Thanks for the reviews! You guys are amazing! I apologize for Dumbledore. I love him so much, but I have a hard time writing him. So sorry he's not as good as he really is!! (But he's only in it for a minute) But this chapter is covering a lot of ground. So I also apologize for jumping around, but that's what needs to happen. End of fifth year coming up next chapter!

Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, therefore the majority of these characters and the basic guidelines (Hogwarts, ect) are not mine. But I thank her for writing them because they're fabulous. So please don't hate me. I know where it's from and I know who wrote it, and it wasn't me!

The World Isn't Really Perfect

Moments that Don't Last

Early March 1977

James was miserable. He was mostly miserable because it seemed like everyone else around him was miserable. Everyone else meaning Lily Evans, of course. She hadn't smiled for weeks. Not that he was really looking, but she hadn't. Fake smiles that didn't completely reach her eyes, but not the smile he had fallen in love with. Not that he was in love. That would be ridiculous, or so he told himself. But if he had, fallen in love, it was the smile the smile he had fallen for. It started slowly, barely moving half of one side of her lips where you could start to see a shallow dimple on her left cheek, then it would develop into a full smile and her eyes lit up and he could have sworn they sparkled. No one else's eyes seemed to sparkle the ways hers did.

She had told him to leave her alone, and he was trying. He wasn't sure why he was trying, because normally he wouldn't have even listened. Maybe that was the issue. He hadn't listened for so long, and now felt as if he had lost two friendships that were so important to him. Not that Remus was acting like anything was different. That was probably what made it so hard. Remus was going on as if nothing had happened, and as if it wasn't James' fault. He knew it was. Lily had told him it was. Hadn't he walked in and seen them telling each other they loved each other, and the next minute breaking up because James had been upset at Remus and pushed the limits. Remus had brushed it off as if it wasn't a big deal, but he hadn't smiled for a while either; even when Sirius had tried so hard and transformed Snivellous' clothes into those of a hufflepuff girl. The hufflepuffs hadn't thought it was humorous, but everyone else had. Even Lily had almost smiled before she remembered.

So all in all, James was miserable. Everyone was acting as if everything was normal, when it wasn't. Sirius was pretending he wasn't worried about his family, about his brother. Sure they didn't have the best relationship, but you still wonder when your brother doesn't return to school for three months. There had also been attacks, more people missing, and what was starting to be chaos. No one had died of yet, but there was talk of unforgivable curses being used. James could feel the world around him moving so quickly and not at all the way he thought it would. What happened to just being kids and having fun? Suddenly the world and being an adult didn't seem so far away, but he wasn't so sure what to do about it.

Sirius looked over and saw James staring out the window in the dorm room, looking out at the lake. He grinned over at him, trying to remove the furrow in James' brow. "Hey mate. Want to sneak down later this week and see if we can catch a view of the squid before we meet up with Moony?"

"Sure Shags." James tried to smile back at him. "You now how I like a good squid hunt."

Peter looked up. "Isn't that where you kissed—"

He stopped talking when Sirius turned and glared at him. The smile left James face.

Sirius coughed. "Why don't we see what progress Remus has made?"

Remus was off doing patrol's with Lily and it was just the three of them, they were working on something new, something no one had done before. At least as far as they knew. They were making a map of Hogwarts, and it was turning out to be more complicated then they'd thought.

While Remus was on patrol's they had him using his wand to trace the halls onto the sheet of parchment Sirius was looking at. It was the largest they could find and they'd had difficulty finding it and figuring out how they wanted it folded, but James was at least happy with the results so far. The had an outline of most of the major areas, as they'd all be working on tracing as they walked to classes and along the grounds. The next step, after they had the main work finished, would be to somehow figure out how to charm the map or the school so they could see where everyone was. It was quite a project, but after becoming anamagi they all really felt they could accomplish anything. They'd sent Peter to the library, thinking he looked the most unsuspicious, to find books and James and Remus had poured over them the nights before trying to work something out. This was one of the few things that was keeping his mind off of the things that were going on around him. Except he was worried that they might need a book, a book that was in the restricted section but he knew Lily had because he'd given it to her in third year. His parents still hadn't noticed it missing from their collection, thankfully.

"It's actually looking really good. I'd saw we've got over half of the school done." Peter noted, looking over it.

"And you thought it couldn't be done." James said proudly.

"Well…it hasn't been. Not yet at least."

Sirius hit him on the shoulder. "Do you have to be so damn negative?"

Rubbing his shoulder Peter looked over at him. "There is a difference in being negative and being realistic."

"Well try being…optoplasmic…or whatever the word is."

James chuckled. "Whatever you say, mates." He looked over at the stack of books by his bead. "Sadly Petey here does have a point. It won't be as effective as we want it to be if we can't figure out how to get it to track people. The whole point is to be unseen, even when we aren't using the cloak."

