YaY! Chapter 19! YaY! I dunno how far I'll get on this before I have to take a break, but hopefully purdy far. Thunder over Louisville's (4/23) tonight and I really don't wanna be in a huge crowd with a bunch of wet rednecks (Indiana side, Jae-chan n.n). It's gonna be cold anyways… Hm, I'm rambling, aren't I? Yeah…I think I am…

Okay, I'm hoping that some things will get answered in this chapter. If it's not answered in here, please tell me and I'll see what I can do, okay? Okie dokie, now to start on the chapter…

Disclaimer: sighs I'm not even gonna say anything about Gravitation, but the song used in this towards the end is "Bleed Like Me" and it belongs to Garbage. I know that I probably have part of it wrong but I couldn't find any good lyric domains, so I picked the best one…

Visiting Old Friends…

Golden eyes squinted against the bright morning sunlight as it poured into the oversized bedroom. Their owner yawned and stretched and threw the blankets back away from his body, stretching once more before swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. Before climbing out, Yuki threw a sad glance to the empty spot beside him.

Shuichi had refused to sleep with him when the got back, and even though he didn't want to admit it, it hurt him. Yes…he knew that he and Shuichi weren't together, but he still longed to feel the warmth of his body next to his while he slept; nothing intimate had to be involved. Yuki sighed. Maybe he was just…he hated to say it…lonely?

A groan tore out of Yuki's throat and he got up from the bed, going into the bathroom. He splashed water on his face and looked at his reflection in the mirror, hands resting on the counter.

Lonely? Yes, quite possibly. He hadn't had a lover (male or female) in almost five years now. FIVE YEARS! That was a dreadfully long time for a man like him. But, he didn't want anyone in his life besides a happy, pink-haired boy, and he hadn't gotten one of those either. The one he had had in mind when he'd returned to Japan had drastically changed into an angry, raven-haired, beautiful…man.

Yuki shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair in a rough attempt to brush it. He glared at his reflection in the mirror one more time before leaving the room completely.

As slow as he possibly could, Yuki threw on a tee-shirt and made his way down stairs. As he walked into the kitchen, his mind barely registered that the television was on in the living room. He didn't even realize that the coffee had already been made, even though he poured himself a cup from the half-empty pot.

Swallowing a mouthful, Yuki walked into the living room and slouched down into the couch, letting the cushions swallow him whole. Shuichi, who sat in the recliner, watched him intently with a mug clasped in his hands. Yuki just smiled at him and took a swig from his cup, and Shuichi smiled back; nothing more had to be said.

Yuki turned his attention onto the barely audible television screen and groaned. The same shit, different day. He wished the newscasters would just get over themselves and actually report something besides "the usual" that Yuki always expected when he watched. He wanted to be surprised for once, not able recite almost every damn thing the reporters said.

"Aiko still sleeping?" he asked Shuichi.

"Hm?"

Yuki chuckled. "Is Aiko still asleep?"

"Oh yeah," Shuichi said. "I think she's loving the opportunity to sleep in a 'real' bed." He chuckled. "I know I did."

Yuki smiled. "So you're comfortable, then?"

Shuichi nodded. "Oh, yeah! It's great! Thank you so much for doing this, Eiri."

"Not a problem," he said with a small smile and shrug. "I've been longing for some company."

Shuichi blushed and looked away, and Yuki's smile grew larger.

"Did you want to do anything today, Shu-chan?" he asked.

"Well…" Shuichi started, pausing to think. "…I wanted to go see Hiro sometime during the day."

Yuki choked on the coffee he had in his mouth and began to cough. When he was finally calm enough to breathe, he glared daggers at the other man.

"What?" Shuichi asked, furrowing his brow.

"I'm not going to take you to see that bastard," he growled. "He doesn't seem to care about you, so why should you care about him?"

Shuichi sighed and closed his eyes. "Eiri, he's my best friend and-"

"No, he was your best friend," Yuki corrected. "He never even went to visit you while you were in the hospital, Shu. Why do you even want to see him?"

