Black Kitten: I had a writer block... I HAD A WRITER BLOCK!
Schu: After THREE chapters? #rofl#
Black Kitten: It wasn't my fault! I was being forced to write a lemon for a b-day and that got me totally confused!
Schu: Someone forced you? You know that this person's reading the intro, too? #evil grin#
Black Kitten: #gulp#... Er… Did I already mention that I'm progressing? I put the answers for the reviews at the end of the chapter! Therefore, my intros aren't this long anymore! #proud#
Schu: #bored# We're already at line no. 8.
Black Kitten: But--!
Schu: Ten.
Black Kitten: I--!
Schu: Twelve.
Black Kitten: #runs crying away#
Schu: Score! #smirks# On to the story.
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Disclaimer: To whom it may concern Weiß Kreuz doesn't belong to me. It's the property of Kyoko Tsuchiya and Project Weiss (if my sources are correct). And I don't make money out of writing this story.
Warnings: NO BETA. German's my first language and this won't change as long as I live... Well, again terrible OOCness… Character death (three guesses) ... and #dun dun dun# a kiss!
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"blah blah" … thoughts… /telepathy/
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Author: Black Kitten's Dream
Title: This is SO not happening!
Part 4
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Akio watched the bunny and the cat full of hope. On the outside, he showed pure understanding for their sad situation. Inside, he was cheering about his fool-proved plan. He just knew they weren't professionals; he would bet his mother's left leg on it. And the chances that they would now retreat were big, thanks to his made-up nickname of Kurogawa. Akio congratulated himself. He was a genius!
Schuldig and Aya were only a few steps away from their target. Speechless, they stood side by side, facing the closed door; each of them in their own little world.
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Inkei Kyodai… What perverted persons call themselves Huge Cock?!
Aya was biting the inside of his cheek as he stared like his Schwarz counterpart at the closed door. Kurogawa's perverted nickname hadn't really eased his misery about this mission. But he knew, the earlier he finished this, the faster he was back to his so-called normal life as a flower selling assassin.
The idea that he could work together with Mastermind was tempting. The odds were high that the Schwarz member had more experience in facing and handling perverts than Aya himself.
Carefully, he glanced out of the corner of his eye at the other redhead. Though Schuldig had a puzzled look on his face and was nipping thoughtfully on his lower lip, he didn't seem to be in shock anymore.
A motion caught Aya's eyes. Schuldig was still holding his cat tail after he had snatched it back from him again. And now, the German was gripping the orange furry tail with his left hand while absently stroking it slowly through his right one. Aya eyed the gesture closer.
He's stroking it as if he's... Oi...
Stunned, Aya snapped his head back and stared at the door as if it was the most interesting thing he had ever seen. He knew he was blushing heavily and prayed that Schuldig hadn't caught this special thought. Aya suffered through five agonizingly long seconds before he could finally sigh in relief. Schuldig was apparently in his own little world; his unconsciously ongoing handling of the cat tail was the best proof for it.
With increasing heartbeat, Aya peeked shyly back at Schuldig's hands. That really looks as if he's... Oh Kami-sama.
Despite the heat on his face and the alarming speed of his heart, Aya took a deep breath and straightened up in determination. He was the leader of Weiss; he won't let himself distract with such uncalled thoughts about an enemy. It was time to get a grip on the situation again. And surely, Schuldig was already thinking the whole time about a strategy to kill the target without touching him.
Aware of Akio's presence, Aya tried to focus his thoughts to communicate with Schuldig in the telepath's way.
/Schuldig. Can you hear me?/
Five seconds later, Aya really felt like a loony, because the mind reader didn't react to his mental approach at all. The German was so deeply in thoughts that he didn't even missed one of those strokes. Tearing his eyes away from the distracting gesture, Aya clenched his teeth and concentrated again. He didn't like to be ignored, so this time his thought came a little louder and with more force.
/HEY!/
The mental shout let Schuldig freeze in his motion and snapped him out of his musings rather abruptly. Dazed and confused, he blinked frowning at Aya. /I'm not deaf, you know? In fact, I'm very sensitive./
Rolling his eyes, Aya waved vaguely in the direction of the target to avoid getting Akio's unwanted attention. /Did you come to a result already, Mastermind?/
/Hm? No. I've tried every possibilities but I can't think of something that would fit in completely. It's still a miracle to me./
/A miracle? I would rather say it's utterly disturbing./
/Yes, that too. It's just that I can't figure out why someone like you would bring himself into such a situation by his own free will./
/Oh, I can tell you that it wasn't my own free will. They forced me into this./
/What! You are joking!/
/No, it's true! Bombay was the only one who showed sympathy for me!/
/... That's not cruel, it's inhuman!/
/Yes, it is. And I think we should bring this ridiculous situation to an end. Let's make it together./
/... You are asking me?/
/Why not? I have reached the point where I would do everything; even asking the enemy./
/Wow./
/Che, yes, and I wished it was already over. So, how will we do it?/
/Aya, I'm honoured, but you shouldn't rush it like this. That's not good./
/Why?/
/It's understandable that you are... desperate. And I would love to help you out of your misery, but we should take it slow in the beginning./
/…/
/You have already waited so long anyway./
/…/
/After all, it should be something special./
/What. Are. You. Talking. About?/
/About you and me and your first time./
/Are you crazy? I was talking about the mission!/
/... The whole time?/
/OF COURSE!/
/... Oops./
Oops?