"Well how about we charm buttons and give them to everybody. That way everyone will be wearing something we can track." Peter said, trying to be helpful.

"Yeah, 'cause I can see everyone in the school, professors, Filch, Slytherins, all wearing 'I love Potter' buttons." Sirius grumbled.

"I didn't say they'd be 'I love Potter'!" Peter retorted.

James just grinned. "You know me too well, mate."

"Sadly it's true." Sirius added, smiling sappily.

"You guys are sick." Peter groaned.

Sirius pushed him, "You're the one who thought it. Now I have to go wash out my mind with soap. Or shampoo. Whichever I find closer in the tub."

James just laughed. This is what life was about. Spending time with your mates. Girls were just over rated.

Patrols

"Alright. What is it that you're doing with that stupid wand?" Lily burst out, after five minutes of Remus not doing anything but mumbling and moving his wand around.

"Hush. You'll ruin my concentration."

"You bet I will if you don't tell me what you're playing at."

"I'm not playing at anything." He stopped and put his wand away and then looked over at her. "You're right bossy."

"Why else do you think they made me a prefect?" Lily said, looking up at him and grinning.

Remus looked at her, then at her mouth, then backed away. "Uh…"

Lily looked down at the floor. Opened her mouth to say something, and then shut it. This happened every once in a while. They'd be together and everything would be going great, then something would happen, him looking at her, her looking at James, brushing up against each other, almost anything, and it would be awkward again.

"Umm..." Remus started again, trying to get his mind back to where it was before. "We were talking about…?"

"Right!" Lily said a little too quickly. "You and your stupid wand."

"Oh. Yeah I don't want to talk about that. Let's find something else."

"You can't do that. You can't wet my curiosity and then change the subject."

He grinned back at her. "Lil, people do it to you all the time."

"I know. And I hate it." She pouted, her lower lip coming out slightly. "It's rude. You don't want to be rude, do you Remus?"

He didn't say anything for a while and then just grinned. "How are your OWL study sessions going?"

Lily immediately got tense. "They're awful. How can people do this to us? I think it's cruel and unusual punishment. Completely basing our futures on this stupid test. I hate it!"

"Technically our future is based off NEWTS."

"Yeah, but these are what get us into our classes that we take our NEWTS from. So we can't take NEWTS without these. These are the key. The key that opens the door into some other room with other doors that are also locked. My life is full of locked doors, Remus!"

"Lil, did anyone ever tell you that you have major issues."

"Yes." She said plainly. "I live with Jess and Kirsten. It happens about everyday."

Remus just laughed and messed up her hair, then brought her in for a half hug. "Oh Lil, you're special."

She grinned up at him. "I love you too. But that doesn't get you off the hook! What the hell is up with your stupid wand?"

Remus just shook his head and continued walking. "Come on, I think I hear giggling. We might be able to catch some rebellious first years and scare the hell out of them."

"Tsk. So juvenile." Then she smiled as well. "Let's do it!"

Late March, 1977

They had decided that the only way to possibly get the map to work they way they wanted to was to actually charm Hogwarts itself. And that, they were pretty sure they wouldn't be able to do with just the four of them. Especially without someone else noticing. Like Dumbledore. So they'd decided to go straight to the source.

James was the best talker out of the four of them, so they had decided to send him. He stood in the Headmaster's office, waiting for him to come in. He was sure he was somewhere around there, but just hadn't decided to show himself yet. He was looking over at some weird globe Dumbledore had when a hand grabbed his shoulder. James stiffened and turned around. Professor Dumbledore's eyes were twinkling. "Wouldn't want you getting too comfortable."

He walked over and James followed behind him. "What can I do for you, James?"

"Well, actually." He stopped for a moment then took a breath. "We want to make a map, Sir. A good one. And we'd like this map to be able to have certain, abilities."

"We meaning you and your friends." Dumbledore smiled. "The ones Filch frequent calls delinquents and wants to tar and feather."

James grinned. "Yes sir."

"What, abilities, are you wanting that you feel the need to come and see me for?"

"We'd like to lay charms in Hogwarts. All around Hogwarts. It would be for the benefit of our classmates, as well as ourselves. They would have to be permanent, and all encompassing. This would be a challenge, but we really feel we're ready for it. But we did want to make sure we had your permission before going ahead with it." James smiled again.

"Meaning I already know what is going on in this school, and you'd rather be left alone to do what it is you're planning on doing no matter what I say than to have me or other professors bothering you about it later."

James looked at him and decided that being straight with Dumbledore was always better than hiding the truth. He always managed to find out what that was anyway. He was the most amazing wizard James had ever known. "Pretty much, sir."

