I'm back…still…once again…again. Hm…did I confuse you? Yes? No? Damn! And I was trying so hard, too…smiles…(Damn, I'm weird)…
Okay…so this is chapter sixteen, huh? Damn. What a trip. I really don't want to end it, but writer's block is becoming more and more frequent (if you couldn't tell) and I think I know why. But…alas…I have started a new fic (and not just a one-shot) that I'll be posting once I finish this. I've already got three chapters done so by the time I'm done with this I'll have lots. I hope you all like it as much as you've liked this 'cause I'm really worried…
Okay…I guess I'll leave you alone and let you read now. Ja!…
Disclaimer: If it was mine, I wouldn't have to write this stupid thing on every damn chapter. I would also be bragging my ass off and out partying with my friends. So…obviously…it's not mine…
Taking It Slow…
Time passes, people change. Sometimes it can be for the best, other times it's for the worst. It depends on who the person is and what games that time passage chooses to play. A person with all the joy and love in the world can turn into a heartless bastard in a matter of days, hours…minutes. A person can lose their will to live, love, share, experience. Time breaks the seal of the Pandora's Box that you keep hidden in the back of your mind and lets old, painful, deadly memories free to wreck their havoc. You can't take it, you want to end it, you want to die…
He had wanted to end it, to make everything better for himself…for everyone else, but the world had to betray him and make him live another day, another month. And for what? So he could lie in a hospital bed, unable to eat, walk, breathe, or take a shit on his own? Oh, what a grand thing to live for.
The boy that wasn't really a boy opened his grey eyes and looked around the dark and sterile hospital room, letting them linger on each sleeping face. He was more than surprised to see so many people sleeping there, but he didn't know why. Why was everyone so worried about him? A blonde and brunette that he remembered as his brother and sister had informed him that he had been in coma for a month and half. Or was it two? He couldn't remember why or how or what had happened and it made him mad. He wanted more than anything to remember…anything. But the puzzles pieces in his mind were too wet to work with and put back into recognizable images and memories. All he knew were faces, no names.
The shifting of his bed and fingers grating against his own pulled the boy out of his thoughts, and he looked down to see a sleeping brunette. The brunette's fingers were entwined with his own and his head lay softly on the bed next to them. The boy frowned and cocked his head slightly. The sleeping man's name was right on the tip of his tongue, but the words wouldn't form. He knew that he should know who the man was, but he didn't.
Reaching out slowly, the boy gently raked his fingers through the shaggy, brown locks. His hair was so soft and his sleeping face was so peaceful. An incoherent jumble of words slipped past the sleeping man's lips and the boy jumped, pulling his hand back as fast as his injuries would allow him to.
The man's eyes opened and the beautiful, blue orbs made contact with the boy's grey ones in an instant. The brunette gasped and quickly moved to sit on the edge of the bed, tears forming in his eyes.
"T-Tatsuha?" the man asked.
The boy frowned again and closed his eyes, thinking.
Who's Tatsuha? Is that me? Am I Tatsuha?
"Is that me?" the boy asked.
The brunette nodded and smiled happily, even though tears were pouring down his face. The boy reached out and brushed away some of the tears, wondering why the man sighed and relaxed at his touch.
"Why are you crying?" he asked and cocked his head. "Did something happen?"
The man shook his head and smiled again, warming the boy's heart. "No, nothing happened. I'm just glad that you're awake."
The boy smiled and let the man embrace him in a tight hug.
"Do you remember anything that happened, yet?"
The boy shook his head and closed his eyes. He concentrated on the last of his memories, but he didn't see. All he heard were the same sounds that came whenever he tried to remember why he was in the hospital. But this time, instead of shoving the noises aside as insignificant, he concentrated on them and tried to figure out what the noises were. They were all so similar but each one was different. He heard something…a horn.
"Cars," he whispered. "I remember cars."
All of a sudden, black curtain shrouding the noise lifted and heavy traffic was unveiled. The traffic was getting closer and closer. If he didn't stop, he was going to run right out into the street and get hit. Something wrapped around his waist and he was held back. He opened his mouth to scream, but no sound came out. The boy turned around and his eyes met with blue and brown…
"You…," he muttered, looking at the man sitting there. "You were there, weren't you?"
The man looked down as if he was ashamed and the boy dove back into his mind, back into the memory.