"OOPS?" Aya repeated loudly in incredulity. "Have you lost your mind, Schuldig?" And then, Aya threw back his head, arms spread widely. "Oh tell me, Kami-sama! Is this a bad joke? Have you cursed that mission by sending this idiot to me?"
/Aya, stop! The witness!... Hey! I'm not an idiot!/
"Witness..." Hissing in rage, Aya glared at Akio with murder in his eyes before whirling around and beating against the wall in frustration.
"Nnnnnggggggg. Kami-sama, let me out of this, please, please, please."
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Akio was not dumb. He had listened carefully to every word the crazy bunny-brute had spoken and watched him closely as he was beating his fists repeatedly against the wall while begging to someone only he could hear. And furthermore, Akio was good in arithmetic and he could combine. And the result topped it all, because Mission plus Witness plus Kami-sama could only mean one thing. The bunny was a crazy neo-religious cult follower on a holy mission. A mission involving Kurogawa.
Thoughtfully, Akio rubbed his chin. Maybe this wasn't so bad anymore. Could it be that this was a wink from destiny? An evil glimmer came into his eyes. It certainly looked as if it was the ideal time to move his position a little higher. Nobody would suspect him. There were two perfect perpetrators, and one of them even a complete loony who was now whirling around, snarling something about "Will make it alone!" and was reaching for the door handle to enter the yakuza's room--
"NOOOOOOOO!" Akio shouted on the top of his lungs. "You can't go in there!"
"And why the hell not?" Aya yelled back in rage. He was losing his patience rapidly and was on the edge to strangle everyone who had the nerve to hinder him any further.
/You look like a psychotic bunny right now, Aya./
/Shut up, Schuldig./
/Calm down. It was a misunderstanding. I couldn't have known that we weren't musing over the same thing./
/I don't understand you! We're on a MISSION involving a PERVERT and you are thinking about... ME!/
/Gott, Aya. He may be an Inkei Kyodai but you are a VIRGIN! Three guesses what's more interesting for me. And you could have been a little bit exacter in your questions, you know?/
/What? Now it's my fault?/
/You were blushing when you started the conversation with me! Just like now!/
/… That's because you're a HENTAI! Me sleeping with you, that's... absurd!/
/Yeah? Not good enough for you? And I was starting to think of you being cute. HA!/
/Don't call me cute!/
/Fine by me, UGLY. I'm beginning to understand why you're still a virgin./
/That's so immature of you, Schwarz./
/Oh, look who's speaking. And before I forget, WEISS, we're enemies again. No mercy for you!/
Aya looked eyebrow rising at Schuldig who was folding his arms demonstratively to make his point clear. That sounded as if Schuldig's insulted!
/Ha! You wish!/
He is! Aya was totally satisfied about the turn around of the event. And now, I mustn't make the mistake and think in Schuldig's presence about the cat-tail-incident. God forbid, if he ever--
/What cat-tail-incident?/
Darn! Scolding himself for this unnecessary slip, Aya showed Schuldig demonstratively the cold shoulder to make his point in ignoring him by concentrating his glare back at Akio.
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Akio had watched both young men in fascination and had been utterly absorbed by their animated mimics and gestures. It really seemed as if they had a silent conversation, which apparently ended in a dispute. All in all, it had looked like a pantomimic play of a married couple.
Maybe they are from the same mental asylum? Tilting his head to the side, Akio observed the new situation. Right now, the cat looked insulted and was glaring at the bunny, and the bunny was pointedly ignoring the cat while glaring at him.
Absent-mindedly, Akio fingered his black eye. It was time to put an end to this madness. What he needed were only a few minutes. Mind made up, he glowered back at the glaring brute resolutely.
"Well, only one of you can go into the room. That's a… very old rule of the house."
Akio's willpower wavered a little at the not entirely human growl from the crazy bunny. However, he would take this perfect chance to get rid of those loonies, and then he could climb up the ladder as the only master of the estate. Brave, he continued.
