Chapter 2

Two Promises

A second empty bag of muffins drifted to the grassy floor. RJ watched its descent as he smacked his lips and idly scratched his chest. His thought that maybe Verne could come find him dwindled as quickly as his desire to stay awake. As his eyelids became weights sliding to the Earth, he took the invite and began to drift away with his back still against the hedge. Before he had finally made it to a dream, he let his eyes leisurely open and close, the pace relaxing each time.

An indistinguishable red blur ended up crossing his vision. Even with his eyes mostly lidded, RJ could see it. It remained, and appeared to be growing closer. Soon it became impossible to ignore, whatever it was. He rocked his head from side to side, picking up the speed a bit as his body gained awareness. He smacked his lips again, and then rubbed at his eyes until he began to see stars. Once these were gone, he glanced forward with his eyes opened as widely as his half asleep state would allow.

The blur began to focus. It was Hammy. He had his hands gently crossed under his chest, and his head slightly cocked to the side as he glanced downward. He brought a bright, toothy smile. "Hi RJ!"

"Oh hello Hammy," he said after a yawn, and then managed a smile of his own. "You're just the cheerful face I could use right now."

"Whatcha mean?" He leaned over a little to make it easier to see him. His ears twitched in anticipation.

"The heist failed, unless you count this. . ." he trailed off a moment as he picked up the now empty bag of muffins. "The chips were crushed, and worst of all, no twinkies. These ones were extra creamy too."

"Oh, you should let me come next time!" Hammy said, rapidly bouncing from side to side on his feet a bit, as though running in place. His tail wiggled eagerly.

RJ had been staring at his own feet, but slowly looked up at him as he gave a lazy smile. "We always succeed don't we?" he said with a touch of warmth.

"We do great!"

"Yeah I'll take you again next time," he added with little hesitation. "I think we make a good team, at least when you don't get distracted."

"Hey look! A butterfly!" Hammy pointed at the orange and black winged insect fluttering a short distance above them. His eyes followed the movements, in seemingly no pattern. Eventually the butterfly came closer, resting on the tip of his nose. Watching it with a childlike joy, Hammy ever so carefully nudged it, causing it to fly away. The beating of the wings by his nose tickled, and he sneezed with a high pitched "chew."

"Yes I see," RJ said, thankful that the sneeze had been aimed elsewhere. "And I know you won't bring back any unwanted guests if you come. I only have to worry about you wanting to get extra cookies."

"Did Verne?"

After an extremely irritated moan, which involved temple rubbing and eye clenching, he answered. "Yes. We brought a rabbit back with us, and it's his fault we didn't get what we went for."

"Rabbit? Rabbit rabbit um. . ." Hammy thumped his head with his knuckles as he desperately tried to remember.

"The fat one. Can't miss him," RJ sputtered.

Somewhere within the squirrel's head a faint spark appeared. "Oh! Yeah him. He's over there!" Hammy chirped, pointing over his shoulder. Duncan could be seen in the distance, surrounded by most of the others. The only members of the family that were missing were the porcupines, who had gone for a walk.

"Rats!" He snapped his fingers and blew out his lips in defeat.

"No, not rats. Rabbit!"

"Right Hammy. Thanks," RJ said with a subtle roll of his eyes. The human expressions generally tended to be lost on his friend.

"I'm going to go see him okay? I want to say hi! Maybe he'd like a cookie." Without waiting, he zipped away, and was soon no more than a rippled trail along the grass.

"Wait Hammy, don't. . ."

". . .have to tell me," Ozzie had been saying. "Why, didn't you, die?"

"Die?" Duncan said, his face wrinkling in horror. "That wouldn't have helped me to escape at all. Why would you say such a thing?"

"It's easy. You just lay down, and-"

"-dad, stop it! You're totally creeping him out." Heather averted her eyes, eventually trying to smile as she addressed Duncan, however the expression was distorted from her embarrassment. "Don't listen to him. He says that to everyone." Suddenly her voice dropped to a near whisper. "I'm not even sure if we're related."

"Of course you are! You look just like him!"