"I want to see him because I need to see him. There are some things that we need to talk about." He opened his eyes and looked at Yuki. "I need to see if we can save the bad. No, fuck the band. I need to see if we can save our friendship."

Yuki looked at the man in disbelief and sighed, chuckling. "Your heart's too big, you know that, right?"

Shuichi laughed. "No, I'm just afraid to lose the people I care about," he whispered, "no matter how horribly they treated me."

Yuki couldn't stop the smile from lighting up his face. So…there still might be some hope.

"Fine," he grumbled, "I'll take you to see Hiro. I won't like it, but I'll still take you to see him."

Shuichi sighed. "Thank you, Eiri. You don't know how much it means to me."

"Not a problem, Shu," Yuki whispered. "Not a problem."

The sound of quick feet running down the stairs put an end to their conversation, and Aiko came crashing into the room. She was already dressed in a pair of blue jean capris and a black tee-shirt. Even from the distance, Yuki could see the cuts and scars that marred her arms, and he felt a little uneasy.

"G'Morning, beautifuls!" she exclaimed.

Both Yuki and Shuichi smiled. "Morning, Aiko," they said in unison.

Aiko smiled and practically skipped across the room, plopping down into the couch next to Yuki.

"I can't believe you let me sleep so late, Shuichi," she scowled. "I basically wasted the entire day in bed."

"It's only ten o'clock, Aiko," Shuichi laughed. "And now you have all the time in the world to do anything that you want."

Aiko chuckled. "No more bed times!" she laughed and put her fists in the air.

"Thank God."

Yuki shook his head, wondering what in the hell he had gotten himself into, and chuckled. He gulped down the rest of his coffee and stood up.

"If you wanna go, Shu," he said, "you better get ready before I change my mind."

Shuichi scowled at him, but went upstairs to get ready nonetheless.

Yuki went into the kitchen to pour himself another cup and almost screamed when Aiko spoke up behind him.

"Where are we going, Uesugi-san?" she asked.

Yuki gulped down air and turned around. Aiko laughed at him.

"Sorry," she giggled.

He smiled. "That's okay," he said and composed himself. "And I'm going to take Shuichi to visit one of his friends. You can come if you would like to."

Aiko nodded happily. "Of course I would."

The sounds of Shuichi stomping down the stairs made Yuki laugh and he turned his attention to the doorway just as the man showed himself. He was dressed simply in a red tee-shirt and blue jeans, but the look on his face made Yuki bite his tongue. He was furious.

"Have you changed your mind yet?" he growled.

Yuki shook his head. "No," he muttered, his voice a little strained. "Just let me go upstairs and throw on some jeans and we can leave."

Shuichi glared at him and crossed his arms over his chest, but kept his mouth shut as Yuki walked past him. The blonde went upstairs and quickly pulled on a pair of jeans, brushing his hair with his fingers one more time, and ran downstairs.

Shuichi was still upset, though Yuki couldn't figure out why (he was taking him to see Hiro, after all), but seemed to relax by the time they made it out to the car.

After making sure everyone had their seatbelts on, Yuki started the engine and pulled out of the driveway.

-------------

Shuichi looked up at the many windows of the high-rise building and sighed. There was no way that he was going to be able to do this, but he had to; he had to see if there were any threads left to sew up he and Hiro's friendship. He was deeply worried that there weren't going to be. He hadn't seen or talked to the long-haired guitarist since their last argument about Tatsuha's attempted suicide, and Hiro hadn't even bothered to come visit him while he had been in the hospital.

Was it even worth holding on to?

Shuichi closed his eyes and sighed again, composing himself. He couldn't do this. He couldn't. But he had to; he had to at least try.

Taking a deep breath, he opened his eyes and went into the tall building. He did his best to ignore the stares and glares he got on the way to the elevator (as far as the public was concerned, he was still in the hospital), and pressed the up button. When the elevator finally opened and he pressed the button for the fourth floor, he leaned against the back wall and ran a hand over his face and into his hair.

After an eternity, the elevator finally stopped and the doors dinged open. Shuichi sighed and took several deep, composing breaths.

Come on. You can do this. You can do this. You can-

The doors started to close.

