The sound of clacking heels grew louder and then faded away, like the cyclical noise coming from massed cicadas.
Jiraiya watched as the women walked away, their nicely fitting clothes marking them as clerical types. Sighing when they passed from view, he turned his attention back to the schedules posted on the bulletin board.
"Things are too damn regimented," Jiraiya said, pouting. "Whatever happened to free will?" In actuality, he had no reason to complain. The very fact that the time for social gatherings was scheduled allowed him to get the information he needed.
After snacking on garlic root and fried chicken, the Legendary Sannin had made good use of his Tōton Jutsu, the Transparent Escape Technique. It had almost come to a bad end, because of the order he had done things that morning. Essentially invisible, he had managed to sneak into the Women's baths. But, the garlic on his breath had caught the naked bathers' attention.
"But, I managed to get plenty of research done, right, Susubori?" Having learned what he wanted to know, Jiraiya made his way out of the Administration building and headed out onto the street. He had a fair bit of time to kill. "Just think how much fun we might have had, if I thought to keep you with me all those years." He had poured some of the demon bottle's liquid into the water cooler at the baths. Spurting nose blood caused him to leave, after he had the woman performing a nude chorus line.
The perverted hermit had intended to keep the amanojaku with him as long as he could. But, when the perfect opportunity arose, he knew he had to strike while the iron was hot. There was a party arranged for that night, one of the events put on for the young shinobi as a way to allow them some sheltered time to socialize. There was no doubt that Naruto would go, if only to see his friends. That very same ninja was walking down the street towards Jiraiya, with a 'I have to get some Ramen' look on his face.
"This should be easy," Jiraiya said, rubbing his hands together. While Naruto was not the most gullible of people, he could be fooled. And, while he was wise enough to suspect danger in the appropriate settings, he was all too trusting around friends. As long as he didn't arouse the boy's suspicions, getting him to take the bottle ought to be a piece of cake. "If I try to hide the bottle, he will want to know what it is. If I tell him he can't have a taste, he will beg me to give him some."
In ancient courts and palaces, the word 'amanojaku' had once been applied to anyone who was contrary. It was a name given to someone who constantly took actions opposite to whatever others said or intended. That usage arose because of the tendencies some of the more mischievous spirits had, and because of the psychic abilities they possessed. Knowing what a person wanted to do or say, a spiteful amanojaku would prompt the contrary statement or deed, frustrating the person who had fallen under its power. In the modern day, the same term might be appropriate for Uzumaki Naruto, the boy who had a demon of his own to contend with.
"Hmmm-mm-m?" The Frog hermit rubbed his chin, as he took up a stance at the one spot Naruto was certain to walk past. 'In a way, the boy is a bottle.' While Naruto didn't have a cork, he did keep the Nine-tailed Bijuu bottled up. But, that was not always a sure thing, as the older ninja had found out on one occasion, when Naruto had first manifested his four-tailed form. "Hah! That makes this symbolic or something!" He smiled. It must be a sign that this was the right thing to do. Then again, when did he ever care about signs, or the right thing to do?
"Oi! Pervy Sage!" Naruto had obviously caught sight of his mentor. Smiling, the enthusiastic ninja marched over to see his former teacher. Just the same, when he got within a few steps, he made certain to keep his body turned a certain way, so that his Frog Purse was always on the side opposite the notorious money filcher. "Want to treat me to some Ramen?" It never hurt to try. Jiraiya wasn't always a tight wad. And, he had seen the Sannin's bank book!
"No way, brat!" Jiraiya smiled. Turn-about's fair play. When Naruto tried to see what was strapped to the older ninja's back, the old hermit kept turning his body to keep the bottle shielded from view. "Though, if you're good, I might get you a popsicle later."
"Hey! Ero-Sennin. Stay still!" Naruto was scowling now. He was like a fish that didn't know it had swallowed a hook along with the worm. "What's that on your back? Are you trying to hide something?"
"Huh? Me? Hide something?" Jiraiya put both hands behind his neck, while he began a series of comical looking steps and stances. His plan was working like a charm. If the boy did what he expected him to, there would be a number of Bunshin running around any second enough. "You should know me better than that."
"Kage Bunshin No Jutsu!" Sure enough, Naruto did just what the Frog hermit had predicted. "Hah! I see it! A big bottle!" His shoulders slumped. That really wasn't all that interesting. So what, if the perverted hermit was buying his sake by the gallons now? Big deal! "Why did you go to all the trouble to keep me from seeing that?"
"Well, if it was alcohol, maybe I wouldn't want you to see it, after Tsunade's stirring lecture." Jiraiya folded his arms across his chest and put on a serious face. "But, this is something much better."
"Huh? What's better?" Naruto tugged at one ear. His curiosity was definitely piqued. "I think you'd bathe in sake if it didn't cost so much!"
