I'M REALLY, REALLY SORRY ABOUT THE LONG WAIT FOR THIS, GUYS! I really am. Everything just started going at once and life just got super crazy. :sighs: But now I'm not in high school anymore. :cries: I'm so sad, but I guess I'll have to move on. College next. :sighs: Great. That should be fun… Plus I've started working on beating Kingdom Hearst while writing a Kingdom Hearts fan fiction and struggling with this and "Unbeating Heartache" and Rayne. It's been crazy, to say the least…
Anywho…I hope you all enjoy this!…
Disclaimer: Hey, Wave! :gets a mean glare from Waverly: Hey! Don't give me that insolent look! :Waverly's unfazed: Ugh…never mind. Damn…my muse is such a bitch. Anyway, we don't own Gravitation, never have and never will… The Used owns "A Box Full of Sharp Objects" and "On My Own" (my two favorite songs)…
Maybe Memories…
Shuichi sat in a dark corner of a downtown café, his sunglasses shading his eyes and a beanie over his head to keep him somewhat incognito and warm against the brisk winter air. He tried his hardest to look like he belonged in such a place by himself by forcing himself to read the book he'd brought with him and taking random sips from the steaming cup of cappuccino that sat on the table in front of him.
He really didn't want to be there. He would much rather have been sitting in his nice heated house beneath a nice warm blanket, preferably lying down with his head on Eiri's lap or curled up against the blonde's side while he did the book reading, but he'd promised Takeru that he would meet with him at this café and he had always been one to keep his promises, no matter how late those promises ended up being fulfilled.
The little ring of the Christmas bells that the café owner had hung decoratively on the door to the little shop jingled and Shuichi shivered slightly at the cool breeze that gusted across the café. He shook his head and turned his eyes onto the doorway, a smile twitching at his lips when he saw Takeru walking toward where he was sitting, bundled up in a winter jacket, scarf, and a beanie.
"Hey, Takeru," Shuichi said as Takeru took a seat in the chair across from him.
Takeru replied to him with a weak smile and quickly ordered a latté from the too cheerful waitress that had migrated toward their table with his entry. A quasi-awkward silence hung in the air between them while they waited for his order, neither of them quite sure of what they should say to the other. Finally, when the waitress brought Takeru his steaming Styrofoam cup of coffee, Shuichi gathered the courage to speak.
He lifted his cup to his lips and took a drink. "So…how have you been?" he asked, leaving the rim of the cup against his lips so the steam could warm his icy nose.
Takeru shrugged. "Okay, I guess. It's been different."
Shuichi nodded but couldn't come up with a response that sounded right so he kept his mouth shut and set his cup back on the table. He figured that it was better to sit in awkwardness than to say something that would hurt Takeru's feelings or upset him.
In the two weeks since Aiko's funeral, the two of them had made it a habit to meet on the days that Takeru had usually met with the woman. So far their visits had been filled with plenty of awkward silences and staring off into space, but Shuichi was thankful for the company. Eiri was back to working on his books, something that Shuichi figured was his sort of healing, and they never talked about what had happened.
Shuichi couldn't help but let a small half laugh, half snort slip past his lips. Oh, if only he'd been able to talk about his feelings like this four years ago, then everything would still be the way it was supposed to be. Tatsuha would still be alive and… He cut is thoughts off. He really didn't want to think about the past when the present and future were before him; two things he desperately needed to learn how to conquer in his new shot at life.
"I miss her so much."
Shuichi jumped at the barely whispered words and turned his eyes back on to Takeru. The raven-haired man had taken his beanie off and let his long, messy hair fall freely around his shoulders. He sat kicked back in his chair with a leg propped up and his chin resting on a fist, staring at something on the wall that only he could see.
Shuichi laughed quietly. "Yeah, I know what you mean."
Takeru shook his head and sat straight in his chair before taking another sip from his cup. "But I guess we can't change the past and we'll just have to make the best with what we have, right?"
Shuichi nodded. "That's what they say, so I guess it's worth a try."
The corners of Takeru's lips twitched upward in a small smile and Shuichi laughed.
