When we last left our heroes, they were surrounded by a mob of angry, torch and/or pitchfork toting people. Father Cornello had obviously gotten to them before the authors and fed them some lies about the Elrics being evil. Cartoon laws dictate that angry mobs trump any person or being ("X") that they've assembled against, (except God, but that's a given), so the writers were in it deep. Nonetheless, Alice attempted to reason with the people.
"Now, I don't know what Cornello has told you, (How did he get here before us, anyway?) but let me just say, in our defense, that Letoism is a crock, and Cornello is a cheap, two-bit author using the Deus ex Machina stone."
The angry mob became angrier.
"Silence, you infidels!"
"Stop spreading your lies!"
"How dare you tarnish the good name of the Founder!"
"Leave our religion and community alone, scum!"
"Think of the children!"
"Get outta town, ya dang commies!"
"Is this the AA meeting?"
Suddenly, the entire block darkened. Many of the townspeople screamed and started running. Alice raised an eyebrow. "Did we do that?" Edan pointed upwards.
"No." He said simply.
The ¼ Metal Author turned around. Towering over her was a particularly large specimen of a Leto statue.
"Oh, dear."
Two pain-filled hours later…
There are many things no one should ever wake up to. A naked stranger of the opposite sex, a naked stranger of the same sex, and anyplace that isn't where you went to sleep are some prime examples. However, Alice awoke to something that trumps all of these: Father Cornello's face.
With a shriek, Alice recoiled from the priest. Well, she would have, had she not been shackled to a wooden board.
Cornello smirked. "And good morning to you too, Ms. Elric."
"Where am I?" The room seemed to be made completely of stone, except for a switch on the wall next to Cornello. There were no windows, and the only way out was through an iron door in the wall farthest from her.
"You are in a dungeon far underneath the Church of Leto, where you will be kept to make sure you do not interfere with my plans again."
A thought has suddenly occurred to the Author. "Oh my gosh, you didn't violate me or anything while I was unconscious, did you?"
"No! Why would you think that?"
"How to start? You are a cruel, evil, megalomaniacal false priest who plans to use thousands of innocent people to achieve his selfish ambitions, and I'm a helpless, innocent, and attractive young girl."
"You? Right, and incontinent stoats are flying out of my toilet. Now, where were we? Oh, that's right!" Cornello flipped the switch. A device that appeared to be a ray-gun appeared from the ceiling. It fired a laser beam onto the wooden board between the writer's legs. The beam moved slowly upward, toward Alice. Needless to say, things would not be pretty when the laser reached her.
"Do you expect me to talk, Cornello?"
The priest adopted his best villain voice. "No, Ms. Elric. I expect you to die."
The beam was making steady progress. Alice blinked away a few drops of sweat that were threatening to trickle into her eyes. How am I going to get out of this one? Wait. I have a plot device hidden in my hair band. It can be used to escape virtually anything. If only I could get Father Cornello to turn away for a few minutes…
"Look, a UFO!" Alice yelled.
"I'm not buying that."
"Oh, no! It's a three-headed dragon!"
"Nice try."
"Please. Please turn around, if just for a minute."
"You're getting desperate, huh?"
"There's a situation outside that requires you to turn around this instant."
"There is?" Father Cornello turned around.
The ¼ Metal Author closed her eyes and focused. Tiny glowing letters began to appear on the hair band. Five minutes later…
Five minutes later…
The priest turned back to Alice, only to find her free. And holding a large silver mallet with the State Author insignia carved into it. With great effort, she lifted it over her head and brought it down. WHAM.
The ¼ Metal Author walked off, whistling. She quickly jogged back into view, accompanied by Edan. "Oh, and Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa, and Happy Hanukkah to all you readers!"