"I tried that once," Jiraiya claimed. "It turned my plums into prunes for a while." He smirked when a matronly old lady heard what he had said upon passing. "Don't bother asking me to taste this stuff. I spent far too much money for it, to waste it on someone like you. You probably wouldn't even like it." Yes. If curiosity didn't do the trick, he would use pride too. "I bet it would be a great ingredient in Ramen soup, though." Mentioning food wouldn't hurt, either.
"It would?" Naruto licked his lips. "Come on! Just one sip. You can forget about the Ramen and popsicle." He looked predictably eager.
"Mmmm-mmm-mm-m…." Jiraiya rubbed his chin. He pretended to ponder the request. "Well…." He took down the bottle, set it on the sidewalk, and stood staring at it for a short while. He kept from grinning. Naruto was shifting his weight from one foot to the other. "One sip." He unscrewed to top, tilted the bottle over, and used the large ornate cap as a makeshift shot glass. "As long as you promise not to tell anyone else about this."
"Promise!" Naruto reached out and took the cap. "I won't tell anyone. That's my Way of the Ninja!" He looked down at the colorless liquid, wondering what it would taste like. Unable to wait any longer, he brought the cap to his lips and drank. "Wow! I've never tasted anything like this before."
"I bet you haven't," Jiraiya said with a satisfied chuckle. Mission accomplished. Susubori's special abilities would now make sure that Naruto's mind was no longer his own, at least when it came to the subject of the bottle. "It's a rather rare vintage." He saw the boy nod his head, a slightly goofy expression on his face. "Something like this would be great to mix in with the punch at a party, don't you think?"
"Great," Naruto said, smiling, his countenance somewhat clouded. "Punch." He licked his lips. For a moment, he seemed somewhat stiff, like a zombie. "You bet!" His liveliness returned. "Thanks, Ero-Sennin!" The demon exerted its influence, causing Naruto to think that he remembered Jiraiya saying he could take the tall ornate bottle. There was also a strong subliminal message implanted in his mind. The punch. He had to put the bottle's contents in the punch. At that night's party, he would help mix the punch.
"Don't mention it," the Frog Hermit said. "Just bring me back the bottle when you're done." He frowned. "And I told you not to call me that!" The damn demon should know better, too.
When Naruto hurried towards his dormitory, the effects of the demon liquid masking his growing hunger, Jiraiya decided to hit one of the social clubs that stood in the seediest part of Konoha. Not many shops like that remained in this village, which was one of the reasons he frequented his home town less and less each year.
He would need to monitor his time there carefully. There was no way that he wanted to miss that night's events. With his Transparent jutsu in use, he would be the ultimate fly on the wall. Hopefully, there wouldn't be any chaperons. There were a small number of people who could see through his technique. Of course, Tsunade just had to be one of them! At least she wouldn't be showing up. He had checked. She had a full dance card when it came to surgical cases.
Following his pleasant interlude of debauchery, Jiraiya later headed off for the Recreation Center, watching as a number of shop owners began closing up their businesses for the evening. He strode along steadily, despite feeling a bit tipsy. Getting an advanced telepathic message form Susubori, he grinned. Naruto had managed to add the demon liquor to the punch bowl without being seen. As instructed by his puppeteer, the boy had gotten to the party site long before his fellow shinobi.
"I deserve this," the Frog hermit said with a laugh. "The lesson that I'll teach them tonight about the perils of alcohol will stick with them the rest of their lives." The ensuing antics would also make a wonderful subject matter for the Icha Icha series, with the names changed to protect the innocent, of course. Naturally, the prospect of such juicy material had no bearing on his decision making process. None at all. That was his story and he was sticking to it! "Of course, some brave soul will need to take responsibility for spiking the punch…."
Arriving at the Rec Center, he snuck into the large room set up for the party. His one major concern was the Inuzuka boy. If he had brought that over-sized dog along, the Transparent jutsu might prove useless. Luckily, the site in question turned out to be a canine-free environment. Looking around the room, the old hermit shook his head in amazement. Someone had obviously gone to a great deal of trouble setting things up. There were huge folding tables, covered with all sorts of food. Fresh cut flowers were everywhere. Festive music was playing on hidden speakers, and the fragrant scent of the flowers mixed with the delectable smell of the food to make a rather heady aroma.
Dozens of shinobi were lounging about, dressed in casual attire, speaking with their teammates and closest friends, or taking the opportunity to meet with members of the Teams that they rarely interacted with. There were no visible chaperons, and no stealthy ninjas were patrolling the facilities. Perfect! Better yet, a large fountain type punch bowl had been placed at one end of the food tables. It was filled to the brim with drink, and a large steady procession of party-goers walked over to it and used ladles to fill their cups.
