In Love and Hate Chapter 23: And Love is Where I Am, a gravitation fanfic

Bleh…I am running on total and complete suckage right now. I know that this chapter won't be very long, and I apologize in advance for this. I'm being forced to deal with my life going to Hell and knowing that I can't do anything about it…

Lemon ahead!…

Disclaimer: I don't own it… "October" belongs to Evanescence. I know that I said that I'd use only songs by The Used, but just read the lyrics and you'll understand…

And Love is Where I Am…

"I can't do this! It's going to drive me insane!"

The four members of Bad Luck who sat outside the recording booth jumped off their seats. They watched as Shuichi tore the headphones from his head, threw them to the ground, and stomped out the door.

"K is a fucking lunatic if he thinks we can finish this album in a month," he growled and slumped down into the chair nearest him.

"If you keep up this attitude we sure as hell won't," Suguru snapped and fumbled with the controls on the panel before him.

Shuichi glared at the green-haired as if he were willing him to die, but Ben quickly intercepted the glare when he smacked the raven-haired man across the back of the head.

"What the man speaks is true, Shuichi. You were doing perfectly fine until K slapped this deadline on us. Why can't you just pretend that we still have all the time in the world?"

Shuichi frowned and crossed his arms over his chest. "Deadlines make me nervous. K knows that and, for some sort of sadistic reason, he thinks that it's funny to slap a deadline on us whenever we get on a roll." He sighed and ran a hand back through his hair. "Besides, I've had a lot more thrown on my plate since then and it's really driving me off the deep end."

Hiro nodded. "So I've noticed. It's interesting to see that you're wearing the ring again, Shu. Has Eiri-san noticed this?"

Shuichi tensed slightly and shook his head, a blush blooming across his face. "No, he hasn't noticed, but I just put it on last night." He sighed. "I did a lot of thinking last night."

A ringing silence fell between the band mates and Hiro, Suguru, Ben, and Aiko stared at Shuichi, willing him to continue, but he didn't. Ben sighed heavily.

"And?"

Shuichi muttered something so quiet that no one else heard it.

"Excuse me?"

"I said that I love him." He looked up at his band mates with a smile on his face. "Even after everything that he did, everything that we've gone through, I still love him and want to be with him more than anything. I know that my life will be nothing if I don't spend it with him."

Ben busted out laughing. "It's about damn time!"

Shuichi glared at him. "What's that supposed to mean? You were one of the people who didn't want me to go back to him."

Ben shrugged. "Cupid works in strange ways," he said. "It's not like I can help it if you love him. You love who you love, right?"

Shuichi sighed and his shoulders slumped. Hiro laughed and patted his friend lightly on the shoulder.

"Do you want to try one more time?"

Shuichi nodded. "Yes, but I want to try 'October' this time."

Hiro looked away from his friend for a moment, biting his lip, to think, but then turned back to the raven-haired man with a smile on his face. "That's the secret song, isn't it?

Shuichi smiled and nodded before bounding into the recording booth for one more try.

"You know which arrangement to use, right, Suguru?" he asked as he slipped the headphones over his ears.

Suguru nodded and the music filled Shuichi's ears. He closed his eyes and began to rock back and forth to the beat, letting the song fill his entire soul. This was it. This song represented his entire future.

"I can't run anymore.
I fall before you.
Here I am.
I have nothing left.
Though I've tried to forget,
you're all that I am.
Take me home.
I'm through fighting it.

"Broken.
Lifeless.
I give up.
You're my only strength.
Without you I can't go on
anymore,
ever again…"

It didn't take long for the hot tears to well up in Shuichi's eyes or for the faces of his band mates outside the booth to fall slack at the lyrics and the feeling that the raven-haired man poured into the words.

A bright but sad smile light up Shuichi's face as memories filled his head.

"My only hope
(all the times I've tried).
My only peace
(to walk away from you).
My only joy.
My only strength
(I fall into your abounding grace).
My only power.
My only life
(and love is where I am).
My only love.

"I can't run anymore.
I give myself to you.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
In all my bitterness I ignored
all that's real and true.
All I need is you.
When night falls on me
I'll not close my eyes.
I'm too alive
and you're too strong.
I can't lie anymore.
I fall down before you.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry…"

The tears were free and streaming down Shuichi's face. His eyes were blurred over and his mind was clouded in thoughts of happiness and despair. Just like his heart, this song was torn but knew beyond a shadow of a doubt which way he should go.

He was so enveloped in his singing that he didn't see the person standing in the studio's doorway with surprise and sadness on their face.

"My only hope
(to walk away from you).
My only joy.
My only strength
(I fall into your abounding grace).
My only power.
My only life
(and love is where I am).
My only love…"

Shuichi clenched his eyes closed and put every ounce of feeling that he could collect into the bridge of the song, not caring if his tears were obvious in his voice or if he sounded stupid. His hands had migrated north and settled themselves on the speakers of his headphones, clenching them tightly and holding them to Shuichi's ears.

"Constantly ignoring
the pain consuming me,
but this time it's cut too deep.
I'll never stray again.."

Hiro and the others were clapping for him. Even over his words and the music pouring into his head from his headphones, he could still here the claps and cheers from the other side of the glass. It filled him with an immense amount of joy that he couldn't even find words to describe.

As the end of the song came closer, Shuichi put more force and emotion into his voice. Not as much as he had for the bridge, but enough to really make the listener know that this song meant the world to him and that he was pouring his heart out into it.

His tears had never stopped falling and he had never made an attempt to wipe them away from his tired eyes. He wanted Hiro, Ben, Suguru, and Aiko to know how much this song meant to him. He wanted the world to know how much this song meant to him. He wanted to world to know how much he loved Eiri Uesugi.

