Finally, after what felt to me like an eternity, here's chapter thirteen. WHOO-HOO! But now I've decided that I REALLY, REALLY HATE WRITER'S BLOCK! Ugh! I don't know how many times I had to refrain from bashing my head against my wall while trying to come up with this. But then, the other day, my last brain gnome came to me and said… "Why do you have to be such an idiot, Nichole?" And I replied… "Why, I don't know what you're talking about, disembodied voice." And the gnome replied… "Why don't you use your writer's block as the basis for your next chapter!" And I said… "Awesome idea, brain gnome. Thanks!" And, so I used it and put Shu through the same thing that I've gone through for the past month or so!…

Anywho, that's really all I have to say except thanks for your patience in waiting for this chapter and the whole Rori/Tatsuha thing. And thank you so much to those of you who showed sympathy when I was sick. Actually, the bronchitis is still hangin' on for as long as it can, but I've gotten used to it so I really don't care anymore…

Okay…on with the chapter!…

Disclaimer: I'm too lazy for this. You know that I don't own it, so you can't sue me. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah…

Writer's Block…

The two months and three days that have passed since Bad Luck finally returned to Tokyo from their Cover Story tour went by almost as quickly as the tour itself did. The band went back to living their half-way normal lives and everyone went back to the old grind. This meant, of course, that it was back to spending any and all free time at NG writing and, eventually, recording new songs for the band's next album. The only problem with this…Shuichi had a terrible case of writer's block.

He had forced himself to write at least once everyday, but that had only made matters worse. Is it even possible for someone to write something good when they have to force themselves to connect lead and paper? No, it's not, and Shuichi had had to find that out the hard way.

While taking a break from his latest forced writing session, Shuichi walked back to the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror.

Why do you insist on doing this to yourself, Shindou? he thought. Are you trying to drive yourself insane?

The faintest hints of a smile tugged at the corners of his lips and he turned on the water, splashing some of the lukewarm liquid over his face.

God, that feels good.

While drying his face off with the towel on the counter, a sharp pain shot through Shuichi's mouth and he opened his mouth, sticking out his tongue. He laughed quietly as he examined Ben's latest recreation and failed "remedy" for writer's block…

…Flashback…

"Hey, Shu-chan!" Ben yelled as he entered the large apartment. Tatsuha had gone home for the past week and Ben had been chosen for "babysitting" Shuichi.

Shuichi cringed away from the booming voice that penetrated through his newest headache. "What's up, Ben?" he asked, laying his pencil down next to the piece of paper full of doodles and scratched out lyrics.

"Not much," Ben said and sat down on the couch behind where Shuichi was seated on the floor. "How's the writer's block coming?"

"Still like a bitch," Shuichi said and stretched, "and I think I'm going to go insane."

Ben laughed and patted Shuichi lightly on the back. "That's just what I wanted to hear."

Shuichi turned around and looked at the American as if he were crazy. "You wanted to hear that I was going insane? You like the fact that I can't think properly?" the singer snarled at his drummer.

The smile on Ben's faded, only to be replaced by a concerned frown. "I was only joking. I was just glad to hear it because I want to try out my newest writer's block remedy."

Shuichi laughed. "Remedy? So is that's what you're calling them now?"

Ben nodded and Shuichi laughed harder. "What?" the blonde asked. "I never said home remedies, but they are remedies."

"So you're telling me that meditation, yoga, banging my head against a wall, reading a few dumb books, and wacking off are remedies?" Shuichi asked through laughter. Ben nodded. "Well, I'm sorry, but if this one is half as bad as the last then I think I'm gonna have to pass."

"Aw, come on, Shu-chan!" Ben pleaded. "This one is really good and I think it'll work. Pain always gets the brain juices flowing."

"Pain? Pain?" Shuichi looked at Ben as if he thought that he was the strangest person in the world. "You want to put me in pain so I can write? Don't you think I'm in enough pain right now?"

"Well, yeah, but this is a different kind of pain."

"How so is that?" Shuichi asked and turned his attention back to doodling in his book; quickly beginning to doubt the American's so called "remedy" even more.

"Well," Ben started out with a large breath, "you have a lot of emotional pain right now. Maybe a little physical pain will jolt some juices up in that brain of yours."