Heather paused as she wrestled with her disappointment. "Do I really?"

"No, that's good!" Duncan said, nodding his head vigorously. "Because that means you're cute!"

"I, um, eh, oh," Heather muttered, taken back by the comment. "I am?" Beneath her fur was an intense blush that warmed her cheeks. She retreated a few paces, folding her arms behind her back, and her long tail rocked back and forth in the grass. She swallowed a rock as her eyes traveled to the grass, and then slowly back to meet his. "You think I'm-"

"-of course!" Duncan interrupted. "You have pretty eyes! Ooh ooh, okay, it's my turn! I want to ask you guys questions now."

"Go right ahead!" Stella said. "But I ain't answering anything personal."

"Wait, he thinks I'm cute?" Ozzie asked under his breath.

"Okay," Duncan began, gesturing with his arms in a heavy downward motion as he spoke. "Where, do you keep, your lettuce? I need it. That's what rabbits do! Oh, and carrots! Where are those? It's time for me to be a real rabbit now that I'm free."

"Well," Verne said. "We have berries and grass, but none of what you want. You should try some of our delicious bark."

Heather had finally recovered enough to reply. "Yeah Verne, if you want to torture him," and then addressed Duncan. "That stuff is really gross. We just eat the humans' food now. It's much better."

A simultaneous gasp and squawk escaped him. "What? No no, you can't be serious," he said in disbelief. He dug at his cheeks as he looked around the group, pulling down on his bottom lip. "Why would you do that? This stuff is bad for you!"

"The food that RJ has brought us is most exquisite," Ozzie answered with a dramatic wave of his hand.

"Are cookies bad?" came a timid, worried voice.

Duncan's head snapped around to see Hammy watching from behind the others. "Oh sure, they're sweet and delicious, but look what they do to you!" As he said this he firmly gripped his belly and wiggled it.

"They make you cuddly?" Hammy asked.

"No! I mean, I guess I'm cuddly, but they make you fat and weak and give you heart problems."

Wrinkling his lips and staring upward, Hammy pondered this. He tapped his fingers on his fuzzy chin. The confusion slowly melted into a relieved grin. "Oh you poor rabbit. You're confused!" he said once he had finally made the connection. "I do that every winter and then when I wake up I'm a skinny squirrel!"

"No, you don't understand. Being fat all year isn't natural. It's bad for you!"

"Hey, my man likes big butts," Stella said with a tone as though she had been insulted. She dug her fists into her hips, but then quickly gestured at Tiger's rear. "Just look at his!"

"This is true. I cannot lie," he said after a moment's hesitation.

Duncan was close to hopping up and down in frustration. "But all this junk is loaded with trans fats. Those are the bad ones. We can't do this! You don't want saturated fats either, and let me tell you, everything that raccoon wants you to eat is going to kill you! Why can't we just do things right? Why!" By the time he had finished speaking, he was breathing heavily as though he had just gone for a vigorous run. The tuft of fur over his eyes decided to fall over again, which he blew out of the way with a heavy puff.

Had there been any crickets out that afternoon, they would have been heard. The group looked at each other, various pairs of eyes meeting new ones, as no one knew how to respond, and some wondered if they even should. Amidst the silence, several uncomfortable murmuring began to grow.

"Why is he using such big words?"

"That wasn't very nice to talk about RJ like that."

"I still want a cookie."

"Having a little extra meat on my bones is a sign of status!"

"Does he really think I'm cute?"

Duncan's own eyes skipped around in the awkward silence that returned after the voices had faded. He was at a loss for a response. Part of him was extremely disappointed that he may have to eat like he had before, and part of him was worried that he had said something wrong. Upsetting a possible new group of friends had not been part of his plan. Up until then, everything had seemed fine. Stella and Heather in particular seemed fascinated enough to ask him a number of questions, including what his favorite show was; it was secretly Family Matters, but he said Survivor instead. Just as he was beginning to feel trapped and frightened, he saw a safety net in the form of a certain raccoon.

"RJ RJ!" he called, hopping in the air to see over Tiger, and waving his arm in a wide, overly excited arc.

