Black Kitten: I spent almost one and a half hour to edit the chapter and ffnet still doesn't take all of my original marks. It seems ffnet doesn't allow question and exclamation marks combined in one sentence; not anymore. And that's just stupid because the combination of those marks serves as a special expression. I'm not happy about it. No, not at all. To post a story on ffnet gets quite challenging, to put it mildly. Enough with the bitching.
I hope you've fun with this version all the same. And sorry for the long wait. I don't want to bore you to death with my many excuses. The chapter's finally here and I hope you'll find something else to laugh about than my poor grammar.
Schu: Ah, the desperate hope of the hopeless.
Black Kitten: Ah, the court jester of all court jesters.
Schu: #beet-red and struggles for words# What the... you... you… beast... I will … nnnng...
Black Kitten: Mah, so cute. And I don't think his speech will be better after this chapter. #evil grin# Enjoy, minna-san!
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Disclaimer: To whom it may concern Weiß Kreuz doesn't belong to me. It's the property of Kyoko Tsuchiya and Project Weiss (if my sources are correct). And I don't make money out of writing this story.
Warnings: NO BETA. German's my first language and this won't change as long as I live. Basta.
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"blah blah" … thoughts… /telepathy/
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Black Kitten's Dream
This is SO not happening!
Part 15
It was late afternoon, and it was surprisingly quiet and peaceful in the Koneko no Sumu Ie. There was no sound which would have disturbed the silence except for the soft gurgling of a coffee machine. And with each new drop gradually filling the pot, the aroma of freshly brewed coffee slowly made its way out of the kitchen.
It was alluring, seductive. Like a flower spreading its colourful petals to attract pollen collecting, entirely instinct driven insects.
"Coffee! Great!" Schuldig made a bee-line to the coffee machine. Still rubbing his hair dry with a towel, he stood impatiently in front of the counter with his entire focus on the dark liquid.
"Come on, make daddy happy. Brew faster."
"It must be sad to hold a conversation with something that won't respond. Ever, if I'm not mistaken."
Startled, Schuldig turned around. "Oh, hi, Brad. Didn't see you."
Crawford regarded him with a meaningful look over the rim of his glasses, threw a glance at the borrowed clothes Ran had given him, and dismissed him again by concentrating on the newspaper. And he did all of it calm, serene, and with such a lack of interest that it could only mean one thing.
Brad was back.
Schuldig's eyebrows shot up. As much as he was relieved that his old friend had finally turned back to normal, this was also very suspicious. The cool behaviour was quite the contrary to his former I-will-strangle-you attitude. Something must have happened in the meantime, something so important that it had changed him dramatically back to his former self. Well, maybe not so dramatically, but the sudden change was surprising enough to get very curious about it.
Under the pretence of intensive hair care, Schuldig took his time to eye the older man while he was slowly rubbing his damp hair with the towel. There was no doubt that the rage and fury had disappeared and their cool and collected leader was back again. Brad looked completely relaxed. No, he wasn't just relaxed. It was barely visible but it was there; the corners of his mouth were slightly pulled up.
Schuldig's hands stilled at once and his eyes widened in realization.
Brad had a smug smile on his face.
Brad looked like the cat that got the cream.
Something definitely had happened in the meantime.
And Brad refused to tell him about it.
Oh the nerve of some people.
Quickly putting the towel aside, Schuldig turned again to the coffee machine and stared intently at the slowly filling pot, willing the machine with a glare and an impatiently tapping of his fingers on the counter to work faster. The last drop hadn't touched the surface yet when he already snatched the pot and filled two mugs.
Though he was bursting with curiosity, he tried to appear unimpressed by his friend's sudden change as he sauntered over to the table, sat down, gingerly, he was still sore after all, and shoved the second mug nonchalantly over as an opening to strike up a conversation and to get information about Crawford's high spirits. Just like two civilized people would do.
However, the emphasis lies on 'civilized'.
Never letting the paper out of his eyes, Brad reached for the mug, brought it to his lips, nipped once, and put it down again. And the lips widened into a smirk.
Schuldig narrowed his eyes at Crawford's more than obvious act. He knew that Brad was aware of his curiosity but apparently preferred to play blind and deaf. Oh, if Brad thought that this would hinder him to get some answers he was sadly mistaken. Never believe for even a millisecond that you can win a mind game against someone who's called Mastermind. Hopeless dreamers, all of them.
Scratching on the brim of his mug, Schuldig threw him a bored look. "Something interesting happened in the meantime?"
"Not really."
"You sure?"
"Hm."
Okay, Brad was playing tough nut. But this was just the beginning. Mentally cracking his knuckles, Schuldig leaned forward and rested his chin on his right hand, eyes half-lidded with played boredom.
"Saaay, Brad, what happened to 'I'll shoot you' or... What was the other one again? Ah, yes, you wanted to strangle me."
The reaction he got for his effort was a purse of lips and a short shrug followed by "Anytime, just set time and place."
Glaring, Schuldig leaned back again. He should have known that he wouldn't get an answer with velvet cloves on. This was fruitless and it was time to change tactic.
"I see. So it's true that Farfie and you have hot monkey-sex. Really, you should have told us."
Without looking up, Crawford placidly turned another page. "I don't know how hot or satisfying copulations between primates are, but I do know a terribly sad story in which curiosity killed the cat. Very, very sad. And there was a pun intended, in case you haven't noticed."
For a short moment, Schuldig actually felt like a feline, more precisely he felt like a feline whose fur got rubbed the wrong direction, and his eyes narrowed in anger at Crawford's mocking tone. So, you think you're funny, huh? Oh, the moment I'm finished with you, you will be cracked open like a helpless peanut trampled down by a herd of mammoths!
"Apropos cat," Leisurely, Brad folded the newspaper and put it down; the amused glimmer of his eyes he directed at Schuldig was a perfect match to the smirk on his lips. "Tell me, are you going to wear those idiotic cat ears for the rest of your life? I hope not, they look rather stupid on you."
Bastard.
"Those? Nah. Role-playing is totally in and helps immensely to spice up one's sex life. You should try it sometimes. Oops, sorry, my mistake. You don't have a sex life."
"You still sore?"
"You already married with your right hand?"
"Schu! Farfa--"
"Not now, Nagi. Brad and I are in the middle of a serious talk between grown-ups right now."
"But... Don't you give a damn what Farfarello did to me?"
"Have you tried soap?"
"... No."
"Good. Back to the grown-ups. So, you find it terribly funny that I'm sore, Bradley?"
"Did I really say stupid? Pardon me. You look absolute ridiculous, Schuschu."
"It's your fucking fault that I got them in the first place!"
"Stop whining. There are things worse than some attached artificial ears."
"What the hell could be worse than this? If I cut them off I'll have holes, you sadistic bastard!"
"Jesus Christ! Just be glad your cat tail wasn't one of their special butt plugs!"
Silence.
"Wha... Wha... PARDON?"
.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.
Yohji was fuming. Someone had used up all the hot water, and to shower with ice cold water was only useful to avoid or to suppress amorous feelings, not to wash away their sticky by-products. And on top of that they had also taken away the last dry towel so that he had been forced to wipe himself off with a wet one.