Shuichi stuck his arms out and let the blonde look over the newest wounds on them, smirking when he saw the man cringe away.

"Okay…so maybe you have had some physical pain lately," he said, "but none that helped to kinda improve your appearance."

"Are you calling me ugly, Ben?" Shuichi smirked as he shaded in a mushroom that he had drawn.

Ben shook his head quickly. "Why are you making everything that I say sound bad, Shuichi?" Ben pouted. "I'm just trying to help."

"I know, Ben," Shuichi sighed and laid his pencil on the table again, "I know. It's just that K's starting to get pissed that I don't have any new lyrics and Tatsuha was acting weird before he left but wouldn't tell me why. Time's are hard."

Ben's frown deepened and he laid a hand lightly on Shuichi's shoulder. "I understand how you feel and how hard things are for you, Shuichi, but you need to go out once in a while to try and forget about them. If you don't, it's going to eat you up inside and your cutting will only get worse."

"I know," Shuichi muttered.

"How are your appointments with Ezra coming along? Any improvement there?"

"I haven't been in the past two weeks, Ben," Shuichi said with a laugh. "Any time I can get away from that quack is a good time for me."

"He's not a quack, Shu, he can really help you move on and except all the shit that's goin' on right now," Ben said, a little scared at his friend's behavior.

Shuichi rolled his eyes and picked his pencil up again, but Ben grabbed his hand and pulled him up off the floor.

"B-Ben, what do you think you're doing?" Shuichi snarled and tried to pull out of his grasp, but the American was too strong.

"If you're done having your little pity part, you're coming with me, Mister Pouty Pants."

Shuichi struggled to pull out of Ben's grasp all the way down to his car without avail, so decided to give the blonde the silent treatment. That always worked to piss Tatsuha off. But, unfortunately, Ben seemed to not be phased by it. When Ben saw how pissed this was making the singer, he smiled and shook his head.

"It's your own fault that you're in this mess, you know?" he said, smile growing when he saw Shuichi scowl at him out of the corner of his eye. "If you would have just agreed with me and not hopped on the pity train, you wouldn't be here."

"And where exactly is here?" Shuichi asked as Ben stopped his car.

"Here," Ben said and pointed out the window.

Shuichi recognized the small building instantly; it was, after all, where Ben had brought him to get his eyebrow pierced two years ago.

"Why in the hell are we here, Ben?" the singer asked with a smile. "I'm not getting another piercing or a tattoo, and I hope you're not expecting me to watch you get one or the other."

"Oh, you're not, are you?" Ben asked and smiled. "Don't you even want to hear what my remedy is?"

Shuichi smiled and rolled his eyes. "If you must."

Ben's smile grew to a size that Shuichi didn't even think was possible and his eyes started to shine. "Okay…I was thinking that you should get your tongue pierced."

Shuichi stared at Ben for a minute with his mouth open and then laughed. "You want me to go in there and get my tongue pierced? And you were expecting me to agree with this because?"

Ben just shrugged. "Because you used to be outgoing and wanted to try new things once upon a time," he said and poked the barbell in Shuichi's eyebrow. "Just think back to when you go that done."

"Yeah, but that's my eyebrow," Shuichi laughed, now more than surprised by Ben's choice of remedy. "This is my tongue you're talking about. My tongue! If I get this pierced it won't ever grow back if I want it out!"

Ben just shrugged again. "Don't think you can handle the pain?" he said with a wicked smile.

"Are you offering me a challenge, Benjamin?" Shuichi asked, suddenly intrigued. "You don't think I'll do it, do you?"

"Not with how you're acting now," Ben said with another shrug. "Besides…I don't want you to get any trouble with Tatsuha."

Ben didn't even have time to finish his sentence before Shuichi was unbuckling his seatbelt and climbing out of the car. Ben smiled in success and followed soon after, but by that time Shuichi had already taken a seat in waiting. The blonde crossed the small, dimly lit room and sat down beside his friend, the smile of triumph still lighting up his face.

"You can stop gloating now," Shuichi whispered and elbowed the American in the ribs.

"I'm not gloating, I'm just rejoicing in my tremendous triumph."

"It's the same thing, you dumb ass!" Shuichi muttered and laughed, "but maybe you're right. I need to have more fun. The stressed me out and I need something new. Besides," he lowered his voice at this point, "I don't think Tatsuha will hate it. I bet he'll love it."

