Will the Real Beth Webfoot Please Stand Up?
Act III
Darkwing was exhausted. It had been four hours since they'd set out to look for Beth, and it was now past nine pm. They'd had no luck all day long. Launchpad was getting pretty upset, and had at one point seemed to be developing some sort of a nervous tick. It had turned out that he'd gotten a rock in his boot, but somehow a nervous tick would have been appropriate for the situation so Darkwing chalked it up to the occasion anyway.
Launchpad had stopped in at Pizza Pierre's for a quick bite to eat, and Darkwing was keeping an eye out for Beth on his own. He was actually surprised that Launchpad still had an appetite, considering how agitated he was; Darkwing's own appetite had all but disappeared.
The night air was cool. In fact, it was cold. It was supposed to be spring, what was with these forty-degree nights? Darkwing wondered. He shivered a little. He looked over at the Rat Catcher, which was parked on the street a few feet away. Maybe if he cruised around for a while, he'd find some-- Wait. Was that movement near the entrance to the St. Canard plaza? It was! Someone had just broken into one of the stores!
He considered waiting for Launchpad, then decided against it. It would take too long, and this was just one person- it should be a snap. Ah, the duties of a vigilante!
Beth jiggled the handle on the door to Mary Widdow's Bridal Shop. It was locked. She tried turning it in the other direction and got the same results. "Darn!" she said. She thought hard, and wondered if maybe the other stores in the mall had doors that were unlocked. Why had she waited so long? She should have gone earlier, while it was still light out, and then all the shops would have been open! Besides, she wanted to rob this one. She hoped that a few little "hints" might get somewhere with Negaduck.
"Let's see now," she murmured to herself. "Maybe if I pull the door towards me while I turn the knob... No, that doesn't work. Oh, dear... I'm going to have to do something drastic, aren't I?" She looked at the plate glass in the large window of the store, and tapped on it gently. Then she looked around the rest of the plaza for something big and heavy. Setting her teeth, she lugged a trash can over to the window, hefted it as high as she could, and then swung it to the window. It bounced off gently and slipped out of her fingers to the ground.
"DARN IT!!!" she yelled, and kicked it as hard as she could. It flew up into the window, shattering it and setting off numerous alarms. She looked surprised, then smiled. "Well, that was good!"
Beth climbed in through the shattered window, shielding herself from remaining glass fragments with the cape she had borrowed from Negaduck. It was funny that she had found this purple one, since Negaduck actually wore a black one! Oh, well, maybe he kept a change of clothes.
She was dismayed to find, upon entry, that nearly everything of value within the store was also enclosed in glass. "Oh dear. I guess I'll need that trash can again," she said. Just then a hand came down hard upon her shoulder. She screamed and spun around to face the person behind her.
The figure clamped a hand over her bill. "Shut up!" he hissed. Her eyes widened as she recognized him. Negaduck! "You're gonna get in big trouble at this rate, you flamin' amateur! With the number of alarms you set off you probably got half the cops in the city coming for you, and- What the heck are you wearing?!"
She flushed. As he let go of her bill she said, "I found this cape and mask and turtleneck in your room. I think the turtleneck is especially becoming on me, don't you?"
Negaduck shook his head and muttered something she couldn't hear over the alarms. He grabbed her arm. "C'mon, we gotta get out of her before you get yourself in trouble."
Overcome with emotion, Beth flung her arms around him and hugged him. "Oh, Negaduck, you're coming to my rescue! You're my knight in shining armour!" Negaduck froze, his entire body tense.
"Gheck- get off me-" he said. Before either one could move, a whooshing noise filled the air and the already-dark room was further obscured by a puff of blue smoke.
"I AM THE TERROR THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT! I AM THE RASH LEFT ON YOUR FINGER FROM A CHEAP WEDDING RING! I... AM DARKWIIIIING DUCK!" Negaduck groaned, then did it again even louder when Beth squealed and clung to him tighter.
Darkwing peered at them both. The woman looked like she might have been familiar, but she was half-hiding behind the man, and Darkwing couldn't think of any female criminals that he knew of. Most of her face was covered with a black mask. He looked at the man, then blinked and looked again. "Negaduck?! Why the heck are you robbing a bridal shop?" He was pretty sure that Negaduck let out a low growl at that question. Darkwing couldn't resist baiting him a little bit more. "And who's your new girlfriend?" he asked with a snide grin.
