I am so sorry that this has taken so long to get out, but life gets hectic sometimes! So here is chapter four! Hopefully enough happens that it will make up for the gap and you'll all enjoy it. Plan is to write an update every Saturday, but that won't always be able to happen. Hope you enjoy this chapter!! I keep wanting to go further then the chapters will let me. Too much happens and I don't want to make the chapter be outrageously long, so yet again we will not be getting to the end of the year in the chapter. Sorry!! It better be next chapter or you can all flame me or something!

Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling is my idle. Is that enough said?

The World Isn't Really Perfect

All That Angsty Crap

On the Train Back from Christmas Break: January 1977

Christmas Break had not been what Lily had been expecting. Petunia was married and her….husband…had joined the festivities. He'd been there last year as well, but it seemed so different knowing that he was officially part of the family. It seemed as if every relationship she was in was strained somehow. She'd owled Remus a few times, and he'd mentioned the possibility of him coming up but she'd brushed it off with some poor excuse. She had no idea what she was going to do there. Was mostly just hoping that when she saw him back at Hogwarts there would be magic, for lack of a better use of the word.

The present he'd gotten her had surprised her. She'd been disappointed when she's opened the first part. It'd been a delicate glass lily, and it was beautiful, but it was something she could add to the collection of the many she had received from people over the years. It just seemed like when someone couldn't think of an original gift that's what she received. So when she'd seen the other small package tucked under the tree with her name on it she'd been excited but not sure what to expect. It was another small glass sculpture, but of a unicorn. It was so well done that she could almost see it moving, with the wind moving through its mane. It was beautiful and she'd always and an affinity to the animal. It was her favorite present by far, and even if she wasn't sure how she was feeling she couldn't wait to thank him for it. She couldn't wait to see him on the train.

She was running a bit late, but hurried into the compartment that the group normally sat in. Everyone was already there. Kirsten was curled up by the window with a book, Jess and Sirius were having an arm wrestle with Peter urging Sirius on. Remus looked up and smiled shyly when she came in. And James had his arm around the blonde floozy Chels Bennet.

I guess the Christmas Holidays were productive for some people. She thought bitterly, a sick feeling entering the bottom of her stomach.

Shaking the thought of she plastered a smile to her face and tried to focus on Remus. Walking quickly over she sat down on the seat next to his, and gave him a huge hug. "I wanted to write you but it just didn't seem worth it. Thank you so much for your present. It was beautiful."

Remus was slightly taken aback, because this was not the reaction he had expected. Slowly he wrapped his arms around her and let himself enjoy the feel of her.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it." He pulled back and kissed her softly and shortly. "I was hoping you would, but I wasn't really sure what to get you."

"It was absolutely perfect." She smiled back at him. "I loved it."

"And what did our dear friend Remus get you Lily." James asked in a patronizing voice, grinning the whole time.

Chels was just looking up at him adoringly with her arm on his chest.

Lily felt sick, but was not going to allow him to ruin the mood she wanted to be in. With the smile still plastered on her face she said "A lovely glass sculpture." You git, she wanted to add, but was working on her self control.

"Well going mate." James directed at Remus. "Went with my advice after all?"

Remus looked almost as if he wanted to blush and Lily looked at him. He almost said something but Lily cut him off.

"James does have a lot of experience in the matter." Lily added roughly, glaring at James. "He's the perfect person to go to for advice on things like that. What'd you get Chels?"

Chels giggled and Lily wanted to stuff something down her throat. How could James tolerate someone like that? Couldn't he see that she was just throwing herself at him? How low did someone have to go?

"A scarf." She giggled again. And Lily just looked at her confused. "To hide these." And pulled the scarf she was wearing down a bit and you could see two hickies. Lily wanted to throw up even more.

"That's….just so thoughtful." She said for lack of anything else.

James grinned back at her, as though challenging her. "Yeah, Chels and I had a pretty good time during the break. Did you and Remus do anything?"

Remus was going to say something again, but Lily cut him off. "Some people have other things to do then just snog the whole holiday. I happen to have a very busy family."

"So you didn't get anything?" He looked pityingly over at Remus. "Tough luck man, but we always thought Lils here would be a touch nut to crack."

