The party was still in full swing.
By now, almost everyone was speaking in a slightly slurred voice. A number of the smaller shinobi, especially those with the weakest constitutions, had passed out.
Jiraiya sat perched on top of a large cabinet, legs dangling over the side. He had a large urn of Sake by his side, and was trying to figure out some way for Susubori to have a drink. Everyone should be in on the fun!
It's almost like I'm a god," the Frog Hermit said, taking a long swig of drink. His cheeks were rosy red and his eyes half closed. There were few things better than free food and drink. One thing came to mind, but he was nowhere near dastardly enough to take advantage of the situation in that way. "Well… maybe a demi-god…." He banged the urn against the amanojaku's bottle. "Cheers."
The mention of the demi-gods had him thinking about one mythic figure in particular, the son of Zeus and the mortal woman Alcmene, stepson of Amphitryon, and great-grandson of Perseus. He was the greatest of all the Greek heroes, a true paragon of masculinity, a champion of the Olympian order against chthonic monsters.
"Heracles," the Legendary Sannin said. "Everyone drink a toast to Heracles!" Not knowing why they did so, the younger ninjas all grabbed a bottle or worked the pump on the few remaining kegs. "Or… you can call him Hercules if you like…." He belched. When one ninja looked in his direction and saw him, he asked the demon to erase that memory, before making it a point to renew his Transparent jutsu. "He was a lot like me."
The ancient Greek hero had possessed extraordinary strength, courage, ingenuity, and sexual prowess. He had also been capable of using his wits on those occasions when his strength did not suffice. Despite all that, he had still been a playful figure who used games to relax from his labors, and played a great deal with children. By conquering dangerous forces, he had made the world a safer place, a benefactor of all mankind.
"That's me alright," Jiraiya said, thumping his chest. He chose to use the hand holding the urn, which left him with a shirt soaked by Sake. "A benefactor." He nodded his head. "Of all these children." He felt all warm and fuzzy for a moment. Then he sniffed, wiping away a tear. No one would ever know of the wonderful thing he had done here today. He had to be very sure that he wiped the scene free of his fingerprints, in a figurative sense.
The life of the Greek Hero had not been an easy one. Neither had Jiraiya's. After killing his music tutor with a lyre, Heracles had been was sent by his foster father Amphitryon to tend cattle on a mountain. There, he was visited by two nymphs… Pleasure and Virtue… who offered him a choice between a simple and pleasant life, or a difficult and glorious life. He chose the latter. The Frog Hermit had done much the same thing. One of the challenges that the demi-god had faced was, put to him by King Thespius of Thespia, who wanted him to kill the Lion of Cithaeron. As a reward, the king offered him the chance to impregnate each of his fifty lovely daughters. According to legend, Heracles did this in one night. Some learned individuals sometimes refer to that as his thirteenth Labour.
"Lucky bastard," the Sannin said with a heavy sigh. He had plenty of success with women, but had never even done fifty in a year! That didn't really bother him. Sometimes, though, he did mourn the fact that he never found that one right woman. He still held a torch of sorts for Tsunade, but knew that the two of them would never have been compatible, even if she had never fallen in love with Dan. "That's OK. If I was off the market, there would be a lot of sad ladies out here."
Marriage hadn't been the happiest of institutions for Heracles, who had been joined in wedlock four times. In Thebes, he had taken the hand of King Creon's daughter, Megara. But, bitch that she was, the goddess Hera later drove the great hero into a fit of madness, during which he killed his wife and children. Realizing what he had done, he fled to the Oracle of Delphi, which. unbeknownst to him, was guided by Hera. He was directed to serve King Eurystheus for twelve years, and perform any task he required. That led to the Twelve Labours. Eurystheus, who had become king in Heracles' place, had originally asked for ten seemingly impossible tasks. Two additional Labours had been tacked on by Hera herself.
"I did more than twelve Labours," Jiraiya claimed. "Hell… just training Naruto for those two and a half years… that was worth at least ten Labours…." He suddenly sat up straighter, hearing something from the demon. "What? There really was someone named Heracles? You knew him?"
