Notes:
squiddrude - I love Bette Midler too. I think in the end Rory will call Luke Dad but for now I think she's in transition.
GMB loves Angel - Actually the Goldie/Kate line was supposed to be a reference back to chapter 26 (yeah I knew awhile ago). But look back and read it and you'll get what I'm going for there.
purtyinpink71121 - To be able to understand why Lorelai is the way she is right now, I think you'd have to understand that PPD is a rough thing to get through, to get over. She's really gotta work her way through this. And she's got more stress on her now than showLorelai did, with the twins and finances and the Chris thing. This is not one of those stories where Lorelai has children and everything is just happy.
gilmore-gurl - 13 - Haha, will Luke beat up Chris? It's possible.
You've Got Wings Baby - Nope, it won't end right when Lorelai is feeling better. There's a definite end though. But I am considering the idea of a sequel, we will see.
cywen69 - Yeah, the whole thing with Christopher is still simmering. She still hasn't opened up about it yet.
flcrkr - Congrats on making my 900th review! You get the gold star this time! I never thought about the idea that Luke's a burden to her, I think she feels that she's a burden to him. Interesting take on it.
Lorelai and Luke's House
Lorelai rolls over in bed. Feeling the empty space beside her, Lorelai covers her face with her hand, willing herself to get moving. She can hear the sound of Liam crying from the next room. Lorelai takes a deep breath and glances over at the clock. It reads 9:30, which she knows is AM because there's sunlight streaming in the windows.
"Lane!" she calls. There's no response. Lorelai sighs, staring up at the ceiling, listening to her son cry. She licks her lips gathering herself together. Then she slowly pulls herself out of bed.
Running a hand through her hair, Lorelai saunters into the nursery. She glances over at Olivia, who seems to be sleeping peacefully and then walks over to Liam's crib. She reaches in and carefully lifts him out of the crib. "Hey Sweetie, Momma's got ya," she coos, bringing him to her chest, lightly cradling his head in her hands. She rocks from foot to foot, hoping to cease her child's tears but Liam keeps crying. "It's okay Little One, it's okay."
Holding Liam against her, Lorelai walks down the stairs and into the kitchen. "Are you hungry, Sweetie?" Lorelai asks, as if she expects Liam to actually answer her. As he keeps screaming, Lorelai looks saddened. She places Liam in a portable bassinet that is on the kitchen table. Then she walks over to the refrigerator to get a bottle, but there's none in there. "Of course," she mutters.
Lorelai takes a bottle out of the cupboard and grabs a can of formula from another cupboard. As she begins pouring the formula into the bottle, she hears Olivia start crying. "Ug!" she groans. "Can't there be one minute of… jeez!" Lorelai covers her eyes with her hand, pressing her lips together. She sets the bottle of formula down and goes back up the stairs to the nursery.
"Hey sweet baby Jane, don't want to give Momma a break for a moment do ya?" Lorelai says softly. She runs her fingers over Olivia's cheek and torso. "Let's get ya changed." Lorelai lifts Olivia up and lays her down on the changing table. She gets a diaper as Olivia's sobs lessen for a moment. In this moment of quiet, Lorelai again hears Liam's screams. "Shit!" she mutters, remembering her child still downstairs.
After quickly changing Olivia's diaper, Lorelai cradles Olivia in her arms as she walks down the stairs into the kitchen. She goes to put Olivia in a portable bassinet, but realizes the other one is not set up. "Okay then…" She walks over to Liam. "Sweets, it's just going to be one more moment." Olivia's cries increase, jumpstarting Lorelai's headache. Pulling Olivia tightly against her, Lorelai closes her eyes, trying to drown out the sounds of her screaming children. She takes a deep breath. "You can do this Lorelai," she whispers.
Lorelai opens her eyes and looks down at the crying infant in her arms. Shaking her head, Lorelai runs her fingers over the back of Olivia's head, hoping to settle her daughter. She walks back over to the formula and tries to pour it with one hand. Of course the bottle gets away from her, spilling all over the floor. "Dammit!" she shouts, causing an increase in the volume of the twins's screaming. "Shut up! Just shut up a moment!" Lorelai bites her lower lip, trying to hold it all together, taking some deep breaths, feeling terrible for yelling at her poor children.
The front door opens. "Lorelai!" Lane calls. She walks into the kitchen, taking her bag off of her shoulder. "Oh Lorelai, sorry, let me get her," Lane says. She takes off her coat, throwing it on the couch and walks over to Lorelai. "Here let me take her," Lane offers, holding her arms out to Olivia. Lorelai looks down at the screaming child, swallowing. She nods and carefully hands Olivia over to Lane.