Ben grimaced at Shuichi and wrinkled his nose. "Dude, I don't wanna hear about your sex life with Tat! That's gross! I hope that it doesn't mess with your voice, though. Then K'll kill me for sure."

"Oh, Ben, don't worry," Shuichi said then smiled evilly with a laugh. "I'm used to having things in my mouth."

"DUDE!"

Shuichi burst out into laughter and was left gasping for air by the time he was done. When he finally got a hold of himself, the owner of the tattoo parlor, a grubby looking old man, was finished with his last client and was ready for Shuichi.

"What'll it be?" he asked after leading Shuichi back to a chair.

Shuichi glanced at Ben for a second and smiled. "Tongue piercing."

"Gauge?" the man asked, pulling an assortment of needles in sterilization packages out of a drawer next to the chair where Shuichi was sitting.

"Um," Shuichi started and bit his lip for a second while he thought, "how about twelve?"

The artist ripped back the paper from a needle and Shuichi took that as meaning that it was fine and laid back in the chair.

"What me to hold your hand for you, Shu-chan?" Ben joked from Shuichi's right side.

"Oh, would you please, Benny? I'm so scared," he pouted and then laughed. "No, dumb ass, I'll be fine. You just watch."

"Whatever, man," Ben said with a smile and stood beside Shuichi to watch as the artist told the singer to open his mouth and stick out his tongue.

Shuichi did as he was told, glad that he could only see how long the needle that was about to pierce his most valuable body part was and not the dot that the artist had put on his tongue to mark where the barbell was supposed to go.

"Are you ready?" the old man asked, pressing the sharp point of the needle lightly against the dot on Shuichi's tongue.

"As I'll ever be," Shuichi said, but it came out more like "As ow evuh be" because of the lack of tongue movement.

Pressure was applied onto the needle and Shuichi winced slightly as he felt it begin to pierce through the muscle. Shuichi closed his eyes against the pain and oncoming headache and only concentrated on the "oo"s and "ah"s from Ben as the needle was pressed further and further through his tongue. He didn't make any sound until the old man pulled the needle out…then he screeched a little bit and scowled when he heard the artist chuckle.

A few minutes later, Shuichi was standing at the counter with a barbell stuck through his tongue and paying the old man for putting a hole in his mouth.

How ridiculous is this? I could have done this for free with a safety pin! he thought but handed over the forty dollars anyway. Oh, well. At least I proved Ben wrong for once.

With a smile on his face and numb tongue, Shuichi walked out of the tattoo parlor with no less writer's block than he had had before.

…End Flashback…

Now, as he looked at himself and the silver piece of metal jutting out of his tongue in the mirror, Shuichi asked himself the question he should have asked while sitting in that chair a week ago.

What in the hell was I thinking?

He smiled slightly and put his tongue back in his mouth. Luckily, the numbness had gone away fairly quickly and the barbell hadn't obstructed his speaking or singing ability at all. Thank God and say hallelujah! He really didn't know what he would have done if Ben's worries had come true and the barbell had messed up his singing ability. Well, the most obvious thing would have been to take it out, but he really didn't want to walk around with a hole in his tongue. Besides, he was actually starting to like it.

Shuichi laughed as he thought back on that day one more time, remembering what Ben had told him once he they were back at the apartment and safely off the road.

"By the way…that wasn't my remedy," the blonde had said with a smile, moving quickly toward the door as Shuichi began to rise from his couch. "I was actually only going to suggest that you write about your feelings. Write about your emotions…hell, write about writer's block."

Shuichi hadn't been able to move quickly enough to catch the man before the elevator doors had closed, but he knew that he would get his revenge someday.

That bastard just wanted to see if I would actually do it. He smiled and flicked off the light switch before leaving the bathroom and returning to his writing sanctuary in the living room, surrounded by paper and his trusty ole' keyboard.

Almost all of the first twenty pages in his notebook were full of doodles and/or scratched out lyrics, the only real signs of writer's block. He laughed as he thought back upon the past week. He would get out his notebook and write down a few lines of poetry that had popped into his head, and then would start doodling. Oh, it would only take one small little star or anarchy symbol or even a circle for him to completely forget that he had been trying to concentrate on writing lyrics, and he would lose himself completely in his drawings. Now matter how horrible and sad they were, they were his and some of them even held some kind of special meaning to them.