"Look at us. We're both wrecks."
Takeru furrowed his brow and finally turned his piercing eyes onto Shuichi. "What else are we supposed to be?" he muttered with a small snort. Then he shook his head. "Sorry. That was harsh."
Shuichi shook his head. "No. You're right."
Silence fell between them again and Shuichi searched his mind for something halfway decent and logical to say. When it finally placed itself in the front of his mind, he could have hit himself in the forehead. It was something he'd been meaning to ask Takeru for a while now.
"We're having a party to celebrate the completion of our and Nittle Grasper's latest albums. It would be great if you would come."
Takeru sighed and ran a hand back through his hair in a failed attempt to push his hair out of his face.
"I understand if you already have other plans and stuff, but I just figured I would throw it into the air. If you wanna come you can, but you don't have to."
Takeru shook his head. "It's not that I have plans and it's not that I don't want to, but… I dunno…"
Shuichi furrowed his brow and pulled the annoying beanie off his head that was starting to make it sweat. He stared expectantly at Takeru, but he didn't make a move to say or do anything. Shuichi sighed and clasped his hands together and rested his elbows on the table, propping his chin on top of his fists.
"What is it, Takeru?"
He sighed and shook his head again. "It's nothing, really."
Shuichi frowned. "Liar."
Takeru gasped quietly and looked at Shuichi indignantly. "I am not!" he huffed.
"Oh no?" Shuichi cocked his head to the side. "How come?"
Takeru rolled his eyes. "It doesn't matter. So what if I am lying? It's not gonna kill me or anything."
"Or will it?"
Takeru rolled his eyes again and let a small laugh slip past his lips. Shuichi swore that he could have jumped for joy.
"Ha, ha! I made you laugh!" He did a little dance with his fingers and laughed heartily when Takeru looked at him like he was a complete and utter moron.
"You are such child," Takeru said with a shake of his head.
Shuichi shrugged. "Hey. If my childishness gets people to smile or laugh then I'm gonna use it. No one can resist me! I'm too cute!"
Takeru snorted. "You were cuter back in the day."
Shuichi pouted and flashed his puppy dog eyes but Takeru shrugged it off with a smile. He scowled and crossed his arms over his chest and turned his face away from Takeru to stare at the photos on the wall beside him.
Takeru snorted again. "What happened to all of those 'barely there' clothes anyway? Don't tell me you gave them to charity."
He tried his hardest but Shuichi couldn't keep his laugh at bay. He let it slip past his lips and shook his head at Takeru. "Hell no. I wasn't that shallow."
"I dunno. I hear that you used to be as deep as a puddle."
Shuichi's jaw dropped and he glared at Takeru. "Bastard!"
Takeru laughed and shrugged. "I only speak what they say. Don't blame me if Aimee lied."
Shuichi's jaw fell even further. "She didn't!"
Takeru answered him by losing himself in a violent fit of laughter and, even though he was still angry, Shuichi gave himself over to its infectiousness.
Shuichi loved meetings like this. While every meeting usually started with of plenty of awkwardness, most of them ended with them laughing and bickering like they were childhood friends. It was hard for Shuichi to keep the smile off his face when those arguments happened. Neither of them ever really meant what they said and they always left with a little spring in their step.
After another hour of catching up on the happenings of the past week and random conversations about nothing of much importance, Shuichi checked his watch and nearly fainted at the time.
"Shit!" He jumped up from the table and pulled his beanie over his head. "I was supposed to be at the studio ten minutes ago!"
Takeru smiled at him and stood from the table as well. "That's fine," he said, shaking his head when Shuichi looked at him with the "You're lying" look. "Really. I'll see you in a few days, okay?"
Shuichi frowned. "You sure?"
Takeru nodded. "Yeah, I'm sure. I enjoy our meetings."
A smile bloomed across Shuichi's face and he gave Takeru a quick hug. "Same time, same place?"
"Of course," Takeru said.
Shuichi nodded at his friend one last time and left the money for his coffee on the table before rushing out the door. He really didn't want to get a slug put in him by K, but he had the feeling that it was just what he was going to get.