Dumbledore smiled back at him, his eyes twinkling over his half moon glasses. "Well than I suppose there isn't much I could do to persuade you." He brushed over a few books in his personal library and then pulled one out. "I suppose this should be able to help you."

James looked over at the cover. Advanced Charms for the More Advanced Wizard.

"It's surprising what you can find and do when you uncomplicated things, James. Things are never quite as complicated as you assume they would be, and more than likely the things it is you're searching for are closer than you want to look."

James just looked at him, not exactly sure what he meant. "Alright, sir. Thank you again. I'll be sure to return this to you."

"No need. Some books are better shared than kept to yourself."

Now James was more confused than ever. Was that supposed to mean something? "Yeah….sure."

As he left Dumbledore looked sadly at the staircase. "They have no idea what is in their future."

Mid April, 1977

The map was almost finished. The boys just wanted to put their own personal touches.

"Alright, so I propose we have the map say awful rubbish things to people who try to use it without authority." Sirius said, grinning.

Remus rolled his eyes and James laughed. "Yeah! Let's do it."

"I am not having my name next to anything you guys say." Remus chimed in.

"We don't have to use names at all." Peter said, including himself in the conversation.

Sirius grinned and looked at James who grinned back. They both then looked at Remus. "You're both nutters. And if you think I want to be included with someone called Shaggy, then you can forget that to."

Peter looked slightly confused, but the other two laughed. "You mean you don't want to include our dear friend, Shaggy Black in this endeavor." James asked, looking hurt. Sirius was next to him pretending to pout and wipe away tears that weren't there.

"No." Remus said simply. "I'm just saying that Shaggy is not the right name for our dear friend here. After many days, hours, possibly even weeks I have been thinking of a better name."

Sirius perked up. "I'm listening."

"Padfoot."

"Padfoot?" James asked.

"Padfoot." Sirius stated, nodding. "I like it. I think it suits me very well." He grinned. "I am the sneaky one out of the bunch."

"Hey. Sneaking is my job." Peter grumbled.

"As it always will be." James agreed. "Our friend Padfoot is just a tad bit crazy. Let him live in the delusion."

"And live in it I will." Sirius grinned again.

"So, here we are. The Mauraders. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs."

He's said it in the order they were sitting, but it had a nice ring to it. "You're on to something, mate." Remus said and then opened the map, writing it on the top. "Now to add our own bit of magic." And they continued charming the map to only be what they wanted it to be, when they wanted it to be it. And, of course, to say horrible rubbish at any person who didn't have the right purpose. The purpose, of course, of complete mischief.

Early May, 1977

James sat in the common room looking over at Lily. He'd stayed up pretending to study for the purpose of knowing that she wouldn't be able to go up to her dorm room and would be stuck studying down here. It was the only way he had known he'd be able to talk to her. They hadn't talked in weeks, minus the cold hello, and it was driving him crazy. He'd also tried trying to get Remus to talk to him about it, but he wouldn't. Just glared and said something like 'I'm not getting involved in that. You want it, you fix it.' But he wasn't sure how.

Lily was sitting in the farthest seat away from James Potter. This was so distracting. How was she supposed to get any work down with the dofus sitting over there smugly on the couch, looking over occasionally and smiling ridiculously? Was that supposed to be attractive? Despite herself her stomach flipped every once in a while. She hated that. Traitor. She had to realize that James wasn't the person she'd thought. He'd turned into some big headed, egotistical…goat that had grown to love the power he seemed to realize he had over people and used it to his best advantage. She wished she hadn't noticed some of the changes, girls flocking to him, him messing up his hair, pranking people just to get girls to fawn over him even more than they already were. It was disgusting. But she couldn't help it. She kept hoping that maybe, just maybe, he'd be the same. The person that she'd thought she knew.

She felt rather than saw him move towards her and tried to look engrossed in her book, even though she wasn't quite sure what she'd been reading.

"Need so help, Evans. I noticed that this page seemed to get you a little confused." He squatted down so that he was eye level with her.

Lily looked up and looked into his hazel eyes. She had to blink for a moment to remember that she was mad at him, and why she was mad at him. "Nope. I'm good. Don't need help." She looked back to her book and then muttered, "Especially not from you."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

She sighed and leaned back into her seat, her eyes closed. "I don't want to do this Potter. Not now. I'm tired."

This was not the response James was looking for. He'd been looking for a fight, had wanted a fight. Needed a fight even. But she looked so defeated. This was not the Lily he knew. She did look tired, like she hadn't slept for weeks. This studying thing was going way too far.

"Come with me." He said suddenly and stood up.

She cracked her eyes open and looked at him like he was crazy. "Excuse me?"

"Come on. You need a break. You know you do. If you wear yourself down too much you'll be useless when it's time to actually take the tests."