Shuichi finally flipped to the first decent looking page with lyrics on it and picked up his pencil, ready to continue adding on to the words that he had already written. He read and re-read what he had, his smile growing larger as he realized how Tatsuha would kill him if he didn't change a word. So, using the magic power of the pencil eraser, Shuichi erased the word "amber" and wrote "beautiful" in its place. There, no wrong done.

I've got so much more to say these days
But the quicker it wastes away
With your beautiful eyes calling me to consciousness
It's hard not to be fooled by their contagiousness

But I've been wanting so and needing so much more than perfection
There's nothing anyone could do
I thought I knew the answer to satisfy my hunger 'til
I realized it goes with you

I'm further away from my emotions
Than a blank white page is from a hit song
I've taken the strain out on passerby
It's not been my day for the past few nights

Okay, so maybe the song was starting to sound like a cheesy love song, something that hadn't been on one of Bad Luck's CDs in a long time, but maybe it was time for a change. I mean, rock bands write love ballads and put them to kick ass beats all the time, right? So what was different with this one?

Shuichi set his point of his pencil down on the paper and tapped it there. And tapped it there. And tapped it there. And…you get the picture. Of course! He had gotten three good verses in and then had gotten his hopes up, thinking that he had finally gotten past his road block, but here he was again. Nothing would come. NOTHING!

"Damn it all to fucking hell!" Shuichi yelled and buried his fingers in his raven locks, pulling at them in frustration. "Why can't I come up with one goddamn song?"

He set his pencil back down on the coffee table and started to play the bed he had come up with to write the song to. It was slow and kind of mournful, but once the guitars and drums were added it would pick the pace up a bit. After all, how often did pianos sound happy and cheerful?

He sang the lyrics he had already written on the page along with the beat and played the part with no lyrics over and over and over again, so many times that he bet himself he could play it with his eyes closed (and it turned out that he was right). Finally, something came into his clouded mind and he scribbled it down before the verse disappeared from his head forever.

My outlook's been clouded by their future
I just don't know where I've been
You've been happy to give me the insight
But you're not so keen on letting me inside

I've been longing for and waiting, just wanting what you have
Trying to find a way around
I've got everything you wanted, it's perfect,
it's all set, but the only thing I want is less

Shuichi set back and looked at the lyrics, scribbling out a few words here and there and doing whatever he could to try and make them be to his approval. Finally, they looked okay to him and he put his pencil down again, figuring that it was about time to add in another chorus.

Still I'm further away from my emotions
Than this blank while page is from a hit song
I've taken the strain out on passerby
It's not been my day for the past few nights

Quicker than the last batch of verses, more lines came into his head and Shuichi praised the Lord in thanks. Maybe he would finally be able to manage to write a song, after all.

I've been longing for and waiting for something more
It's just not clear in this clouded world
As hopelessly clouded as my confused head
The only thing that's clear is you

I've been longing for and waiting for something more
It's too clouded to make out the darkened shapes
But not as helplessly clouded as my confused head
I've been getting slightly frayed around the ends

Shuichi thought that he could burst out and scream in joy at the words on the page. A song, he had finally managed to write a song, but something seemed to be off. He didn't quite think that it was complete.

"It's missing something," he muttered and buried a hand in his hair and closed his eyes as he tried to think about what. "Maybe another line of chorus?" he whispered after a minute or two of thinking and wrote the chorus one more time.

And I'm still further away from my emotions
Than this blank white page is from a hit song
I've taken the strain out on passerby
It's not been my day for the past few nights

"Is that all?" he thought, already knowing that the answer was no. It was still missing something, something that would add back into the meaning behind the song. But, while he thought about it, he decided that he could add the chorus one last time.

Cuz I'm further away from my emotions
Than this blank white page is from a hit song
I've taken the strain out on passerby
It's not been my day for the past few nights

"What in the hell is it missing?" Shuichi thought and dropped his pencil again so he could play on the keyboard once more.

There were about a minute and a half of open notes playing by the time he had finished singing the lyrics over the tune, but no words came.

"And here I was, thinking that the words were actually going to be lucid this time around," he said with a laugh. Then: "Hm…lucid…."

Shuichi picked his pencil up one more time and scrawled the last verse of the song out on the blue-lined college ruled paper.