Shuichi's eyes shot open and he shot forward, pushing the doors back open. Right as he stepped out, his only way of backing out closed behind him.

There's no going back now.

He sighed and started down the hallway. Even though it had been awhile since he'd been to see Hiro, his feet still knew the way and led him unconsciously to his friend's door.

He stopped and looked up.

Shuichi stared at the door, his eyes wide with fear.

What am I thinking? I can't do this!

Shuichi took off back down the hall to the elevator. He jabbed at the down button mercilessly, praying that the doors would open quickly.

"Sh-Shuichi?"

Shuichi froze, his finger stopped in mid-jab.

No. He groaned.

"Shuichi! Is that you?"

Shuichi turned his head, his eyes immediately resting on the wreck of what used to be a handsome man.

"Hiro," Shuichi moaned.

Wild tangles of auburn hair surrounded the man's gaunt, sunken face. His eyes were black and blue and crystal tears fell from their bloodshot, grey orbs. Clothes that only used to be slightly baggy hung from his limbs as if they were twigs.

Tears immediately invaded Shuichi's eyes at the sight and he cursed, trying to do his best to hide them. Hiro took a step forward; Shuichi took a step back.

Hiro frowned. "How did you get here, Shuichi? How did you get out of the hospital?"

"I-I was released yesterday," Shuichi whispered, suddenly finding his feet to be very interesting. "They released me and a friend of mine into Eiri's care."

"Oh. Well, I guess that's good then."

Shuichi looked up and saw Hiro walking into his apartment. A fist tightened around his heart and squeezed.

"Hiro!" he called.

The auburn-haired man stopped in the doorway and looked back in curiosity. "Hm?"

Shuichi sighed and closed his eyes for a second. When he opened them, Hiro was still staring at him.

"I think that we need to talk," he said. Hiro chuckled. "No, I'm being serious. We've both been through a lot this past year and I think that we need to sit down and sort things out."

Hiro just stared back at Shuichi, the intensity of his gaze making Shuichi return his eyes to the floor. Suddenly he sighed.

"You're right." Shuichi looked up. "You're absolutely right. Come on." Hiro walked inside.

"Thank you, Hiro," Shuichi said with a smile and followed the man inside, closing the door behind him.

The apartment looked good enough; everything was nice and neat and organized. Shuichi had to bite his tongue from laughing when he realized that Hiro probably spent all of his time rearranging everything in the apartment since there wasn't much else to do.

"Would you like anything to drink?" Hiro asked.

Shuichi shook his head. "No thank you."

Hiro shrugged and sat down in one of the chairs, his eyes locked on Shuichi. The raven-haired man just smiled and took a seat across from him.

"This is unexpected," he muttered. "Where do you want to start?"

Hiro chuckled quietly to himself, sarcastically, almost as if he had expected this to happen.

"How about…we start with questions, any question, and we have to answer them with absolute truth. One lie and our friendship dies."

Shuichi tensed and felt his gut tighten. "Okay," he muttered. "You go first."

"Did you ever cheat on Tatsuha with Yuki?"

Shuichi closed his eyes at the question. Hiro chuckled.

"Come on now…silence is a lie…"

"Yes," Shuichi whispered, "but it was only three times."

"'Only three times.' One time is enough to ruin a relationship, Shuichi. You should be glad that Tatsuha cared about you so much. Of course, he didn't love you. Oh, no, not after losing Rori and getting a basic repeat of him out of you."

Hiro's words angered Shuichi, but he did his best to keep his feelings at bay. He wouldn't yell.

"Your turn," Hiro said and slouched back in the chair, resting his foot on the coffee table.

"Do you really blame everything on me?"

Silence, then. "No, I realize that you couldn't help your cutting and that Tatsuha had bigger problems than you. I'm sorry that I was so harsh to you before."

"Apology accepted," Shuichi said with a smile. "Shoot."

Hiro sighed. "If he beat and raped you and drove you to cutting yourself, why do you still love him?"

"I'll tell you the same thing I told him about you this morning. I'm afraid to lose those that I care about, no matter how horribly they treated me."

