Chapter Six: It Was All Attributed To

The day was hot, the day was humid and it was one of those days where I was found myself fervently wishing that I wasn't stuck behind a grill and blind in one eye. The diner was packed to the gills, making the ancient air conditioning system null and void as the bodies lapped on the shores of the counter and spilled in through the door as July Fourth parades ended.

Zoro and Luffy lounged in a booth ( lucky bastards ) while Nami graciously waited tables, keeping the tips as I told her she could. I rubbed my temples as someone screamed into my right ear after all their hand motions hadn't worked. I fought the urge to round and bite their heads off, stupid tourists that they were. I brushed my hair aside and flashed my dead eye at them; they shut up and sat down.

Nami bussed another table and piled the plates in back. I reached to my right, to the ever-dwindling pile of serving ware. I eyed the two sitting in the booth. Those dishes needed washing. I motioned to Luffy and he scampered over like puppy.

"I'll give you fifty cents for every plate you wash." I told him, not trusting Zoro to do anything. "If you can do it that is."

He nodded eagerly before expertly vaulting over the counter. I fitted him with an apron and showed him where the sponges and the soap were, then I went back to the grill. I slid the blue plate special over to my impatient customers, noting how they didn't even touch it until they were sure my blind eye was facing them.

o-o-o

I was losing money on this, really. Luffy was a machine, now cleaning up faster than the plates were actually used. I was already down a hundred fifty dollars and fifty cents on this bargain. I wasn't going to begrudge him the money though, he needed it.

The night was winding down now as Nami wiped down the Formica tabletops and I began to assemble dinner for the lot. Zoro was sound asleep in his booth, most likely unaware that his Sex Pistols shirt had ridden up so much that it was nearly all tucked under his chin. I called Luffy out as Nami sang with the radio.

It was odd to have the diner so full. I think I mean that I'm used to doing this alone. Zeff doesn't like working the grill during the summer because it's miserable and hot and greasy. Not that it's any easier for me, but he is paying for me until I leave for Rhode Island. Back to being alone in the summer.

Since this place is small, it only take about two people to keep up with things. One to cook and one to get orders and wash the dishes when they get a moment, but all that usually got dropped on my shoulders, as Zeff would take off the play golf at the country club. And I stayed out so late that I never did get to see what he was cooking in the little house out back where we lived. I was too used to eating my own slop.

I sipped a cup of day old coffee as they helped themselves. I didn't need anything, I was too tired right then. No, I was more content to watch them be content.

o-o-o

So . . . it's sad to say that Usopp was someone we needed. Not because he was familiar with every local legend in the county, but because he was just the playmate that Luffy needed. After all, the bouncy boy couldn't keep hanging around Zoro; heaven forbid drugs came into the picture again.

I followed the two into the town on one of my rare completely free days. Since I was free, today was the day we were going attempt another plunge into the woods for the road that would lead into the manor ruins. Zoro and Nami trailed behind, having a whispered argument. Probably over the pants.

Personally, what moron wears bondage pants with far too many straps and buckles into the woods? It's an accident waiting to happen. And it was one that Nami wished to prevent, as her common sense dictated. She wasn't gong to tolerate this sort of subordinate behavior in her operation – which meant Zoro was refusing to change into anything more sensible. But I didn't know if that's what they were still fighting over, and they fought a lot.

The woods soon loomed over the town limits, encouraging me to light a cigarette to ward the insects away. Another ten minutes, and a turn onto Cole Street brought us to our destination, which all five of us just sort of stared at before Zoro loosed two of his knives and slashed through the dense vines. He went in first and popped his head out, asking if we were coming.

Luffy plunged in, dragging the protesting Usopp, followed myself and Nami, who was brandishing a map in her hands, yelling to remind Zoro that he needed to tag the trees as he went or we'd get hopelessly lost.

The woods in this area were seemingly extra oppressive, so far as heat. Clothes that had been fine moments before were now heavy and intolerable. The light was dim as the trees closed in overhead and the cicadas moaned all around, their noise perforated by the artificial hiss of Zoro's spray paint. Cigarette smoke hovered without dissolving, and I coughed heavily as I fanned it away.

And there was a definite feeling over being watched. I shifted my backpack as Zoro cut at Nami's direction. Both seemed immune to the eerie sensations that the forest gave off, but the other pair, Luffy and Usopp, a year younger than Zoro, Nami and I, were affected. Luffy had stopped talking and Usopp was visibly trembling. I shoved them from behind to keep moving.