I'm further away from my emotions
The only thing that's lucid is you
I'm a little unclear about my devotions
My priorities haven't been used

"And voila, I have a song," Shuichi said with a smile and laid his pencil down happily. "It's about fuckin' time, too!"

He read and re-read the lyrics a couple of times and then closed his notebook before standing up. He stretched, cringing when he heard his back pop in a few more than one place when he did, and went over to answer the phone that had conveniently started playing its own song.

"Hello?" he asked, the happiest that he answered the phone in months.

"Someone sounds happy," the voice that Shuichi had been longing to hear said with a laugh. "What did I miss?"

"Oh, nothing," Shuichi laughed, "just the disappearance of my writer's block."

"Ah, damn. I wanted to help you get rid of it," they said.

Shuichi laughed and plopped down onto the couch. "Well, it was about damn time. I swear, if I couldn't write anything for another day I was going to rip my hair out!"

"Oh, but your hair's so cute. And speaking of your hair, I got some more dye so we can redo the read when I get home."

"Thanks, Tatsuha," Shuichi muttered and yawned loudly. "When are you going to be home?"

"Soon," Tatsuha said. "At least, it better be soon. Dad's going to be the thing that drives me crazy if he doesn't stop nagging me."

"It's been two years since you told him about your decision. Can't he just let it go?"

"It doesn't look like he planning on it. Knowing him, he'll probably haunt me with it until the day that he dies," Tatsuha said coldly.

Shuichi chuckled and yawned again. "Man, I'm exhausted. I haven't slept in days."
"I guess I should let you go and get your beauty sleep then," Tatsuha laughed.

"Yeah, maybe sleep would be a good thing, after all."

Tatsuha laughed again. "Well, bye then. I'll see you soon."

"Bye," Shuichi said. "Aishiteru," and he hung up the phone.

After a few minutes of sitting in silent thought on the couch, Shuichi finally resigned to the sleep that was trying to overcome him and went back to his room.

-------------

God, he wished everything would just go away. He wished that everything would just leave him alone and that he could live in peace with himself. More than anything, he wished that he could go back in time five years and not take that walk that he had decided to take as a cure for writer's block. Then, he would have never met Shuichi and would never have been put into the position that he was in now. He would have never had to suffer like he had been made to, would never have had to put Shuichi through so much pain, would have never had to feel the pain from driving a person to the point of suicide. Everything was always his fault.

Amber eyes snapped open and stared at the light cast on the ceiling from the flashing television screen. That night when he and Shuichi had talked in the singer's dressing room was the last time that he had seen and/or talked to the man, and he was finally starting to feel the hurt. It had only been a month, but he was feeling ten times worse than he had after being separated from the man for those four long years. And it was going to drive him insane. Dreams of the exhausted, sorrowful man had haunted his sleep for the past three weeks. Dreams? How about something more like nightmares? He couldn't help but think about what may have happened if he hadn't of listened to his conscience that day and gone over to return Shuichi's necklace.

He would have bled to death on his kitchen floor, that's what would have happened. You would have been driven to the brink of insanity, that's what would have happened. He wouldn't be here today to make you smile, that's what would have happened, that annoying conscience of his said, and kept going on and on about what would have happened.

"But none of it did happen and he's alive and he's happy," he said painfully, "and that's all that matters."

His conscience laughed at him. Stop kidding yourself, man. You know that you're jealous of your brother. You want Shuichi but you know that you can't have him, and that's what hurts you the most.

Yuki shook his head to dispel the thoughts but his conscience wasn't going to let him go that easily.

You know that I'm right, so don't try shaking your head at me. And you know that you could have easily gotten him back when you returned if you had just tried to show him that you changed. Instead, you acted like nothing had ever happened, like you had never abused him, when you knew that you had. Instead of acting like someone who wanted to repent for what they had done, you took the coward's way out.

Yuki closed his eyes and pounded himself between the eyes with the palm of his hand. "You're wrong. I asked him for forgiveness and he gave it to me."

You asked him for forgiveness in his weakest moment, Eiri. If that isn't cowardly, I don't know what is.

