A/N: Yes, that's right. I updated. Finally. After a downtime of around... seven months or so. And let me tell you, it is good to be back. Wormtail and I actually had this chapter pretty much completely done before the end of school last year and just never got around to typing and posting it. That would be her fault, not mine, just to set the record straight. ANYWAY, without further ado, I bring you chapter 5.

In Which Sirius Gets His

It was a warm, sunny Friday afternoon. Ashley was hanging out with the Marauders and everything.

"Look, James," said Remus. "It's that Slytherin girl who asked you out."

Ashley looked across the Quidditch pitch; indeed, Celia was making her way towards them, looking very purposeful. She pretended no to be too interested and didn't make eye contact with her secret friend.

Celia marched up to Sirius and stopped abruptly. All the marauders stared at her strangely, but she didn't pay attention to them.

"Come here, asshole," Celia said serenely. Sirius just stared at her for a while.

"Why?" he asked stupidly.

"I need to beat you up, that's why."

Sirius laughed cockily, trying to hide the fact that he was feeling a bit unnerved due to the girl's totally seriously calm attitude.

"No way; you're not serious," Sirius laughed (not noticing all the puns the narrators were putting on his name). "Why don't you go play with your little Snivelly friend? Because, you know, you're his only one. He might be missing you, poised at a window, ready to just o-" he was cut off as Celia's fist collided with his face.

Sirius fell back on the ground with a shout. James didn't notice, however, as he was too busy thinking about Snitches and ruffling his hair. Remus muffled a snicker with his hand and glanced over at Ashley, who was cracking up into her Transfiguration book.

Sirius staggered to his feet, holding a hand up to his mouth. Blood trickled through his fingers as he stared wide-eyed at Celia, who was walking casually toward him again with a lazy smile on her lips. "Wha-What was that for?!" Sirius screamed, enraged.

"Like it?" Celia asked uninterestedly. "You give this stuff out often enough ,but it looks like you just can't handle it yourself. fake sigh"

Ashley decided to hold a conversation with Celia, but she wasn't sure what people who weren't supposed to know each other talked about.

"So…nice weather, huh?"

"Yes, I agree. It's pretty warm for this time of year," Celia replied as she backhanded Sirius. Remus's face was now completely submerged in his textbook, his shoulders shaking uncontrollably.

Sirius was screaming in hysterical desperation, the anger of his dearly beloved and oh-so-recently injured ego pounding through his veins.

"Look, I don't know WHY you're so mad!" he screamed at a ridiculously loud volume. "All I did was give Snivellus a well-earned thumping! Don't worry, he'll live, he's used to it by n-" At this point Celia had, shall we say, hit him where it really hurt. He collapsed onto the ground.

"THAT," Celia announced, standing over him with an air of triumph about her, "That was what you call a well-earned beating."

Sirius has been rendered speechless (quite literally). Ashley was by this point rolling around on the ground in hysterics, and Remus was dangerously close to joining her. James, on the other hand, had just then rejoined the rest of the world.

"What's going on here?" he asked, an adorably confused look plastered on his boyish features.

What's /snicker/ it look /snigger/ like?" Ashley managed to choke out a few words between laughs.

"Well," James responded loftily, "It looks to me like Padfoot is a bit unconscious at the moment and that she-" he gesticulated in Celia's direction "-is responsible for it."

"You're very /chortle/ observant /snort/"

"Why thank you," he replied gratuitously. "I like to think that I am quite observant, especially when it comes to the perfectly wonderful sport of Quidditch."

"Indeed" was all Ashley could manage before dissolving into another round of giggles.

Celia winked at Ashley somewhat evilly and flew up to the castle on her broomstick, circling the towers to find her common room before realizing it was…underground.