"Well Cupcake, at least you know my name," RJ said as he came to a stop behind Hammy.

"No, it's Duncan. Remember?"

"Hm," he coughed, and then lied. "For some reason I don't. What a shame. Kind of like how I didn't get those twinkies." An eye twitch, along with a tight clenching of his fists and a sudden increase in vocal intensity accompanied the final word.

"W-w-well we'll fix it. Somehow," Duncan stuttered. Even though he was all ready a good deal shorter than RJ, he suddenly felt even smaller.

RJ answered as though his words were fact. "Yes we will. And now I need to speak to you-" he glanced at the others as his voice lowered, "-privately."

Hammy spun around, looking up at him with a slightly worried look in his eye. "What're you gonna do RJ?"

"Nothing," he said coolly as he stepped into the circle and took him by the shoulder. "We just need to talk. Now come on Brownie."

"It's Duncan. . ."

They walked for a quite some time, getting deeper into the network of trees. The further away from the suburbs they walked, the denser the trees became, and thus less sunlight could peep through to the ground. Stray leaves crunched under their feet, a few antiphonal bird songs sounded, and the always present rumble of distant cars rushed by in the distance. Duncan looked about, his eyes turned to the overhead canopy. The longer they walked, the more nervous he grew. He was lost. Suddenly, freedom no longer sounded like a great idea. "Where are we going?" he asked, unable to hide the trembling of his voice.

"Right here." RJ stopped, and turned to face him, placing his hands firmly on his shoulders.

"Look, I just felt the need to warn you about something. You see, I saved you, and now I feel responsible for you."

Duncan touched his toes together awkwardly, while dodging the gaze that was trying to pierce his thoughts. "That's very nice of you RJ," he said. "But warn me about what?"

"Well my plump little friend," he began, adding exaggerated pathos to his voice. "I hear there are wild dogs out here. I just, just don't want you to come out here all alone at night. You know they eat rabbits I'm sure. With all of that TV you watch, you have to know."

A sudden chattering of teeth was cut short as Duncan slammed his hand against his mouth. "Really?" he said in a nervous squeak. "But you won't let them get me will you?"

"Of course not! I promise. Well, if you promise me something in return."

"What's that?"

Suddenly RJ abandoned his act, and adopted a serious tone. His eyes buried deeper into Duncan's mind as his hands tightened their grip. "Look, I really wanted those twinkies, so you're not on my good side right now. Promise you'll get me some, and maybe we can be friends. Understand?"

Duncan winced from the tight grip on his shoulders. "I do, but are they that important? You're free, so you should eat good stuff, like real raccoons. I think you're a slave to sugar, and that makes me sad."

RJ took a step back, releasing his grip. He hastily inspected his body before returning his attention to Duncan. "No, I just checked. I'm a real raccoon."

"And that's why you should-"

"-but I don't do fish. Sorry."

"Then what about wheat?"

RJ turned around in a circle as he inspected the area. "Wheat? Where?"

"I guess not. Eggs? Those are good!"

"No."

"Corn?"

"Too much trouble."

"Berries?"

"Too fruity."

"Well how about some lettuce? Surely you can eat that."

RJ's brow lowered suspiciously as he forced himself to gag. "No. In fact, I don't want to hear another word about that-that stuff. Ick. Now hurry up and make your promise. I think I just heard a bark."

"Okay okay! I promise I'll help you." He had no idea how he was going to do this, but felt he had no time to think with the fear of becoming dog food looming over his mind.

"That's all I needed. Thank you, Cupcake."

Duncan ignored the name, and after an awkward silence, spoke up once more. "You really should try other things. You might like them. And, if you keep eating like you do, you won't live very long." He knelt down and pulled up some grass, waving it under RJ's nose like a rattle. "See? Mmmm! Grass! It's good for you!"

The grass was roughly swatted to the ground. "I said no! I don't need diet advice from a sausage."

"Oh," he began, but then stopped. His ears grew as close to drooping as they could, while his eyes plummeted. "That was kind of mean."