Yuki shoved the thoughts away and finally managed to get rid of the nagging voice that always won. Of course he knew that he was a coward. If he wasn't, why had he hidden under the same mask for the past eleven years? Why had he acted like the big bad ass on the outside, when, deep down inside, all he wanted was to love someone and be loved back? And why had he shoved the one person who had given that to him away?

"Because I was afraid," he muttered, a solitary falling down his cheek as the words echoed around the quiet apartment.

Ah, finally, a confession. It's about time you stopped lying to yourself, little Eiri.

"Don't get such a big head."

Don't worry; it would be your head that blew up.

Yuki smirked and shook his head. "Why in the hell am I talking to myself?"

Because, little Eiri has no one else to talk to, that's why. You're a lonely old man, Eiri, and you always will be.

"Twenty-seven isn't old," he muttered and sat up from where he was lying on his bed.

No, of course it's not.

Yuki growled at himself and walked back to the bathroom to throw some water on his face, but got distracted by his reflection. The blonde hair that he had dyed brown all that time ago was back with a vengeance and ready to take back what he had lost, prepared to go blindly into a gun fight with nothing but his fists. But his eyes knew better than to be so stupid. Those eyes had seen more than their fair share of pain in their lifetime and knew that actually getting Shuichi back and for him to stay back would be nothing short of a difficult task. Shuichi had found the happiness and love that Yuki had never been able to give him with Tatsuha, and he wouldn't give that up so easily.

And Tatsuha…Yuki knew that the man had never gotten over losing the love of his life and he probably never would. How could he break apart such a deserving relationship? Both of the man had been hurt dearly by people they loved with all of their beings, but had found that happiness once again with each other. Neither would give the other up without a fight, and he knew that his brother would give him just that if that was what he wanted. But it wasn't. He didn't want to have to fight with and risk losing the person who had accepted him and shown him compassion when he was made fun of when he was younger. Yuki wasn't ashamed to admit that his brother was his best friend, and he didn't want to lose that.

Would you make up your goddamn mind! You want Shuichi so badly that it hurts and you come up with a plan to get him back. But then, you think about poor Tatsuha and Rori and how much Tatsuha still hurts and you don't want to hurt him too. Oh, boo-hoo. Cry me a fuckin' river. Pity Tatsuha all that you want, but being empathetic won't convince him to give Shuichi up just for you.

"I need to talk to him," Yuki muttered and left the bathroom for the phone's cradle in his bedroom.

He picked up the telephone and dialed the first few numbers of Shuichi's cell phone number before turning the phone off again.

"What in the hell am I doing?" he moaned and flopped down onto the bed. "He won't want to talk to me. Not after I just left him like that."

Somewhere in the back of his head, he knew that his conscience had rolled its eyes. What harm will it do to just try?

Yuki sighed and hit the talk button again, this time dialing all of the digits and let it ring…and ring, and ring, and ring. When no one answered, he hit the off button and dropped the phone onto the bed with a sigh that sounded almost like relief.

Coward.

Yuki chose to ignore the name and went into the kitchen to grab a beer, eyeing the pack of cigarettes on top of the refrigerator with something that looked like lust. He had a nicotine craving that he hadn't tended to in three months and it was starting to get to be too much. Maybe just one cigarette would help to empty his mind so he would think clearly about what to do. Yeah, that sounded good.

He grabbed the pack and ripped it open, hungrily pulling out one of the cancer sticks and sticking it between his lips. He pulled his lighter out of his pocket and pushed down the igniter, but didn't put it to his cigarette. He stared at the flame, wondering why he had to keep doing it to himself. Why did he have to always take the coward's way out when he knew that it would come back and haunt him one day?

Coward.

Yuki growled and put the flame to the tip of the cigarette, taking a long drag and letting the wonderful smoke fill his lungs. He sighed in relief and blew a plume of smoke out from between his lips and opened the refrigerator to pull out a beer.

Old habits die hard.

Once again, Yuki chose to ignore the double meaning comment and returned to the bedroom to finish is cigarette and think about what to do next.

Of course, he would have to talk to Shuichi and tell him how he felt. How he really felt. Not the lies about how Shuichi only annoyed him and wrecked his life, but the truth about how he loved Shuichi and had grown to care about him more than he cared about himself. But there was the catch. He couldn't do that. Well, it wasn't the fact that he couldn't do it; it was the fact that he wouldn't be able to do it.

It's the same thing dumb ass.