"Do you think that I treated you that bad?"

"Ah, ah, ah," Shuichi chuckled. "You can't ask two questions at once." Hiro scowled at him. "But I'll let it slip this time.

"No, I don't think that you treated me that horribly. Yes, you did hurt me but I hurt you too, and both of us were confused and didn't know what to do.

"Okay…this may be a hard question for you to answer, but what really happened between you and Ayaka?"

The moment he asked the question, Shuichi regretted it. The pain that flashed across Hiro's face was enough to wrench anyone's heart, but it was too late to take it back. Hiro sighed.

"Ayaka and I had a rocky relationship from the beginning; it was a cold relationship. We thought that we loved one another, but in the end, time proved that we didn't. I was so withdrawn from her at the end that she couldn't take anymore. All I did was sit in our room in the dark and play the guitar or just sit there. She thought that I was going crazy and said that it was 'an insanity epidemic' before she stormed out the door." He sighed. "That was the last that I saw her. She even made sure to return for her things while I wasn't home."

"I'm sorry," Shuichi whispered.

Hiro smiled. "No, don't be. It had to end sometime." Shuichi nodded. "Okay…are you still in therapy?"

"Well, I was in a mental hospital for two months and, like I said, just got out yesterday. I don't start therapy again until this coming Monday."

Hiro nodded.

"Why haven't you left the apartment the entire time that I was in the hospital?"

"Because I knew that I would want to go see you if I left and I didn't want to. Not that I didn't want to see you. God, I wanted to see you so bad. It just would've torn me in two to go there and see you like that, well aware that I was one of the largest reasons why."

Shuichi sighed. "You weren't the reason why I was in there. No one was the reason why I was in there. I was given tests at the hospital and they found out that I have disassociative identity disorder (the long description for multiple personality disorder) and I'm bi-polar. All of my medicine is working, though, so there's not much to worry about unless I stop taking it."

"Multiple personality disorder! You!" Hiro groaned and rolled his eyes. "Shit! I didn't mean to say that."

Shuichi chuckled. "Yes. But go ahead and ask another."

Hiro smiled. "What are we going to do about Bad Luck?"

"Ah…that was going to be my next question for you."

Hiro laughed. "Have you talked to Ben or Suguru? Are we done?"

Shuichi sighed. "God, I hope not. I dunno what I would do if I just wrote poems in my spare time"

"But have you talked to Ben or Suguru?"

Shuichi shook his head. "Not lately, I haven't. They each came to visit me once or twice while I was in Wellstone but that was all."

Hiro just nodded and looked away, his gaze focusing on the sky outside the cracked blinds. He chuckled.

"I haven't been out in the sunlight in months," he whispered. "I bet the glare off my skin would blind people if I went out now."

Shuichi laughed. "Nah, you're no paler than I am."

Hiro smiled, Shuichi returned it.

"Do you want to reform the band?" he asked.

Hiro nodded. "Of course I do. I don't want to give up when it was just getting good. Do you?"

Shuichi shook his head violently. "I've already got a notebook full of aspiring songs," he chuckled. "I just don't know what to do without some kind of music. I haven't even had time to play with my keyboard since I've been home."

"Do you have them with you?"

Shuichi nodded. "Yeah, out in Eiri's car. You want me to go get 'em?"

Hiro shrugged. "If you want."

Before Hiro could do anything to react, Shuichi was out the door and down to his car. Within a matter of minutes he was back up in the man's apartment and handing him the notebook.

Hiro flipped open the spiraled pages and read the first poem written there. In Shuichi's messy, chicken scratch the words Bleed Like Me were scrawled across the page above the words. Hiro read aloud:

"Avalanche is sullen and too thin
She starves herself to rid herself of sin
And the kick is so divine when she sees bones beneath her skin
And she says:
Hey, baby, can you bleed like me?
C'mon, baby, can you bleed like me?

Chrissie's all dressed up and acting coy
Painted like a brand new Christmas toy
He's trying to figure out if he's a girl or he's a boy
He says:
Hey, baby, can you bleed like me?
C'mon, baby, can you bleed like me?