Oh, he had an idea who was responsible for this. Since Schwarz had infested their home with their unholy presence everything was turned upside down. Nothing was simple anymore. They were an annoyance, they disturbed the peace. They caused trouble and brought nothing but chaos. They were arrogant. They were vain. They
had triggered the most intense sex he ever had had until now.
It had been incredible.
After Ken had pulled him into the room and his shock about the Berserker incident in the hallway had finally worn off, adrenaline had flooded his veins. And added to the mix of shock and relief, the result had resembled a volcanic eruption.
Suddenly, he had been aroused beyond imagination. His senses, his feelings and emotions, his mind, all of it reduced to the pulsing heat of the hard-on trapped in the tight jean and pressed up against his groin.
And he had acted without a second thought, without thinking at all. He had jumped his lover like a wild animal in heat, had pushed him down to the floor, and had pressed their bodies tightly together. He could still feel his lover's fine hair in his balled fist, the lips he had crushed under his own in a demanding, forceful kiss.
And Ken had reacted without hesitation, had pushed back and had forced his own tongue into Yohji's mouth. They had kissed each other as if they wanted to battle down the other one through lips, tongues, and fingernails which painted red welts onto soft skin. And while they fought for dominance, for surrender, for the sweet submission of each other, their groins had grinded together in the unmistakeable rhythm of pure lust.
It had been hot.
It had been wild.
It had been ... over in less than 10 seconds.
Yohji still couldn't believe it. Normally, he could go on and on like the Energizer bunny, could satisfy Ken to no end and he was quite proud of it. But not this time. This time, he had cum so fast that his brain had needed a long moment until it had finally comprehended the fact that it was actually over. That there was nothing left to shoot.
And while he was laying on top of this younger lover, boneless, breathless, helplessly panting for air, the realization had hit him full force.
He had finished, but not Ken.
And to the shock came embarrassment. The terribly nagging feeling of not being man enough, of having failed his lover by refusing to ease his needs, to bring him the desired satisfaction, thanks to that treacherous body.
And what did Ken?
Red-faced and with tousled hair, wheezing like a marathon runner on the last few meters, barely able to speak a whole sentence without snapping for air and still highly aroused, Ken had looked at him with understanding eyes.
It's okay.
Shit happens.
He would help himself.
AHHHHH! Yohji had the urge to pull his hair out and scream in frustration. Ken hadn't just added salt to the wound. No. He had also poured lemon juice on it and had mercilessly trampled down one of the last remaining pieces of men's pride that had managed to survive in this feminists' women-wear-ties domineered modern world. A pride every man holds sacred and no one, absolutely no one, least of all a man himself, should take it easy or, god forbid, even make fun of it.
Stamina, manhood's sacred cow.
But 10 seconds weren't stamina and to wipe off with a wet towel was just gross and so Yohji stood lost in thoughts in the hallway, fuming about the injustice, gritting his teeth in anger and feeling his cheeks turning crimson again in humiliation at the memory. Maybe he could vent his anger on Schwarz, those warm-water, towel stealing--
"Stupid grown-up."
Startled by the angrily whispered voice, Yohji snapped out of his musings and stared confused at the youngest member of Schwarz. Prodigy stood in front of him, both hands clenched into tight fists and face flushed in anger.
"Go away."
Yohji arched a brow. "Come again?"
"I said go away, you stupid, stupid grown-up."
Yohji's perplexed look was returned with a fairly impressive glare from the youth. He tried to remember if he had offended the young Schwarz member, but there wasn't anything he was aware of. He had absolutely no idea what the boy wanted from him.
The whole situation was somewhat absurd. It was clear that Nagi was furious and that the hisses, glares and snarls meant to be threatening, but seriously, the tiny, thin, low, and beeping voice of the apparently not-so-mute-anymore boy was miles away from being frightening. If anything, Nagi was funny.
While the appearance of the teenager actually brought some delight into Yohji's dark mood -- the black coloured word 'Beagle' on the boy's flushed forehead made it impossible for him to feel threatened by the furiously whispered words -- he wasn't willing to play target for bad-tempered kids. So far, the day had been bad enough for him already.
However, Yohji never had a chance for a fitting response to the boy's sudden hostility towards him. His second eyebrow went up to join the first the instant Nagi began to whisper a furious statement about brain-loss of all those evil and stupid, stupid, STUPID ohhh-sooo omniscient wannabe adults, inclusive Yohji of course, and all of them were invited to do something not entirely hygienic with his behind. And if Yohji wouldn't get out of the way within the next three seconds he would forget himself.
Ending his heatedly whispered tirade with a killing glance, Nagi stared at him for a few seconds, then made a fascinating noise similar to a pressure-cooker which was about to explode, reached out, shoved him rudely to the side, opened the door to the bathroom, stepped inside, and slammed the door shut with one last snarl in his direction.
Speechless, Yohji stared at the closed door. What the...? What...? Argh! Why the hell hadn't the boy just said that he was blocking the way to the bathroom! Oh, this was so Schwarz-like to think that everyone in this world was a born mind reader and to act aggressively instead of just asking politely, and it was so tempting to open the door and to tell the kid how childish, how immature he was behaving, particularly after all his bitching about grown-ups.
But something, let's call it survival instinct, kept him from opening the door and his mouth. The kid was dangerous after all, and evidently short-tempered. And he was Omi's boyfriend. And Omi could be very protective. And the whispered scream coming from the bathroom about where the hell that stupid soap is wasn't inviting either. Besides, he would never bring himself down on the same level as those Schwarz members. He was neither evil, nor childish.
Ergo, Yohji restrained himself and instead of a verbal reply to the boy's immature behaviour he made a simple, silent gesture as a protest and as a clear sign to show the youth that he still had a very long way till adulthood.
Demonstratively, Yohji stuck out his tongue
"Yohji?"
and froze.
No. This couldn't be. That wasn't even funny anymore. Had he overlooked some bad omen screaming at him to just stay in bed and under no circumstances leave his room today? Some black cats? A broken mirror? Two broken mirrors? A comet grazing the farthest corner of the alleged cosmic house he had been born in to mess up all his lucky stars? Some invisible evil imp, floating over him, roaring with laughter over the misery he was inflicting upon--
"What are you doing, Yohji?"
Well, that was a good question.
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Omi looked puzzled at his friend and comrade. Yohji was staring blankly at the bathroom door, tongue kindly back in his mouth where it belonged. The silence stretched and Omi was about to question him again when the older man slowly turned his head in his direction with a smile plastered on his face that was way too forced to be natural.
"... Nothing."
Frowning at the hesitation and at the uncertainty in Yohji's voice, Omi surveyed him critically.
"Is something wrong, Yohji?"
"... No."
And Yohji was acting way too suspiciously. But if he wanted to act childish and keep it whatever it was a secret, so be it. Omi wasn't that curious. Besides, he had other problems to worry about than some silly behaviours of one of his team members. Sometimes, he had the feeling he was the only adult around here.
"Okay, if you say so. By the way, have you seen Nagi?"
"... Who?"
"Who?" Omi echoed unbelievingly. "Midnight blue eyes? Shiny brown hair? Baby soft skin? Incredibly sexy body? Drop-dead gorgeous bishone who can lift a truck with a flick of his little finger, speaks four languages fluently and is a brilliant computer genius with an IQ of 140? Does. This. Ring. Any. Bell?"
