Will The Real Beth Webfoot Please Stand Up?

Act II

She was still walking. There was nothing better to do.

Her wallet was in her pocket, she found. This would come in handy! She pulled out her cards and examined them. So her name was Beth Webfoot... it didn't ring a bell. She shrugged, and took a look at her driver's license. ACK! Who had let that awful picture get by the front desk!? Weren't they supposed to keep humiliations like that from getting public? Oh, well. Beth put the cards back into her wallet, and stuffed her wallet back into her pocket. She wondered where she should go, then realized there didn't seem to be any point in trying to go anywhere, since she didn't know a single place in the city. Hmm... if only she had some sort of a purpose! Maybe, if she tried really hard, she could remember her job or something.

After several frustrating minutes of concentrating and coming up quite literally blank, she frowned. This was going nowhere. Maybe if she retraced her footsteps! Well, she had woken up about, oh, say, fifteen minutes ago.

That put an end to that.

Feh. If only she hadn't gone to that bank- She paused. AHA! A memory! A memory of... a bank. Well, duh. What was she doing in that bank? With some effort, she remembered a bank robbery, a gunshot...

Of course!! It all made sense now, perfect sense! Beth Webfoot was a criminal mastermind! Grinning, Beth set off to find a bank and reclaim her true calling.

"Good afternoon, I hope you're having a nice day. Thank you for banking with First National, and I hope we continue to meet all your banking needs. How may I help you?" The teller behind the desk smiled her false smile at no one in particular. The young woman on the other side of the desk looked a little flustered, but rather even-tempered, and somehow strangely familiar.

"Er... Well, give me a moment," said the young woman, smiling apologetically. "I've been injured recently, apparently, and I sort of forget how this goes."

Now the teller remembered this woman. She had been at the holdup earlier this afternoon! The teller smiled again, more genuinely. "You just take your time, my dear. Do you want to tell me how much you're interested in taking out?"

"Oh! Of course. Let's see, I'd like... oh... let's say about $100,000. That ought to do it."

"Certainly, ma'am! Now, you'll need to fill out one of our withdrawal slips here-"

The woman looked mildly surprised. "Withdrawal? Oh no. I'm robbing you."

The teller couldn't speak for a moment. She stared into the face of the young woman, who seemed completely serious and still quite innocuous. After a moment, she managed a laugh. "I- I see. I'm sorry though, miss, but I feel it's in rather poor taste to joke about that sort of thing, after we have had a robbery already earlier to-"

"I'm not joking." There was no mistaking the seriousness in the woman's voice, although she still seemed completely devoid of malice. "I'm holding you up. One hundred thousand dollars, please."

"...Excuse me one moment," said the teller. She smiled, and the young woman smiled back. With that, she ducked beneath her desk and dialed Security. "Filbert? We got another one. Yeah, I'll keep her occupied." She hung up the phone and stood up again. "They'll have your money along momentarily."

"Thank you!" said the young woman with a smile. She stood still and waited, humming softly and looking at the ground for a second or two, then looked back up at the teller. "So... do you like your job?"

"Actually I'm quitting tomorrow," she replied.

"Oh dear! Why?"

"Too many holdups."

The young woman looked genuinely abashed. "Oh, I am so sorry!"

The door suddenly slammed open, as Filbert and his partner entered. "Freeze!" they shouted, pointing their guns at everyone in the room in a rather over-the-top display of machismo. "Okay, Lula, where's this robber?"

"Right there!" The teller pointed at the young woman, who looked surprised but not actually frightened.

"Do I get my money now?" she asked.

"Do you...?" Filber looked astonished. "You sure this is her?"

"Yes I'm sure! Arrest her already!"

"She doesn't look like a bank robber," said Filbert's partner.

"Lula, I think you're just misunderstandin' this poor creature." Filbert put an arm around the young woman's shoulders.

"Uh, excuse me-" began the woman. Filbert made no more effort to listen to her than he had made to listen to the teller.

"Coming in just to do some banking, and suddenly getting accused of stealing- How much was it?"

"One hundred thousand dollars," said the woman, "but-"

"Accused of stealing $100,000, with no testimony to back her up except that of a teller who has spent a few too many sunny spring days behind that desk. Well, Lula, I hope you're proud of yourself!"

The woman tried one more time. "But I really am-"

"No!" cried Filbert. His partner and the teller were all watching him bemusedly by this point. "No need for words, my friend. Lula, get her her money."