"I want you to make the ones who drink the punch glow in a way that only I can see," the Frog Hermit said. Tonight's rule of business was 'Everybody drinks!' If anyone stayed away from the flavorful concoction, he would have Susubori control one of the other guests, and have them convince the abstinent teenager to at least try the stuff. All it would take was a single drop on a person's tongue for the demon to grab a foothold. "That reminds me. Did you follow my earlier instructions?" He waited for the telepathic response. "Good." He was well aware of the bushy eye-browed boy's reaction to alcohol. The amanojaku had altered the liquid that Rock Lee drank, to keep it from affecting him until the moment was right. The last thing he wanted was a berserk demonstration of the Drunken Fist, chasing everyone from a ruined venue. But, that might make for quite a show-stopper later on!
Now, all he had to do was decide how to get things started. Later, he would let things take a random and crazy course. But, for now, in the beginning, he had an urge to take a more personal approach. What should he have the demon do? With a room full of unsuspecting marionettes, there were so many strings that he could pull. Wait. That deserved his attention. Naruto was trying to get the Haruno girl's attention, but she was ignoring him at the moment. Not too far away, the Hyuuga girl kept eyeing Naruto, looking as if she was about to faint. Perfect. That trio was ripe for the picking. All he needed now was some inspiration.
"Hah! That's a wonderful idea. I should have thought of that myself." Jiraiya grinned, his eyes sparkling with a wicked light. "The story is a legend. Tonight's performance may end up being even more legendary." The demon had picked up on the Sannin's thoughts back when he had retrieved the bottle. The subject of Susanoo and Amaterasu suggested a rather bawdy plan. Rather bawdy indeed!
"Here, Hinata." Naruto walked over and handed the white-eyed girl a glass of punch. Controlled by Susubori and Jiraiya, he said "It's rather sweet. Just like you." That had the girl teetering on her feet like a tree close to falling. The Sannin smiled. He had suggested those words to the demon. The poor girl deserved something like that. See, he wasn't some kind of evil self-centered ogre. He had everyone's best interests at heart! "Drink up!" After Hinata drank, Naruto walked over to stand near Sakura. She was on her third glass of punch.
The Frog Hermit reviewed what he knew about the myth that Susubori had chosen as its inspiration. Susanoo and Amaterasu were said to have a very strong bond between them, even though they rarely agreed on even the smallest thing, and could never tolerate the presence of the other for any length of time. That sounded a lot like Naruto and Sakura back when they were younger. They still had their moments now, even though things had gotten much better.
Naruto had some of the characteristics of the Storm god, who had been known affectionately as The Impetuous Male, because he loved to move quickly, and had the uncanny ability to create chaos and noise wherever he went. Sakura didn't quite fit the role of the Sun goddess, who was said to be gentle and loving. That sounded more like Hinata. But, the perverted hermit had a different role picked out for the quiet girl.
As the legend went, Susanoo went up to the heavenly realm to visit his Amaterasu. He was preparing to make the long frightful journey to the underworld to meet with his long-dead mother, and he was a little afraid of making the trip. He had heard terrible tales of the horrors he would find along the way, and wondered if he would be changed forever, or even if he would return at all. He thought that spending time around the wise and comforting Amaterasu would help give him the peace of mind he needed to push ahead.
Moving with great haste through the sky, the Storm god caused left earth-shaking thunder in his turbulent wake, disturbing rivers and mountains and sending every living creature running for shelter. Even the Sun goddess was frightened by all of the noise, greeting the other deity with disdain. 'Why do you disturb the peace of our kingdom, Susa? Surely, you have more than enough activity in your own kingdom!' Amaterasu thought about her previous quarrels with Susanoo, and hoped to be able to prevent any unpleasantness by putting up a strong facade. That was hardly the reaction that the god had been hoping to find.
"Let's start from the beginning," Jiraiya said.
"Oi! Sakura-chan!" Naruto pushed his way through the crowd, coming to a stop near his pink-haired teammate. His voice could be heard over the raucous noise of the party. "Sakura-chan, are you listening?" As he brushed by Ino, Ten Ten, and a number of girls he didn't know, he stepped on feet, elbowed people in the abdomen, knocked plates out of hands, and had a number of young ladies swallowing their food the wrong way. Needless to say, the occurrence wasn't too far out of the ordinary. At least, not yet.
"Naruto, why don't you go bother someone else." Sakura's rejoinder was believable, if a bit harsh for her these days. "It's peaceful over here. Why don't you go join the noisy crew over in the corner?" She pointed over to where Kiba was telling off-color jokes to a number of laughing boys.
After hearing Amaterau's less than inspiring greeting, Susanoo had tried to smooth things over with courtly speech. 'O, radiant, fair goddess, I wish you no harm. My only desire is your warm company, a glimpse of your lovely face, and a few pleasant words before I descend to the underworld to find my esteemed mother.' That answer had the Sun goddess feeling better, but she knew Susanoo too well to take any comfort yet. She decided that she wanted proof of his good intentions. After thinking a moment, she proposed that he two of them should work together, putting their efforts towards the creation of children who would rule the blessed land in a wise and honorable fashion. The Storm god agreed, hoping that Amaterasu would allow him to stay by her side afterwards, giving him the chance to gain the courage necessary to make the trek below.