"Wow... I mean... Yes... No... What was the question again?"
"Yohji," Omi growled, fed up with his friend's strange behaviour. He got the feeling that something was fishy, that Yohji was hiding something from him, and his eyes wandered to the closed door.
"Who's in the bathroom, Yohji?"
"... Nobody."
And in that moment, the door opened and Mister Nobody stuck out his head.
"Omi?"
.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.
Yohji stared down at the brown head of hair, trying to understand why Nagi had chosen exactly this moment to make an appearance. Could it be that Nagi was the imp?
"Yohji." The soft, horrified voice caught his attention and he directed his glance back to the other teenager. Omi stared at him open-mouthed, shocked, clearly guessing right what he had done and, more importantly, to whom.
"How could you, Yohji."
Oh the drama! Annoyed, Yohji rolled his eyes.
"Don't even start, Omi. I'm not in the mood to get another lecture from a hormone-ridden, grouchy teenager. And before you brag about the intelligence of your boyfriend, it's the E.Q. that's important, not the I.Q. Think about it for a minute, thank me for my wisdom, and then just ignore me for the rest of the day. No. Make it a week, just as a precaution. Until then, colour your hair black or brown or pink for all I care, just cover the lime-green, for Christ's sake. So girls, have fun with your tea-party, don't bother us adults, and don't forget to take the pill after you are done with your PMS-ing."
Without waiting for a reply, Yohji whirled around and stomped angrily down the hallway to the stairs.
Brats. Do they really think they have imbibed wisdom with the mother's milk?
.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.
"... E.Q.? Does Balinese even know what he's talking about?"
"I don't know. It's Yohji. You can never be sure."
"Are all of your team members that strange, Omi?"
"... Oh Gods, I hope not."
.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.
Now Yohji was really pissed off. He was so angry that even Berserker couldn't scare him off anymore. If the psychopath wanted to fight him, he was so ready for it. He was ready for every single psychopath in this world. He wasn't going to take any more shit. The next one who was getting on his nerves would pay dearly for... it...
Great. So. Fucking. Great. The kitchen was full with Schwarz. Okay, the kitchen wasn't exactly overcrowded, but the presence of two Schwarz members was more than enough at the moment.
Silently growling, Yohji threw a venomous look at the two men as a clear warning to stay away from him as he passed by to get to the coffee pot. Well, he could have saved himself the energy to pull his facial muscles into a threatening mask. Mastermind and Oracle ignored him completely, busily glaring at each other.
Oh the miracle! Oh the joy! Oh the... That's my towel! Yohji thought furiously, grabbed it from the kitchen counter and stared at it with narrowed eyes. Now he had the proof that those Schwarz basta--
"Yohji. Mind your manners, please." Ken's stern voice announced his appearance and the young man stepped into the room with a disapproving shake of his head.
Yohji blinked back at him, stunned at the accusing tone of his lover and with absolutely no idea what Ken was talking about. "Excuse me?"
Ken made a face as if he was being dense on purpose and threw a meaningful, slightly reproachful look at him. "Do you really have to bring a used towel into the kitchen, Yohji?"
Staring at the dusky pink item in his hands, Yohji needed an awfully long second to grasp the meaning behind his lover's words. "But I--"
"You know I don't appreciate such behaviour."
"But they--"
"It's unsanitary, Yohji," Ken continued, unimpressed by his protest. "And don't forget we have guests in our house."
"Guests? You can't be serious to call those bastards our--"
"Yohji!"
"But they--"
"No, Yohji. That's enough."
"Nnnng." Yohji snapped his mouth shut with an audible click. Gods, he was dangerously close to just explode and run amok. He needed someone to vent his anger on. He needed someone to blame for all the misery of the last few hours. He needed someone other than his innocent, sometimes terribly naive lover.
"You know, Yohji, you aren't completely off the hook yet. You have accused me of cheating on you with Farfie, after all."
No, please, for the love of God. Not that again.
"But."
But?
"But now, after such a passionate, hot, wild, feral, animal-like... err... house cleaning…" Ken paused, looked at him insistently and made a couple of spastic movements with his head. "I mean, it was quite a cleaning, don't you agree, Yohji? Um... The result was really satisfying. My... ah, sole complaint would be your… The next time you should… vacuum a little bit longer. Okay?" Blink. Blink. Wink. Wink.
… Huh?
Ken rolled his eyes and stepped closer to whisper the next words directly into his ear. "The sex, Yohji. It was amazing. You were incredible."
It had been amazing? He had been incredible? Wow, that was quite a nice turn of events. Yohji relaxed instantly, pleased about the surprising outcome. He even felt a little proud at the enthusiastic nod Ken was giving him, and the lovely smile on his lover's face as he handed him a mug full of fresh coffee was balm for Yohji's tormented soul.
"And now, bring your towel back to where it belongs. It is disgusting, after all."
"... Okay." It was a small thing compared to the victory he had gained. Yes, Yohji was happy enough to take the blame for the towel. He could live with it. He could happily die with the knowledge that
Schuldig was sneering at him with an evil smirk on his face.
.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.
Gods, Balinese's so pussy whipped. Hidaka only has to snap his fingers once and Kudou would jump in an insta—Whack!
Schuldig's head flew forward when something flat hit the back of his head.
What the hell was that?
"Stop sneering at Yohji."
What the hell?
"And put that towel away, Schu."
What the...?
"Now."
What…?
Completely shocked, Schuldig turned his head to stare after his lover. Ran walked to the counter, leisurely, as if nothing had happened, and calmly filled a mug with coffee. He greeted his friends with a small nod, leaned back against the kitchen counter, and started to sip carefully from the mug to not burn his lips with the hot liquid.
Numbly, Schuldig watched him sipping.
"Close your mouth, Schu. You look as if I've just killed your puppy." Ran watched him smiling, violet eyes twinkling in amusement.
Ever so slowly, Schuldig closed his mouth; still deeply in shock. No, Ran hadn't killed some cute, little, helpless puppy. Ran had done something much more monstrous.
Ran had hit him.
Ran had hit him in front of Brad.
Ran had hit him in front of Weiss.
Ran had had hit him in front of Kudou.
Ran had--
/I refuse to believe that you're that shocked./
/You hit me!/
/It was a light smack over the head, Schu. It wasn't that terrible, now was it?/
/In front of the others? Of course it was! That was the worst thing you could've done to me, Ran!/
/Why should this be--/
"Is this something like a domestic quarrel?"
"Looks more like a quarrel between two pantomimes, Ken."
"Hm, I know what you mean. Even for me as the leader of Schwarz, it never ceases to amaze me that as a telepath he should have his facial features under control when he's holding a conversation through his gift. Not much for self-control, our dear Mastermind."
/Argh! See? That's your fault, Ran! They had respect! ... At least Weiss had. They feared me, but now it's completely gone!/
/Schu, you're overreacting. I can assure you that Ken and Yohji still fear--/
"That's fascinating."
"Yeah, especially since Schuldig's turning red. Damn funny."