With that, Negaduck broke free of the woman's embrace. "SHE IS NOT MY GIRLFRIEND, YOU IDIOT!!! Yeesh! As if I'd have something so pathetic in the first place!" He seemed genuinely offended. Behind him, Beth let out a small sniff and frowned.
"Well, I don't know, you two seemed awfully close," teased Darkwing. Unfortunately for him, this was the straw that broke Negaduck's back. The machine gun came out instantly.
"AW, SHADDUP!!" shouted Negaduck. Darkwing darted out of line with the weapon, and Negaduck took the opportunity to turn to his unwitting hostage. "Get out of here! Now!" he hissed.
"But I want to fight!" she whispered back. She'd barely gotten a look at that 'Darkthing Duck' guy, and something about him seemed really intriguing. She wanted to know more, but Negaduck pushed her back.
"No! Get lost! Go back to the hideout!" This was way too sloppy. If she stayed out much longer, Darkwing would realize she was his friend and get her back without a fight! Well, without the fight he wanted, in any case. Briefly he considered revealing the ditz's identity right now, but decided against the idea. It had to be his way, under his terms. He shoved her shoulder, and she got the hint and started running for the back door to the shop.
Darkwing risked a look up from behind the counter he was using for cover. Negaduck was just talking to the woman; he had a shot now! He brought up his gas gun and fired, aiming for the woman- who had started running- instead of for Negaduck. The gas canister hit the ground directly to her left, and she screamed a hauntingly familiar scream as it exploded and started filling the store.
Negaduck groaned. "Aw, man, can't you do anything right?!"
The woman was incapacitated in a fit of coughing. Having taken out Negaduck's partner, Darkwing now decided to go for Negaduck. He jumped to his feet, placed his hands on the counter, and pushed off into the air. He flipped over Negaduck's head and said, "Surprise!"
Negaduck ducked in time to evade Darkwing's punch, but stumbled as he tried to get back to his feet. Having that dame around really tripped him up- he was totally off-balance, and Darkwing had managed to get the upper hand! He reached out blindly and grabbed whatever he could find to use as a weapon; when he checked to see what his hand had closed around, he winced. A bridal veil. Wonderful. Putting it to the best use he could think of, he flung it over Darkwing's head. Pausing to glance in Beth's direction, he saw that she was most of the way recovered from the gas. Near her was a large vase. He signaled to her. "Get the vase! Get it and hit him!" he shouted. She nodded.
"Oh, no you don't!" cried Darkwing, unfortunately failing to fling the veil off of his head in a dramatic manner. He struggled a little bit longer, brushed it off, and made a lunge for Negaduck. Negaduck grappled with him for a few moments, and stopped only when a large and heavy object crashed down over his head. "Oops!!" he heard as he fell, stunned, and his hatred of her grew in leaps and bounds. Darkwing stopped short, a little surprised by the turn of events, and stared at Negaduck where he lay on the ground. "Uh..." he said, turning to the woman who had knocked out her 'partner'. "Thanks, I guess-"
She gasped, and before he really noticed it she had reached out and pulled the brim of his hat down over his eyes. Then, frantic, she looked around for something to hit him with. Finding only shards of the vase she had hit Negaduck with, she whimpered a little and ran behind a counter. There was a wastebasket back there, which she proceeded to pick up and place over Darkwing's head as he struggled to remove his hat. Then she hit the wastebasket as hard as she could, which to her surprise was hard enough to knock him over.
"Come on, Negaduck!" she exclaimed, and picked him up from the ground.
He was conscious enough to glare at her and mumble, "You are so dead."
"I'm sorry!" she said as she ran for the back door. "You both wear the same kinds of hats, and you're the same height, and well actually, come to think of it, you both look exactly alike in a lot of ways, so-"
"Shut up while you're ahead," he said half-heartedly. She laughed nervously and obliged him, and shortly they were out of the area.
Darkwing pushed his way out of the wastebasket, crossed his arms sullenly and considered. He hated it when the bad guys got away!! But they couldn't have gotten too far... He could still catch them, probably. And if nothing else, he could search all the empty factories in St. Canard- Negaduck almost always used one of them as a hideout. Still, there were an awful lot of abandoned factories in the city; Darkwing sometimes wondered if any other city had quite so many, but what did it really matter? If he had to search them all it could well turn into an all night job, and that meant he'd have to give up on finding Beth for the night.
No. He just couldn't. He owed it to her, not to mention to Launchpad, to find her. Negaduck would most likely not give up on his current crime spree yet; Darkwing would certainly have numerous other chances to catch him soon enough. Find Beth now. The poor woman was in even more danger than he'd thought at first, what with Negaduck wandering around out there. He shuddered. At least Gosalyn was safe at home...