"What?" Naruto made a sour face, narrowing his eyes as he placed his hands on his hips. He wanted to say 'Boy, you're getting crabbier every day, just like Granny Tsunade.' But, that wasn't entirely true. And, it would probably earn him one of those Sakura punches, Those were nothing to be taken too lightly! But, that wasn't why he held his tongue. It was almost as if he wasn't in control of his own body. That was closer to the truth than he had reason to suspect. "I just wanted to see if you felt OK after training. Kakashi-sensei worked us hard today." He shuffled his feet and looked up at the ceiling. He made it a point to examine the fancy hand-painted tiles before saying "And… well… I just wanted to say how nice you look in that dress…." That was true. But, normally, he would never admit such a thing!
"Naruto?" Sakura swallowed any angry retort she was preparing to use. "Is that you?" She blinked rapidly. It wasn't someone doing Henge, was it? "Th-… Th-… Thank you." She was so shocked by his compliment, that she was actually stammering! What's more, she felt some warmth spread to her cheeks. But, knowing him all too well, she soon stiffened. This still might be some kind of trick.
"Naruto-kun…." Hinata felt as if the room had grown empty, with only Naruto, Sakura, and herself left behind. It seemed like everything around her was black, except for a spotlight that shone on those other two ninjas.
"Naruto? And the big forehead girl?" Ino smiled, seeing a prime opportunity for gossip. "I guess that kind of thing happens when two people work so closely together." That was actually wishful thinking on her part. She looked over at Shikamaru, who stood over with Choji.
"I hope so," Ten Ten blurted out. That was not at any prompting from the demon. "I mean… I could see how that could happen…." She fought the temptation to look over at Neji, who stood watching Lee as he spoke to a group of shinobi about 'Burning youth.'
"But not with him." Naruto didn't know the red-haired kunoichi who said that. It was obvious that she had heard something about him, even if it was from his younger days. "What a loser." Some of her friends laughed with her after hearing that. "He was a joke to us, back when he first made Genin." One of her friends quipped "I hear he's still Genin." That had them all tittering again. This time, it was the amanojaku's doing.
"Huh?" Naruto made a fierce face. "What!" Even though he had matured during his time away from the village, he still didn't like being made fun of. "Who are you to make fun of me like that?" He wished that they were at the practice fields, not in the Rec Center. He'd show that mouthy girl who's a joke. He looked over at Sakura. Teammates should stick together. She would come to his defense.
"He did have problems with chakra control," Sakura said, reminiscing. She felt some need to speak out against Naruto, to cover up her deepest feelings. "You wouldn't believe how many times he fell off of the trees, trying to concentrate chakra on the bottom of his feet." She stuck her tongue a bit beyond her lips. The 'Inner Sakura' was walking about in catty fashion, her nose in the air. "Of course, it was the girl in the group who was best at that kind of thing."
It would have been bad enough, Sakura saying that kind of things to a bunch of stupid no-name girls. But, for some reason, Shikamaru, Choji, Kiba, Shino, Lee, and Neji had all wandered over, too. Kiba had a huge grin on his face, and thumbed his nose at Naruto. Sai walked over as well, with that odd smile of his. Standing a bit of a distance from them all, Hinata rubbed her fingers together and said "But Naruto never gave up."
"Sakura-chan!" Naruto pointed his finger at his teammate. "How could you say all that here?" He would have expected that kind of thing back when Sasuke was still part of their team. But, the pink-haired girl had come to understand him better, and to treat him nicer. It was a big affront, her making light of his previous difficulties in front of people who didn't know him that well. His pride pricked him into action. "I bet I have better chakra control than you now!"
'Your sword,' Amaterasu said, holding out her hand. She took Susanoo's sword and split it into three pieces. Then, after chewing on those pieces for days and weeks, she opened her mouth and blew forth a strange mist that gave birth to three goddesses of incomparable beauty, second only to the Sun goddess herself. Seeing that, the Storm god asked for the five jewels that the Sun goddess was wearing. Receiving them from her, he put them in his mouth and cracked them between his teeth. He too blew forth a mist, with his strange vapor giving birth to five masculine deities who were more powerful than any other deities then living, except for Susanoo himself.
Word of Naruto's challenge spread through the crowded room like wildfire. A contest of skills would be exciting. But, what could they do in a place like this? Everyone stopped what they were doing, and gravitated to the part of the room that Naruto and Sakura stood in. No one spoke.
"Baka." Sakura smiled. Susubori manipulated her natural reactions, blowing things way out of proportion. "Everybody knows that medical ninjas have the best chakra control." That wasn't entirely true. The medical profession simply required people with a tremendous talent in that area. Sometimes, it took a great deal more skill to do something small and subtle, than it did to do something dramatic and destructive. "I guess I have to prove that to you."