The brunette was kissing him deeply, passionately. They pulled apart a few seconds later and the brunette's mouth started moving but no sound came out, just like when he had screamed. Next, against his will and before he knew what was going on, the boy's own mouth started moving without any sound. They each spoke between each other for a few minutes and the man hugged the boy closely, protectively, but the boy tore out of his embrace and ran out into traffic.
Tires screeched but the car couldn't slow down fast enough. It was still going forty when it crashed into the boy's side, sending his back crashing into the windshield. The glass broke and the boy felt it stab into his back, tearing his skin and making him bleed. His arms and legs were now just numb, unimportant limbs. His back screamed with pain. The boy tried to move, but the pain was too much and sent him into darkness.
"No," the boy said and shook his head violently. "I didn't. It didn't happen. It was just a dream." He pounded his fists into his forehead and pulled his knees up to his chest. "Why would I? What happened?"
The brunette was at his side in an instant and had his arms wrapped around the boy. "What do you remember, Tatsuha?" he whispered.
The boy shook his head and whined. "I…I remember that I was sad, very sad, and I left a building. I didn't see or hear you following me. I started to run and had my eyes locked on a car…some American car. I got faster and closer to the edge of the road. You caught me and pulled me back and pulled me around and…kissed me," the boy looked up at the man in confusion but the brunette just twirled his hand…Go on. "You said something but I didn't hear it. Then I said something. We talked for a minute or two and you hugged me, but I…I tore out of your arms and ran in front of a car." At this, he winced and a sharp pain shot down his spine. "God, it hurts."
Echoing silence resonated throughout the room, and the two just sat there, unable to think of things to say. Finally, he boy got something and looked up.
"Is it real? Or is it just a dream?" he asked, tears stinging his eyes.
The man looked down in that same self-ashamed way and sighed. "I-It's real. All of it is real."
"Why! Why did I do it? What was so bad that I wanted to commit suicide?" the boy asked frantically. He really didn't know what was so bad, but that was probably because he couldn't remember anything.
"I can't tell you that, Tatsuha. You'll remember it all in due time."
Tatsuha nodded and began to search the room for a clock. He found a digital one on his bedside table and was surprised to see that it was two o'clock in the morning.
"I'm sorry that I woke you," he mumbled to the brunette, who chuckled.
"A minute spent with you while you're awake is an hour for me," the brunette said and hugged him again. "I'm glad that you woke me."
The boy smiled and ransacked his mind to get a name to go along with the beautiful man's face. Why was he getting a weird feeling in his stomach? Why did this man make him feel so happy when he was obviously sad?
He closed his eyes and searched deeper within his mind. Shaggy brown hair, blue eyes, a bright and happy smile…who was it?
Seeming to know what the boy was trying to do, the man cupped the side of his face in a hand and smiled. "Don't strain yourself if you don't remember, Tatsuha. I'll still be here when you do."
The boy opened his eyes and nodded before closing his eyes against the gentle hand on his cheek. Before he knew what was happening and had time to react, the man captured his lips in a short, gentle kiss and pulled away. The boy's eyes snapped open and began to search the man's eyes for something. He knew that he shouldn't be scared or surprised because he knew that he shared the same feelings for the man before him, but it was disconcerting to love someone you didn't even remember knowing.
"Sorry," the man said and looked away.
"Don't be," the boy said. "I'm just confused. It's just that…I remember knowing you all, I just don't remember you. Does that even make any sense?" He chuckled. "Probably not, but it's all that I can think of to say.
I know that, somewhere in my mind, your name and how I know you and who you are are there. I just don't know where. But, there's also something inside me that tells me that I feel the same about you that you feel about me." The boy sighed and dropped his head, burying his fingers in his hair. "I'm just so damn confused."
The man chuckled and placed one of his hands over the free hand that lay in the boy's lap. "I am, too, but we'll get everything fixed and you'll remember soon. I promise."
The boy nodded and lay back on the bed, burying his head in the pillow. He yawned and the man smiled warmly.
"Tired," he asked?
The boy nodded and let the man hug him before closing his eyes. The bed shifted and extra weight was removed and the boy opened his eyes quickly, reaching out and latching onto the retreating man's wrist. The man turned around and looked at him in question.
"Please don't leave me," the boy whispered. "I don't want to be alone." The man chuckled and looked around the room. "They're different. They're all lying far away from me. I want someone to be close to me."