Doodle takes Dad's scissors to her skin
And when she does relief comes setting in
While she hides the scars she's making underneath her pretty clothes
She sings:
Hey, baby, can you bleed like me?
C'mon, baby, can you bleed like me?

Therapy is Speedie's brand new drug
Dancing with the Devil's past has never been too fun
It's better off that trying to take a bullet from a gun
And she cries:
Hey, baby, can you bleed like me?
C'mon, baby, can you bleed like me?

It's gets all fucked up in some karaoke bar
After two drinks he's a loser, after three drinks he's a star
Getting all nostalgic as he sings "I Will Survive"
Hey, baby, can you bleed like me?
C'mon, baby, can you bleed like me?

You should see my scars
You should see my scars
You should see my scars
You should see my scars
And try to comprehend that which you'll never comprehend."

Hiro finished reading the song and looked up at Shuichi's smiling, expectant face. He smiled.

"It's good," he muttered, his smile growing when Shuichi practically beamed. "Where did you get the idea to write something like this?"

Shuichi shrugged. "It's about some of the things that the people around me suffered with while I was in the hospital. Some pretty intense shit."

Hiro nodded. "I can't disagree with you there."

Shuichi nodded. Hiro delved back into the lined pages and read as many of the poems as he could before he felt like he would burst out into tears. True, some of them were happy, but the tones behind all of them were so meaningful and told just about everything everyone had been through in the past year.

When he finished, Hiro closed the notebook and handed it back to Shuichi, smiling.

"I'm impressed," he said.

"Thanks."

"We just need to see what to do about the other two important members of our band, and then we can go from there."

Shuichi nodded. "I was planning on talking to Ben and/or Suguru later on today, anyway, so I guess I can call 'em both."

"Okay."

Shuichi looked down at his watch and blanched.

"Shit, shit, fuck, dammit!" he muttered under his breath. "I told Eiri I'd be out on a few minutes. It's been an hour. He's gonna be so fuckin' pissed."

Hiro immediately scowled and Shuichi instantly regretted his choice of words.

"He's going to be angry but he'll get over it. He's better now, Hiro, just trust me on this one. Please?"

Hiro sighed and rolled his eyes, but shrugged nonetheless.

"Thank you," Shuichi said and stood up, engulfing Hiro in a tight hug. "I'll talk to you later?"

Hiro nodded. "I'd be insulted if you didn't."

Shuichi chuckled. "Bye," he said and ran out the door, closing it tightly behind him.

He was right when he got back down to the car; Eiri was fuming, but when he saw the happy look on Shuichi's face he couldn't help but be happy too. Shuichi kind of felt sorry for him in a way for having to sit with Aiko in a car for two hours but he said that she mostly just sat in silence and stared out the window, lost in her own world as she was presently in the back seat.

Shuichi tensed. "Aiko!" he called and looked behind him.

Eiri had been telling the truth alright. The auburn-haired girl's blue eyes were staring lifelessly out the window at the pavement. He sighed.

"You can't let her get like this, Eiri," he whispered. "She blacks out and loses contact with her body and that's when she cuts. It's the reason why she's almost died so many times; if she's not paying attention she doesn't know how deep her cuts are or where they are."

Yuki looked upset. "I'm sorry," he muttered. "I didn't know."

Shuichi smiled. "Well, now you do."

The raven-haired man put a hand on Aiko's arm and shook her gently, pulling her back from wherever she had been.

"Oh, Shu-chan! When did you get back?" she asked. "And why do you look so worried?"

"You black out again."

Aiko's face went slack and turned angry. "Shit!" she cursed. "Goddamn it! I didn't even realize it. How can I stop when I don't even know when I get like that?"

Shuichi smiled. "Don't worry, we'll help."

She nodded and Shuichi climbed in the backseat with her as Yuki started the engine.

"Seatbelts," he muttered and pulled out of his parking space to return home.