"Filbert, you really might want to think this through-"

"Lula, if she's a bank robber, I'm Nana Peel."

The teller sighed and retrieved the requested amount of money.

"There you go, steady customer. And remember to keep banking with us!" He gave the woman a pat on the back as she left, her arms full of sacks of bills. He even went so far to wave before the teller interrupted him.

"The cameras will show you her confession, Mrs. Peel. Do you want to avenge her now, or later?" Filbert stopped waving.

Beth couldn't believe her luck! $100,000 just handed to her! She must be really good at this criminal thing- much better than she thought! Her talent evidently came naturally, since she sure didn't feel like she knew what she was doing in there. Oh well, it worked all right! Why, she was probably right up there in the same ranks as... some really dangerous criminals.

For some reason all the names of dangerous criminals escaped her, although she did remember that most of them used phony supervillain names and not their real names. She wasn't sure why that was, but it got her wondering whether, perhaps, she might have a supervillain name? Nothing came to mind, but it would make sense if she did. Something really evil. Oh, that would be so much fun! In fact... she might even be a part of a team! She shuddered with delight at the thought.

As soon as she could find a nice place to stash this... er, "loot", she decided, she would go seek out other criminals to join up in a team with her- if she wasn't in one already! In a way, Beth was surprised that she lived such an exciting life. To look at her picture, you'd think she was really boring.

She was so happy walking down the street that it took some effort not to skip.

"Gosalyn, correct me if I'm wrong here, but didn't I distinctly say never to touch that lamp?!?"

"You didn't say never," Gosalyn argued emphatically. "Besides, I've been telling you for months now that you should put it someplace else if you like it so much!"

"Someplace else!? I'll put it wherever I like, little missy. This is my house, after all!"

Launchpad sighed and shifted. "Well, DW, maybe you could- y'know- make it 'Gosalyn-proof' or somethin'," he said.

Darkwing turned and addressed him. "Nothing is Gosalyn-proof," he said dryly.

"Darn straight," agreed Gosalyn smugly.

Launchpad had to grin at that. Much as he disliked these arguments, Gos and DW usually worked it out themselves eventually so there was no need for him to play peacemaker. So normally he didn't bother, but this time he was afraid the noise would disturb Beth. Say... "Hey, guys, what about Beth?"

This put a definite end to the argument. However, as they ran up the stairs, Launchpad didn't find any solace from his worry in that fact. He had a bad feeling...

Sure enough, the bedroom was empty.

The occupants in the room went into something of a panic. "Now, it might be okay, she could be in the kitchen getting some water or something..."

"Did anyone check the bathroom?"

"What'll we tell her family?"

"It's not my fault!!!"

After about five minutes of this, they straightened themselves out and Darkwing took control of the situation. "She can't have gotten far. In fact she might even be in the house, so maybe we should all stay here and look around. Or maybe we should go to her house, she might be there. But if she is outside someplace- but then, she would have told us if she were going anywhere..." He shook his head rapidly. "Okay, I'm okay now. Launchpad, you and I are going to go out and look for her."

"And what about me?? I just get to sit at home and wonder?" demanded Gosalyn anxiously.

"Of course not!" She looked mollified until Darkwing added, "You stay here and make sure she's not still in the house someplace."

"What!? This sounds like another 'Stay out of trouble, Gos' ploy! C'mon, Dad, if she were still here we'd know!"

Darkwing pointed a finger at her. "That's not true! There are plenty of places in this house to hide if you really put your mind to it, and I bet you know all of them!"

Gosalyn considered this. "Well, most of them, yeah."

"So you're staying."

"Not by my choice."

"By order."

"Right."

"It's settled then."

Launchpad looked back and forth from one to the other, completely lost.

"I shouldn't'a gone to get the phone," said Launchpad morosely from the sidecar.

"Well, no, probably not," said Darkwing, still eager to divert any blame from himself. He regretted his words right away, however, as his sidekick's shoulders slumped. "But we all make mistakes, LP! Even I do, on occasion." And sometimes, he added silently, they can cost you something you didn't even realize was dear to you. "But you can't just keep beating up on yourself, you have to get past them! Buck up, pal, we'll find her."

"Ya really think so?" asked Launchpad, a smile forming faintly on his face.