The man's mouth formed an O and he smiled. "Where would you like me to stay, Tat-kun?"
As quickly as he could (which was pretty damn slow) the boy moved over and patted the empty spot on the bed next to him. The man's eyes widened and he chuckled, shaking his head.
"I can't lay there, Tat-kun. I'll end up tossing and I'll crush you or fall off."
"Please?" the boy asked, moving over even more.
The man sighed and gave in. The boy smiled and lifted the blankets, allowing the man to crawl under them with him, and snuggled up to his side. He buried his head in the man's chest and sighed, wrapping his arms around his waist.
"Thank you," he muttered when he felt the man's fingers begin to gently run through his hair.
The man laughed. "No problem."
It wasn't long before they both fell asleep on the bed in the warmth and comfort of each other's arms. When the other's finally stirred, they were surprised but didn't disturb them. The sight was just too perfect.
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Eiri Uesugi walked down the hallway of the hospital, lost in his thoughts and fears. He would have never been able to imagine his joyful brother on the brink of suicide. Never did he think that Tatsuha would ever jump in front of heavy traffic to end something the boy had always cherished. No matter how bad his past or present were, Tatsuha had always been happy. Or, that what everyone thought.
The blonde knew what it felt like to want to die, knew that feeling all too well, and wished that he would have been able to help his younger brother when he needed it. But the bond between them had diminished to almost nothing in the duration of their hate and coldness toward each other while battling for Shuichi's affections. He quietly cursed at himself. Just another thing he could've prevented if he hadn't have been so stupid.
He finally made it to door 422 and stopped, gazing in through the small, square window embedded in it. His heart tore when he saw the scene inside. Everyone else had gone home after spending the night with the broken boy, to or against their will, and he and Shuichi had agreed to come see the boy today. They would have come last night, but…
The blonde tore his eyes away and took a seat in one of the uncomfortable, plastic chairs across the hall. He couldn't go in there, there was no way. Everything that had happened was slowly eating away at Shuichi's soul and he was almost an empty shell. The only way to make sure that the man was alive was to poke him and see if he moved. If he didn't…he was gone, but he did every time. Everything, even the sadness, had been drained from the man's eyes and all they were now were dead.
The blonde sighed and buried his hands in his hair. Shuichi wasn't capable of living on his own, but the hospital wouldn't take him in and there was no way that Yuki would allow anyone to put him into a mental hospital. Hiro refused to take care of him (what a great friend) and no one else had the time to spare to take care of him, so Yuki had taken it upon himself.
Bad idea? No, it was that. It was just…difficult. He couldn't count on two hands the number of times he had walked in on a sobbing and bloody Shuichi in the bathroom this month. He wouldn't condemn, he refused to do it. He would just sit next to the hurt man and embrace him until he was calm and he could pry the bleeding arms away from Shuichi's chest. Some of the cuts were deep, others were just nicks that would easily and scarlessly heal, but they all still poured the red plasma. Sighing, Yuki would always pull out gauze, rubbing alcohol, and Neosporin, and clean and bandage the wounds before stripping off Shuichi's bloodied pants and shirt and carrying him back into his bedroom.
He'd gotten hardly any sleep and that had only been lately. Before, he would bring carry Shuichi back to his room and lay him on the bed. Then, he would either sit on the floor and watch him all night or would curl up on the bed next to the man. It all depended on what state of mind the man was in. Now, however, he had completely cleared the room of everything but a futon mattress and, as much as he hated to do, locked Shuichi in the room at night so he couldn't get to the bathroom and his blades.
Yeah, those damn blades. No matter how many Yuki threw away, Shuichi always got more. Whether he tore apart a new razor that Yuki had forgotten to hide or a broken knife that Yuki had forgotten to put in the locked drawer, he always got a new one…or two…or three. And he hid them so strategically that it was hard to fathom. How could someone who seemed to be on the brink of insanity be so sane?
Sighing, the man came out of his thoughts and stood again. He had to go into the room, no matter how hard it would be, because it was his duty as a brother. Even if Tatsuha was asleep, which he usually was, he still needed to show respect.
He crossed the hall and opened the door, surprised that Shuichi actually noticed him entering. The man turned and smiled brightly before jumping out of the chair and running across the room to glomp the confused man.
"YUKI!" the man giggled and hugged him tightly. "Where have you been?"