Before Lily could say anything Remus stood up. "Am I even a part of this conversation or just an ornament to start another one of your fights?"

James didn't say anything, just looked straight at Remus. Lily dropped her head and bit her lip.

Everyone in the compartment went silent except for Chels who giggled. "Is it always like this."

Sirius looked over at her, "Oh just shut up."

"I don't appreciate you telling my girlfriend to shut up." James snapped back, upset that he's hurt Remus, but not caring at the same time.

"Well I don't appreciate you starting fights and distracting me so that I lose in an arm wrestle with a girl."

Everyone but Lily and Remus laughed. They knew that Sirius was just trying to lighten the mood, but it wasn't working. Lily looked up at him and could just see that he was upset.

"Come on, lets go." She stood up and took his hand and pulled him out.

"Look Lily, I don't want to hear it."

"Hear what?"

"I get that you like James. Alright? I thought you didn't, I thought you could like me, but that obviously isn't working."

"That is not what I was going to say." She looked up at him, hurt and upset. "And I don't have feelings for James…Potter…Him."

He laughed shortly. "Sure. Whatever."

"Remus. I don't!"

"Then why did you practically ignore me the whole holiday? Three owls and excuses as to why you couldn't come or I shouldn't come." He looked down at her and she could tell he was upset. "I wanted to spend time with you."

"I wanted to spend time with you too. I'm just confused and this is my first relationship, and I'm not sure what to do with it."

She leaned her back against the wall and slide down. He sat down next to her and took her hand. "Lily, I want to try this." He brushed the hair out of her face and tucked it behind her ear. "I like you."

"I like you too. Really I do. And I want to try this too. But we have to take it slow."

"Slow."

She chuckled. "Yeah. Slow. I'm not sure what's going on inside my head yet."

"And Merlin forbid you're confused for any reason." He said sarcastically.

Nudging him softly in the side she cuddled closer to him. It felt comfortable, she just didn't know if it was supposed to feel something else as well. "Slow is better for both of us I think."

He was still playing with her hair, and kissed the top of her head lightly. "Whatever you say."

"Thank you for the unicorn. I really did love it. Even if James did give you the idea."

"Unicorn?" He asked, confused.

She turned and looked at him. "Yeah, the lily and the unicorn." His expression was still blank. "I loved the unicorn."

"I only got you the lily…" Remus said quietly.

Lily wanted to die. "I loved that too, really I did. I just…there was a unicorn too…and it was glass…I just figured it was from you and…"

Remus closed his eyes and leaned his head against the side. What was he trying to do here? "Nope. Not from me. But I'm glad you liked the lily too. Sorry it wasn't all you thought it was."

She put her hand on his cheek so he would look at her. "Look, I know this isn't the best beginning, but don't give up on me yet. Alright?"

"Alright." He sighed and held her closer. Might as well enjoy it while it lasts.

Back at Hogwarts: Great Hall

"As some of you may have noticed, a few of our students have not returned." Dumbledore stated from the front of the room. "This is not a cause for concern and know that the matter is fully in hand."

People were scanning the room and noticing that about 6 Slytherins were missing. Whispers were going around. Were they on the bus? Had anyone seen them during break? What were they doing? Did it have anything to do with the you-know-what?

Sirius just sat in his chair looking miserable.

"So your brother, cousin, and a few of their mates didn't make the bus." James tried to shrug it off even though he also felt the heaviness of the situation. "It's gonna turn out alright. No big, right?"

"Right." Sirius muttered. "But…but what if I suspected something. Am I supposed to tell someone?"

"That your crazy cousin and your brother are madly in love and have gone off to have a sordid affair?"

Sirius just sat looking at his food until he realized what James had said, spit most of it out, and started coughing from lack of air. Once he got his breath back he smiled softly at James and hit him on the shoulder. "That's just sick. I don't want to hear that ever again."

James grinned and pretended to shudder. "Think of the children."

"Ewww. Come on mate. Stop!"

But the two were soon back to joking and trying to forget the feeling that had come over them.