"Hey Olivia," Lane coos. "Olivia Bolivia." She rocks Olivia in her arms, kissing the child's forehead. As Olivia's cries decrease, Lane walks away, still rocking the baby.
Lorelai remembers Liam's still screaming and turns to pour the formula. But as she looks, she remembers that she dropped the formula. She walks over to the cupboard and grabs another formula bottle. "Hold on Liam, it'll be ready soon!" Lorelai says, but he just screams in response. In response to his cries, Lorelai begins to rush around. Pouring the formula, getting a top, throwing it in the microwave, shaking it up and begins to rush over to the table as she hits a slick spot on the floor. Lorelai's legs go out from under her as she falls to the ground, hitting her elbow against a lower cupboard. "Argh!" she screeches, grabbing her elbow with her other hand.
Lane rushes back into the kitchen to find Lorelai on the floor, her pj bottoms wet from formula, hunched over and crying, holding her elbow tight against her chest. "Lorelai!" Lane calls. She kneels on one knee next to Lorelai, making sure to keep away from the formula on the ground. Lane rubs Lorelai's back. "Go back to sleep, I'll take care of this." Lorelai looks up at Lane through her teary eyes, her chin trembling. "It's okay, go."
Luke arrives home to a quiet house. He walks up the stairs and checks on Lorelai in the bedroom, but she's not there. He walks into the nursery to check on the twins, not noticing Lorelai in the rocking chair by the door. Luke looks down at Olivia and then at Liam. "They're perfect, just perfect," Lorelai slurs, scaring Luke, who thought he was alone in the nursery.
He turns around and sees Lorelai in the rocking chair, a bottle of wine in her hand. Luke sighs, running a hand through his hair. He shakes his head at her and walks out of the nursery. Walking down the stairs, Luke walks into the kitchen a pours himself a glass of water. "Luke," he hears Lorelai call, her footsteps on the stairs. "Luke." She glances down the hall and sees him in the kitchen.
"What the hell were you thinking?" Luke asks in a loud, angry, whisper. Lorelai takes another swing of wine, sauntering into the kitchen, almost flirtatiously in her own little way. "Lorelai!"
"What? I can't enjoy myself?" Lorelai responds as if nothing is out of the ordinary. Luke's mouth drops open in shock.
"We've got kids up there, kids who need you, need you to change them and feed them and hold them while they cry. But you can't do that, not like this!" Lorelai glares at him.
"Like what?"
"Drunk, Lorelai! Drunk! Jeez, just think about someone else for a change, put your children first!"
"That's all I ever do, Luke." She walks up to stand in front of him. "Don't you know me? Don't you know that's all I ever do? The only important things in my life are Rory and Liam and Olivia. They come first," Lorelai insists. Luke shakes his head.
"Then why are you drinking?" Lorelai shrugs.
"I couldn't think, I needed to clear my head."
"And you think this is going to help?" Luke spits out.
"You don't understand Luke, you can't see it. It's all too much. I keep trying, keep trying to be a good mother, to be what they need but it's not enough. It will never be enough. They don't love me. They never stop crying for me, but for Lane they'll quiet in an instant. I can't keep it together. I can't change them and feed them or do anything right!" She begins to walk away from Luke as he reaches out to pull her back to him, hoping to just shout some sense into her. He had been quiet and comforting for so long and he was getting frustrated by the lack of change in Lorelai's mood.
"Get a grip Lorelai!" Luke shouts, gripping her shoulders.
"Get off of me Christopher!" Lorelai yells. As she lifts her hands to remove his from her shoulders, the wine bottle slips out of her hand. It crashes to the ground, shattering over the floor. Lorelai chokes back a sob, pressing her lips together. She stares at the pieces on the ground as Luke stares at her, almost wondering if she heard what she just said. Lorelai slowly lifts her eyes to his, trying to figure out what's going on through the fog in her head.
Lane walks out of Rory's room having been woken up by the fight. She surveys the room, the broken glass, the two frozen adults staring at each other. And all at once, all three hear the screaming of the twins upstairs, bringing them back to reality. Luke shakes his head and climbs the stairs to go take care of the twins. Lorelai's still frozen in place, shaking. She bends down to pick up the glass. "No!" Lane exclaims, putting a hand out to stop Lorelai. Lane kneels down and begins to pick up the big pieces. "I can do this Lorelai." Lorelai bites her lip. "Go to bed." Lorelai nods, setting the piece of glass back down.
"Thanks," she whispers as she walks out of the kitchen, but pauses before walking up the stairs. She looks back at Lane and the pieces of glass on the floor. "It shouldn't be like this, this isn't me," she whispers, shaking her head slowly. Lane stares up at Lorelai not knowing what to say. But Lorelai just turns and walks up the stairs.