The blonde, instead of answering, stood speechless. This wasn't right. It wasn't the old Shuichi, he was just imagining things. Too much shit had happened in the present for his mind to not want to make the past come back.
"Yuki?" the boy muttered, looking up at the blonde with big, amethyst eyes that actually showed something. Happiness, joy, innocence. But underneath: loneliness, pain, anger, confusion, sadness. It tore the blonde's heart in two. "Are you okay?" he asked.
Before he could stop himself, the blonde shook his head and closed his eyes.
Count to ten and open your eyes. When you do, it'll all be gone. Everything will be better. It's just your imagination. One, two, three, four, five…deep breath…six, seven, eight, nine, ten…deep breath. Okay…
The blonde opened his eyes slowly and looked down at the man. He was still looking up at the blonde with concern in those vibrant eyes. A slight frown was spread across his face, but, when he saw the man look down at him, it turned into a smile.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
Yuki shook his head, then nodded, then…he stopped when he began to shake his head again. "I…I don't know, Shuichi," he said and made eye contact with the man/boy. "Are you okay?"
The boy nodded then frowned, looking over to where Tatsuha lay asleep in the bed. "I am, but Tat-chan isn't. I wish he would wake up and stay awake and keep me company."
"I'm here to keep you company, Shu," Yuki said and grabbed onto the boy's hand, leading him over to the bed.
He took a seat in the chair Shuichi had been sitting in and patted his lap, motioning for Shuichi to sit down. The boy took the offered seat and curled up in Yuki's arms, sighing.
"Why did he do it, Yuki?" Yuki winced at the name. It had been so long since Shuichi had called him anything besides Eiri…or bastard…that he had gotten used to the nicer name.
The blonde sighed and shook his head. "It's a long story, Shuichi. You'll remember it when you want to."
Shuichi looked up at Yuki with confusion in his eyes and a frown on his face but didn't say anything. There were just some things that didn't need to be talked about.
"Okay," he said and stayed quiet.
Sometime while sitting there, they both dozed and fell asleep. Yuki didn't fall very far before someone's muttering roused him awake. He opened his eyes to see Tatsuha thrashing around on the bed, a pained expression marring his features. As quickly and gently as possible, Yuki stood up with Shuichi in his arms and set the boy back down into the chair before taking his place at his brother's side.
He sat on the edge of the bed and grabbed onto one of Tatsuha's hands with one of his own and stroked the boy's hair with the other. It helped to calm the boy a little bit but incoherent jumbles of words randomly made their ways past his lips. All Yuki could understand were names: Ryuichi, Shuichi, Rori, his mother, his father, Mika, Touma, his own name, and more.
The boy started to thrash about again and Yuki gently petted his hair, calmly waiting for the boy to relax and praying that he wouldn't wake Shuichi. One of the thrashes made one of Yuki's gestures miss the boy's head and he stroked his cheek. The boy's eyes snapped open and locked onto his brother's. Tears immediately began to brim the grey orbs and they fell, painfully, down the boy's face.
"E-Eiri?" the boy asked, surprising Yuki greatly.
Once the blonde caught a hold of himself, he nodded and smiled, tears brimming his own eyes and layering his voice. "Yeah, that's me."
The boy smiled and wrapped his arms around his brother. "I remember!" he whispered triumphantly into Yuki's ear. "I remember you!"
"Thank God," Yuki said and pulled back from his brother, watching where Tatsuha's eyes traveled to next.
That just happened to be to a wide-eyed boy in the chair next to the bed, tears falling down his face.
Tatsuha crinkled his brow at the boy, obviously trying to think of who he was, and Shuichi frowned. Yuki shook his head…He hasn't forgotten you, he tried to tell the boy. Don't worry. He'll remember.
"Shu-Shuichi?" Tatsuha asked.
The boy's eyes lit up with happiness and he nodded furiously. "Yeah…I'm Shuichi. How are you doing, Tatsuha?"
Yuki jumped. Back to the new…no old…whatever Shuichi he had been before Tatsuha was put in the hospital. Damn, this was confusing, but he hoped that this Shuichi would stay. He was a lot easier to deal with.
Tatsuha closed his eyes and rubbed at his temples. "I'm okay. I just have a really bad headache, is all."
Shuichi smiled and stood up, gracing Tatsuha with a strong hug before standing behind Yuki with his hands on the blonde's shoulders.
