pulled up Sasuke.

"Ah, Sasuke, un! Don't you realize we're ninja, un! How did you even imagine keeping us out, un?" Deidara said as he pulled Sasuke in the walk-in closet. Sasuke cast one last helpless look at Hidan until Naruto slammed the doors closed behind him.

It was hours before they ventured out again.

Sasuke was nervously dressed in what could easily be labeled as 'The Gayest Outfit Known To Man'.

Alternatively, something like leather pants + sleeveless shirt + armbands like the ones that he used to wear all the time in season one, just gayer. Yes, it was truly gay, and truly Sasuke.

"Believe it!" Naruto exclaimed, making everyone in the entire house flinch. They all stared at him and he had the audacity to go "What?"

Everyone just ignored him and went on with life. Deidara turned back to Sasuke.

"So, where're you going for your date, un?" He asked excitedly. Sasuke narrowed his eyes and scoffed.

"You don't believe that I really going to tell you do you?" Sasuke asked. Deidara grinned mockingly.

"You don't know yourself, do you, un?" Deidara said. Sasuke immediately backed down. Hidan chose that moment to come up behind Sasuke.

My god I realized how wrong that sounded.

"I have taken the liberty of planning the date for our dear Sasuke. Seeing as how you two are famous for being screw-ups, I decided that it was surprisingly wise to not let you plan it." Hidan explained, winking at Sasuke.

Sasuke quirked a corner of his lips in response.

"So, what time is the date?" Sasuke asked. Hidan looked at him and grinned.

"It's in exactly nine minutes. You've got to meet him at the village gates, and he'll know where you'll be going." Hidan explained the panic on Sasuke's face apparent. Sasuke, in an obvious attempt to bring some of his characterization back to life, calmed down and walked out the door freakishly tranquil.

And then took off down the street at breakneck speed.

"Pay up Deidara, fifty on the spot!" Hidan said inside the room. Deidara pouted and gave up the cash.

"Man, un! How was I supposed to know he was going to end up that gay, un?" Deidara whined as Hidan flipped through the bills.

"It's obvious; Sasuke is unable to have a straight dress-sense. But hey, you bet on it, and I'm going to the mall. See ya!" Hidan exclaimed as he ran out the house.

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At The Village Gates

Sasuke wasn't even near being out of breath, but he was close to being out of his mind. Not only did Hidan create a major problem by not telling him where the date was going to start, but he also made him come late.

Sasuke was quite pissed.

Now all he had to do was find Itachi. Sasuke sighed in a really depressed way and looked around for anything that spelled Itachi-ness.

"Sasuke!"

Sasuke cursed whatever was in the sky. He said Itachi-ness, not Sakura!

"What do you want?" Sasuke asked coolly. Sakura just smiled.

"Well Sasuke, I was wondering why you were wandering around with a fairly confused look. Were you looking for someone?" Sasuke knew the translation for this.

'Sasuke! Did you finally decide that gay isn't the way and you were looking for me to explain your everlasting love?'

"No Sakura, I'm not looking for anyone." Sasuke said. Sakura's smile twitched.

"Then are you free right now?" She asked hopefully. Sasuke narrowed his eyes and opened his mouth to say something. But before he could say it, a hand came onto his shoulder and the owner spoke for him.

"No, he is not free right now. He's with me." The voice sniped coldly. Sakura frowned at the taller figure next to Sasuke.

"Uh, who are you?" She asked as tactfully as possible. The figure shrugged.

"I'm Sasuke's date for the day. Now if you excuse me, Sasuke has to accompany me to the fair." The person said in a quite rude tone of voice. Sasuke twitched.

'The fair?'

"Um right, let's go." Sasuke said nervously. And then they went into the direction of the fair, leaving Sakura dumbfounded.

"Who the hell was that?" Sakura asked herself. The only way to get answers is to find out, and then she proceeded to follow them.

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At The Fair

"Itachi! What was that about!" Sasuke hissed as they moved through the crowd. Itachi smirked.

"It looked like she was distressing you. Foolish little brother, would you rather I'd just stand there and watch you suffer, which was my first thought?" Itachi asked, his red eyes glinting. Sasuke rolled his eyes and secretly smiled.

A bit of the old Itachi had shone through at that moment, minus the sadism.

"Whatever. Let's just get this date started." Sasuke said and pulled Itachi through the crowds to the kunai-throwing booth (which was an entirely too convenient game, seeing as how most of the people were ninjas). Sasuke had disregarded it when he first saw it, but maybe now he could show his brother his Mad Uchiha Kunai-Throwing Pwning Skillz®.

"Hey aniki! Watch this!" Sasuke exclaimed as he picked up four kunai and threw them in this weird corresponding way that made them slam into the same bulls-eye. Itachi scoffed.