"Of course," Darkwing said, then turned to face the road as the Ratcatcher sped down it. Nothing wrong with a little exaggeration every now and then, he told himself. He hadn't exactly been lying- he was pretty sure they'd find Beth. Just... not 100 sure.

The slightly uneasy silence broke when the Ratcatcher's radio crackled to life. "Calling all units! Robbery at the St. Canard First National Bank-" Darkwing switched the radio off.

"You're not gonna get that, DW?"

Darkwing shook his head. This whole thing had happened because he'd ignored Beth in favour of a robbery. Not a second time. "No, they can handle it without me. This is more important."

Launchpad smiled. "Thanks, DW," he said. He wondered if Beth would ever find out how worried about her DW really was. He knew it would make her happy. He'd have to tell her when they found her, even if Darkwing denied it.

The duo sped down the streets, bypassing the St. Canard First National Bank completely, and thus missing the nondescript, slightly bookish brown-haired duck who walked down the street trying to fit $100,000 into her pockets- the same nondescript, slightly bookish brown-haired duck they were searching for.

As it happened, not only did Darkwing pass her by, but so did the police who passed her in the street on their way to catch the criminals. When they were later asked about this mistake, they sheepishly gave answers along the lines of "I just didn't think she could rob a bank!" and "She doesn't look like a criminal!" The mistakenly-arrested banker was released later in the week after it was determined that he was definitely unrelated to the actual robber. In recompense for his imprisonment, he was given a peppermint lollipop in the shape of a policeman's badge. The lawsuits are still in negotiation.

Gosalyn switched off the TV with an exasperated sigh. An hour and a half now, and not only was Beth not here, not only had she not come back, but Gosalyn was feeling exceedingly useless. Her father obviously had NO confidence in her whatsoever, or else he would have let her come along! Did he think she wasn't going to take this seriously? Beth was my friend long before she was friends with either of them! she thought, frustrated.

She made up her mind suddenly to go out and look for Beth on her own. After all, three pairs of eyes on the lookout were better than two! And this way she'd be able to look for Beth in places where her father wasn't! Especially since she'd have to avoid him like the plague to keep from getting in trouble. Oh, well! Boy would he feel dumb when she found Beth and he had to apologize! She started forming a script for him in her head as she left.

A very short while later, Negaduck was roaming the streets of the city with every intention of blowing up a building. This, he hoped, would tide him over until he could think of something really destructive to do. For the moment, though, he couldn't bring himself to just take out any building at random. He looked up and down the street he was on. It had to be big enough to make a big mess and to draw a lot of attention, but small enough so that the remnants of the building didn't hit him from where he was standing. And, of course, if it happened to have people in it... Negaduck grinned to himself as his attention was caught by a medium-sized building- about five stories high- that had a woman standing on the roof of it. "Perfect, baby... Don't move," he said softly, and took out a missile launcher. But there was something odd about her... it was like he... recognized her.

That changed things. If he knew the woman on top of the roof, he couldn't just kill her-- He'd have to go rub her face in it first! This evening was turning out to be pretty good, after all, he thought as he made his way to the building she was standing on.

Beth squinted into the sunset, lost in thought. She'd evaded the "fuzz" (although she thought that was an awfully silly word, and giggled every time she thought it- it made her think of dryer lint), although she hadn't had any other place to put the money so she'd deposited it to her bank account. Thank goodness she'd had the forethought to go to a different branch! Most likely everyone at her own branch of her bank was looking for her. Fortunately, no one seemed to think to look on the top of buildings lately, so she was perfectly happy up there. Except, of course, that she was awfully lonely... Where were the other supervillains? Why hadn't they come to get her yet?? It all made her wonder if she even had any real friends. Hmph.

And why hadn't she seen any yet? She'd been in all the perfect places, skulking. That was what criminals did, after all. They skulked, in the shadows and on rooftops and things. She had figured that this would be the perfect place to meet one, but no such luck! Maybe she was supposed to wait until after dark. Ooh, but that wasn't safe, there were all sorts of unsavory types out then- Oh yeah. Yeah, she could wait until after dark, then.

Someone behind her said "Liz?" in a low, gravelly tone.

She turned around, confused. "Have we met?"

Negaduck stared back at her. From the back and far away, she had looked a lot like Liz Webfoot from his world, although he'd only met her twice. Oh, sure, the hair colour didn't match, but he'd always known that Liz bleached her hair to get that cheap blonde shade. But now, seeing her up close, it was strange- totally different. She had the same basic features as Liz, but... she was so flamin' innocent! This version of Liz was some kind of a dork!! "You might say that," he answered her, watching her warily.