"Who all do you remember?" Yuki asked.
"Everyone," Tatsuha said, and his face went dark. "Where is Ryuichi?"
Both Yuki and Shuichi jumped at Tatsuha's tone of voice.
"He's at home," Yuki said. "The doctors forced everyone who had been here for the past two days to go home. We hadn't been able to come those two days so we came today."
"I need to talk to him," Tatsuha said and tried to stand up but couldn't move.
"Tatsuha…," Yuki said diverting his eyes from the angry gaze he got from his brother.
"Why in the hell can't I move my legs!" Tatsuha asked. "Why!"
"Tatsuha,…the accident,…it left you temporarily paralyzed from the waist down. The doctors said that you will be able to walk again, but it will take a lot of physical therapy."
The boy squinted at Yuki in disbelief and then looked away, an ignored and barely visible tear running down his cheek. Yuki sighed and put a hand on top of one of his brother's. Tatsuha the hard head…he didn't know what else he had been expecting but it hadn't been this.
"Tatsuha, do you remember talking to Ryuichi at all while you've been here?" The boy shook his head, eyes locked on the sunny morning outside the room's window. "Well, you have. A lot. He was the only one that you would talk to while you were awake. He was the only one that you said that you remembered, even if you didn't remember his name. Yeah, you remembered Mika and me, but you just recognized us as your older brother and sister. Nothing more, nothing less. But you remembered more about Ryu than any of us."
"It doesn't matter," Tatsuha hissed. "He let me go."
The boy finally turned his eyes onto his brother and Yuki had to strangle a gasp at what he saw in them. Or, rather, what he didn't see in them. Tatsuha's eyes were dead, void of everything that showed life and happiness. They were fathomless pits of emptiness and despair. Shuichi, on the other hand, hadn't been able to hide his reaction and Yuki heard a muffled sob escape his lips before the man's head was buried in the back of his neck.
"Tatsuha,…," Yuki started, not so sure of being able to help his brother now that he had been given a view into the boy's soul, "…it's not his fault. It all happened so quickly. There was nothing that anyone could have done to stop it. To stop you."
The boy just glared and turned his head one more time, his nose stuck up in the air.
"Do…do you want me to call Ryu, Tatsuha?" This was Shuichi and the pain in his voice was too much for Yuki to bear.
The best thing that Tatsuha could've done at this point would have been to keep his head turned and his eyes locked on the picturesque day outside, the polar opposite of his newfound personality. But, instead, he turned his cold eyes onto the weak and mentally abused form of Shuichi and scowled.
"What are you doing here anyway, Shindou?" the boy spat. "Come to give me your grievances? To watch me die so you won't have to see anymore of me?"
Yuki turned in time to see Shuichi's eyes widen and the tears to start flowing. The man shook his head violently and Yuki saw some of the salty water droplets fly.
"NO!" Shuichi gasped. "Of course I wouldn't. I came to make sure you were okay, Tatsuha." Shuichi started to rub at his arms and Yuki inwardly groaned. Not a good sign. He bet that he could see what would come when he went to use the phone.
"Don't lie to me," Tatsuha growled.
A sob hitched in Shuichi's throat and he fled the room, leaving Yuki alone with his seething brother.
"Serves him right," the boy muttered under his breath.
Yuki snorted and glared at his brother in disgust, a scowl on his face. Tatsuha, seeing this, frowned and glared almost as fiercely.
"What?" he spat. "Why are you looking at me like you want to kill me?"
Yuki smirked. "Why wouldn't I? Shuichi never did anything to you, but look how you treat him. He was convinced that your break-up was completely his fault. You walked out on him without even giving him an explanation. He had to find out about Rori all on his own with a little painting that you conveniently left stashed under the rest of your belongings when you ran out on him."
Tatsuha scowled and locked his eyes back on the world outside. Yuki growled at this and lashed out, punching his brother across the face. Tatsuha was frozen for a minute, a surprised hand up on his now red cheek and bleeding lip, and then growled. The tried to return the punch, but Yuki grabbed onto his wrist before he got close enough.
"What the hell, Eiri? Why are you defending him?" Tatsuha muttered. "What did he ever do to deserve it?"