Susabori was much older than the Sannin ever would have guessed. He had been across the world, carried in one form or another. According to him, the tales all had some basis in truth, minus the bit about gods and goddesses.
"Maybe if I had been born back then…." Jiraiya said. He smiled for a few moments, as the amanojaku regaled him with tales about Heracles' many affairs with women. But, moments later, he sprayed a mouthful of sake all over the shinobi who were walking past him. "I changed my mind!" The legendary man had indeed been a paragon of manliness and the ultimate warrior, with numerous female lovers. But, according to Susubori… who had heard things directly from Plutarch… Heracles also had pederastic male lovers. In fact, the number of his eromenoi were said to beyond counting.
Enough of that kind of thought! It was time for the grand benefactor to play with the impressionable children again. Watching some of the drunken carousing that was going on, he couldn't help but think of some of Heracle's Labours, despite his mental moratorium on the subject. The first of twelve tasks had been to slay the Nemean Lion and bring back its skin. The dread beast had been terrorizing the area around Nemea, and had a skin so thick that it was impenetrable to weapons. Heracles threw away his sword and bow and wrestled the lion to the ground, eventually killing it by thrusting his arm down its throat and choking it to death. It looked like Choji was trying to do the same think to Rock Lee, who had made the mistake of swallowing the last cream-filled éclair.
The second Labour required the ancient hero to kill the Lernian Hydra. When he reached the swamp where the monster dwelt, Heracles covered his mouth and nose with a cloth to protect himself from the poisonous fumes, and fired flaming arrows into its lair, the spring of Amymone. Fighting the beast with a harvesting sickle, he cut off its heads, only to find that two would grow back in place of any that was severed. Sai looked to be facing a similar problem. Although Ino's demon-driven passion for him had died out, there were plenty of girls looking to take her place. With every arm that the poor boy pried off of himself, two more seemed to replace it.
Heracle's third quest had involved the capture of the Ceryneian Hind, an enormous deer sacred to Artemis, the chaste goddess of the hunt and moon. It had golden antlers like a stag and hooves of bronze or brass, and it was said that it could outrun an arrow in flight. He chased the mystical beast on foot for a full year through Greece, Thrace, Istria and the land of the Hyperboreans, conquering it when it was unable to run any further. The parallels were striking. The Nara family raised deer. Ino looked like she would pursue her teammate until he found it too bothersome to put up any more of a fight.
The fourth Labour dealt with the capture of the dangerous Erymanthian Boar. That fit well with Choji's hopeless love for the Yamanaka girl, except that he was destined to fail where the Greek hero had triumphed.
"This place is looking like a real dump now," the Frog Hermit said, looking around the room. There were stacks of plates everywhere. Glasses, too. The aftermath of the food fight was quite evident, too. Some poor soul… probably the unfortunate innocent he would need to take credit for spiking the punch… would no doubt be given the envious task of cleaning everything up. That might very well rival Heracles' fifth chore, cleaning the Augean stables in a single day. Those structures had housed the single greatest number of cattle in the land, and had never been cleaned until the great hero came along. "I guess that means I'm not really risking too much now by letting Bushy Eyebrows do his thing." It was time to watch the boy's reaction to alcohol first hand.
The Legendary Sannin waved his hand. It was an unnecessary gesture, since the demon was in telepathic contact with him. But, it fed his view of himself as an all powerful and capricious being. Susubori changed the demon liquor back to alcohol in the unsuspecting shinobi's bloodstream. The first couple of times that Lee had mistakenly or purposefully imbibed, his subsequent destructive and chaotic actions had been attempts to impress his mentor, regardless of whether or not Gai had even been around. In that state, he had a tendency to attack any one who might be near him.
Suiken can't be learned or taught. It only occurs naturally, and is particularly dangerous in the hands of anyone with considerable Taijutsu skills. Lee had come close to defeating a sickly Kimimaro Kaguya, before Orochimaru's minion had activated his cursed seal.
