A/N Here's another addition to the fluff. It has, sadly, morphed into a three parter, but I still promise to have it done before Halloween.

To any readers of Dark Horizon: Sorry there isn't a chapter update this week! However, next week's will be double-length – I've written eight pages and need to do about four more.

Blithering Bats, Its Halloween, Batman!

Part Two

Bruce tried to slouch behind as they walked toward the corner where the trick-or-treaters were supposed to rendezvous, but as they approached the small crowd Dick grabbed a firm hold of his hand. A dozen little kids, empty pillowcases ready, were already present, along with three women all, Bruce was relieved to see, dressed in costumes.

A redheaded fairy princess stepped forward, smiling. "Hi, I'm Brenda. You must be Bruce."

"Yeah, I'm Bruce, and this Dick."

"Hi, Dick, how are you?" she asked in a sugary tone.

The little boy stared up at her through the eye holes in his plastic cowl. "Fine thank you. How are you?"

Brenda giggled. "Aren't you the cutest thing? And I love your costumes."

Bruce shrank back inside his cloak, thankful it was wide enough to drape all the way around him. In contrast, Dick straightened up proudly and threw out his foam chest. "We're Batman."

Brenda giggled again, casting a sly glance at Bruce. "So I see. I want you to meet my daughter. Macy, honey," she called, "come here."

A little girl, with hair as bright as her mother's detached herself from the gaggle of children and ran over. When she stood next to them, it became apparent that her costume was supposed to match her mother's, although it sported some features the older woman's did not like a hole in the knee of her tights and a drooping wing.

"Oh honey, you're a mess!" Brenda moaned.

Macy ignored her, staring at Dick enviously. "Mom, he's got a Batman costume just like I wanted. How come I had to be a dumb fairy, anyway?"

"Now, Macy, you've got a lovely costume. This is Dick. He's going to go trick-or-treating with us."

"Hi," Macy said obediently. "Can you fight like Batman? I can. Watch." She hopped away and executed a series of violent chopping motions. "Hi-YA!" She finished with a high kick that produced an ominous ripping sound in her costume.

Dick watched critically. "That's not how Batman fights."

"Is so!"

"Is not. That's not even real karate."

"Is too!"

"Macy!" Brenda grabbed her daughter's arm and smiled tightly. "Excuse us." She dragged the girl away.

One of the other chaperones, this one dressed in a pink leotard and tights with fuzzy bunny ears on her head and a fluffy cottontail pinned over her well defined rear hopped over to them. She was holding a clipboard, and she made a show of running down her list. "You must be Bruce and Richard, because you're the only ones not checked off on my list…not that I wouldn't recognize you anyway." She winked coyly.

"So we're the last to get here?" Bruce asked politely, sighing inwardly. He had been hoping for some male moral support, preferably support dressed in a costume as ridiculous as his own.

"You certainly are. We'll start as soon as we get the kids lined up. I think I'll put you in the back with me, to help herd the stragglers." She winked again and hopped away.

The problem with slumming it, Bruce thought maliciously, was that middle class women not only read the tabloids but had an unnerving tendency to believe them. Obviously, the idea that wealthy playboys infallibly went for anything with cleavage and a short skirt was alive and well in the suburbs.

"Aha, the infamous Bruce Wayne."

Bruce grimly turned to meet the third chaperone, and was pleasantly surprised to find himself standing face to face with an old crone. She was dressed in a loose and baggy witch's costume, and the only bits of skin visible were around her eyes and nose and painted green. "The Wicked Witch of the West, I presume?"

"Naturally. My alias is Sarah Swann." She shook hands briskly, then addressed Dick. "Come with me, and I'll introduce you to my boys. They're the two-headed monsters – two monsters, four kids. You, I'm afraid," she glanced at Bruce, then over at the bunny who was trying to call everyone to attention, "are on your own." She grinned, revealing a mouthful of crooked, yellow teeth.

Bruce grimaced back. "May I recommend a good dentist?"

"Believe it or not, my husband claims he likes them this way." She started off and Dick, after an encouraging nudge from Bruce, followed her.

Eventually, they started off, the unruly group of twenty-three children led by the wicked witch, and herded around the sides by himself and the two other women. Dick was smack in the middle of the crowd, sandwiched between one of the gruesome two-headed monsters and Macy, both of whose wings were cocked at crazy angles, and who was chattering furiously at anyone within range.

They tromped around the neighborhood from creepily decorated house to house, until every kid's pillow case was heavily loaded. To Bruce's relief, he and the other chaperones were much too busy running crowd control to indulge in casual conversation, since every one of the twenty-three seemed to think it a completely original and hilarious idea to sneak away and hide behind a bush in order to jump out at their friends.

At last the only stop left on the list was Wayne Manor. Actually, Bruce hadn't even known it was on the list, until Sarah announced that since Dick's house was a little ways away, they were going to ride there. They rounded the corner and found three horse drawn wagons filled with hay. The horses were glowing an eerie green, and all of the drivers were dressed as ghosts. Bruce, biding his time, hopped at the last moment into the wagon that held neither the fairy nor the bunny.

There was a disruption in the group of kids huddled in the bottom, and a moment later, Dick settled himself beside Bruce. The part of the boy's face that the cowl didn't cover was smeared with chocolate, and he looked cheerful.

"Having a good time?" Bruce asked.

Dick nodded energetically. "You want some candy?"

"Sure, whatcha got?"

Two other boys suddenly crawled up beside him. "Hey, can you really do a hundred pushups without stopping?" one of them demanded.

"Ah, yeah," Bruce confessed, mentally kicking himself for not having discussed with his ward just what ought and ought not to be discussed outside the Manor. "Can you?"

"No. But my dad can do two hundred. He's in the marines," the boy boasted.

Dick seemed about to come to his guardian's defense, so Bruce hastily interjected, "That's awesome! How about you?" he asked the other boy.

"No. But my dad can belch louder than anyone in the whole city! It sounds like an earthquake!"

Everyone was suitably impressed.

- - - - - -

Alfred had really done a great job with the front hall. It was dim and filled with various spectral and glowing objects – scary, but not too scary. The butler himself was done up magnificently in a purple turban and embroidered robe. "How come you get a cool costume?" Bruce muttered under his breath as he helped distribute the treats.

Alfred shoved another handful chocolate coins into a pillowcase and responded, "I felt it was suited to my years and station. Besides, your costume seems to be garnering a good deal of…appreciation."

Bruce looked up and met the bold gaze of the bunny, who was obviously and unashamedly checking out his spandex. He felt the sudden urge to become an Islamic transvestite.

It was as they filed back outdoors to the wagons that the trick-or-treat encountered its first major hitch.

"Macy!" her mother called urgently. "Macy, where are you?"

Twenty-three children had come in, but only twenty-two went out.

"Oh, Mr. Wayne, I'm afraid she's wandered away into your house." Brenda latched onto his arm, like she'd just fallen off the Titanic and he was a life raft. "We have to find her!"

"Uh, I'm sure Alfred…" Bruce began, trying to politely extricate himself from her grasp.

"Why don't I escort the wagons to the party, while you help locate the missing girl?" Alfred suggested, already on his way out the door.

This is not what I pay you for, Bruce thought furiously as the front door shut behind his erstwhile ally.

To Be Continued (Arg!)

A/N Apparently, I am incapable of writing a simple piece of fluff. Everything has to be an epic! Next update will definitely have more Dick in it.