"Hm. You should see him when the bathroom's occupied and he's in... distress. Very animated, his attempt to threaten them out."
/--respect--/
"That's awesome."
"No, Ken, that's not awesome. That's hilarious. Schuldig looks like an angry tomato."
"Hm. I vote for a well-boiled lobster. "
/--you. I'm sorry, Schu, but don't you think friendliness would make the interaction between both groups easier? Just try to be nice instead of being a provocatively smirking bastard. Yohji and Ken can be very good friends if you--/
"I'll get Omi. He has to see this."
/--would--/
"You do that, Ken. And get my camcorder. It's in the left drawer."
/--let--/
"I believe Farfarello already has some blackmail video material of Schuldig. Just ask and he will lend them to you."
/-- them. Okay. I get it./ Ran sighed loudly in defeat and put his mug down. "Stay in the kitchen, Ken."
"But I have to get--"
"It's over, Ken."
"But Omi--"
"Has other things to do. Don't bother him." A stern look helped to convince the young man and Ken went pouting back to his lover's side. To Yohji, who was smirking at Schuldig openly.
Schuldig didn't need his gift to read Balinese's sneer correctly and his eyes narrowed back in irritation. So, Kudou is highly amused about the... assumption that he is under Ran's thump. That Ran wears the breeches in their relationship just like Hidaka has the final say with Kudou. Oh, it will be a pleasure to show Balinese how wrong, how utterly mistaken he is, and it will be fun to teach him a lesson or two. Just as a little reminder of what happens to idiots who dare to draw amusement out of his... awkward position and believe that he was some kind of docile, submissive, meek--
"Hey, Schu."
Fully concentrated on answering Kudou's smirk with the best baleful expression he could muster, Schuldig almost screamed in shock at the sudden voice next to him and he was dangerously close to fall out of the chair due to the violent jerk his body made in response to it.
With his hand firmly pressed against his chest right above his wildly hammering heart, Schuldig turned wide-eyed to Ran who had had the nerve to sit down beside him without giving him a warning first.
/Are you crazy?/
/Hm, don't know. Would you love me more if I were?/
Schuldig stared speechlessly at his innocently blinking lover before he exploded.
/Do you really want to ruin my reputation that much? I was in the middle of promising Kudou a gruesome death!/
/Don't be childish, Schu. You made some manlier-than-thou nonsense by sneering at Yohji and now he's sneering back. I would say you're even./
/No. Far from it. Kudou was challenging me openly!/
/Yohji's a friend of mine, a very good friend, and I won't allow you to start a cockfight with him about something so stupid./
"Okay, now I'm getting Omi."
"Stay in the kitchen, Ken."
"But, Aya."
"My name is Ran, Ken."
"... Okay, Ran. But why can't I get Omi?"
"Ken, you're whining. Stop it." /Schu, please, let it be. I'm sorry that I have ruined your bad guy performance, but is it really worth to stir up trouble over a towel?/
/... What towel?/
.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.
WHAT TOWEL? Ran was so flabbergasted by Schuldig's puzzled reply that he shook his head a few times in disbelief and started to speak out loud instead of using their private mind link.
"I'm talking about the one you brought into the kitchen, Schu. The one Ken was scolding Yohji for. The one Yohji took the blame for. The one that had triggered Ken to admit in the presence of Oracle and you that their sex... sorry, their house cleaning had been incredible."
"What? Why does Ran know about the sex? It wasn't that obvious, now was it?"
"Yeah, even I had no idea what you were babbling about."
"Babble--? Yohji!"
"Sorry, love."
"Farfarello's going to get crazy the moment he finds out about what he's missing. Serves him right. Shouldn't have started a fight with his leader. Ah, wonderful, I'm bathing in malicious joy."
"I'm talking about Yohji's pink--"
"Dusky pink."
"... dusky pink towel. Satisfied, Yohji?"
"Yep. Go on."
Ran shot a glare at his cheerful friend before he turned again to Schuldig who stared at him with wide eyes. With suspiciously wide eyes. Instantly, Ran reached up to massage his temple.
"Don't tell me you've forgotten why this started in the first place."
There was a moment of dead silence, and then
"Of course I haven't forgotten."
.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.
Jesus, he had completely forgotten about that damn towel! How stupid was this? And what the hell was wrong with him? Was he really that exhausted? He was still hungry, maybe it was something like a deficiency symptom. Or it was the result of acute nicotine withdrawal. He had had his last cigarette about thirty hours ago and it's scientifically proven that nicotine stimulates the brain cells. Yes, that could explain his lack of concentration.
Without a doubt, Schuldig had found the cause of his miserable state and he was about to turn his attention back to the others when a new thought crossed his mind. And it was not a pleasant one. The explanation worked for him but what about Ran? Would he accept an excuse based on facts? Probably not. Knowing Ran, he would just snort and then he would glare him down. Merciless. Pitiless. But... maybe his lover was more tolerant than he was giving him credit for. Maybe the situation wasn't as bad as he thought. Maybe Ran was right and he was just overreacting.
"Stop smiling like an idiot, Yohji."
Schuldig grew stiff at his lover's irritated voice and glanced warily from the corner of his eye at him. The sight of the young Weiss leader massaging his temple with a pained expression on his face wasn't very reassuring. Ran was visibly annoyed. And that was bad, very bad.
"Sorry, Ran, but it's just too funny to watch a quarrel between a bunny and a cat."
But on the other hand, maybe it wasn't so bad. Because, if he kept still, Ran would forget about him and Kudou would be his target.
"Yohji's right. You two make a cute couple."
Or Hidaka.
"Cute? What a witty description of two adult men who wear fake animal ears and actually believe that they are keeping their disputes private by just using telepathy while they are pulling faces at each other at the same time. Don't make me laugh."
Or Brad.
"Wipe that smirk off your face, Schu."
Or... Shit.
"I thought I've made my point clear. No provocations."
Schuldig stared back, unable to make any response to the sharp words. He just couldn't believe it. There are three men, making quips all the time, and Ran ignores them completely. And when he dares to make one smirk Ran bites off his head. What kind of logic was that!
It wasn't so bad that Ran had caught him red-handed, worse was the fact that he apparently had the need to criticize him constantly in the presence of others. To everyone's amusement, except his own. And he had no idea if Ran was aware of what he was doing to him, but honestly, an answer to that question didn't really change anything. It was too late, the damage was done. And he knew that he should stay calm, rational, level-headed, but his ego was screaming at him to defend himself and so his eyes narrowed in irritation.
"Who the fuck am I provoking, huh? That was a smile, okay? A lovely little smile. Kudou is the one smirking, not I."
Ran's frown deepened, a sign that he was clearly disagreeing with his version. "Don't use Yohji to make excuses for your own--"
"Oh, please," Schuldig interrupted him heatedly. "Why the hell are you always taking those morons' side? Have you forgotten that you're my lover? It's your duty to back me up, for crying out loud!"
"Schu, I cannot ignore your misbehaviour just because you're my lover."
"The hell you can! You're ignoring their misbehaviour the whole time! Tell me why the circle always has to end with me. Am I a magnet or something?"
"What circle?"