-------------

Ryuichi sighed and set his journal on his nightstand, pulling his legs up to chest to rest his head on them. Everything was so fuzzy and he could just barely tell Tatsuha from the post of their bed. Speaking of Tatsuha…where had he run off to again? Oh, yeah, that's right. He went to the grocery. Ryuichi checked the clock. But that had been five hours ago. He thought. Or had it only been two? Or one? Or maybe it had even been longer than five? After all the pills he'd put in his system, he couldn't even recall what time the boy had left at.

This is bullshit, his mind told him. You need to stop this before you hurt him or kill yourself.

"But I feel so much better," he muttered, his words slurring a little bit.

You think you feel better because you're killing the brain cells that tell you when you're in pain, you dumb ass.

"Don't call me names!" he yelled and then started to giggle uncontrollably. "I'm talking to myself." Giggles. "I'm going crazy."

Climbing out of bed, Ryuichi slipped into a pair of shoes and went downstairs to the kitchen to grab his car keys. A note from Tatsuha was lying on the counter.

Ryuichi,
Sorry for the late notice but I went to visit a friend of mine and I won't be coming home tonight.
I'll see you in the morning. Once again, I'm sorry.
All my love, Tatsuha

Ryuichi snorted. Had Tatsuha even caught onto the fact that his lover was testing his overdose limit daily? Adding more and more pills until he passed out…or died. Well…the latter hadn't happened yet. He snorted again and grabbed his car keys. Screw him then.

Ryuichi went into the garage and got in his car. It took him three tries to get the key into the ignition, finally having to use his left hand to stabilize his right so it would go in correctly, and he five more minutes for him to remember how to put the car into reverse. Finally, he was on the open road and heading into town.

His vision was still fuzzy and he knew he was weaving back and forth across the road, his giggles sometimes making the wheel even harder to control. It was a good thing that cops hardly ever stationed themselves along this road.

Halfway to his destination, the car started to pull toward the other lane. Bright lines shone in Ryuichi's eyes and loud, piercing horn split through his head as he pulled the wheel back toward his lane.

"You stupid motherfucker, watch where you're goin'!" he yelled, giggling at himself afterwards for ten consecutive minutes.

Finally, after fifteen long minutes and three close calls, Ryuichi pulled up outside the small tavern that was his destination. He got out of the car and made his way inside, stumbling and giggling at himself on the way in. People looked at him weirdly as he took his seat at the almost empty bar, he knew that they did, but he just smiled at them and waved.

"What'll it be?" the bartender asked.

"Vodka," Ryuichi giggled. "Lots and lotsa vodka."

Within seconds the bartender had a glass in front of Ryuichi and took his money, promising to add more to the glass whenever he realized that it was going empty.

It didn't take long before Ryuichi was wasted. The drugs in his system had lowered his alcohol tolerance level quite a bit and, mixed with the alcohol, Ryuichi was surprised that he could make out any shapes period.

"I'm drunk," he giggled to himself, smiling at the man beside him.

When the bartender told Ryuichi that he wouldn't give the brunette anymore to drink, he'd argued but had been carried outside and put in his car.

"Bastards!" he yelled at the top of his lungs and pouted, crossing his arms over his chest.

All of a sudden, unconsciousness pulled Ryuichi down into its depths and he passed out in the driver's seat of his car.

He didn't know when it happened or how it happened or where he was when he woke up, but he woke up in a soft, comfortable bed. He yawned largely and groaned, rolling over and burying his head in the pillow when the splitting pain attacked his head.

Someone shook him and said his name.

"Whoever you are, leave me alone," he moaned and put a pillow over his head.

"Ryuichi."

"Go away."

Ryuichi felt himself lifted up off the bed and he clenched his eyes shut against the bright morning sunlight. Before he had time to defend himself, the person who had lifted him punched him across the face.

"Son of a bitch!" he yelled and his eyes snapped open, headache forgotten for the moment.

And who did he see sitting beside him but a fuming Tatsuha. He laughed. How ironic.

"Why the hell ya do that?" he cursed.

Tatsuha scowled. "Oh, I dunno. Maybe because all you've been able to think about for the past month is how you're gonna get your goddamned pills," Tatsuha yelled. "I'm not as blind as I look, Ryuichi. Did you happen to forget what I've been through?"