She searched the room, looking for a way to prove her point. Seeing a table full of large trays, each stacked with an incredible number of pastries and other desserts, she smiled. No, this wouldn't be about climbing trees. It would be more like building trees. She had the answer she was looking for. Meanwhile, Naruto was still stewing, his anger growing by leaps and bound. He would not be made light of! Especially not by Sakura. Not in front of his friends. Not in front of strangers. If he was about to make his first impression on some of them, he wanted it to be a good one.
"The way to a man's heart is through embarrassing him in front of his fellow shinobi," Ino said, smirking at Sakura. She had grown closer to the other girl after their rivalry for Sasuke faded away; but, she still liked to get a good dig in now and again.
"This is so bothersome," a dour looking Shikamaru said.
"Hah! Ino is embarrassing us, Shikamaru!" Choji smiled. He had no illusions. While he would wish for Ino to care about him above anything else, he was well aware that their teammate only had eyes for Shikamaru. "Do you think it might be love?"
Ino didn't say anything. But, that was the first time on record that an 'Inner Ino' made an appearance. That imaginary construct blew large red hearts towards and imaginary Shikamaru, before kicking the living shit out of the imaginary Choji.
"Here's the mission, Naruto." Sakura started feeling a bit sheepish and reticent on her own. The demon in the bottle soon wiped away those emotions. "We will see who can stack pastries the highest. It will take a great deal of chakra control to hold things together when the pile gets pretty tall. It has to be shaped like a column. Not a pyramid."
"Huh?" Naruto scratched the back of his head. His eyes were wide and his mouth open. Soon enough, he put on a look of pure determination. "OK. Ladies first." He thought on the words that Sakura had chosen. That led to his conjuring up a way that he could win, letting her do most of the work for him. "There's a reason I'm going to be Hokage some day."
"Yeh," Kiba said to Shino. "He's starting his own village. Population, one." That had a number of people laughing. Naruto ignored his friend.
Sakura went to work, stacking pastry upon oddly shaped pastry. Soon, she had a tower half her own height. Without exerting her chakra to the utmost, there was no way that the poorly fitting pieces would stay together.
"Ohhhh-hhh-hh-h…." Lee stood with his fists clenched, his eyes moist and his teeth shining. "You can do it, Sakura-chan." He didn't see the look that Ten Ten exchanged with Neji. He did see Naruto's glare, one that suggested treachery and betrayal of the worst sort. But, he wouldn't back down. He would support 'his' Sakura-chan to the end.
Lee's call of encouragement almost caused Sakura to lose it all, right then and there. She shivered, remembering a day during the first Chhnin exams, where the boy in the green stretchy suit had sent sticky hearts her way, and had professed his newfound love for her.
"I… I believe in you, Naruto-kun…." Hinata's pronouncement was too soft to be heard over the general din. She couldn't help but think back to the time that Naruto had been the sole person spurring her on against her cousin.
Finally, Sakura called it quits, planning to her chakra to hold things together until Naruto finished with his pastry tower. She didn't have the strength to go any further, not without risking a catastrophic collapse.
"My turn," Naruto said, lacing his fingers together and cracking his knuckles. "Watch and learn." He smiled, ready to show his cleverness once again. Exerting himself, he used his chakra to hold together Sakura's pile, in case she withdrew her energy. Then, instead of starting his own stack, he began adding to Sakura's. 'Come on, stupid fox. I need some help here.' That did indeed bring him a boost in power, but not from the demon he thought it came from. "I'm already higher than you, right?" Standing on top of a number of stacked chairs, he kept adding the pastries that Sai tossed up to him. "I win." She didn't specify how he had to build the tallest stack.
Neji grinned. That was vintage Naruto. While the other boy might not be a genius, he certainly had his moments. A number of the people in the room sided with Naruto, approving of his clever tactics. As one might guess, the majority of those ninjas were male. Many of the girls at the party cried foul, not the least of which was Sakura herself.
The Storm god immediately began jumping around and shouting, boasting about his omnipotence, much too pleased with himself. That kind of behavior was not very wise, even for a god. Amaterasu told him that his efforts had not been so very great, since the gods had been created from her gemstones. That simple statement enraged the god, making him feel slighted and unappreciated. His self-control gone, he released the wind and rain that he held under his waving arms. Soon, all of the Sun goddess' carefully tended rice fields were destroyed, and muck and filth filled her beloved temples.
"You cheated!" Sakura was fuming. All that work she had done! And that big idiot was trying to take credit for it! The 'Inner Sakura' grabbed an imaginary Naruto by the throat and ankles and was stretched him to be as tall as the tower. "You only built on my work! You're always looking for the easy way out!" Furious, she forgot about holding the pastry tower together.