Lily and Remus were sitting by each other, pretending that they were in a relationship and that nothing was in between them. They were holding hands and smiling and trying to goof of just like everyone else, but it just wasn't working.

"So when is our first patrol?" Lily asked, grabbing for straws. Patrols seemed to be the best time for them. It was just the two of them without any outside pressure and unwelcome comments.

"A week I think. This week isn't good for me."

Lily looked at him and then remembered. "Oh, yeah. And I have class. Silly of me to have forgotten."

"No worried." Then went back to his food.

They were quiet again, sometimes adding comments to everyone else's banter. She looked over at him and whispered "Are we good?"

"Yeah. We're fine."

"Remus…"

He wouldn't look at her. "Just, not this week Lil. This isn't the best week for me."

"Yeah…of course." She looked down at her food but wasn't hungry. "Later."

That Night: Boys Dorm

"What are you doing Remus? You upset her at dinner." James asked, pulling off his shirt to get ready for bed.

"What am I doing? You're a prat to her and upset her everyday! At least we're in a relationship."

"She expects more out of you."

Remus looked over at him angrily and shook his head. "So because she expects me to be perfect I have to be?"

"Yeah." James yelled back.

"What about what she expected from you?" He shot back.

"Don't go there."

"You're the one who started this. Don't tell me what I can or cannot say."

"Well someone sure is moony this week."

"Why would you do that?" Remus asked, quietly.

"Call you moony?" James asked, confused.

"You know what I'm talking about. Christmas. Why?"

James just looked at him and didn't say anything.

"I just…nevermind. I'm going for a walk."

And Remus walked out.

Sirius looked up at James. "I'm not getting involved in this. You two can sort out your own problems like the girls you are."

"Whatever Sirius."

And then James walked out as well.

Same Night: Girls Dorm

"So…what was that?" Jess asked softly while putting on her pajama's.

"Well, Remus seems to think that I like James. And James is a prat. And I thought the present that I liked was from Remus and I told him how much I loved it and he said it wasn't from him. So I don't think he's too happy with me."

Kirsten let out a breathe. "Wow. That's a lot in one day."

"And we didn't talk a lot during the holiday, so I don't think that helped." She plopped onto the bed and groaned. "I just can't do anything right!"

"Lily men are involved. Who can?" Kristen stated.

Jess and Lily chuckled. "Too true."

There was silence for a minute until Lily groaned again. "I just want this to work. But I don't know if I want it to work for the right reasons."

"What reasons are the wrong ones?"

"I don't even know. I don't know how I'm feeling. I don't know if this is right, but I want it to be right. I don't want to…"

"No one thinks that you're dating him as a replacement for James." Jess said bluntly.

"I think he thinks that though." Lily sighed.

"Then he's daft." Added Kirsten.

"But….what if he's right? What if I am and just don't want to admit it to myself?"

"Then you'd be majorly in denial and there would be no help for any of us." Kirsten grinned back at her.

"Thanks. That's so much help."

"We try." Jess smirked.

"That's it. I need air. I'm going for a walk."

She grabbed her robe and put it on, not bothering to tie it closed and left.

Common Room: Same (turning out to be dreadful) Night

James had seen Remus in the common room and thought to stop to say something, thought better of it, and decided to leave. Remus was thankful for not having the interruption. He needed to think.

He'd known that James had feelings for Lily. Anyway with a brain who knew him could pretty much see it, but he hadn't backed off. Normally he would have. It wouldn't have even been an issue. He wouldn't have let himself get involved.

"But you did" he growled to himself, and chucked a pillow across the room. "And this is what you get."

Of course Lily still liked him. You'd have to be daft not to know that as well. She was mad, that was for certain, and maybe she didn't realize it. But she liked him.

"What am I doing?" He asked no one, while he looked up at the ceiling and ran his hands through his hair.

"I'm not sure, but if you want to explain it to me, that'd be great." Lily stated as she leaned against the wall by the staircase.

Surprised he turned and looked over. "What are you doing awake?"

"Remus. We need to talk."

"Lily, I really think we should wait."

"What for? Things aren't magically going to fix this. We need to fix it." She walked over to him and laid a hand on his shoulder. "I want to fix this."