"Oh forget it. I've had enough of this shit." He was pissed, could barely restrain himself from shouting. Far too much had happened in the last hours, he had reached a crucial point where he wouldn't take anymore insults. Not from Ran, and least of all not from his buddies. It was time to wake them from their soap bubble dreams and to show those morons that he wasn't some toothless puppy, that he hadn't earned his famous evil reputation with a lottery ticket but through cold-blooded assassinations.
He would bring Weiss back to reality.
He would show them with whom they were playing.
He would open their eyes to the fact that sheep shouldn't provoke lions.
Regarding every single person in the room icily, including Ran who was still frowning at him, Schuldig voiced his anger with deadly calmness.
"The next one who makes fun of me or treats me like a brat turns into a vegetable."
Silence greeted him, not even Kudou dared to make one of his stupid responses. They understood that the fun was over. The old order was restored and a smirk rose on his lips at the dumb looks directed at him. He threw one last warning glare to remind them of their position, of the seriousness of the situation, before he settled back and ran a hand through his hair in a pleased gesture.
-Plop-
.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.
Yohji was dying.
The muscles of his cheeks twitched painfully and his lips were pulled up in such a way that they felt like two overstretched rubber bands close to tearing.
His face was a rigid, iron mask.
It hurt like hell.
He had a bad cramp in his stomach.
And it was heaven.
.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.
Covering his twitching lips with one hand, Ran tried desperately to restrain the laughter that threatened to break free. It was really hard not to burst out laughing like Yohji who was currently kneeling on the floor, holding his stomach with one arm while gripping the edge of the counter with the other one as if this would save him from breaking down completely. Or like Ken, who was snickering hysterically while patting Yohji's back in a feeble attempt to calm the older man down.
So, it wasn't easy to hold up a straight face. It was just as hard for him as for Crawford who sat red-faced with his glasses between thump and forefinger and the palm pressed against his eyes. The noises Crawford made in rhythm to his shaking shoulders were a mix between laughter and crying, and the few words he managed to squeeze out between them were telling a story about a leader of an assassin group called Schwarz who swears on his life that he hadn't foreseen it.
No, they weren't really helpful.
And while his eyes, despite all efforts, slowly filled with tears and the first traitorous noises bubbled up his throat, Ran knew that Schuldig would never forgive him if he joined them now. He knew that he should feel sorry for his lover instead of laughing over his misery. He absolutely knew it.
But gods, it was so damn hard.
.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.
Schuldig sat motionlessly, completely shocked. The disbelief that filled his mind to the extent that he couldn't make any coherent thoughts bordered on a trauma. He felt numb, beaten. It was too much, too cruel, too surreal, and he couldn't bear it anymore.
His warning had been deadly serious. He had meant every single word of it and it had been a success. He had had their entire attention. And while he had all eyes on him he had destroyed everything with one movement of his hand.
He had disconnected the second cat ear from his head and it was now hanging down from the hair as a pendant to the other one. And he just knew from the hysterical laughter dancing around him that he must look hilarious.
The hissing, fangs and claws baring lethal wildcat had been reduced to an ordinary house cat.
To the caricature of a shocked and rather dumb looking ordinary house cat, that is.
It was the ultimate defeat.
He had lost.
Completely.
They would never take him serious anymore.
And with both cat ears freely dangling from his hair, Schuldig laid his arms on the table and buried his face into the comforting embrace of them, blacking out all the cruelty of the world. The small, helpless whimper that escaped his lips was a heartbreaking sound coming from the bottom of his soul.
.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.
Ran reacted instantly at the sight of his crushed lover. He shifted and moved over so he could take Schuldig into a comforting embrace.
"It's not so bad, Schu. We aren't really laughing at you. It was really... dramatic... before you made that movement with your hand. It's just... there was this plop noise and suddenly your eyes got so wide and your face got... rather comical. I mean you looked so... disbelieving... And, you see, with those cat ears sticking to the side you looked like a grumpy... deadly cat that's flattening his ears and it was just so... It was just the combination with your death glare that made it so... funny."
Wincing at the small whimper Schuldig made in response to his quite pitiful attempt to save the day, Ran continued tenderly.
"I'm sorry, Schu."
"..."
"We all take you serious, honestly. It wasn't really that funny. You were... really impressive. And scary. Definitely scary."
"... Can I please drop dead?"
"Ah... No. Look, it's over now. No one's laughing anymore."
"I can still hear Kudou."
"Yohji... is a moron. Ignore him."
"Would love to." came the mumbled reply muffled by the arms. There was a deep sigh and Schuldig turned his head to rest his temple on his folded arms. Smiling, Ran reached down and caught a few orange strands that covered part of the face to stroke them gently aside, uncovering tired eyes that glanced up at him.
"Ran?"
"Hai, Schu?"
"You're a terrible comforter."
"Aa, that might be true."
"Love you."
"Love you too, Schu."
"Kawaii."
"Shut up, Ken."
"Fine. But I still think it's cute."
Ran raised his brows at the pouting voice and looked over to the younger man. He had to admit that his slightly sharp reply to Ken's cheerful comment had been automatically, simply for the reason that he had been called cute and that wasn't something he could identify himself with. However, Ken didn't deserve such rough treatment.
Ken was a good person and a wonderful friend. He was straightforward, open and emotional. He was a young man who wears his heart on his sleeve and it was admirable how honest he could be without questioning possible consequences first. And Ran knew that his friend only meant well.
"I'm glad that you support our relationship, Ken, and I want to thank you for your trust but do not call us cute."
"Why?"
Schuldig lifted his head and eyed Ken sarcastically. "Males? Adults? Assassins? In other words for the slow-witted: Male adult assassins?"
"Ha. Ha. Very funny. And that's just stupid."
"Especially when those so-called adult assassins wear fake animal ears."
"Shut up, Brad."
"Schu, I don't appreciate it when you're mocking one of my friends."
"Even if he's dumb?"
"Schu!"
"Oh gods, I swear, if I had known that Schwarz is so damn funny I would've pissed my pants laughing every time we met."
Oh great. Yohji. He had completely forgotten about him. What a serious mistake. Ran turned narrowed eyes at the older man who obviously had recovered from his laughing fit and was now leaning against the counter in a relaxed manner, watching their bickering as if it was the funniest thing in the universe.
Anger flared up in Ran at Yohji's irresponsible and carefree behaviour. He couldn't understand why Yohji had the urge to add fuel to the flames instead of helping him out to ease the pent-up emotions. Did he think that their arguments were only for his sole amusement? It was thoughtless, reckless. It created a dangerous situation where one word could be the last straw, where everything could get beyond control at any moment. And not to forget it was completely childish. Time to end those constant provocations before something serious happens.
"Yohji, I-- Whoa!" Ran yelped in surprise when Schuldig suddenly broke free from his embrace and sat up. Sneering.
"So, Balinese, does this mean that every time we met you pissed your pants in fear? How macho."
"Schu!"
"Not really. It was more the horror to become blind because of that hideous, green coloured jacket of yours."
"Yohji!"
"Oh yeah? Maybe that's the reason why you wear sunglasses even at midnight. And I thought that's because of your non-existing sense for fashion. Well, should I get a guide dog for you or is a white can enough, blind man?"
"For me to defeat you? A yellow bandage with three dots on it should be enough."