"So was trying to make me eat lettuce." RJ began to make his way back to the log as he said this, turning to face Duncan as he passed. "Now hurry up."

Motionless for a moment, he shook his head and then scampered after him. "I didn't mean to upset you! I just want to help! I'm worried."

The only reply was the ongoing birdsong.

suck suck gurgle

High atop a tree near the family's log, and over looking the suburbs, sat RJ and Hammy. They had been watching the remainder of the day pass, although RJ's main focus happened to be the antics of his new acquaintance. He had been watching with an almost fanatical obsession since climbing onto the branch, and parking himself beside the squirrel.

suck gurgle slurp

RJ watched as Duncan fell onto his back, and began rolling around in the dirt, swinging his hips wildly from side to side like a dog. He then hopped to his feet, shook, tried to bite an unseen object on his ear, and in the process, toppled onto his belly. From there he began to nibble at the grass ravenously. Once finished, he rolled around some more, and then stopped to pull up the nearby grass and toss it into the air with a joyous giggle.

slurp gurgle suck gurgle

RJ smacked his forehead. He genuinely began to wonder if the sudden freedom had caused Duncan to lose his mind. His jaw hung open as he slowly shook his head from to side, and watched as Duncan returned to his feet to prance around the trees with his arms high in the air. A satisfied chuckle escaped as he saw him trip and hit the ground face first.

suck suck suck

Ozzie came into view. He strolled past under the branch, finally bumping into Duncan. They began an unheard conversation, but judging from the smiles (RJ decided to get a closer look via a pair of plastic kids' binoculars that he had found in someone's yard recently,) it was going well. After speaking for a few minutes Ozzie found a handful of grass offered to him.

"No, don't take it," RJ said helplessly. He dropped the binoculars into his lap and held his arms out in a pleading fashion. "Please don't. Oh you are. Great. Don't actually eat it at least."

He did.

After chewing it for a while, Ozzie swallowed, said something to Duncan that was accompanied by a pleased smile, and then continued on his way with a swish of his long, naked tail.

gurgle gurgle gurgle

"Look at him Hammy! See what he's doing?" RJ said fervently, his eyes still focused below.

suck

"He's trying to turn Ozzie into a grass eater. Where does he get the nerve to do this?"

gurgle

"Eh hammy? Hammy? Haaaammy," he said, holding onto the name after not receiving a response. Suddenly he turned in his direction and called with a bit more force. "Hammy!"

Hammy nearly leapt ten feet into the air. "What what! What happened?"

"Nothing," he sighed. "Your juice carton has been empty since I came up here. Just put it down. Please."

Turning the carton upside down, Hammy pulled out the straw and looked closely at the opening. He shook the carton to be sure, and indeed there was nothing. Suddenly struck with an epiphany, he tossed his juice aside and looked at RJ with his tail doing a jittery dance. "So that's why nothing was coming out!"

"Were you listening to me at all?

His attention at the sky, Hammy hummed a bit, considering the question. "No," he said in a very matter-of-fact manner.

"I didn't think so. Now look at him." RJ brought his finger between Hammy's eyes, and then traced it down to Duncan, who was now offering Tiger grass as well. "See what he's doing? Cats don't eat vegetables! He's going to ruin us!"

"Aww, I think he's cute. He just needs a friend."

Gnawing on his lip, RJ grumbled to himself. "No no, not cute. Bad. He's bad Hamilton. Bad. Understand? It's his fault you don't get twinkies, with extra filling."

"But, you're the one that likes the twinkies. Remember?"

"Well I'm sure he wouldn't want you to have cookies either!"

"What?" Hammy whimpered. "No cookies? Why's he so mean?"

Seeing an opportunity to help himself, he scooted closer and brought his arm around Hammy's shoulder. "I don't know Hammy. I just don't know," he said warmly, looking him in the eye. "You're my best friend, so can you promise me something?"

"Yeah sure!"

"Don't listen to what he says. I don't think he can be trusted, and I'd feel terrible if he manipulated you in any way."

"Hey I promise!"

"Good." RJ pulled him close in a firm hug, mainly to hide his twisted grin.