"I did just what you said," Naruto claimed. He lost his temper, and added "If you're so strong, than you should be able to hold the whole thing up." He released his own chakra, hoping he had judged the lean correctly. He had.
The huge stack of pastries leaned this way and that, but sagged heavily towards an unsuspecting Sakura. Jiraiya told Susubori to prevent anyone from calling out a warning. As the stunned crowd watched, things seemed to happen in slow motion. The tower tipped over, and then fell apart, covering the pink-haired kunoichi with a rain of brownies, éclairs, cream puffs, and all sorts of sticky goodness.
"You…." Sakura stood with her legs apart, one finger held up in the manner of Tsunade. "You… you…." She was too angry to get her words out at first. "You have to be the biggest jerk alive!" Large globs of custard filling slid off of her hair and onto her feet.
At first, Amaterasu made excuses for the other deity, thinking 'he just couldn't help himself. It's in his very nature to cause chaos whoever he goes.' Instead of getting angry, she thought of the sad journey he intended to make, and was touched by the strength of will it took to make such a decision. But, the kindness she offered in the aftermath only seemed to enrage Susanoo further, as if there was some kind of inner demon driving him. For some unknown reason, he needed to see just how far he could push the goddess. He wanted to knock her off her lofty pedestal. Maybe then she wouldn't remain so distant.
Amaterasu grew resentful, and finally lost her patience. She wanted to be rid of him once and for all. She continued to resist every effort made to loosen up and shake off her silly pretenses. Seeing that, Susanoo chose to send one final message, in rather dramatic fashion. While the Sun goddess sat weaving in her sacred chambers, making clothing for the other deities, Susanoo flayed a piebald horse and threw the dead animal into her circle of weaver women. There was a note pinned to the saddle of the bloody horse. It read 'Things are not always as black and white as they seem.'
That frightful event caused one of the Sun goddess' closest friends to fall at her feet, dead from the terrible shock. Worn out from all of the terrible things that the Storm god had done, her mind resonated with one sole thought. She had to get away. Heeding that thought, she ran as far away as she could, as fast as her feet would carry her. She stopped when she found a cave in some distant and quiet corner of Heaven. Rolling a boulder across the entrance, she sealed herself in. Finally, she had found peace.
A pastry-covered Sakura walked over to commiserate with the other girls, accepting the towels and sympathy they offered her. As one, the whole group turned to face Naruto and shake their fists at him. They didn't stop there. One by one, they sent scathing comments his way.
Naruto snapped. It wasn't his own doing. Not entirely. The amanojaku brought up all of his painful past memories one after another, like the fastest slide show on earth. Loneliness in the orphanage. Crowds of villagers standing over him as a boy, looking like they wanted him dead. Being laughed at daily in the Academy. Everyone thinking Sasuke was something special while treating him like dirt. Sarutobi's death. His best friend leaving the village to become a missing ninja. So many things. Mixed in with them, he saw countless episodes of Sakura laughing at him. Some of those episodes were real. Most of them were fabrications.
About to explode, he caught sight of the center-piece of the extravagant catered feast. It was a huge suckling pig, one that had been trapped in the forest surround the village and slow cooked to perfection, until its golden crispy skin cracked and rolled up in large curls. Taking it by the hind legs, he swung it about, spinning in place. Letting go, he sent it speeding straight for Sakura.
The pig flew straight and true. Seeing it coming, Sakura did a back flip, escaping the imminent impact. Shielded from sight of the porcine projectile, Ino was not so fortunate. She took the porker against the side of her head, knocking her hard to the ground, unconscious. Bits of pork flew about the place of contact, showering the nearby girls. The apple from the pig's mouth somehow found its way down one girl's dress.
Normally, the room would have been a beehive of activity after that, with people rushing to help Ino, and others trying to subdue the irate Naruto. Thanks to Susubori, everyone simply watched in stunned silence.
"Ino." Sakura looked down at her cross-eyed friend. "Pig." She looked down at the mangled pig carcass in disbelief. "Ino pig." She looked back at her friend. The humor of the coalescent words was lost on her then. This was just too much. Looking over at Naruto, she brought her hand to her mouth and started to run. Sending the door to the Girl's rest room swinging, she barricaded herself inside, safe from any more insanity. On cue, an unseen Jiraiya worked a rheostat, bringing the lights down low.
The people of the world had lost their radiant mother. They all say miserably, huddled in their homes, listless and hopeless. Without her light in their land, none of them could see their own strength, and all lost the will to go on. Their world was coming to an end. When things looked their bleakest, eight hundred myriad of gods gathered together in the dry bed of a river to decide how to get Amaterasu back. They begged one of the wisest gods to help them. He advised the other deities to collect cocks that could be trusted to crow just before dawn. They did as he asked. He next told the gods to hang a mirror with strands of jewels on the branches of a Sakaki tree just outside of the entrance to Amaterasu?s cave, and to hang strands of jewels from that mirror. Uttering ritual words, they carried out his instructions, finishing by decorating the tree with bright cloth banners.