He looked over at her, "I really want to believe you. But…Lily I can't see how this can work." He turned away again and kicked a book that someone had left on the floor. "What was I thinking? You're not mine."

"I'm not anyone's." Lily said sharply.

Sighing he turned back, "I know that. I know…really I do. It's just, Lil we have to be honest."

"So now I'm not being honest? I want you Remus. You."

"Do you really?" He asked softly. "Do you honestly, really, want to be in this relationship with me. Not with someone else."

She looked up at him and tried to keep her eyes focused on his, she looked down. "I…"

"Lily, we have to be honest. Yes, I want you to feel about me the same way that I feel about you. Yes, this hurts. But no, I'm not going to stop being friends with you because you don't." He sighed. "We both can't help the way we feel."

A few tears slid down her cheek. "I don't know why I can't. I want to so badly, Remus. I want to feel about you the same way I've felt about….but I just can't."

He tucked a finger under her chin. "I know. If you didn't I might be able to be angry."

"Why do you have to be so damn gracious?" Lily asked, trying to chuckle through her tears.

"Because I love you Lily."

She smiled and leaned up and kissed him softly, "I love you too."

"Well isn't that sweet?" James asked, bitterly.

Lily closed her eyes and willed the tears to stop. Remus just pulled her closer as if he could protector.

"Not now James." He warned.

"Fine. Obviously I didn't take a long enough walk." And slammed the door as loudly as he could on the way out.

Lily sighed. "I don't know why I can't get over….that." And flung an arm in his general direction.

He chuckled. "We're both stuck with him, so I guess I better go fix this."

Lily put her arm on his shoulder to stop him. "No. I'll do it."

"You sure."

"Nope. But I can't just stand and let him walk over both of us."

"I'll be here if you need me."

She turned and looked back at him and sighed. "I know."

The Hall: Yep, Same Night. (Only Possibly now the next very early morning)

"James Potter you get back here right now." Lily said sternly as she walked down the hall.

James turned around but continued walking. "You too seemed pretty cozy. Wouldn't want to have ruined your life."

"Not that it's any of your business but we were breaking up!" She yelled back at him.

He stopped and noticed how she looked. Her eyes were read and you could see where the tears had been whipped away on her cheeks. Her hair was messed up, from he had first thought had been kissing, but now he wasn't sure.

"That bastard. What was he thinking?"

James started back toward her to the door of the common room. "You have no right. No right at all to be upset and to feel like you can protect me."

He turned toward her again. "I can do whatever I want."

"Obviously." She spat back. "I'm sick of it, Potter. You stay out of my life." And out of my head.

"Don't tell me that I had anything to do with this." He said after a pause.

She tilted her head higher. "That's not any of your business."

What kind of a friend am I? James thought. I didn't mean to Remus. I'm so sorry. He ran his hand through his hair. "Lil, I'm sorry if—"

"Don't you 'Lil' me you little—" She stopped herself. She was going to remain calm. "Just stay out of it."

He grabbed her hand as she started to talk off and she had to close her eyes and take a moment to breathe before she could turn around.

"If I did something, I need to know. I need to make this right."

"Well you can't! You can't fix this."

"Was I at least mentioned?" He almost yelled at her.

"Yes! Yes alright. You were mentioned. Now I hope you're bloody happy." She wanted to cry, again. Now he'd know. And she'd be the fool. Again. "I'm going to bed."

"I'm sorry." He said to her as she walked back through the door and closed it. "I'm sorry I'm a git and I messed this up. I'm sorry we're not friends anymore and that nothing I can do will fix that either." He sighed and eventually followed her into the common room where she was crying on Remus and he was holding her and whispering reassurances in her ear. He glared at James as he walked past, and James felt the emptiness in the pit of his stomach. But at least they had each other. And he'd make sure he'd stay out of this time. Even if it killed him.

Alright, so I know that this is like, once again, all written in one day of the story, but I like it ending here, so tough. I really will try to get it moving faster again!! Hopefully we'll get chapter 5 out by Saturday or at least next week.

Thank you to everyone who has reviewed. It means so much to me! Let me know what you thought this time too!