-------------
They say that the mirror is the looking glass into a person's soul; that, no matter what the person is feeling, it will always tell the truth of how they really are on the inside. But that isn't the truth. Different people see different things. He looked into the mirror and saw only hatred, pain…loneliness. His friends looked at his reflection in a mirror and saw what they thought to be happiness, but it was only fake. There was no such thing as happiness in his life anymore. Everything was fake.
Blank blue eyes glared into the identical depths of the ones reflected before him. There was just something about staring into his mirror image that captivated him. What did other people think when they saw the blank shadow in his eyes? What did they think when the saw that his smiles never seemed to reach his eyes anymore? Did they even see?
"You worry too much."
Ryuichi stiffened and his grip on the edge of the bathroom counter tightened until his knuckles were white. He closed his eyes and shook his head.
"Go away," he whispered. "You're not real, just a figment of my imagination. Leave me alone."
A quiet chuckle echoed off the walls of the bathroom and a gentle hand was placed on Ryuichi's shoulder. "I'm real, Ryu." A pair of cold lips were pressed against his temple and then the entity sighed. "Look at me, please. I don't have much time."
Ryuichi shook his head and clenched his eyes closed even harder. No, he wasn't real. This was just proof that he was losing his mind, that he was going crazy. He was dead. He couldn't be with him, no matter how real and comfortable the arms around his waist felt.
A cold splash of water hit Ryuichi's shoulder and made him open his eyes in surprise. He stared at his reflection in the mirror and tried to keep his own tears at bay. Tatsuha was standing behind him, his arms wrapped around his waist and his face buried in the crook of Ryuichi's neck. Ryuichi stared forward in shock, not even noticing the tears that had started to fall.
"Ta…Tatsuha?"
The raven-haired entity froze and looked up at their reflection in the mirror, his eyes locking with Ryuichi's reflected ones. He nodded and tightened his arms around Ryuichi's waist. "Hi, Ryu-kun. I've missed you."
Ryuichi turned around and let himself be gathered into Tatsuha's arms, his sobs muffled in Tatsuha's all too real chest.
"Oh, koibito. I've missed you so much!" Ryuichi sobbed. "You have no idea."
Tatsuha chuckled and his grip around the brunette tightened. "I'm sorry that it took me so long."
Ryuichi sighed and let himself fall into the sound of Tatsuha's voice as he told him what he'd had to go though to be able to see him again. He took a deep breath and surrounded himself with the familiar musty smell that was beginning to fade from their bed and Tatsuha's clothes. For the first time since his emotionally induced night with Noriko, he felt safe.
"How long can you stay?"
Tatsuha sighed. "Not long. But next time will be different, I promise."
Ryuichi felt his heart soar at the words as he grabbed on to Tatsuha's hand and pulled him to their bedroom. He laid down and pulled Tatsuha down with him, snuggling into his lover's warmth. "You're sure there will be a next time?"
"If I have my way, yes."
Tatsuha pulled Ryuichi so close that their bodies could have been one. "I love you, Ryu. Really, I do. And I'm sorry for everything that happened before the accident."
"You don't have anything to apologize for, Tat-kun. It's all my fault. It's my fault that you got so depressed. It's my fault that you're…" A sob hitched in his throat. "…that you're not here anymore. I'm…so…sor…ry."
Tatsuha cooed in Ryuichi's ear and ran gentle fingers through his hair to calm his tears. "It's alright, Ryu-kun. That's all in the past. You need to move on and head toward your future. I'm not coming back to life. I can't. It's impossible."
Ryuichi shook his head and pulled away from Tatsuha's chest. "How could you say that!" he shouted. "How can you tell me to move on? I put you through hell and I'll never be able to forgive myself for it."
Tatsuha smiled, his grey eyes shining with astral tears, and he shook his head. "You have to."
Tatsuha's voice was fading. Ryuichi's eyes grew wide when he realized that he could see his dresser through Tatsuha's chest. He looked up at his lover with wild eyes and Tatsuha smiled at him softly.