With everything set, a goddess came up with an idea of her own. Ama no Uzume stepped forward, stripped naked, and dressed herself in various plants and bamboo leaves. Climbing onto a tub that had been turned upside down at the entrance of the cave, she began to dance. It was a dance like no one ever seen before that time, or no one has seen since. She drummed her feet on the tub. She swung her hips. She got wilder and wilder, carried away by divine ecstasy. All the eight hundred myriad of gods roared with laughter and approval, hooting and hollering. By the light of a thousand torches, the cocks all began crowing loudly at the same time.
The girls all tried to coax the upset kunoichi to come back out. The guys banded together, shouted slogans about justice and just desserts, picked up a struggling Naruto, and tossed him down the long steep garbage chute leading to the basement. Ino was fine, and had to be restrained from jumping in the chute after Naruto when she came to. Barred from doing that, she turned to Shikamaru and asked him to come up with a solution. She was feeling sorry for Sakura.
Shikamaru sighed. "This is all too troublesome for words." Feeling irritated by the growing welt on the side of his teammate's face, he closed his eyes and put his hands together in that way of his. That was the perfect opportunity for the amanojaku to begin feeding words onto his tongue. "We will need cocks," he said. Before he could go any further, a large number of boys began pulling down their zippers. That had been the Frog Hermit's command to the demon. But, even the centuries-old prankster of a demon had a modicum of good taste. Susubori decided to have the boys re-zip. "I mean roosters!"
Shikamaru put his face into his hands. Why him? Why did he have to get involved? And why in hell's name had he asked for roosters? Having given his commands, he watched as a number of male and female ninjas sped out from the Rec Center, headed for the closest farmhouses. He thought some more. His ideas were not his own. "Sai. Stand in front of the door. If Sakura looks out, take on the form of Uchiha Sasuke." He knew that Sai was one of the few amongst them who had seen the absent ninja recently. "Kiba… Choji… Lee… Shino… take the mirrors off of the Men's Room wall and set them up so they reflect Sai's image." He decided to have someone imitate the Uchiha boy's voice too, if necessary.
As a precaution, Shikamaru told Choji to stand on one side of the bathroom door, pressed flat against the wall. At least, as flat as someone of his girth could be. If Sakura opened the door, he was supposed to grab hold of her arm and bring her out. In true Nara fashion, he sighed. If it was up to him, she could stay in there as long as she liked.
Things had been pretty wild up to this point, even in comparison to other things that Naruto had somehow prompted over the years, directly or indirectly. But, nothing that any of the party-goers had seen during their entire lifetimes would prepare them for what happened next.
Hinata walked over to one table, and slid a huge metal tub off of it. She turned the tub over, spilling a large amount of ice onto the floor, and sending numerous cold bottle of soda rolling this way and that. After she walked over to a number of Philodendron plants and striped off a number of leaves, she headed back to the tub and climbed up on top. Her thoughts were a tangled mess. What was she doing? Why was she doing it? Was Naruto OK?
"Hinata?" Kiba looked over at his teammate, perplexed.
"What is she doing?" Shino wasn't the only one asking that question.
"I wish I thought to videotape everything." Jiraiya walked over to the table the pig had been sitting on. Grabbing a turkey leg, he placed it under his robes so it wouldn't look as if it were floating about the room. It would make a great snack to eat during the coming burlesque show.
Hinata stripped down to her panties. That had everyone's mouth falling open. Neji looked around the room, wondering if an enemy had managed to sneak amongst them, using some kind of jutsu to bring about his cousin's actions. He also kept a close eye on Ino and Shikamaru, but they seemed as stunned as everyone else. Wanting to take of his robes and drape them over the girl, he found that he couldn't move or call out.
Holding the leaves in front of her, Hinata began to dance, drumming her bare feet against the bottom of the tub, making quite a racket. She gyrated. She swayed. She swung her hips in wild fashion. Deep inside her, a myriad of 'Inner Hinatas' came into being. Each of them turned bright red, looked ready to faint. Moments later, they shattered into countless pieces.
"Oh snap!" Shino dropped the cup he was holding.
"Spank me!" Kiba's eyes bulged. Was that Hinata? In the low light, moving like she did, the girl looked more like a goddess from some erotic dream.
"Heh… heh… heh…." The Frog Hermit held both arms in front of him, turkey leg at his feet. He flexed the fingers on both hands, as if he were squeezing an imaginary pair of breasts.
Choji, had eaten way too much already. Fighting indigestion, his stomach and intestines were bloated with gas. Catching sight of Hinata's nipples, he crapped his pants. Lee looked like a stone statue. Ino stood behind Shikamaru, hands covering his eyes. Sai searched for his sketch pad.