Shuichi finished the song off on a slow mournful note, letting out a soft sigh to finish off.

Where there had been cheers and whistles before was now only silence. Shuichi opened his eyes and could have sworn that his heart had skipped a beat.

Eiri was sitting on the couch between Hiro and Aiko, watching Shuichi with intense and emotion filled eyes. The raven-haired man smiled coyly at him and Eiri smiled back. Lifting a pale hand, he beckoned Shuichi to go out into the studio. He complied with a nod.

Eiri was at the door when Shuichi exited and the raven-haired man found himself engulfed in a warm, gentle embrace. He returned the embrace by wrapping his arms around Eiri's neck and he buried his face in the blonde's chest.

When Eiri pulled away, Shuichi stood up on his tiptoes and planted a soft kiss on the blonde's lips.

"I love you," he whispered quietly against Eiri's lips. "A love like gravity. Never forget."

Eiri smiled at him returned the kiss passionately. "Thank you," he whispered when he pulled away. "I love you so much."

Shuichi smiled and brushed Eiri bangs out of his eyes so he could look into the depths of his deep amber orbs. They shined with happiness and tears, two things that Shuichi had longed to see eight years ago but were now commonplace in the blonde's eyes.

"I can't deny it anymore," Shuichi said. "I love you more than anything in this world and I can't stand to just pretend that we can only be friends for any longer. You are my hope, my peace, my joy, my strength, my power, my life…my love."

Eiri let out a tearful chuckle and Shuichi smiled at him while brushing away the few stray tears that snuck from his eyes. Eiri grasped Shuichi's hand gently and kissed it.

"Thank you," he whispered.

Shuichi smiled up at him but gave no vocal response.

"Well, it's about damn time!" Ben's voice stunned everyone in the room and shattered the semi-serious air that had formed.

Shuichi turned and glared at him.

The brunette smiled innocently. "What?"

Shuichi smiled lopsidedly and rolled his eyes, grabbing onto Eiri's hand.

"If K so happens to strut in here while I'm gone and asks where I am, just tell him to kiss my ass," he said and pulled a confused Eiri out the door with him.

Silence filled the room after they left, a silence that only Ben was brave enough break. He erupted into laughter and buried his head in his hands. The other four people in the room stared at him stupidly and shook their heads.

"I don't see what's so funny, Ben," Suguru stated, reclined comfortable in his swivel chair.

He shook his head. "I'm laughing for Shu-chan, man. I'm just glad to see that he's finally happy. And he acts like we don't know where he's going and what he's going to do."

Aiko glared at Ben in disbelief but a small blush had formed on her cheeks, along with the cheeks of Hiro and Suguru. Ben chuckled quietly and picked up his guitar to work on the strings for a different song.

He hoped that Shuichi knew what he was doing.

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He was pinned against a wall, a mouth as hungry as his devouring lips as if they had never tasted anything like them. Hands roamed across pale skin and dug themselves into raven and blonde hair. The tongue massaging his alighted a fire in his groin that sent him rippling into a moan.

(Hm...I wonder where this is going? Because I can't post where it went...you won't find out... Damn...)

After a moment of silence, Eiri moved, his blonde locks tickling Shuichi's throat, and kissed the raven-haired man passionately.

"I love you, Shuichi," he said. "You have no idea how much I love you."

Shuichi shook his head. "I've always known," he whispered. "I was just waiting for you to realize it."

Eiri chuckled softly and gathered Shuichi into his arms, pulling out of him and lying them both down on the floor littered with their clothing. Shuichi rolled onto his side and draped his right arm over the blonde's chest.

"I love you."

Silence, then: "Me, too."

Shuichi chuckled, swallowing back a small retort that he knew he should save for later, when they weren't basking in the afterglow of the first sex they'd had with each other in almost five years.

"Did you lock the door?"

Silence.

Shuichi shrugged and burrowed himself deeper into the blonde's side, resting his head on the crook of Eiri's shoulder, letting sleep take him over.

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A/N: WooT! YaY! A lemon…and I actually don't think that it was that bad. Was it? How many of you are glad that the sexual tension is finally released and they are allowed to freely love each other…wipes a tear from her eye…That sounds like it came right from a Hallmark card… If any of you haven't read this chapter yet and want to read the lemon...e-mail me and I'll send it to you...

What did you all think of the song? Wasn't it perfect?…

Man…I dunno why I'm so hyper, seeing that I'm gonna be moving out with my mom soon, but oh well. Probably 'cause I haven't taken my medicine yet. He, he. Prozac and Welbutrin…they fuck with your head, big time… Or maybe I just need some sleep (damn sweet ass book)…

Anywho…since I'm typing this on the lame ass computer I got for Christmas, I can't get on the Internet and see who all reviewed. I have your names written down somewhere, but, because of my sometimes, but not all the time, short-term memory, I seem to have forgotten where I put the paper…laughs… Anyway…you all know who you are and I thank you profusely for your love and support and everything like that…

As always…sorry for any typos…

OH! And if any of you are looking for a new book to read that's totally awesome, check out A Density of Souls by Christopher Rice. Yes…he's Anne Rice's son, but it's not a vampire book or anything like that. It's about a group of teens who grow into adults and stuff. I know…it sounds lame, but… You'll have to read the summary of the book. One of the characters is gay, though…squeals…and he sounds so cute… I've just started his latest book and it's set in gay LA. It's really good so far. How forgot how much fun it was to read a long book when you really enjoyed it. I don't think I've read an entire book in a little more than a day since I finished "The Vampire Chronicles". Hm…sorry for that lame and boring add on…smiles…

Alrighty…I'm out. Big thanks for reviews. Love ya guys…

Re-post note... chapter 25 is done and 26 is almost there so be looking for those soon!