"I have to go, Ryu," he whispered.
Ryuichi shook his head violently. He tried to form the words in his mouth, but they wouldn't come out.
Tatsuha nodded. "Yes. But I'll be back. I promise you."
Ryuichi watched helplessly as the bare form of Tatsuha disappeared from the bed. "I love you Ryuichi." The whispered words echoed throughout the room and sent Ryuichi down a spiraling path of despair.
Ryuichi collapsed onto the bed and buried his face in the pillow, gut wrenching sobs filling his home. Slowly, he cried himself to sleep.
When he awoke the next morning, Ryuichi was alone. But he knew that seeing Tatsuha hadn't been a dream. A slight warmth still lingered on his skin and on Tatsuha's side of the bed, as well as the musty scent that he'd missed so much. Ryuichi sighed and buried his face in his hands. He's spent the night with a ghost. But it had been his ghost.
-------------
Cool keys. Dark study. The two were starting to go hand and hand once again, but Eiri figured that he better do something before his avid, and quite possibly rabid, fans started to get even angrier than they already were. He really didn't want a psycho-bitch to find out where he lived and stalk him like he'd had happen to him plenty of times in the past.
Eiri sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, relaxing in his swivel chair and resting his elbow on the armrest. Dark study plus bright screen created a very painful headache, especially since it had been so long since he'd written. He was honestly surprised when his muse perked up with a plot so quickly after its wonderful long vacation.
He heard the front door open downstairs and he sighed again. Shuichi was home. Finally. With the album's release growing ever closer and the demands for his manuscript from his publisher, Eiri and Shuichi had hardly seen each other over the past few weeks, probably into a month.
Footsteps up the stairs and then outside the door to his study. Shuichi pushed open the door and quietly crossed the room. Eiri smiled at him when he finally came into the dull glow of his laptop's screen.
"Hey."
Shuichi smiled. "Hey," he said and gave Eiri a soft kiss on the forehead. "Nice to se… Ah!" Shuichi squealed in the same half-cute, half-annoying voice he used to use when Eiri pulled him into his lap. He laughed quietly and situated himself in the chair so he was straddling the blonde's lap, each of his legs stuck through the armrests of the chair.
Eiri wrapped his arms around Shuichi and pulled the man to him, burying his face in the junction of his shoulder and neck and inhaling Shuichi's sweet scent.
"It feels like forever since I've had the chance to hold you like this," he muttered.
Shuichi chuckled. "I know."
Eiri pulled away from Shuichi's neck and quickly captured his lips in what would have been a chaste kiss if Shuichi hadn't have wrapped his arms around his neck, burying a hand in the hair at the base of Eiri's neck so he couldn't pull away. Eiri smiled against the needy kiss and nipped gently at Shuichi's bottom lip. The younger man opened his mouth obligingly and let Eiri's tongue dive in without a fight.
Shuichi fidgeted and moaned into the kiss, his hands finding safety in the thick hair at the base of Eiri's neck. Eiri's hands slowly worked their way beneath Shuichi's T-shirt and grazed against his spine with barely there touches.
Shuichi pulled away a few seconds later to breathe and smiled at Eiri. He gave him one last sound kiss on the side of the mouth and hopped off his lap. "I love you, Eiri," he whispered.
The corners of Eiri's mouth twitched in a smile. "I love you, Shu," he replied.
Shuichi smiled and nodded before disappearing out of the study, the door clicking quietly behind him. Eiri smiled. He could easily remember the days when Shuichi would sit outside of that locked door, his knuckled rapping lightly against the surface and his voice begging to be let in.
He wouldn't deny that he missed those days, but had to admit that he liked this side of Shuichi as well; the side that was mostly silent yet happy. The long silences that sometimes fell upon Shuichi always worried Eiri to no end. He knew that Shuichi had outgrown cutting, but there were plenty of other things that he could easily lose himself in instead. Drugs. Alcohol. Both had been prime choices for escape for him when he'd been younger and he knew that Shuichi would probably be using one or the other if it wasn't for his presence.