"Yohji! Schu! Stop it!"
"Why should I? Kudou is the one who started it! I only reacted to what he said. My return was not insulting, it was a conclusion."
"Funny interpretation, don't you think, Schwarz?"
"Too complex for you, Balinese?"
"Nah, too simple-minded."
"SHUT UP, BOTH OF YOU!" Ran's shout startled them into silence. He was fighting for patience as he spoke again with barely controlled irritation. "I'm fed up with your childish behaviour. What are you? Preschoolers?"
"Interesting thought because that would make us nannies."
"Don't interfere if it isn't something constructive, Oracle."
"Ho?"
"Ano, guys, why don't we all calm down?" Ken held his arms up in a placate gesture. "Please? Ran? Yohji? Er... Schuldig? I can call you Schuldig, ne? Or should I call you Mastermind? I can do both, you know?"
Ran's anger vanished quickly as he listened to the pacifying words. He was amazed about Ken's decision to step in instead of watching the whole argument out of harm's way. Amazed, but not surprised. Ken could be hot-blooded and short-tempered but he was also very peace loving.
Inwardly smiling at the sudden silence around him, Ran relaxed and settled back in his seat. It was no surprise that Yohji nodded his approval to Ken's request; he was his lover after all. Crawford made a nonchalant shrug, and Schuldig crossed his arms and rolled his eyes.
"You can call me Almighty God for all I care, Hidaka."
"For you it's just Ken, okay?"
"... Stubborn son of a--"
"Nuh, nuh. Just Ken."
"... Argh! I give up!" Schuldig threw up his arms for emphasis before folding them again across his chest, glaring at everything and nothing in a way that could almost be misinterpreted for sulking.
Grinning, Ran took a sip from his coffee. Everything was fine and good again. Ah, blissful silence all around him. It was wonderful. It was peaceful. It was... uncomfortable, awkward and disturbing. Cautiously, Ran threw a glance at the others. Crawford was smirking. Yohji was grinning. Schuldig was... trying to look as if he wasn't sulking, and Ken was twiddling nervously with his fingers.
And there was silence.
And some more silence.
And even more silence.
And-
"Ano... I will... turn on the radio." Ken smiled a little too broad as he quickly reached for said apparatus. Instantly, an overly cheerful female voice sounded through the room.
#… the news. Tokyo can breathe again. Our well-loved panda-baby Kawaii has been found in the woods. She is in good health and…#
"Who the hell calls such a monster Kawaii?"
Yohji almost chocked on his coffee at Schuldig's huffy remark. Grinning, he wiped his lips and looked entirely amused at the young German.
"Don't say that's the big and evil bear you talked about."
"Fuck off, Kudou."
#... therefore, we want to invite our listeners to come to Tokyo Zoo within the next hour to attend our welcome party for Kawaii…#
"A party for a lice and bug infested furball. You Japanese are crazy."
"Schu, please, don't insult me."
Schuldig made a face, growled something under his breath, and tightened his arms over the chest. Still in a huff.
#... latest news in the death of the crime lord Kurogawa Shuri last night. After police statements is the alleged criminal the crime lord's second-in-hand-chief Sugisaki Akio. Although finger prints taken from the glass which held the poison confirm Sugisaki Akio as the prime suspect in this murder case, the alleged criminal blames two mentally ill and religious fanatics disguised as cat and bunny to be the murderers.#
Stunned silence. Until Yohji's willpower crumbled and something similar to laughter filled the room with strange wheezing noises. Ran was thankful that Yohji had enough manners to turn around so that his shaking shoulders were the only indication that he was laughing his ass off. If one could ignore those utterly strange wheezing noises. And Ran could, as stunned as he was. Until Yohji turned around again, and alternatively pointed a finger at him and Schuldig while tears were running down his cheeks in an alarming speed.
"Religious fanatics... Wheeeheeeheee... Mentally ill... Wheeeheeeheee..."
"What the fuck are you? A horse?"
"Schu... Yohji... " Ran paused and shook his head, already forgotten what he wanted to say. He tried to understand Akio's statement, why that little man came up with such a silly description of Schuldig and him. That was just stupid. They were skilled, professional assassins; they never acted in such a way to give the man such an imbecile impression. Not at any time. So how could this happen?
"Okay, Brad, do you want to die now or should I let you make one last blood sacrifice with a little baby to worship one last time one of your profoundly evil, loathsome and foul smelling gods?"
"Crawford is a Satanist?"
"Ken." Ran shook his head to stop his friend from further comments and turned his eyes on Crawford. Could it be that the Schwarz leader was involved in this? Well, apparently not. Crawford was unperturbed by Schuldig's snarled threat and returned his murderous glare calmly.
"I can assure you that it's solely Sugisaki Akio's doing. However, to answer your question, I'm more dying with curiosity about the cause that left Sugisaki with such a theory about the state of your mind. Care to enlighten me, Schuldig?"
"Asshole. You're too cunning for me to believe you for even a second. And before I get more unwanted surprises, is there anything else we should know about, Brad?"
"No, of course not."
#... And now to another mystery that has yet to be solved. After numerous calls from worried citizens who claim that they have felt vibrations of an earthquake this morning, seismologists of the Tokyo University were able to locate the centre of the earthquake in a small street. After latest information from the puzzled scientists, the earthquake seemingly had started from a flower shop called Koneko no Sumu Ie from where it spread a few blocks of houses…#
Stunned silence.
And more stunned silence.
And-
"Ano, maybe I should turn off the radio again, ne?" Ken almost broke his arm as he pushed the button as fast as he could.
And the silence continued.
And continued.
And continued until Crawford made a deep, suffering sigh and spoke out with a casual gesture. "Nagi was a little... disgruntled."
"Disgruntled?"
"Yes, Schuldig, disgruntled."
"Disgruntled?"
"Er... yes, Fujimiya. Disgruntled."
"Kami-sama, and he produced an earthquake? What does he do when he's really angry? Or boiling with rage?"
"Now... it's not that he doesn't have some self-control. I can assure you, Fujimiya, my men have enough discipline to--"
"Shut the fuck up, you lying bastard."
All heads turned to the new voice.
Berserker stood in the doorway, scarred lips twisted into a disturbing sneer. The golden eye held a gleam that was as unsettling as the hunting knife in his right hand, and the look he gave Crawford was that of a cruel predator regarding his helpless prey delightfully before mauling it beyond recognition.
The young Irishman never let his eye from the leader of Schwarz as he hissed his next words.
"Get out. NOW."
Silence. And then
"Of course."
"Okay."
"My pleasure."
"Have fun, Farfie."
And everyone left the room.
Except Crawford, who sat unimpressed with an almost bored expression on his face that turned into panic the moment Farfarello spoke up again, and his stomach twisted into tight knots with upcoming terror at the famous three words a male never wants to hear in his adult life.
"Let's talk."
.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.
tbc
.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.
E.Q.: Emotional Quotient (Emotional Intelligence)
.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.
Black Kitten: Phew, finally done. I hope it was worth the long wait. Reviews!... Star Princess Meesa. Thanks for your review! Sorry, there wasn't much interaction between Brad and Farfie in this chapter, but I have the feeling that the next one will focus on those two. I wonder what's going to happen between them. Hmmm.