"Besides loving you with everything that he had?" Yuki spat and Tatsuha looked at him, startled. "Yeah, he loved you with all of his heart and would have never done anything like this to hurt you. If God were to put him in your place, he would have gotten over Rori to the best of his abilities and moved on with his life. Not dwelled on the grievances and darkness of his past. He's stronger than both of us, even if he doesn't show it sometimes."
Tatsuha scowled. "That still doesn't explain why you're defending him."
"I'm defending him because I've had to care for him for the past month. He wasn't able to live on his own and would be dead now if no one hadn't have helped. Hiro refused and I refused to have him put into a mental hospital. This whole ordeal has locked him in his own head." Tatsuha looked at him in confusion. "Ever heard of split personalities?" Tatsuha's mouth dropped open in surprise before he quickly covered it up, but not before Yuki saw it. "Yeah. Sometimes he's the Shuichi of four years ago, sometimes he's the Shuichi he is today, others he's a completely new Shuichi…a dead Shuichi. When this day started he was the dead Shuichi. I left the room for a little while so he could talk to you and, when I came back, he was the old Shuichi. Once you woke, he was now's Shuichi. It's so damn confusing and sad. And his cutting's only gotten worse instead of better. I have to lock him in my guest bedroom with only a futon mattress to sleep on at night, and during the day I can't let him out of my sight because I'm afraid he'll slip."
"Get out," Tatsuha whispered. Yuki just looked at the boy in confusion. When the door didn't open or close, Tatsuha whipped his head around to face his brother and snarled. "Get the fuck out of my room!" he yelled.
Yuki nodded and exited quietly. Now just to find a pay phone and one that Shuichi was at. The blonde sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. Why did everything have to be so fucked up? Why couldn't it all have just stayed nice and calm and normal and…the way things should be? Everything was so messed up and he really didn't think that anything they tried would be able to fix it.
A scream echoed out the door of a bathroom that he had been in the process of passing and he stopped, his ears sharp. He knew that voice…knew that scream.
"Shu-Shuichi?" he moaned and ran into the bathroom.
The broken man was lying in the fetal position on the floor, blood slowly dripping and pooling around his arms. The blonde gasped and ran over to where the man lay. Sobs shook Shuichi's frail body violently and his eyes were squeezed shut. But Yuki had enough time to see that he was going to be dealing with the dead Shuichi.
"Shuichi," Yuki said, kneeling beside the man. "Shuichi, please open your eyes."
Slowly, reluctantly, Shuichi opened his eyes and peered at Yuki through his raven bangs. Just as quickly, he closed his eyes and pulled his chin down to his chest.
"Eiri, no. Go away. Leave me alone," he moaned and pulled his arms closer to his chest.
Yuki sighed and shook his head. "No, Shuichi. I told you that I would never leave you and I plan on keeping true to that promise," he whispered and sat on his butt. "Now, come here."
Yuki carefully pulled Shuichi into his lap and gently pried his bleeding arms away from his chest, despite the man's fighting and protests. The cuts were deep and one of them ran all the way down his arm from his inner elbow to his wrist. Some Yuki had to look away from, unable to see without dry heaving. They were wide, gaping wounds that were beyond his help to clean and bandage.
"Go away, go away…," Shuichi chanted through sobs.
Yuki shook his head and smiled. "No, Shu. I promise that I'm going to make everything better and you're going to be happy again. You're going to smile and enjoy life like you used to."
Shuichi shook his head. "No, you can't. No one can. I'm dead."
Yuki gently brushed the bangs out of Shuichi's eyes and ran his fingers lightly down his cheek. He smiled. "You look very alive to me, Shuichi," he whispered, "and I intend to keep it that way."
Shuichi sighed against the feel of the fingers and relaxed his eyes, not opening them but releasing enough so they weren't so scrunched up. Yuki smiled again and stood, lifting Shuichi into his arms as he did.
"What did you use, Shu?" he asked before leaving the bathroom.
Shuichi pointed over to his corner and Yuki saw the scalpel lying there. He picked it up and twirled in front of his face for a second before wrapping in six layers of paper towels and sticking it in one of his jeans' pockets. How he got the blade? He didn't know and didn't care to know, but he knew that the doctors and staff of the hospital needed to learn how to keep a better watch over their utensils.
Yuki ran out of the bathroom with Shuichi in his arms, telling a janitor about the mess on the way so no one would walk into the bloody bathroom and have a heart attack. A few minutes later, he found nurse who stared at them with wide eyes before coming to her senses and taking them to an isolated room.