No, it wasn't the same thing. Ever since Kitazawa he had never been able to tell people how he felt about them, love or hate. Either that, or he would turn around and say the exact opposite of how he felt about the person. Just take Shuichi for example. He was usually all bark and no bite, but when he bit he always drew blood.

Yuki cringed away from his thoughts and memories pulled forth from them, knowing that it was true. He had ripped every person that cared about him open and left them lying on the sidewalk to bleed. There was no use in denying it.

The phone rang and Yuki jumped in surprise, his heart pounding against his ribcage. He picked the wireless phone up from the bed and checked the caller id, tensing slightly when he saw the number. Damn missed call alerts. But he answered it anyway.

"Hello?"

"Why in the hell did you call me? You better be glad that Tatsuha's not here right now because he would be on your fucking ass!" seethed the man on the other end.

"Why, hello to you too, Shuichi," he said with a smirk, cursing at himself when he heard the smart ass tone of his voice.

"Don't 'Why, hello to you too, Shuichi' me! Tell me what you want so I can get back to work. I had to be a bastard to K so I could leave the recording studio and call you so I don't think I'm going to have much longer to live, and I really don't want to spend my last minutes talking to you."
The words stung Yuki more than he would like to admit, but he quickly brushed it away and smiled. "Ah, come on. I'm not that bad, am I?"

Shuichi audibly growled on the other end and Yuki's smile grew. Was it bad to get so much enjoyment from pissing off the person you loved?

No.

Yes, it was, but no matter how hard he tried to keep the smart ass tone from his voice, the worse it became. He already could tell that this conversation was going to end with one of them hanging up on the other, and that would probably be Shuichi.

"Just tell me what you want, Eiri. Please." Shuichi's tone quieted with the last pleading word and Yuki crinkled his brow. Was it because he was actually afraid of what his crazy, American manager would do, or was he edgy because of who he was talking to?

"I want to meet you somewhere," Yuki said. Short, sweet, and to the point.

Shuichi laughed, sounding like a harsh wind blowing over the mouthpiece. "For what? So you can see me? Or so we can 'talk'?"

"I just need to talk to you, is all. It doesn't have to be for very long, I just know that we have things that we need to talk about. And you know that we do, too."

Sensing how serious Yuki was getting, Shuichi cut off his own smart ass act and turned on the coldness. "We have nothing to talk about, Eiri. We're through."

Yuki smirked. "Yes, we do, Shuichi. Now please, just agree with me because I really don't want to argue with you and make matters between us even worse than they are now."

There was silence for a couple of minutes on the other end and then: "Whatever. Where and when do you want to meet?"

"How about you come up with something and call me back? You know your schedule better than I do, and I have little to no schedule so anything's alright with me."

"Whatever," Shuichi whispered.

"Shuichi."

"What?" the singer spat, and Yuki could just picture the beautiful face twisted with anger in his mind.

"Thank you."

A click and then silence from the other line, and Yuki knew that Shuichi had hung up on him. He smiled and hit the off button on his own phone before replacing it on its cradle and putting out his cigarette. He had been right, lighting one up had helped to clear his mind and now he felt ten times better than he had before. He smiled and took a sip of his beer before sprawling out on his bed and falling into a deep sleep.

Coward.

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Going back to work at NG meant that it was back to being threatened by K and his magnum, and back to living in terror of him accidentally slipping and actually shooting you in the leg or something. Shuichi had just gotten to work and when he had been a smart ass with him so he could leave the room and make his phone call, K had had to be restrained by Hiro and Ben to keep him from chasing after Shuichi and shooting him senseless. Shuichi actually thought that it was kind of funny, but that was before he had returned to the room and to a seething blonde American.

K was tied down by ropes in one of the room's many swivel chairs, his guns lying helplessly locked up in the recording booth. When Shuichi reentered the studio, the blonde threw him the evilest glare he had ever given and used his feet to push himself over to meet him.

"Well, are you happy now, Shindou? You better be glad that I'm tied up and my guns are locked up in another room, because otherwise I'd be having your ass right now," the blonde snarled.

Shuichi chuckled and patted K playfully on top of his head. "Aw, look at him guys," he said and scratched the seething man behind the ear. "He thinks his words can actually hurt me."