Gosalyn was starting to wish she were safe at home. Not that she was afraid of being out after dark, but heck, at least she'd be comfortable and maybe be able to find something good on TV! Beth was a lot harder to find than she'd thought. At first she'd just thought that she'd recognize Beth right away, get her, and go home. But the city was huge, and when someone got lost, it was a lot easier for them to stay lost than it was in, say, school before science class.
It had been well over two hours since she'd started looking for her friend. Granted, she'd been sidetracked at the video arcade for about fifteen minutes there, but that shouldn't really interfere with her progress in the long run, right? Besides, that arcade had been dark. If Beth had been in there, it probably would have taken Gosalyn about fifteen minutes anyway to find her. And who knows, maybe Beth would have come to that game of 'Carbon-Based Life Forms Invasion!" Gosalyn was playing. She had just as much chance at finding Beth that way! More, in fact, since she'd been in one place for a good amount of time! Yeah, that was it.
But in any case, the point was that no one seemed to have seen Beth. Gosalyn was starting to get frustrated and, to be honest, a little cranky. She picked what seemed to her to be the most likely place for Beth to be on this street, and went to ask the ticket-seller at the front booth the fifty million dollar question. "Have you seen -"
The ticket-seller looked over the edge of the booth and peered down at Gosalyn. "You have to be at least 17 to see this movie," she said matter-of-factly. "It's very violent."
"That's not what I'm asking about!" said Gosalyn, exasperated. "Besides, I've seen it twice already. No, I just want to know if you've seen a woman, about this tall-" she held her arm up about as far as she could stretch it. It might have been shorter than Beth, or taller, for all she knew. She didn't really care anymore- this search was turning out to be a total waste of time. "She has brown hair, blue eyes, glasses, umm... She looks like she's kind of boring, but sometimes she talks a lot about nothing."
The ticket-seller 'hmmmm'd thoughtfully, and rolled her eyes in thought. "You know, I think I did see someone who looked like that!" she said.
Gosalyn could barely contain her happiness. "You did?!"
The ticket-seller nodded. "It was last Wednesday, I think. Or maybe Thursday. She was buying flowers across the street, and-"
"You haven't seen her since then?" Gosalyn asked, her spirit deflating. The ticket-seller shook her head. Gosalyn sighed. "Oh. Figures." She trudged off morosely. Maybe it was just time to give up and go home. After all, it was getting stupid! The only other person who had seen someone who fit Beth's description had turned out to be remembering a mannequin!
Gosalyn looked up as two figures darted by into an alleyway. She hadn't really seen them, just caught their movement out of the corner of her eye. She hung her head again, then stopped when she heard a female voice say, "Ow! I think I got a rock stuck in my shoe!"
Only one person could duck into an alleyway and make that much noise. Gosalyn ran as quietly as she could to the alleyway and peered around it. The figures seemed to both be dressed similarly, and it looked like one was a guy and one was a girl. The girl was hopping on one foot, evidently trying to take her shoe off, while the guy watched with contempt. Gosalyn didn't need infrared vision to recognize the guy as Negaduck. She frowned- in that case, it couldn't be Beth. Beth would never be with Negaduck! She'd probably have a heart attack as soon as he pulled out one of his machine guns.
"Will you hurry up!?" snarled Negaduck. "Just leave it!"
Squinting at the female figure, Gosalyn tried to figure out if she knew who it was. Maybe, she thought with a grin, Negaduck got married. She never would have had him pegged for a ladies' man, but evidently there were some weirdos out there who thought he was husband material. Gross!
"Sorry, Negaduck-" said the woman, her voice unsteady as she continued hopping on one foot. "I've almost got it-"
"Worry about it later, ya dumb broad. We gotta get out of here!"
"But I can't run with it in-" She was cut off as Negaduck grabbed her by the arm and they started running again.
On a hunch, Gosalyn followed them. The voice was too familiar, as was the slightly klutzy way that the woman was running. Of course, it could have just been the rock in her shoe, but- she had to find out.
"Are you nuts!?!!? What were you trying to pull!? You could have ruined everything!"
Beth cringed at Negaduck's shouts. "I know, I know," she kept saying quietly.
It just irritated Negaduck even more. "If you knew, why did you do it!?"
"I didn't know at the time!" she whimpered. "I was only trying to-"
"Yeah, well knock it off!!" he snarled. "Don't try to do anything! You and I are not partners, we are not ... going out," he suppressed a shudder, "and I don't even want to know you any longer than I have to!!"