Brad: Oh, god. I have this dreadful feeling called panic.
Black Kitten: Again? Cute. #smirks#... Skeren Dreamera. Ah, don't stress yourself. The main thing is that you will update someday, ne? Great that you liked the kitchen scene! It was really hard to write. I lost weight, had sleepless nights, put all my tears and blood into it... Dramatic, aren't I? #g#... Oh, Brad-abuse is always fun. It's just as funny as Schu-abuse, or Ran-abuse, or--
Brad: We get it.
Black Kitten: Really? Let's see what the next chapter will bring. #evil grin#... Luna Kaira. Oh my, thank you. #blushes# If I've read your review correctly, you want to know who's the better seme? Hm, we all know how Ran acts. Let's see how seme Schu is. (spoiler-alert! Don't read if you don't want to know!) When Schu finally has his kitten under him, he's going to #censored# his #censored# and then he will #censored# the #censored# of his #censored# after he has #censored# him. Great, ne?
Schu: That's... scary.
Black Kitten: You don't say. #grin#... tigermink. Sorry for the late update. Oh, and you're right. Ran and Schu are both so fixated on having the seme part in their relationship that they're totally cute when forced into--
Schu: Forced?
Black Kitten: Er... wrestled into--
Ran: Wrestled?
Black Kitten: Errr... loved into the uke part. #blinks# What the hell am I saying? Sorry, tigermink. I hope you'll love the interaction between Farfie and Brad in the next chapter as much as with Schu and Ran.
Brad & Farfie: Wha... wha... wha...
Black Kitten: Exactly! #cackles#... gamegirl28. #uncontrolled giggles# Ran could be pregnant? LOL. That would explain a lot. Perfect conclusion of his mood swings. I swear you made my day with that comment. And you sold the video on e-bay? Must have been the day when e-bay was terribly slow due to the heavy traffic. #winks#... Ah, no uke Ran this time, sorry, but maybe in the next one. Though, I have to solve the problem with Brad and Farfie first. And then there's still Omi and Nagi, I've neglected those two terribly. So, who should I take first?
Brad & Farfie and Ran & Schu: #points at each other# Take them! Take them!
Omi & Nagi: #excited# Take us! Take us!
#grownups-silence and heavy chibi-blushing#
Black Kitten: #blinks# Someone needs it badly, ne? I'm really, really shocked. #sniggers#... gonyos. Hi! Danke! Hat zwar etwas lange gedauert aber ich hoffe die Wartezeit war es wert. Schu ist ein super süßer Uke... wenn man ihn lässt. Und das kommt leider so gut wie nie vor, außer es gibt ein Pairing mit Brad oder eventuell noch mit Farfie. Aber sonst... #sniff#. Und Ran ist der PERFEKTE Seme. Ernst, sturköpfig, brummelig, stechender Todesblick--
Ran: Ich bin nicht brummelig!
Schu: Du sprichst deutsch?
Ran: #blinzelt# Ano... boku wa...
Black Kitten: And they call me crazy!... annakas. Oh, Farfie is such a cute Irish-bishie he deserves much, much more than Brad's revenge...something is entirely wrong with this sentence. Let's say both of them will get what they deserve. #evil, evil smirk#... Ah, and again no deflowering of Ran, but Schu has a good chance in the next chapter. And poor, poor Brad. First he's Eeyore, and then he's a stupid mutton. I pity him. Really. I mean I wouldn't swear on my life but... #cough#... Aya-chan. She's such a lovely girl. And sooo naive. Brings nothing but disaster and doesn't even know it.
Aya-chan: #nods blissfully# Hai. Hai.
Black Kitten: Er, as I said, such a cute girl... Bloodrose 'Valantine' Foxxstar. #hugs# Sorry for the terribly late update. Schu definitely will seme his kitten. Can't let the bunny have all the fun, ne? #winks# I hope you had fun with my choice of victims this time. Poor Yohji. And poor Schu. Absolutely nothing went right for him in this chapter. I really need to stop the torture or he's going to break down. And I can tell you that's not a nice sight. It's scary, believe me.
Schu: How the hell would you know how I look with a mental break down? Huh?
Black Kitten: Oh please, since I started the story I saw you weeping, crying, crawling, screaming, begging... Apropos begging, will you ever make a new fic, Foxxstar? You know, the fangirl-community's ready for another story about Ran, Yohji and Schu. I swear. #puppy eyes#
Schu: #points at puppy eyes# Now that's what I call scary!
Black Kitten: #sticks out tongue#... Jerichadarkskill. Wow, about 500 stories? Thank you! It's great that you enjoy the story that much. Ah, Ran the uke-virgin. The last time he didn't even has to fight tooth and nail to avoid Schu's sinister plans. On the other hand, to use such an ancient trick in order to deflower Ran wasn't sinister but plain silly. If Schu keeps this up he will be uke for the rest of their love-life. With or without soap, that is. Ah, I could live with that. #sighs dreamily#
Schu: #shell-shocked# Gah... Gah... Gah...
Black Kitten: #raises eye brow# Er... Now I feel something like pity for you. Okay, I will help you to bottom your lover.
Ran: #shell-shocked# Gah... Gah... Gah...
Black Kitten: Oookaaay, that's... quite disturbing... eva84. Oh yes, Schu the Absolute Seme. That was until I came and decided to write a story. #sniggers#... I want to thank you, Eva, especially for the part where you wrote that a seme-Schu would almost be a let-down at the moment. I know that most girls prefer SchuxRan, therefore I'm totally happy every time I can 'convince' someone that it can be so much more fun when it's the other way around.
Schu: That's a lie! A LIE!
Black Kitten: However, Schu will top Ran.
Schu: That's a--...Oh. Okay.
Black Kitten: Now, why am I not surprised? #rolls eyes# I hope you will like my SchuxRan, Eva!... Underwater Owl. #evil grin# So, you think the god-fixation would be too serious for my Farfie? Well, let's say I've this wonderful idea so just wait for the next chapter and decide for yourself, okay?
Farfie: I've a bad, bad feeling.
Black Kitten: Really? #cackles#... Anyway, I love Farfie too much so I will end his torture in the next chapter.
Farfie: What? You're going to kill me? Are you nuts?
Black Kitten: What on earth are you talking about? I can't kill you. That's a humorous story, you dimwit.
Farfie: Humorous! Ha! That's what you believe, you sadist! But I'm suffering! Let me die!
Black Kitten: #blinks#... What the... I capitulate. That man's too crazy, even for me... Gunning Angel. Hi! Oh, I've decided to just wait and someday there will be an update from you. Besides, this shows me that I'm not the slowest writer and for that I LOVE you! #hugs#... Oh, do you think Schu has suffered enough? Ran wasn't very nice to him in this chapter. Even Yohji had more fun than Schu. Maybe it's really time to give our beloved German his reward for all the mental torture he has to endure. I would say this calls for another lemon, precisely where Schu finally can show how manly he really is.
Schu: #nods like crazy#
Ran: #shakes head like crazy#
Black Kitten: #smirks like crazy#... Mujyakina-Hitokoroshiya. Thanks for the review! It's great that you have so much fun with the story. And Ran will be uke soon, I swear. All I have to do is being subtle about it so that I won't scare him off.