Ryuichi scowled but felt a sharp pain deep inside his heart. He knew this was going to happen, just not this soon. Why did it have to happen so soon?

"Look," he muttered. "I'm sorry."

Tatsuha laughed out loud. "No you're not. If you were sorry you would've stopped before you ever started up again."

Ryuichi sighed and closed his eyes the headache suddenly returning to him. The need to barf up a lung lurched in his stomach and he was off for the bathroom in a second, ignoring Tatsuha's laughter behind him.

He was glad, but surprised, that Tatsuha hadn't followed him to mock him and make sure he didn't take anything to make the pain go away. The boy had probably already taken the pills anyway, so there was no use in trying.

Half an hour later, Ryuichi came trudging out of the bathroom, wiping his mouth with the sleeve of his shirt. Tatsuha was still sitting on the bed, smiling up at him while he read out of the brunette's journal. He held up the little black book and laughed.

"Did you not think that I would find this?" he asked. "At least Shu tried to hide his from me by getting one on the internet. I found it, though, in the end."

Ryuichi stared at the boy before him in disbelief and anger.

"Have you taken your medicine today, Tatsuha?" he asked slowly, not wanting to anger him more than he already was.

Tatsuha chuckled and shook his head. "Nope, I was saving it for you."

Ryuichi scowled. "I wouldn't have taken your anti-depressants, Tatsuha."

"Sure you wouldn't have."

"I can't believe you!" Ryuichi yelled. "Yes, I started taking Percocets again. Yes, I ran away from Japan. Yes, I keep doing every fucking thing wrong, but I'm through putting all of my efforts into trying to make myself better when I always fail! I can't handle it!"

"So you drown your sorrows in pills and alcohol…"

"Oh, stop it, Tatsuha."

Tatsuha laughed. "Can't handle the truth, Ryu?"

"I've never run or tried to hide from the truth, Tatsuha. I knew exactly what I was doing and why I did the things that I did. I ran away from Japan with everyone's best interests in mind. I started taking Percocets again so the annoying voice in my head would shut up. And I went out to drink tonight because I didn't think that you were going to come back."

"You're lucky that I did," Tatsuha muttered under his breath.

Ryuichi growled and threw his hands into the air, storming out of the bedroom.

"I give up!" he yelled. "I'm through trying to please you. No one can be Rori, I know that, but I tried my hardest and it still wasn't enough. Nothing's good enough for you. You need to face the facts, Tatsuha. Rori's not coming back, okay? He's dead. You need to take the love from people who offer it to you instead of being the cold bastard you've suddenly turned into and shoving them all away."

By the time he was done, Ryuichi had his jacket on and slipped into his shoes. To intensify the end, he walked outside and slammed the door.

He didn't even bother to take his car. He set out on the road and started walking until he found an ATV path and followed that instead. If Tatsuha was following, he better have been following closely or he wouldn't find Ryuichi anywhere until he decided to return home.

Finally deciding that he was far enough from the road, Ryuichi sat down on a fallen tree and broke down. Sobs from the bottom of his soul were ripped out from his throat and he screamed until his voice went raw. His sobs turned silent and he rested his head on the tree behind him, letting the tears fall freely.

A horn. A scream. The squeal of tires.

Ryuichi's eyes snapped open and he shot forward.

"TATSUHA!"

TBC…

A/N: Dun, dun, dun. What the hell just happened there at the end! creepy voice I'll never tell. Heh, heh. So much for the happiness, right…

Anywhozitz…I do hope that this helped answer some Hiro questions and please don't send me reviews asking "OMG! Is Tatsuha dead!" 'Cause I won't tell you until you read the next chapter…sticks out tongue…So there!…

Also…I just got a job so I won't have much time to write and I need to work on the next chapter of "Unbeating Heartache" as well. I haven't updated that since March so it's time… Sorry for those of ya'll who don't seem to like it but I love that story and I'm still gonna work on it…