She stared at him, tears in her eyes. "Are you- are you breaking up with me?" she whispered.
Negaduck restrained himself, just barely. "No, you idiot. I only wish I were breaking you up," he muttered. "There's nothing to break up! Man, I gotta get out of here. If I stay in the same place as you for much longer I'm gonna bust something important inside me."
Awkwardly, Beth put forward, "Well, you... you do look awfully flushed..."
"Shuddup." He paced frantically, feeling a distinct need to destroy something. Yeah, her, he thought. He shook himself. As satisfying as it would be to frag her right now, it would be that much sweeter with Darkwing Dope watching. He turned to her rigidly. "Okay. Don't- go- anywhere until I get back, got me? I'll be back soon, but if you so much as leave this room, you're going to be losing pinkies." She cowed, her eyes wide. Still not completely satisfied that she'd be certain to obey him, he stared at her for a second more. She looked back, obviously frightened.
"Wh-what is it..?" she said softly as he came closer to her and reached for her face. Swiftly, before she could duck, he snatched the glasses from her face.
"Yoink!" he said smugly. "That oughta keep you out of trouble."
"Hey! I need those to see!" she cried, dismayed.
"Exactly." He snickered nastily. These would also be great for proof that he was holding her if Darkwing needed it. "Hasta la vista, idiot." He made a face at her before he left, taking some small joy in the fact that she couldn't even see it to react.
Beth squinted into the room, listening for any sign of Negaduck. He hadn't left, had he? He wouldn't just leave her without any way of getting around? What if someone came to the door? What if she was found by the police, or attacked by someone? What if- oh no- what if she had to go to the ... powder room? She blushed. "Negaduck? Hello?" No answer. She couldn't hear a sign of any presence. Her lower bill began to tremble, and even as she told herself that this simply wasn't very villainly, she found it hard to hold back the tears.
But wait! Was that a footstep? She was nearly sure it was! Was he coming back?
The footsteps continued, up the stairs, just outside the room, and then stopped. Beth squinted again, trying to get at least a semblance of the figure who was there. She was terrified that it wasn't Negaduck, and terrified that it was."Er... hello?" she said, meekly. Someone gasped. So there was someone there! They were just too far for her to see them.
Then, a high, young voice spoke. "Beth?"
Beth was shocked to hear her name spoken in a place like this. Even Negaduck didn't call her by her name. This voice was oddly familiar, but it very obviously wasn't Negaduck, and as far as she was aware, she simply didn't know anyone else! She took a few steps forward, squinting as hard as she could, and was finally able to make out a small shape topped with a shock of orangish-red.
The shape approached her of its own volition. "Beth, it is you!" it said, in what was obviously a young girl's voice. "We've looked all over the place for you!"
"Really?" she said, not faking the surprise in her voice. "I've been right here!" She smiled, although the reason wasn't because she'd been 'found' by this mystery girl... but simply because an idea had just occured to her. One that she was certain Negaduck would respect, and one that she suddenly knew exactly how to execute. All she had to do was play along for a little while... and find that rope that Negaduck had left on the table.
Meanwhile, at the St. Canard museum, the security guard had been tied up and gagged. He was lying face down on the floor, afraid to turn over for fear that his captor was still in the room. He was all too familiar with Negaduck. Behind him, an explosion sounded.
Negaduck stepped through the gaping hole in the wall as the smoke cleared. "More fun than a door," he said, looking around the room. He loved the museum- it was a perfect way to wind down. There were hundreds of priceless artifacts here, and what he didn't like was always easily destroyed. And boy, was he ever in the mood to destroy something.
He smashed a glass case with a crowbar, imagining that he was aiming at that stupid Webfoot broad. Man, she almost outdid the Fearsome Four for idiocy! ...Almost. She was a little smarter, in a way, but somehow she still irked him more than they usually did all together. Without thinking, he pocketed a gold bracelet with rubies set into it that had belonged to some Egyptian queen, and an ivory carving from the Orient.
This would probably attract Dorkwing's attention, too. Well, good! He was too sick of that stupid woman to even bother to waste the television scheme on her! It'd take too long, this way was a lot better. Yeah, sure. She sure was taking all the fun out of his evening. Where was that idiot do-gooder duck??
As if on cue, a heavily-echoed voice rang out through the wrecked museum. "I AM THE TERROR THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT!" proclaimed Darkwing. His silhouette was barely visible through the smoke he was hiding behind. "I AM THE WINGED SCOURGE THAT PECKS AT YOUR NIGHTMARES! I... AM DARKWIIIIING DUCK!"