"Play for it, toss for it. I don't care. But no fight! I don't want the guards involved." Not yet, he added silently. "And whoever is the winner will wait 'til I'm back again. This is an ORDER, understood?"
Akio threw a serious look at the two redheads, before running away like a weasel to get his ticket to a very long and absolutely fantastic life.
"Idiot." Schuldig shook his head, dismissing the man's existence from his mind the second he vanished around a corner, and turned back to Aya to show him his best smirk. "So, you think I'm childish? Let's toss for it."
Aya narrowed his eyes in annoyance. He knew he had drawn too much attention at himself already. At this rate, he would have to kill a dozen innocent witnesses before the mission has ended successfully. He couldn't ignore the bug's order to play for it by just storming into the target's room to finally eliminate him. So he would play those childish games with Schuldig, would win without a doubt, wait for the return of the annoying bug, and then carry out this dreadful mission once and for all. Confident of victory, Aya smirked provocatively back at Schuldig.
"Hn. Let's toss."
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Crawford had had a scary vision.
So he drove back home as fast as he could from his oh-so-secret meeting with Birman, hurried into the living room, snatched the first thing he could reach, sat down across from Farfarello, put the chess on the table between them, built it up, and draw the first pawn. If he played it real good, then he could occupy Berserker for the next few hours.
Farfarello was sprawled comfortably on the couch, watching Crawford's frantic movements disinterestedly. Only the leader's hopeful face let him react to this pitiful attempt. Lazily, he threw one glance at the board, yawed, and said in his most unexcited voice
"Checkmate in thirteen draws."
Smirking, Farfarello observed the crumpled clairvoyant mercilessly. "By the way, Brad, that was a pathetic attempt."
Oracle's defeat was supported by a young boy's high-pitched scream.
"NO! NOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOO!"
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Aya stared bewildered at his palm. He had lost. Schuldig's scissors had cut his paper. Mastermind had stroke again.
Dazed, he watched as Akio ran past him carrying a full champagne glass, opened the door to Kurogawa's room, and vanished in there; only to look bewildered back at his traitorous hand.
Why? Why did he always fall into the German's trap?
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Akio was angry. He had known Neko-chan would be the winner, but couldn't the man wait ONE minute before throwing himself at Kurogawa? To avoid any danger to his plan, Akio hurried as fast as he could past the dazed looking bunny, who was still standing in the corridor, to the cat who was already in Kurogawa's room. Carefully balancing the glass of champagne to not spill any drop of the precious liquid, he got ahead of the cat, holding his breath on the last few meters. Impatiently, Akio pressed the glass into Kurogawa's hand.
"Drink!" he nasalized, "And your libido will be blossoming the whole night long!"
On his walk out of the room, he glared nastily at the foreign looking young man who was representing the cat. In a few minutes we will see who's calling whom master!
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Schuldig had made the most out of his triumph by pointing cheerfully at Aya while shouting "LOOOSER!"
After thanking an invisible audience by waving and bowing, he threw his hair over his shoulder in an arrogant act and walked pleased with himself into the target's room. Finally standing a few meters in front of the target, he instantly whished he had lost the silly game. When Akio rushed out of the room again, Schuldig thought that this was a great idea and decided to follow him. He walked right back to Aya.
Facing the younger man, Schuldig put on his most remorseful face and spoke in his best ashamed voice.
"Aya, I cheated. Because... When you wrap the paper around the scissors, the scissors can't cut the paper anymore. Therefore, the paper wins. Kurogawa was yours from the very beginning. Gomen nasai."
Aya just snorted in reply. He couldn't deny that there was a certain logic - which could revolutionize the whole game, by the way - but Schuldig couldn't fool him any longer. So he grabbed the cat tail without further ado and pulled the loudly protesting German with him into the target's room. Two meters after crossing the threshold, they stopped again.
"He is …"
"Yeah."
"He... stinks."
"Yup."
"He--"
A loud belch interrupted Aya's disbelief roughly. What followed the disgusting noise let both men shudder in pure horror.
"Kissssss meeeee."
Shocked beyond words about the target's demand, Aya could wrap his mind only around one word; and that he did. He let go of the tail, turned around, laced his fingers through the silken mass of orange hair, and pulled the face to his own.
And then their lips met.
He was kissing Schuldig.
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When Aya's lips covered his, Schuldig couldn't believe what was happening. He was surprised for a few seconds before he returned it fervently. There was a short battle of dominance, spiced with passion, and the kiss turned into a soft one once again.
When Aya's lips slowly drew back again, the only thing Schuldig could do was to sigh softly and to touch his own lips in wonder. Aya had kissed him. There was no mistake. And coming from a virgin it had been incredible.