Ran: #screams like a little girl and runs off to buy a one-way ticket to Brazil#
Black Kitten: Oops. I didn't know he stood directly behind me, silly me. Crap, now I've to hunt him down. Wait a sec, bishonen hunting... Hmmm, nice. #cackles insanely#... Elster. Wah! Danke für deinen tollen Kommentar! Ich habe mich riesig darüber gefreut! Eine Stelle liebe ich besonders: Farfie ist einer dieser großen Viecher mit Zähnen und Klauen von denen die Besitzer immer meinen sie wollen nur spielen. PRUST! Das ist einfach göttlich. Ich wünschte mir wäre das eingefallen. Und danke für deine positive Reaktion zu meiner Grammatik. Ich hoffe nur, dass es diesmal nicht allzu schlimm war. Nun, die Tierohren mussten bleiben damit Schu sich noch mal so richtig blamieren kann. #schadenfreude# Ich hoffe die Szene ist gut rüber gekommen. Bezüglich Farfie und Brad, ich glaube keiner von beiden würde einfach aufgeben, dazu sind beide zu dominant. Aber das macht die Konfrontation umso spannender, nicht? Mal sehen wie es ausgehen wird.
Schu: #rollt die Augen# Tu nicht so als ob du das nicht schon wüsstest.
Black Kitten: Ähm... Nun ja... Wie soll ich's sagen... Aya-chan. Wahnsinnig nettes Mädel. Ich habe schon Gewissensbisse wegen ihr.
Schu: Du und Gewissensbisse. Ha. Das ich nicht lache.
Black Kitten: Ach sooo? Oh, look what lil-evil-bunni wrote... Schu is not man enough... HA!
Schu: #jaw hangs down# That's... a lie! An evil, gruesome lie!
Black Kitten: So? And where's your proof? As far as I know, Ran is always on top... or rather he was. Lil-evil-bunni, believe me, I would love to continue with Schu as uke but there're so many readers out there who are eagerly waiting for Ran's deflowering that I cannot ignore it any longer.
Ran: Of course you can! You're the authoress!
Black Kitten: Wow. You're back from Brazil already? That was fast.
Ran: #blinks# Er... Oh my... I'm such an idiot!
Black Kitten: #smirks# Lil-evil-bunny, I promise you'll like the Aya-uke-lemon. If not... I will... um... Oh, look! There's izedlatte! Thank you so much for your positive comment concerning my English. That means a lot for me. #hugs# So, Brad's reaction took you by surprise? Me too. I mean, the great, untouchable and oh-so cool Oracle fights back with a kiss. That's sooo OOC.
Brad: Pardon me? You were the one who wrote that nonsense!
Black Kitten: Me? Can't be. I'm like a historian, or a reporter. I see and write it down.
Brad: You're crazy!
Black Kitten: Maybe, but now I've an excuse for all those evil sinister plans I have for you. BWAHAHA!... #cough#... Sorry. Next one... KT. #huge smile# Oh yes, Schu torture is great. Hopefully I haven't overdone it in this chapter. Oh, and Schu did suffer even after their love-making in the shower. There's still that little problem with his sore behind. Poor bishie.
Schu: Spare me your mocking pity.
Black Kitten: #wide-eyed# I have NO idea what you're talking about. I take care of all my slaves... er... bishie slaves... um... bishies... oh gods... Brad. Let's talk about Brad and Farfie. Now, their interaction is really interesting. I would say if one of them doesn't back down soon... someone will lose something very important, ne KT? #hint hint#
Farfie: #panic# Hint, hint?
Black Kitten: #cackles#... DracoAter. Oh, you like my lo-tort-chambers? I haven't used them in a long time. Hm, wonder why? #wonders#
Schu: #plays with cars like a toddler and makes brooom brooom noises#
Brad: #makes colourful paper hats#
Ran: #discusses meaning of life with imaginary pink mice#
Ken: #comments imaginary football match#
Omi & Nagi: #have no idea what's going on, innocent as only chibis can be#
Farfie: #is his normal self#
Black Kitten: #blinks# Er, okay, now I know why I have forgotten about the chambers... Oi! Farfie!
Farfie: #drawls# Yeah?
Black Kitten: DracoAter's waiting in lo-tort-chamber no. 2.
Farfie: Yay! #cloud of dust#
Brad: #stutters# But he's... I'm... We're...
Black Kitten: Yes, I know. Pretty paper hat, by the way. Dear DracoAter, what I want to say is that you're the first who had figured out and made a (more or less) direct comment about the upcoming relationship between Brad & Farf. #throws confetti#... But if I have misread your review and have now spoilt your fun with a spoiler... #hangs head in shame#... Kyra2. #grin# I see you had fun with the last chapter. Oh yes, Farfie our little joker. I don't know why so many authors portray him so serious. I mean what's funnier than a one-eyed psychopathic knife-loving death machine on... two... legs... Oh gods, I think my therapist's waiting.
Random Therapist: #nods gravely# Yes, I see why you find such an evil, gruesome, pain and terror spreading individual like Berserker so funny. It all lies in your childhood. No. More precisely, it goes back to your pre-pre-pre-birth-state when you were nothing but a tiny egg swimming in a terribly dark cave and your mother masked herself as a knife and patch wearing pirate during carnival time.
Black Kitten: #wide-eyed# Wow. I mean that's just... Wow... Spawn of Hell. Hi! Did you know that my mother was a knife and patch wearing pirate? No? Er... sorry. It's nothing serious, I can assure you. Mah, you don't like comedy? That's a pity, but I still have one or two chapters left to work wonders and maybe there's a little chance that you will acquire a taste for it. Great that you love the interaction between Brad and Farfie, I've still plans for them so just wait for the next chapter and see for yourself.
Brad: #snorts# You cannot surprise me with whatever evil, disturbing plan you have for me. I'm the Oracle.
Black Kitten: Of course, you are. #smirks#... Kimpatsu no Hoseki. Thank you! It's great that you've enjoyed the previous chapters to the degree that you even got a ... headache… #blinks#... I mean poor Kimpatsu. #gives anti-headache-pill#
Schu: Ha! Now I have it in cold print that the readers SUFFER while reading your stupid story!
Black Kitten: #snorts# You wish.
Schu: Andartha nearly died!
Black Kitten: WHAT? #sees Andartha in corner, still giggling# Oi. #nudges Andartha# Oi! #no reaction#... Oh. My. God. Schu's right. They are suffering!... #to Andartha# I hope you can hear me. I want to thank you for your review and I'm sorry for the state you're in but... Look, if you aren't getting better in the next five minutes I have to put you into Farfie's cell. #no reaction# WITH Farfie. #still no reaction#... Oh gods, that's serious. What shall I do?
Schu: #gravely# The time has come. You have to stop the story in order to prevent further--
Black Kitten: #cheerful# Again, I hope you all had fun with the new chapter and are eagerly waiting for the next one… #glares at Schu# That was a dirty trick, you meanie. #grabs Schu and drags him to lo-tort-chamber no. 1 because no. 2 is already occupied, turns around and waves# Until next time, minna-san!