K turned his head and gnashed his teeth at the singer, growling with a smirk when Shuichi jumped back from him in surprise. Shuichi laughed again and stuck his tongue out at K, knowing how much K hated the new barbell that was stuck there, and then patted the blonde's head one more time before slipping past him and to the other members of Bad Luck.

"I finally have some lyrics," he said and flipped his notebook open to the first page of decent looking lyrics. "I've got three new songs and I have the arrangement complete for one of them, so we can mark that off the list."
Ben, Hiro, Suguru, Sakano, and K (now having conveniently forgotten about his anger with the joy of getting new lyrics) huddled around the small notepad and read over the new lyrics. Shuichi plopped down onto the studio's couch and tried his best to ignore the glances the others would throw him every so often while reading. Once everyone had a good, thorough look at the songs, they turned all of their attention onto the raven-haired man who was trying his best to ignore their stares by toying with the frayed hem of his tee-shirt.

"They are very good, Shindou," Sakano said and handed Shuichi his notebook. "Sad, but good."

Suguru laughed. "How long has it been since Bad Luck's put a happy song on an album?"

The other's laughed politely and took seats around Shuichi, K rolling up right beside the man with a smile.

"Don't think that you're off the hook," he whispered dangerously, just loud enough for Shuichi to hear.

Shuichi smirked and turned his attention to the auburn-haired man beside him.

"What did you think, Hiro?"

"Huh?" Hiro asked and shook his head. "Sorry, I was zoning out."

"I asked what you thought about the lyrics," Shuichi said, a little perturbed about Hiro's behavior.

"The lyrics?" Shuichi nodded. "Oh, they were good. I agree with Sakano. Sad, but very good."

Hiro went back to staring at the back wall of the room and Shuichi frowned at him in concern.

I wonder why he's acting so strange. he thought, but didn't have time to worry before Ben started talking.
"Told you my remedy would work," the man said with a smirk, and Shuichi scowled at him.

"Remedy my ass," Shuichi muttered. "You better be glad Tatsuha isn't home yet because he would be after you like K's after me."

Ben gulped and sat down next to Hiro on the couch, now extremely worried about what precautions he would have to take to defend himself against a pissy Tatsuha. Man, when the guy was angry he turned into a completely different person.

"When do we start with the arrangements?" Suguru asked, turning into his busybody self now that he had lyrics to work with.

"As soon as you want to," Shuichi said.

"Well, I think I want to hear Shindou's supposedly completed song before we start anything," K said and smiled when Hiro, Ben, and Sakano nodded their heads.

Suguru frowned, upset that he would have to wait even longer to break in his new synthesizer, but he wanted to hear Shuichi's song too.

"Whatever," Shuichi said and crossed the room to the old keyboard that they had kept for no reason in particular. Sakano had actually thought about throwing it away the other day, but Suguru had insisted that they keep it. And thank God that he had because he would have been pissed if Shuichi got to use his new toy before he even got to touch it.

Shuichi turned the instrument on and changed it to the piano setting before taking a seat at its bench and starting the mournful tune, just waiting to see who would catch the truth behind the mask.

TBC…

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A/N: WHOO-HOO! I'm done and it only took me two days! That's definitely an improvement. And was it just me, or does everyone think their about to go crazy in this chapter? I dunno…but you need a little bit of insanity in your life to keep yourself sane, right?…

I'm hoping that I can start on chapter fourteen as quickly as I can and I'll be able to work more often now that the holidays are over and I'm finally starting to feel better. So, be looking for it…

Anyway, thanks to: kriziamoon, Sammy -.-zzz, Jessiegurl143953, Guren, subzero13, YuujiKamui, sakurastar-63, tangerineasuka, Crystal Flowers, sakurya, Shane God Powell, Trina, Syaoran is kawaii, Tara Yuki-Uesugi, clueless97, Raven, Ryuichi Sakuma, Eiri-chan, gdpsych, miki, and Kagekitsune16 for the sweet reviews and/or caring about me when I was sick. A HUGE thanks to: Lenora-chan, animegirl12182, and CassiToTheStars for your kick ass reviews and/or helping me get over my writer's block! You guys are awesome. I hope you're happy about the tongue piercing Lenora-chan and I hope you're more impressed with Eiri Cassi!…smiles…

Welp, I'm off. I guess I'll see you all at the beginning of chapter fourteen! Ja!...