Eiri sighed and turned his thoughts back on to the drivel on the screen before him. No novel he could ever write would compare to he and Shuichi's relationship. It was rollercoaster of emotions and, at some times, a cliché. But he wouldn't have it any other way.
Setting his fingers against the cool keys, Eiri set off to work on his newest novel about love and loss, pain and happiness. A tale of two people brought together by gravity.
-------------
"…glorified by what is ours.
I've fallen in love.
It was the best idea I ever had.
Today I fell and felt better.
Just knowing this matters
I just feel stronger and sharper.
Found a box of sharp objects
what a beautiful thing…"
The song "A Box Full of Sharp Objects" poured from the speakers of the downtown club. It was the release party for both Bad Luck's and Nittle Grasper's new albums. The alleyway outside the club was packed with fans who tried to barter with the bouncers to let them in, but they were always turned away with a firm shake of the head. Inside the club, almost everyone that mattered in the Japanese rock music scene was there.
Takeru was the only exception. He was the only nonmusical guest at the party and had only been allowed into the club because Shuichi had come along to save the day. Even then, the bouncer inside the club had been watching him with a critical eye since he'd taken his seat in the booth on the opposite side of the club. It was really starting to drive him insane.
"Hey, Takeru!"
The raven-haired man tore his eyes away from the bouncer and turned them on to a sweat slicked Shuichi. Shuichi smiled at him and slid into the booth across from him. A waitress immediately gravitated to their table and Shuichi ordered vodka on the rocks from her with a smile. The waitress swooned and nodded, skipping over to the bar to fix his order.
Takeru smiled. "You have a strange effect on people," he muttered.
Shuichi rolled his eyes. "Oh, yeah, Mister Psychology Major? What is that effect?"
"Everyone likes you. They can't help it. It's like you…I dunno… You just have this air about you that sucks people in, and they don't realize it until it's too late. They're stuck in your orbit."
Shuichi snorted and took the vodka from the waitress as she made her way back. He smiled at her in thanks and Takeru watched as she swooned again before disappearing into the crowd.
"See," he said. "It's like with her."
Shuichi shook his head and took a sip from his glass. He winced slightly at the burn before he spoke. "Hello. I'm a rock star, Takeru. Did you forget that? She only likes me because I'm famous."
"Oh yeah?" Shuichi nodded. "What about me then?"
Shuichi shrugged. "What about you? We met because Aimee wanted us to meet."
"Yeah, so what if we did. I didn't have to like you. Hell, I could have hated you for taking Aimee away from me. I should have hated you for it. But I didn't. Why? Because you're you. You're Shuichi Shindou, the strange man with a sharp tongue and depressive streak, yet everyone still loves you."
Shuichi rolled his eyes again and shook his head. "You overanalyze things too much. But I guess you have to, don't you?"
Takeru shrugged. "I like to think."
Shuichi snorted and nearly chocked on a mouthful of alcohol. He coughed and sputtered and spoke when he finally had himself composed. "And you're weird because of that. Thinking makes my brain hurt."
Takeru laughed and watched as Ryuichi came dancing up to the table.
"Hi, Take-chan! Where's Eiri-san, Shu-chan?"
Shuichi sighed and Takeru noticed the small shadow of sadness that seemed to pass over his eyes. "He couldn't come. He's locked himself away in his study again to get his book done by the deadline." He smiled but Takeru knew that it was forced. "But that's okay. He said that he'd come later."
Ryuichi frowned and his childish demeanor slipped just a bit before he pulled it back over his features. But in that brief instant, Takeru also saw an extreme amount of sadness on Ryuichi's face as well. It seemed that everyone in this group wore masks to hide their true feelings, even if another of them was feeling the same thing.
Ryuichi nodded and smiled, grabbing Shuichi's hand. He turned toward Takeru. "I'm gonna steal him for a song, Take-chan. Do you mind?"
Takeru laughed and shook his head. "Steal him for as many as you like."
Shuichi gave him a look that promised revenge as Ryuichi pulled him into the crowd. "Watch my drink, please!" he heard Shuichi shout before everything was drowned out by the music.