"Little brother, how about you watch this?" Itachi said, picking up eight and throwing them in an even weirder corresponding technique, and they slammed into the same bulls-eye better than Sasuke (who was totally enraptured by how hot Itachi looked when he did that).

"Amazing aniki!" Sasuke congratulated, despite the fact that he wasn't exactly watching his Mad Uchiha Itachi Kunai-Throwing Pwnsome Ultra Skillz®, but instead watching how Itachi's muscles flexed when he threw them. Itachi just smirked and then they were on their way to more entirely too convenient rides and games (namely the Log Hopping ride, the Shuriken Booth, and the popular Toss-A-Ring).

TWO HOURS LATER

In which Sasuke's Mad Ninja Skillz® were proven to be not so mad after several games and challenges where Itachi proved that, "Ha ha! I'm better than you!" and Sasuke was gleeful when Itachi's shirt rode up as he stretched his arms.

Not that he'd tell anyone this, of course.

Sakura, on the other hand, still didn't know that Itachi was a guy and proceeded to continue watching. She would regret this so very much, for she listened in on their conversation.

"Wow! That was really cool!" Sasuke said encouragingly from the side of Itachi as his brother threw the ball at the bottles, knocking them over successfully. Itachi just smirked victoriously.

"What were you expecting? That I'd suck?" Itachi asked tauntingly. Sasuke just shrugged.

"You'd never know." Itachi blinked, and a feeling was erupting from the bottom of his chest. He had absolutely no idea what it was, and it scared him. It crawled up his throat and escaped through his mouth.

He laughed.

He laughed long and hard and then abruptly stopped. Sasuke just stared, his eyes twitching.

"What the hell was that?" Itachi asked, still feeling the aftereffects of the laughter. Sasuke twitched a little more.

"I believe it was called laughter." Sasuke said. Itachi just twitched himself.

"Forgive me for that… Whatever it was, Little Brother." Itachi commented. Sakura, who was still in Ultra Super Special Stalker Mode (Version Three)®, stared in disbelief.

"Sasuke!" She yelled out, almost traumatized. Sasuke slowly turned towards her.

"Yes Sakura?" Sasuke growled from clenched teeth. Sakura stared at him horrified.

"You're on a date with your SISTER!" She asked in an overly dramatic way. Sasuke felt the same feeling Itachi did burst through his mouth.

"Sasuke…? Are you okay?" Sakura asked cautiously, staring at the hysterically laughing Sasuke, who laughed even harder at the question.

"Excuse me, miss," Itachi said from beside Sasuke with an amused smile twitching at his lips, "But you have me mistaken. You see, I am not Sasuke's sister-"

"But you called him your little brother!" Sakura interrupted. Itachi sighed.

"I was trying to say, that I am his brother." Itachi said calmly. Sakura stared at him and then turned to Sasuke.

And slapped him.

"You sick, sick freak! I could stand it when you didn't want me! I could stand it when you were gay! I could stand it when you had that temporary crush on Naruto (which I was overjoyed that you got over so quickly)! But I can not stand that you are on a date with your brother! I hate you Sasuke!" Sakura screamed and ran away crying. Sasuke rubbed his cheek and Itachi looked at him.

"You did realize that you wouldn't be able to go on forever without an antagonist, if I am correct, which I am." Itachi remarked. Sasuke just shrugged and Sakura ran back towards them.

"Sasuke! Tell your stalker-ish friends to back off!" She yelled as she hid behind him. A catchy tune was heard as Sasori and Tobi walked up.

"Old Konoha had a…

Girl?

E-I-E-I-O!

And this girl,

She was a…

Bitch!

E-I-E-I-O!

With a bitchy bitch here,

And a bitchy bitch there!

Here's a bitch,

There's a bitch!

Everywhere she's a freakin' bitch!

E-I-E-I-O!" Sasori sang as Tobi whistled the tune. Sasuke subconsciously started humming along, and felt Sakura hit him on the shoulder. Sasuke looked back at her with a raised eyebrow.

"What can I say? It's a really catchy tune."

End Chapter

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Man this took a long time. I mean, school had finally caught up with me and I discovered the awesome thing called The Sims 2. I wanna make Uchihacest on that game! But that's not the point. If you want to, you can use the 'Old Konoha' song. But I had some troubles with this chapter, because the first part kind of sucked. I was a bit distressed from school too (I don't care if she's in a wheelchair! I will freakin' push her off the damn thing if she insults me one more time!), so I'm sorry.

In The Next Chapter: Something happens! What happens, exactly, is like how many licks it takes to get to the chocolaty center of a Tootsie Pop. The world may never know. I hope you liked this chapter, or whatever.

Because there are only two or three chapters left! Have a nice day! (As for the Sakura-bashing, I'm sorry but she was the most annoying thing on two legs pre-Time Skip. Post-Time Skip, she's totally awesome, but I needed to get back at her for all of her annoying-ness from the pre-Time Skip.)