It was a steady process, soon, Zoro cut and tagged, Nami managed her maps and attempted to guide. I kept the 'captain' from getting into too much trouble as he relaxed and the sharp shooter from running off. Finally, after what felt like hours, we hit it.

It was a road, perfect and worn through the woods. The dirt was well tamped down as if it had been used often for years, though I knew no one had. Nami paused and sat down promptly, shuffling frantically through paper until she reached a photocopy on an archaic drawing.

"It's the main road . . . " she muttered. "But it's not possible. This is near swamp area . . . it should be overgrown . . . not new."

"I told there ain't nothing natural in hea Miss Nami!" Usopp stammered. "Y'all'd do best to just leave before something happens.

"They are here! Can't you see them? They are in the distance, but they are there and they's ain't happy. They wants us to leave, now." He stressed the word strongly, his eyes darting around the empty woods, his expression pleading.

"Who's there?" Zoro grunted. "'S probably nothing I can't handle."

"Can't you see them?" Usopp whined, motioned down the road. "They's getting riled."

"There's no one there." Luffy made a sensible remark, glancing at his friend, confused. "There's no one there, Usopp."

"There is too!" The boy asserted himself, though he shook. "They's yellin'n'hollerin' to beat the band. Threatenin' you."

Nami rolled up her papers and faced Usopp. "Now, I know you have a vivid imagination, but trying to get us to believe in ghosts is simply absurd."

Luffy's gasp made us all turn to look at him as he stared wide-eyed ahead of us.

"Lookit the house!"

"Not you too!"

"But look, it's all nice, I bet there's treasure in there. And there's horses too, oh, I like the pretty black and white one."

We conferred, the three sane people left, and decided that pressing on today wasn't the best idea. We found the road, but two hallucinating companions aren't going to anyone much good. Not to mention what they'd do to themselves. We staggered out of the woods, thankful to be on the road back into civilization where things weren't one iota as creepy.

o-o-o

Chopper had swung by again, this time in time for dinner. He swung a medical bag full of pilfered drug onto the countertop and sighed.

"If they catch me -- "

"Holy shit! Is this morphine?" Zoro was holding a syringe aloft, studying it with a manic grin. Chopper hesitant snatched it back.

"If they catch me . . . I'll get fired."

Nami raised an eyebrow. "I thought Candy Stripers were volunteers."

"Not when your grandmother is Chief of Medicine. Then you get all your training before med school so you pass med school and can take over her position." He paused. "I'm gonna be in so much trouble . . . "

"Don't worry about it." I humored him with a bowl of soup. "The worst that can happen is that you wind up with extra free time."

He chuckled weakly. "Yeah . . . and, hey, I think I can get you an MRI, I know how to use the machine. Different names, of course, but it could help in seeing what he's got."

Nami nodded. "Thank you."

I balanced Luffy's multi-dish meal on my right arm and carried a single plate to Usopp. I fed the wolves and ate my own share with them as the argument picked up between Nami and Zoro. Luffy got halfway through the pork chops before dropping his fork, his eyes staring off into space.

I paid attention. This was abnormal behavior. He grunted, getting the attention of Usopp, who sidled out of the booth. Luffy pulled himself out, lurched a few steps like he was drunk, and then collapsed to the floor, his skull resounding solidly. There was the collective noise of metal on china as Nami and Zoro pushed off from the counter as Luffy began to convulse.

"Oh my god!" Chopper shrieked. "Get him on his side, get him on his side!"

"What?" Nami was flustered as Luffy began to cough and sputter.

"He's seizing, get him on his side! Keep him there, pin him on his side."

Zoro head-locked Luffy as I pinned the convulsing body. Chopper dug wildly through his bag for something while Nami watched, utterly hopeless. Chopper was readying a syringe, tapping it unsteadily; trying to get the air bubbles out. Luffy thrashed again, nearly sending me sprawling.

I held Luffy's arm still the best I could while Chopper injected the sedative to clam the seizing. Zoro and I clutched the boy's body until it moved slower and slower, finally sinking into sleep.

I leaned back, panting. Zoro did the same. Luffy slept.

"Is he epileptic?" Chopper asked Nami. "Brain damage, blood clots, anything?"

"I don't know." She whispered. "I was kind of hoping you could tell me."

Very seriously, a precursor to the doctor he was going to become, Percy Chopper knelt down next to Nami with a notebook.

"I need a complete patient history and I need to know where he's from so I can get access to medical records."

Horror flitted across her face. "I'll think about it . . . "

He nodded, now sighing and falling flat on his bottom. "I'll, uh, get you an MRI, a PET scan, a spinal tap, something."

Nami just turned away. "Yeah, you do that." She whispered quietly. "You do that."