Takeru laughed again and took a sip from his scotch, his eyes drifting across the club to see that the bouncer was still staring at him. It was really starting to creep him out, but figured he should deal with it. Downing the rest of his scotch, Takeru stood from his seat and carefully maneuvered his way through the crowd to the door. The bouncer was still standing there. Still staring at him. But now that he was closer to him, Takeru noticed that it wasn't a glare he was staring at him with, but something more.
Takeru smiled at him. "You've been staring at me all night," he shouted over the music. "You wanna dance?"
The bouncer smiled at him and nodded, looking around him to make sure no one was looking before he left his post. Takeru smirked and grabbed his hand and led him into the sweat slicked crowd.
"Name's Ryou, what about you?" the bouncer shouted.
"Takeru."
Ryou nodded and began to dance. Takeru was surprised by how graceful he was. Ryou did not fall into the category of what would normally be considered a bouncer. He was muscular but was still moderately thin at the same time and his moves were like water over rock, so fluid and smooth that Takeru couldn't help but be captivated by him. He had short brown hair and bangs that fell into his closed hazel eyes.
The song ended just as Takeru was about to start dancing and Bad Luck's song "On My Own" started to pour from the speakers. Ryou opened his eyes and smiled at Takeru, holding out a hand.
"Can I have this dance?"
Takeru smiled and rolled his eyes at Ryou, but too his offered hand anyway. Ryou placed each of his hands on Takeru's waist and Takeru placed his hands on Ryou's shoulders. A friendly dance, like friend's or nerve wracked people would dance at a high school dance. But as the song went on, they moved closer and closer, until Ryou's arms were wrapped around Takeru's waist, and Takeru's arms around Ryou's neck. Takeru sighed and rested his cheek on Ryou's chest.
"See all those people on the ground
wasting time.
Try to hold it all inside,
but just for tonight.
Top of the world,
I'm sitting here wishing.
The things I've become,
but something is missing.
Maybe I've…
What do I know?
And now it seems that I have found
nothing at all.
Wanna hear your voice out loud.
Slow it down slow it down.
Without it all
I'm choking on nothing.
It's clear in my head
and I'm screaming for something.
Knowing nothing is better than knowing it all.
On my own
On my own
On my own
On my own
I'm on my own now!
I'm on my own now!
Without it all
I'm choking on nothing.
It's clear in my head
and I'm screaming for something.
Knowing nothing is better than knowing it all
On my own
On my own
On my own…"
The song ended and Takeru was reluctant to pull away from Ryou, yet he was the first to pull back, even though Ryou had kept a firm hold around his waist. He smiled at the bouncer apologetically and ran away, not stopping until he was safely secure in the alleyway behind the club.
His breathing came rough in his chest and he could feel tears stinging at the corners of his eyes, but Takeru wouldn't let them fall. He'd promised that he would be strong, if not for himself then for Aimee's ghost. Yet the tears somehow managed to fall and Takeru broke down behind the dumpster, damning the gods above for making him feel the pain.
TBC…
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A/N: There…it's finally done. It's not the best thing I've ever done, but I really like the last section with Takeru and I like the way that I ended it. :sighs: Maybe you like it, maybe you don't . Who knows? And is it bad if I wanted to throw something about Human Transmutation into the part with Ryu and Tatsuha? :laughs: Too much FMA, I guess…
And I'm gonna be on vacation (leaving tomorrow) so I'll have plenty of time to work on the next chapters. We're gonna be on the beach and it's supposed to rain the first few days so there's not gonna be much else to do…
Okay…I don't remember who reviewed, but THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH! You've patiently (and maybe not so patiently) awaited this chapter and I hope that you'll stick with me until the end. Just three more left! :cries: It seems like it should be illegal, but it's gotta happen…
Anyway…I promise to have something up by the beginning of July. If I don't, then you all can beat me with planks with rusty nails through them (oh, how I love my AIM convos with my onee-chan…)…
Ja matta ne minna. Thank you, thank you, and sorry for any typos… I was too excited and lazy to edit… Hopefully there aren't many…