Amaterasu was taken by complete surprise. Never in her entire existence had she heard such a racket, not even during the worst of the Storm god's tantrums. What was going on? What was she missing out on? When the laughter sounded louder than everything else, she couldn't help but roll the boulder back some and peek outside. Everyone sounded so happy without her!
None of the gods were willing to take any further chances with their mother goddess. As a last resort, they asked the god of Force to hide near the entrance to the cave and to seize Amaterasu's hand and drag her all the way out if he was given the chance. As it turned out, no such effort was needed. Catching a glimpse of something in the mirror hanging in front of her, she forgot about her pain and fear, transfixed by the light.
The Sun goddess was seeing herself for the first time in a very long while, and it gave her a renewed determination to carry on her duties in heaven. She immediately returned to her palace and vowed never again to be so frightened by any storm. At her instructions, numerous mirrors were hung in the doorways to her temples, so that all who passed in or out might look deeply into them. Anyone who did so went about their lives The elders say that the people of Japan, and the gods themselves, carried on their lives with their courage and joy refreshed.
Hinata continued with her dance, oblivious to the roosters that ran helter skelter across the floor. Everyone began laughing and clapping their hands. Guys and gals alike called out approval, never questioning why they did so. They hooted. They hollered. They made so much noise that Sakura had to step out and see what was going on. Pants full, and snot shooting out of his nose, Choji was too preoccupied to grab her. There was no need.
Still brushing off clinging garbage, Naruto made his way back into the party room, ready to take the group of guys to task. Wondering what was causing the unexpected cacophony, he froze when he caught sight of Hinata. Seeing him, the dancing girl stopped, let her leaves fall to the floor, and blew him a kiss.
"H-… H-… H-…." He couldn't get her name out. Wanting to look away, he couldn't. His eyes were glued to her body. He swallowed hard when his pants tented outward. What a time to pop a chubby! Sweating heavily, he realized that everyone who wasn't watching Hinata was watching him! Him and his trouser snake! Still, he couldn't pry away his gaze. "Th-… This is… this is better than the waterfall dream…." Inexplicably, he had dreamed of Hinata one night. She had been naked, standing in a waterfall.
"Don't just stand there, moron." Jiraiya whispered under his breath. He had the demon move Naruto closer to Hinata. "The girl needs your help."
Naruto formed a wall of Bunshin around the naked girl, shielding her body from everyone's view. He frantically began picking up her clothing. He couldn't find her bra. Kiba had crammed that into his back pocket.
Hinata hopped down from the tub. Her eyes were wide and filled with stars. There were so many Naruto-kuns! She began nuzzling the nearest one, rubbing her face against his. Pressing her body against the clone, she caused it to overheat and pop from existence. The same series of events occurred again and again and again. "My Hero-kun…." Hinata held her arms out when the real Naruto was the only one left standing.
"Hinata!" Naruto's innate sense of goodness and fair play actually managed to override Susbori's powers, if only for a little bit. "Stop!" Seeing that she didn't listen, he ran madly for the garbage chute jumped in headfirst. Moments later, a laughing Hinata did the same.
"Na… ruuuu-uuu-uu-u… to…." Sakura took on the appearance of a thunderhead, sparks in her eyes. She headed off for the basement, using the stairs instead of the chute.
"Ahhhh-hhh-hh-h… Sakura-chan!" Lee called out at the top of his voice. "Sakura-chan… don't you want to watch me dance…." He had climbed up on the tub. The girls in the room rushed to stop him when he began to slip out of his stretchy suit.
"This could be the end of civilization as we know it," Shino said to Neji, eyeing Lee. It was all that Hyuuga boy could do to simply nod in return.
"Conga line!" Ten Ten grabbed Neji's arm, nearly pulling it out of its socket. Numerous shinobi followed suit. Soon, there was a long processing line of dancers. As the wallflowers turned up the music, the participants circled the room, each of them taking three shuffle steps on the beat, followed by a kick slightly ahead of the fourth beat. Instead of kicking each time, Tenten made it a point to bump into the boy in front of her. Naturally, that boy was Neji.
"Come on, Shikamaru!" Ino tugged on her teammate, happy to see that he didn't offer any resistance. Unbeknownst to her, his acquiescence was the amanojaku's doing.
"You too, Choji." Shikamaru knew how to get back at Ino. But, Choji had already lined up behind Ino on his own accord. Given his somewhat fragrant condition, there was a gap in the dance line between him and the shinobi behind him.
The room was a veritable frenzy of activity. Dancing. Singing. Eating. Laughing. At that instant, anyone walking into the Rec Center would think that the entire world had gone mad. The Legendary Sannin leaned against the back wall, a satisfied grin on his lips. If he died at that moment, he could go to eternity a happy man.
"Not too shabby," he said to his bottle-bound co-conspirator. "For the first act."
The show would go on.