"I don't want to go anywhere with you." Only she did. He had that look in his eye that made her remember the way things used to be. The way she wanted things to be again. Could this be her chance? Could she risk getting hurt more? Or was she just crazy for even thinking any of this.

"Lil, please. For you." He grinned and stood up straight. "I promise I will behave myself."

She grinned despite herself and her stomach tightened. "Promise on what?"

James saw the almost smile and grinned even wider. This could work. This could be the start to everything we wanted. Only, he wasn't sure what that was. "Promise on everything I hold dear."

"Meaning something of Sirius'?"

He laughed and she grinned up at him. "You know me too well."

Lily stood up. "I am putting myself in your hands, James Potter. And if you do not behave as a prefect I will have to punish you severely."

"I'll make sure not to let any of the other prefects catch us."

He grabbed her hand and started to drag her out of the common room. "I can't believe we're doing this."

James looked over at her and smiled. "Me either."

"Where are we going?"

"You always did ask too many questions."

Lily stopped and tried not to laugh. "People like to know where they're going."

"Some people should learn to like surprises."

"Bah. Overrated, I say."

He just laughed. This was perfect. Why couldn't he talk to other girls this way? Why couldn't other girls talk to him this way?

Because they weren't Lily.

He stopped in his tracks and looked over at her. She looked tired and her hair was a mess. She was wearing a pair of old pajama's he'd seen her in hundreds of times and a ratty robe that was fraying at the end of the sleeves. But she'd never looked more beautiful. Her eyes were shinning and she was smiling at him. Something she hadn't done for over a year now.

As she turned back to look at him her head tilted to its side and she looked up, smiling but looking confused. "You look like someone just took a bludger bat to the side of your head and you liked it."

"I'm sorry."

She stepped back and looked like she'd just realized where she was and who she was with. "Oh Merlin."

"What?"

"I can't do this. I can't be here."

"What, in the hall? I know it's passed curfew but—"

"No. I can't be here. With you. Ever." She ran her hand through her hair, and looked down. She looked like crud. What was she doing going any with James. Things weren't what they used to be, they wouldn't be again. It didn't matter that he was apologizing. She couldn't trust him. Couldn't trust herself with him, obviously.

"Lily, come on." James said a slight bite to his words. "I said I'm sorry and I mean it. I want things to be good again."

"I can't do that."

"Why the hell not?" Now he was really angry. "I'm doing what I can. I said I'm sorry. What more do you want from me?"

"I told you. I want you to stay the hell away from me."

He laughed bitterly. "No you don't. Otherwise you wouldn't be here with me."

She shook her head, even though part of her knew he was right. "You don't know what you're talking about."

Walking towards her he cornered her with her back against the wall. "Don't I? I know you, Evans. No matter how much you want to ignore what ever happened between us, I know you."

"You don't know anything about me, Potter."

"Yeah? You don't feel like you fit in anywhere and are constantly trying to prove to yourself and your family that this is the right thing for you, even though you know that you don't have to. You want past relationships to be the same, even though you don't make the effort to try to work them out. You and Petunia, you and me, it's the same thing. You wish things could be the way they where, but you won't take into account anyone's mistakes, especially your own, because you have to be so damn perfect all the time. Merlin forbid, you actually admit that you messed up somewhere."

"That's enough." Lily pushed him away from her. "You think you're so damn smart. You don't get anything though. You don't get that you could possibly be the problem." She was trying to keep tears back. She wasn't going to give him that satisfaction. "You're too stubborn to let someone have the final say. You won't just back off when something is over."

"This isn't over, Lily." His tone was quiet and he brushed the hair away from her face.

"It has to be over." She bit her lip and looked up at him. "We're not the same people we used to be."

"But we can be just as good, if not better than we used to be." He looked into her eyes, earnestly. "Come on, can't we try. For us?"

"I can't. I just can't." A small tear escaped and rolled down her cheek. "Please don't make this harder than it has to be."

He moved closer and wiped the tear away gently. "I'm not good at giving up when I want something."

"You don't want me, James. You just don't want to know you failed at something."

"You're wrong." He leaned down and kissed her cheek where he'd wiped the tear away. She stiffened slightly and he smoothed her hair. "I want a lot of things I didn't want before."

She looked up at him, not sure of what to say or if there was anything to say, but she didn't move. He looked at her and smiled and moved towards her cautiously. Slowly he placed his arm around her waist and pulled her closer. Then he brushed his lips over hers. Lily stiffened a little more but he brought his lips back and didn't relieve the pressure, starting slowly but then she responded, kissing him back and bringing her arm behind his back up to his shoulder, the other resting on his chest. He went to deepen the kiss but she pushed him away.

"I can't. I'm sorry, but I just can't."

She couldn't face him either and ran back down the hall toward the common room.

James just looked over at her and then kicked the wall. This was not what he had planned on, at all.