She told Yuki to lay Shuichi out on the bed and she pulled on a pair of rubber gloves and pulled several sterilized packets of sutures from a drawer. Shuichi, know blissfully unconscious, didn't feel the sting as she cleaned his deepest wound or the pain as she sewed it up. The rest of the wounds were just cleaned and bandaged unless they absolutely needed the sutures, which one did. When the job was done, she stood and took off her gloves.
"I'm going to get a doctor, Uesugi-san. Shindou-san needs to be checked. He looks lie he's lost a lot of blood." She ran out of the room and Yuki took a seat in her empty chair.
She was right. Shuichi did look like he had lost quite a bit of blood. His face was pale and it had just registered in the blonde's mind how light the man had been when he lifted him from the ground. Yuki shivered. Too much…way too much.
It took much longer than Yuki had expected for the nurse to find a free doctor and, by the time she returned, he was dozing in his chair with one hand in Shuichi's. The doctor tapped him on the shoulder and smiled when Yuki cracked an eye.
"I'm sorry to wake you, sir, but I need to take a peek at Shindou," the doctor said.
Yuki eyes widened for a second as he remembered what had happened and he nodded, standing up from the seat. The doctor just smiled and sat down, while Yuki retreated to the other side of the bed to hold Shuichi's other hand.
The doctor examined, flipped through Shuichi's chart, examined some more, flipped some more…it was enough to drive Yuki insane. If the doctor didn't say something soon he thought that he would die.
Finally, after ten minutes of excruciatingly long silence, the doctor looked up at Yuki and smile. "He's going to be okay," he said. "He hasn't lost more blood than his body has time to recreate so I don't think that a blood transfusion will be necessary."
Yuki nodded and relaxed, his entire body seeming to fold in on itself. "Thank you, doctor."
The doctor chuckled. "Not a problem. But," the smile faltered and a frown spread across the doctor's face, "what did Shindou use to make these wounds? How did he get it?"
Yuki scowled. "That's what I'd like to know," he said and pulled the scalpel from his pocket and handed it to the doctor.
The doctor looked at the blonde in question and Yuki just looked back.
"Open it," he said coldly.
The doctor nodded and pealed back the layers of paper towel that had kept the blade from slicing through Yuki's pants and cutting open his legs. When the flash of metal came into view, the doctor gasped and picked the bloody blade up by the handle.
"H-how did he get this!" the doctor demanded, throwing Yuki a cold glare.
"That's what I would like to know," Yuki snarled. "You're the doctor. You're one that should be keeping his tools locked up and not out in the open where someone can get a hold of them and do this or…or worse."
The doctor narrowed his eyes and stared at Yuki from behind his glasses. "What are you getting at?"
Yuki laughed, staring at the doctor in disbelief. "I'm saying that you need to keep a better watch over your instruments. What kind of idiot leaves a fucking scalpel lying out in the open anyway? What the hell?"
The doctor lowered his eyes and stared at the blade in his gloved hand.
"I'm sorry," he said after a few minutes of silence, making Yuki jump. "I'm sorry I was harsh. This has just never happened before. All of the scalpels and dangerous instruments on this floor and every other floor in this building are locked away. I have no idea how Shindou could have gotten a hold of one."
Yuki smiled, caressing Shuichi's face. "He's crafty like that." He didn't know what he felt, something inside him told him that it was pride, but for what?
The doctor smiled in return. "Apparently so."
Silence fell again and then the doctor stood, rewrapping the blade in new paper towels and taking off his gloves. "I will personally make sure that this blade is disposed of and that all others like it are locked up." Yuki nodded. "And…I hate to do this but I think it would be best if we kept Shindou here for observation. I don't want to make him feel like a goldfish but he needs to be on constant watch. I know that you care for him and have done all that you can, but it wasn't enough. He needs more."
Yuki's eye widened. "No!" he said hoarsely. "You are not going to put Shuichi into a mental hospital. I refuse it."
The doctor frowned and looked away from the blonde who was now nearing the point of tears. "I'm sorry, Uesugi-san, but you can't give him what he needs. I have had reports from other doctors and nurses that have seen him switch to a different personality as if they were his moods." Yuki nodded ashamedly. "He needs it," the doctor finished in a whisper.