With that, she opened her mouth and her whole life story came pouring out. Negaduck nearly shot himself midway through. "Well, the reason I ask, see, is because my name is actually Beth, not Liz, even though they're both short for Elizabeth. Although maybe I'm not supposed to tell you that, because supervillains are supposed to have special names, aren't they? I can't remember mine- in fact, I can't really remember much of anything, so-"

He interrupted her, stunned. "Wait wait wait. Supervillain? You think you're a supervillain?!"

To his surprise, she smiled. "Oh yes! Sure am. I'm looking for others, though, I want to form a team. But there aren't any around. I guess I'm in the wrong area, or something, or maybe I'm the only one in St. Canard. That would explain why robbing that bank was so easy..."

"Nope," he said casually. "You're looking at the top public enemy, the most dangerous criminal in St. Canard."

"I thought I heard somewhere that was Dr. Slug!"

He turned red. "Well that was a lie!!" he snapped. "It's me!! Negaduck!!!"

"Oh." She stared at him for a few moments. "You're not what I was expecting at all," she said.

The next thing she knew, a pair of bloodshot eyes were boring into hers. She was bent at an angle as he had grabbed her collar and pulled her down to his level. "Now you listen to me," he snarled in a low voice. "Appearances can be deadly deceiving. I am St. Canard's worst nightmare, and you had better make nice around me or you'll end up a smear on the pavement. Got me?"

"Got you," she managed, her voice hoarse. She couldn't remember ever having been so scared in her life, although that wasn't saying much. As she stared back into his fearsomely angry eyes, however, a thrill went through her. If this was the most dangerous villain in St. Canard, he must know plenty about terrorizing people and doing villainly stuff! Who better to teach her what to do? The thrill and the fear battled for dominance with her, but stayed about even.

Negaduck let go of her collar, and took a casual attitude toward her. "Fine," he said haughtily. "'Bout time."

She smiled at him. "I'm sorry I didn't recognize you. I can't remember things very well lately. Don't take it personally." He mumbled something, irritably. Beth realized she was losing her chance. "Um, hey, I have a great idea! Let's team up!"

"In your dreams," was his reply. "I got no need for amateurs, and especially incompetant ones."

"Wait! You don't even know me, how do you know I'm incompetant?"

He smirked at her. "You're standing here in civvies and giving out your real name to total strangers, and claiming to be a supervillain, to start with. I mean, really! Looking at you I don't think you could even jaywalk if you set your mind to it."

Beth found herself blinking back tears. "W-well... I try to do my best... I mean, it's not my fault I got hit on the head, but I guess if I'm incompetant that's all there is to it..."

Negaduck groaned. "Give me a break..." Time to get out of here while the getting was good. He'd be tempted to shoot himself again if he stuck around here much longer.

She went on whining as he walked away. "I guess a person like me won't have any friends no matter where I go. Even when I helped whats-his-name beat Moliarty, he still didn't want me around, so I guess it's j-just m-me..." She trailed off into sniffles.

Hold it. Helped 'whats-his-name'? Defeat Moliarty? Was this broad a friend of Dipwing's? "Helped who defeat Moliarty?!" he said suddenly, whirling to face her.

She looked startled. "Wh... What? What are you talking about?"

Genuine confusion. Figures... stupid broad, couldn't she be of any use to him at all!? She had said something about having lost her memory, though, right? Maybe she was an amnesiac friend of Darkwing's. Of course- that would make sense, since Liz was always trying to hang on to him in the Negaverse... This Webfoot was a Darkwing wannabe! Except she didn't remember, and thought she was some kind of supervillain! Oh, this was rich. This was too perfect! Time to change plans. "Never mind, kid. Y'know, your story has touched my heart. Maybe I can do with a protégé after all... If you're still interested."

Her face lit up with enthusiasm. "Oh, you bet I am!" she cried.

Sheesh... What a head case. He forced himself to grin. "C'mon, I'll... give you a refresher course on being a villain! Stick with me, kid, and I'll give you a lesson you'll never forget."

"Oh, thank you, Negaduck! You won't regret this, I promise you!" She skipped to catch up with him, and actually clapped her hands with excitement. Negaduck struggled to hide his disgust.