"'Bout time," muttered Negaduck impatiently.
"Negaduck! I should have known!" exclaimed Darkwing as soon as the smoke had cleared. Launchpad stood next to him in silence, looking doubtful.
"You mean you didn't? Looks like I overestimated you!" said Negaduck. "I would have figured you'd have guessed by now... Who else causes all this mass destruction, just for the sheer joy of it?"
"No time for trivialities! Suck gas, evildoer!" said Darkwing, producing his gas gun from the inside of his cape. Negaduck wasn't able to evade it completely, and it landed a few feet away from him and expunged a large amount of knockout gas at his feet. That idiot! He wasn't even giving Negaduck a chance to gloat about his hostage! At this rate, Negaduck was going to have to spit it out if he wanted to have the proper shock effect on Darkwing. Eh, besides, the quicker this was over with, the better. Of course, he'd still need some time to prepare before Darkwing showed up at the hideout, so he'd have to make sure he wasn't followed. As he used his cape to wave the gas away from him and back towards Darkwing, he looked above the spot where the crimefighter was standing. Hanging from the ceiling was another exhibit, one he hadn't noticed- a large model of a horse that was hanging in some sort of brace. Negaduck followed the rope from the brace along the ceiling. It led to a weird-looking machine that looked sort of like a crane, meant for transportation of large animals. The horse wasn't right over them, but a little maneuvering was all it would take. He identified the trigger that was keeping the rope taut, and then grinned. He took off his cape and waved it like a flag.
"Hey! Truce! Hold your fire!" he said.
Darkwing paused, his expression justifiably suspicious. "I find that a little hard to believe," he said cynically.
"Oh, why Darkwing, you wound me! And here I just want to talk to you about a mutual friend."
"...Mutual friend?"
"Truce?" Negaduck insisted craftily.
He saw Darkwing wince, then nod. "For now. Talk. What mutual friend are we talking about?"
"I think you know," said Negaduck snidely. He took out Beth's glasses and waved them slowly. "A lovely lady by the name of Webfoot.."
Launchpad's eyes went wide. "What have you done to her!?" Darkwing put a restraining hand on his sidekick's shoulder.
"Oh, nothing! Why, do you think I should?" Negaduck sneered. "She's in perfect health, I promise you! Although she's probably one of the single most irritating women I've met in my life, so that perfect health might not stay so perfect once I get back to her! Unless..."
Darkwing glared at him. "Unless...?"
"Oh, unless, of course, I could be persuaded not to hurt her... Say with the promise of a few thousand dollars to start with, and maybe a promise from a certain duck to keep outta my way from now on?"
"Never, you maniac! You think you can threaten me into letting you do whatever you want??"
Negaduck 'tsk'ed sadly. "Poor Beth. Do you know what she sounds like when she screams? Her voice gets really high, and it sort of cracks between two registers-"
"Stop! Please!" Launchpad yelled. "We'll do whatever you say, just please don't hurt her!"
"Is that a promise?" Negaduck looked shrewdly at Darkwing. Darkwing glared at him grimly, but after a moment of looking at the desperation on Launchpad's face he nodded.
Negaduck brought himself down to business. "Fine then. Meet me in two hours in the alley near the intersection of Cummings and Castellaneta. Bring ... let's say 50 thousand dollars to start with, and we'll talk."
"Where do you expect us to get that kind of money, Negaduck?" growled Darkwing.
Negaduck smirked at him in return. "You'll find a way," he chuckled. "Or else you- and Little Miss Bookworm Beth- will wish you had." He took a few steps back, and to the left. As he'd hoped, Darkwing and his idiot sidekick mirrored his movements. "Well," Negaduck said casually, "I've gotta be galloping along now." With that, he took out a revolver. Darkwing ducked instantly. Negaduck fired the gun...
And hit the trigger on the crane.
"Hah! Missed!" said Darkwing, sticking out his tongue. A whirring sound started above them, and a shadow that had been above them began to get larger and larger.
"Say hello to Mr. Ed for me!" said Negaduck, and watched the horse fall on Darkwing and Launchpad with a loud thud. Neither one moved. Negaduck looked at them both and started to laugh loudly. They were out for the count! Maybe he ought to give them an extra two hours along with the two he'd instructed... Nah. If they missed the deadline, he wasn't keeping Beth around any longer than he had to. He looked back at them over his shoulder as he left, still laughing. "Adios, suckers!"