Alrighty then…here's my review reviews…

Shadow0: I'm glad that you liked my last chapter, but please don't hack my comp.! Please!…
Dhampir: I hope you liked this chapter and I've glad that you liked the last one. Much love…
Syaoran is kawaii: Thank you for your words of inspiration. That must sound so clichéd, but I'm tellin' the truth. You're review made me feel 10x happier. Thank you…
tai: I dunno if you've made it this far. If you did, I hope you like
animegirl12182: I'm glad that you had fun at Thunder and I hope that you're thawed out by now…Heh, heh…And I'm workin' on the cd. I keep forgettin' that the post office closes at 4. smiles Hopefully you'll have it by the time I get this posted…
kriziamoon: Yup…Ryu has a big problem and a bad problem. A problem that can't be taken lightly, just like everyone else's…
gravitationdreamer: I'm glad that I have a new reviewer and I'm glad that you like this. I hope you liked this chapter just as much…
GravityNeko: Not answering your question 'cause my ass'll get kicked my some angry stalker people...
Guren: Thank you, too, for you encouraging words. But, I'm doin' a little better. Relapses sucks but are bound to happen so I'm gettin' with my life. I'm sorry to hear that you know how I feel, though. I hope you liked this chapter…
tangerine-asuka: Er…you hope that I don't make you all cry? That may be hard to do. I hope you liked this…
DARK WRYDER: I dunno if you've made it this far, either, but as I've said before I hope you like it if you have…
ku-chan: Got more for ya, Ku-chan. I hope you're doin' good. Thinkin' 'bout cha as always…hugs…Much love…
Sammy -.-zzz: I'm sorry that I haven't e-mailed you those lyrics yet. I kinda sorta lost 'em. Heh, heh. I'll hopefully have 'em for you soon, though…Huggles!…
Sour-Skittlez: I'm sorry that you were jealous but I hope you're okay now. And, yup, FREEDOM! But is it for the best, or for the worst?…
subzero13: I hope you liked this chappie...
DaisukeAizawa: YaY! Another new reviewer! I'm glad that you liked this and I'm also sad, as always, that you can relate to it. And your welcome. I should be thanking you for liking my fic, you shouldn't be thanking me…
Sakuraloveu:I hope that this chapter sorted some things out for you. If not, I'm sorry and I hope that your questions will be answered soon…
DBZluver2: I dunno if you've gotten to this yet, either, so just read above. I hope you liked it if you have…
DeMoN4EvA: Wow…someone's finally proud of me and admits it. Thank you! glomps You made me happy when you said that…
Crystal Flowers: I hope you found some out about Ryu and I'm sorry once again for leavin' ya hangin'. I hope you liked this chappie…
Kashoku1: Hope you liked…
Thread-Spool: You gave me lots and lotsa reviews but thank you for taking the time to read it all the way through. And yeah…saying that I'm Aiko is admitting something that I've also admitted in other chapters and very boldly stated at the beginning of chapter 18. Yeah…I cut, big deal. At least I'm getting help. Oh…sorry if I was cold there, I wasn't meaning to. Do you forgive me? Anyway…I hope you liked this chapter, too…
i love athrun: Here's your new chapter. I hope you liked…
jesy: I hope this was another good time waster for you in your boring study hall. I hope you liked this chapter, too…
Person-sama: I'll try my hardest, but, like I said, I gots people that'll hurt me bad if I make it too obvious. But I've also got a promise to another friend who'll kill me if I don't write a "scene" for her. I'll try…
Lenora-chan: Can't remember if you've read chapter 18 Miss Muse, but I hope you liked this chapter. And yeah, I know you'll kill me if I don't write your "scene". laughs I hope to talk to you soon. Much love…
shadowcat06: I hope that you find the time to catch up soon and I hope you like what you read…

Okie dokie…those were a lot of lame ass comments to some kick ass reviews. Thanks so much to all of you for letting me know how much you like this. You'll never know how much it means to me…

Oh, yeah…can't forget to say sorry for any grammatical (oo…big word...heh, heh) errors in this chapter. I hope that they don't take anything away…

Okay…on to chapter 20…my ending point when I started, but now just a stepping stone. See ya then. Ja…