The young Weiss leader stepped back and regarded him with a cute blush on his cheeks. Schuldig sighed again, this time deeper. Maybe he would get another one?
"Schuldig," Aya started softly, amazed about his own action.
"Hm?" Dreamily, Schuldig smiled back.
The heart-warming conversation was interrupted by a shriek which penetrated the closed door and sounded suspiciously like Akio.
"MURDERER!"
Both assassins blinked at each other in confusion. At the same time, Schuldig turned wide-eyed to the door while Aya looked with the same expression in the opposite direction.
"We haven't even started yet and they have already a murder?"
"Schuldig! Kurogawa!"
"Who?"
"The target! He's DEAD!"
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tbc
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Black Kitten: Reviews! #claps excited and reads reviews# Ohayou. #blinks confused# Oh dear, I have the feeling you got it all wrong! I love your reviews just like the others and I didn't see your comment as a flame. Didn't you like my plushies? #sniff#... I would NEVER let Farfie drag someone into his chamber for torturing! That wasn't torture, it was Farfie's LOVEMAKING! Was it really that horrible for you?
Brad: #looks sternly# Kitten, did you forget your daily I-shall-not-repress-my-own-Farfie's-lo-tort-chamber-experience therapy again? It starts in ten minutes.
Black Kitten: #amazed# Really? I had a lo-tort-experience with Farfie?
Brad: #massages temple# Yes, two chapters ago.
Black Kitten: Wow... Okay! #hops cheerfully to therapy#
Farfie: #shakes his head# Is nobody out there who can satisfy an Irish psycho without making a fuss about it? #reads reviews# Hard to imagine Aya in a bunny outfit? #snorts#... Farfie... Daisuki? ... #cackles insanely and drags KyraEnsui enthusiastically into chamber# Maybe this one won't break!
Brad: I've the feeling he mistakes them for toys.
Aya: #shrugs and reads reviews# Chi-chan. Oh, you are SO right. I'm really poor! Hug you back! ... #blinks# Loosing my virginity? With SCHULDIG? #glares and reads next review# Koji-chan. I'm your fav? #shyly# Arigato! …Yes! Finally someone who understands my high morals to stay a virgin!
Schu: #mumbles# But not for long.
Aya: I heard you, you… hentai!
Schu: Yeah, yeah. #rolls eyes and takes reviews out of Aya's hands# Cookie6. #sniggers# Great nickname, ne? If I would have to give my love tool a name, it would be Enormou--
Omi: #holds hands over Nagi's ears# Schuldig! Think of the pure hearted innocent!
Schu: #looks confused around# Where?
Yohji: #grabs reviews# Let me see… Bloodrose 'Valentine' Foxxstar. #blinks# Schu-kitty and... Ran-bunny? BWAHAHAHAHA!
Schu & Aya: WHAT? #jumping around Yohji and trying to snatch reviews back#
Brad: Children, behave! #takes reviews# Xellas. Oh, that's nice. I'm not certain that I can agree with you… but I will tell Black Kitten that she is not a dope… When she returns from her therapy.
Ken: #puppy eyes# I want to read reviews, too!
Brad: #looks doubtfully at Ken# Okay.
Ken: Yeah! #reads# OH! Look! Thiliaen is sick!
Schu: #reads over Ken shoulders# Idiot. She's saying that she likes that sick humour of Black Kitten. Evil golf club man? What evil golf club man?
Brad: Schu, your therapy starts in twenty minutes.
Ken: #pulls at Crawford's sleeve# What's this with you and Birman?
Brad: ... Nothing. #twitches with eye and snatches reviews from Ken# Hiei449. I've the bad feeling that Black Kitten will continue mercilessly.
Schu: #pulls at Crawford's other sleeve# Braaad? What therapy?
Brad: #twitches with both eyes#… Cieraco Sheys. Oh, really? You think this is all Kami-sama's fault? NO! It's Black Kitten's! She lets us all suffer! Plays with us! Torments us! And… this… this... AGONY! #screams and throws reviews away#
Nagi: #looks causally at left and right and takes rumpled reviews# Yami Aibou. #giggles# I also can't wait for it how they will master their adventure… #blushes#… and love-life… #images and blushes more#… #faints#
Omi: NO! Nagi-boo! NOOOO! #throws himself over Nagi#
Black Kitten: #returns from her therapy# Hey, minna-san! I'm back again! #looks at scene#… OH! Group-hugging! #clings also to Brad#
Farfie: #comes crumpled out of chamber#… #steps over laughing Yohji#… #ignores glaring Aya#… #pokes at Nagi#… #sees Ken, Schu & Black Kitten hanging on a hysterically crying Brad#… #turns head shaking around and walks back to chamber# And they call me a psycho.
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