Yuki looked down at Shuichi and let a sob slip past his lips. "When?"
"As soon as possible, I would like."
"But, why? Why Shuichi? Why someone who was born to be happy, beautiful, innocent? Why him?"
The doctor shook his head. "I don't know," he whispered sadly. "It takes the best of them. But don't worry, Uesugi-san. He's not going to be diagnosed as crazy. He's troubled and scared and needs help to get better. Grather-san worked for a while and so did your love and compassion, but it wasn't enough. Everything that has happened recently has pulled it back out of him and has made it worse than it ever was."
Yuki nodded, tears streaming down his face now.
"You should probably change," the doctor said and Yuki shook his head. "He'll still be here when you come back. Just go home and take a shower. Take some time to compose yourself, to think. I promise that he won't be transferred unless you are with him."
Yuki mouthed "Okay" but nothing came out. The doctor understood. He bent down and brushed the bangs out of Shuichi's eyes and kissed his forehead.
"I love you, Shu-kun," he whispered hoarsely. "You may or may not want my love, but I will always give it." He sobbed. "Forever."
Yuki stood and walked around the bed. The doctor nodded and put an arm around him, leading him out of the room in case he decided that he didn't want to go. Just before exiting and turning, Yuki threw a glance over his shoulder at the peaceful face of his sleeping love.
Things would get better. They had to…because nothing could get worse.
TBC…
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A/N: Okay…I think I just ruined my own plans with the whole mental hospital thing. Now, whether I want to or not, I think this is going to end up going over 20 chapters. Oh, well. I was starting to freak about what I would do if and when I ended this anyway. He, he. But I don't think it will make it to 30. If it does, I will make sure to hit myself with something. A brick? Nah…I'll figure it out later… And I'm sorry that there wasn't anything about Hiro, for all of you who are wondering and worrying about him. Next chapter, I promise. And I have a feeling that chapter 17 is gonna be a hard one to write… I know what I want to happen, it's just the writing and emotional torture part that's gonna get me…
Okay…I'm done with that…I guess I'll review my reviews…
GravityNeko: YES! I RULE!…; Guren: I had to have someone have a nervous breakdown. If no one did, it wouldn't be very realistic…; tangerine-asuka: He would be devastated if he lost either one but Yuki is the keeper of the key to his heart, not Tat (damn that sounds so cheesy)…; Asato-chan: WHOO-HOO! I'm a favorite!…; Skittlez: I'm confused…you want Hiro to commit suicide?…; CassiToTheStars: Drugs are bad, but this is a good one. He, he. And the Tatsuha part was so hard to write! I cried…; sakurya: I'm glad that you liked it…; Ryuichi Sakuma: I'm glad that you're not mad that you love Tat-chan…; Syaoran is kawaii: He's okay…kinda. Now he's just pissy and confused, but who can blame him?…; subzero13: Thank you…; LadyRave: Good! No bad habits! I can't say the same about myself, but I'm glad for you!…; ShuichixShindou: Sorry about that cliffie. I hope this was okay…; animegirl12182: What's your penname on fictionpress! I wanna read Jae-chan's stories! Onegai? hugs And I'm glad that you liked the cd!…; Hiryuuthewarrior: You relate to Tat…me to Shu and Rori, so we're even. And Smile Empty Soul needs a new cd. I love 'em but I need new stuff…; Sammy -.-zzz: Thanks for the song! I like it and love the music video, but I dunno about how soon Shu'll be able to sing it…; Trina: Hey, you do the same thing as me. Except I print out lots and lots of fan fiction so I can zone out in my history class. He, he…; Crystal Flowers: Where would the fun be if I didn't leave cliffies? He, he…; kuriqa: Thank you reviewing and I'm glad that you like this fic. It's my baby and I love it when people tell me that they like it too…; Lenora-chan: huggles I know that it was sad and I'll try to make 'em all better. And I'll try to write that…coughs…scene we talked about…smiles…but I dunno if I can. I'm too innocent. LmAo! I'll talk to you later…; Celina: Hey…sorry I haven't been on in forever! I'll try to get on soon, I promise, because I have a pinky promise to stay true too (I hope you remember and don't think I'm just a babbling idiot). I hope you liked this chapter!…
Okay…I think that's it for chapter 16. Sorry for any typos that were in this chapter! Chapter 17 is in the works. Ja ne until then…