"No, I'm sure I won't." If you only knew...

As they walked away, she peered closely at him and asked, "There's so much I've forgotten about this business. I thought the point of dressing as a supervillain was not to be seen, but judging by your outfit I was wrong! I mean, I understand the red and black, but bright yellow?" She reached over and fingered his lapel, without hesitation.

"HEY!" he said, smacking her hand away. "What's wrong with my outfit?! This is haute fashion in the Negaverse! You just don't appreciate it!"

"... The Negaverse? Is that some kind of a criminals' nightclub?"

Negaduck didn't bother to suppress his groan.

He couldn't quite decide what was the most irritating thing about her, but right now her incessant babbling was vying for first place. She had barely stopped speaking once since they'd left for his hideout... and that included the point when he'd explained to her- slowly- that the police were just around the corner and she'd have to shut up if she didn't want to get caught.

Ten minutes after she'd squealed about how exciting this was, they'd finally lost the cops.

Negaduck slammed the door to his hideout open and stalked in. Beth followed him at a distance, trying to take in everything at once. "Wow," he heard her whisper in awe, "this place sure is... dark. Is there a light switch in here anywhere?"

Ignoring her, Negaduck looked around for a rope or a sash or anything to tie her up with. Nothing in his main room. "Stay here," he said gruffly, and went into the small room near the front of the building that had once been the manager's office to the abandoned factory Negaduck had co-opted. In the office he immediately found a few chains, but decided she wasn't worth that kind of effort. The weight would probably snap her wrists anyway. He dug under a few automatic weapons, and then found a length of rope buried underneath a chainsaw.

When he returned to the main room, she wasn't there. He swore loudly and looked around- where could she have gone? This had been the production area of the factory. He ran to the stockroom in the back- it was locked, from the outside. That answered that. Where else? Aw, geez, if she was upstairs in his bedroom... He bolted for the stairs.

She was poking through a pile of clothes when he found her. "Oh, Negaduck!" she said cheerfully, and gave him a winsome smile. "I think this turtleneck suits me, don't you?"

Negaduck plodded towards her, arms outstretched, hands waiting to close around her throat. She seemed completely unfazed. Just before his shaking hands strangled her, he regained control of his temper again and laid his hands on her shoulders. "What... do you think you're doing?!?"

"Well, I know that supervillains are supposed to have costumes, like yours, and since I can't seem to remember where mine is, I'm borrowing some of yours. Is that okay?"

"No-"

"And I think my name should be something cool," she went on, apparently without having heard him. "You know, like... 'Nightwing'. Isn't that one cool?"

He again fought down the urge to squeeze her shoulders until they snapped. "Don't quit your day job."

"Oh," she said quietly. "Well, I'll think of something. So when are we going to go do some crime stuff?"

"We're not," he said with a shudder, letting go of her shoulders.

Beth paused before answering him. "...Oh. Maybe later then?"

He grit his teeth. "No! We are not going to do 'crime stuff' later, or ever! So shut up before I forget that you're worth something to me!!" He began to stalk quickly out of the room.

"Um... where are you-"

"To be alone!" he snapped. "So I can think clearly, for once since I met you!"

He was gone as quickly as he had come in. Beth sat still for a moment, wondering what that "worth something" line had meant... Was he- were they...? Well, what else could all that have been about?

Downstairs, Negaduck paced. She was turning out to be more trouble than she was worth. The sooner he let Darkwing know that he had her, the better. So how to do it? Just a note was so mundane, it was beneath him. What was the best way to cause anguish and humiliation? Maybe he could tie her to a flagpole and shine a spotlight on her... nah, too public, gives him too much of a chance to be heroic. He'd just lure him here, and use the machinery available on him. So, how to get him here? Write a message with an airplane, big neon sign, television commercial... Hey, that sounded good. He hadn't taken over the TV studio in a while! Sounded like a plan.

He grinned, and was about to set off to advertise his hostage when he noticed the length of rope in the corner. He'd forgotten to tie her up again!

He ran back upstairs, and for the second time that day discovered that she was gone. But he hadn't seen her come downstairs! She had to be up here somewhere! How could one dippy broad be so much trouble?!

Spotting a note in the corner, he snatched it up and read it. "Dear Negaduck, I've gone out to be a criminal and do what comes naturally. Love, Beth (name pending)".

Negaduck screamed.