"Ohhhh-hhh-hh-h… Gai Shenshei…." Lee began stumbling about, a glassy look in his eyes. "Shakura… shhhhhweetheart…." He began bouncing off of his fellow revelers, like a pachinko balls ricocheting off of metal pegs. His movements became faster and more random with every passing moment. "Shomebody… everybody… wash whatsh I can do…." The amanojaku had him begin spinning plates on a long staff, much like a Chinese acrobat. He wasn't very good at it. Someone made the mistake of telling him that, after the twentieth platter shattered. "Whatsh didsh you shhhhhay?" He took up more plates in hand, and began flinging them around the room like large shuriken.
Soon, before anybody knew what had happened, the entire room exploded into action, as Lee ricocheted off of the walls, collided with partygoers, and overturned numerous tables. Wherever ninjas bumped up against one another as a result, they immediately took offense at Lee or the person colliding with them. Driven in part by their own drunkenness, and unknowingly spurred on by Jiraiya and the mischievous spirit, the shinobi began to finish what the boy in the green stretchy suit had started. It was hard to tell if it was a party where a fight had broken out, or a fight where a party had started.
Suddenly overcome by the effects of the demon, Sai began drawing creature after creature, sending them speeding out through the rest of the building, or rushing out onto the street. Choji was back in Meat Tank form, bowling over anyone who stood in his path. Neji performed a fearsome Kaiten, sending everyone within combat radius flying. Shino sent his chakra bugs out to find nourishment wherever they could, be it the chakra of the other ninjas, or whatever food remained intact. Ten Ten somehow brought out a number of round bombs, fuses burning. Kiba was spinning through the air, trying out the dynamic urine marking technique that he had taught Akamaru. Ino was fighting like a creature from Hell, trying to protect the one surviving bunch of flowers in the room. Shikamaru banged his head against the far wall, bothered far beyond his limit.
"AHHHH-HHH-HH-H…." Lee was in full swing now, having unwisely gone on to open two of the eight chakra gates. If things continued, he would open a total of five, in preparation for Reverse Lotus, the final and most powerful of his attacks. "I'M TOO SHEXY… TOO SHHHHHEXY…." All of the girls would notice him now! That is, all of the kunoichi who remained. A number of guys and gals had gone of streaking through the village, in various stages of dress and undress.
"Do you think we might have gone a bit overboard?" Jiraiya asked the amanojaku. "No… you're absolutely right… anything worth doing is worth overdoing…." He smiled and took another long pull from a sake urn. It was good to have a kindred spirit. Speaking of which, he had forgotten about Naruto, who had picked up some of his habits and mannerisms during their stay together. "Hey… Susubori… change the damn channel!"
Down below, the scene was only slightly less tumultuous than the riot going on in the Recreation Center. Naruto and Hinata were still on the run, somehow managing to find the stamina they needed to keep one step ahead of Sakura. In turn, the pink-haired medical ninja was using every Taijutsu, Ninjutsu, and Genjyutsu skill she had, plus an odd assortment of talents and techniques given to her by the demon. Everywhere they went, things lay in ruin or disarray. As a result, crowds of workers and low level administrators followed in their wake, with wrenches, metal pipes, and clipboards in their hands.
"Hey… pay attention… damn you…." Forced to duck backwards, the perverted hermit chided the demon in the bottle. Lee had rushed one group of shinobi, flinging forks and knives like kunai. Moments later, he had to beat a hasty retreat, as tables, chairs, bowls, doorknobs, and the entire punch fountain came fling after him. "This is almost as dangerous as that time I got caught peeping on Tsunade." He needed to keep a close watch on the demon. Despite feeling a sense of camaraderie with the amanojaku, it wasn't really a friend or ally. No doubt it would try to turn on him in some fashion, if he was foolish enough to let that happen. He also had to make sure that the spirit didn't take things too far with Naruto or the others.
Desperate, Sakura tossed a large number of kunai. They flew as swift as arrows, and in her mindless rage, they were meant to maim or kill. But, her hand guided by Susubori, they were actually part of the game, though far from harmless. Sparks flew and pieces or metal fell, when some of the weapons bounced off of gauges and regulators. A number of precise shots found the weak spots on canisters of propane. Others prompted frightened operators to push the wrong buttons or pull the wrong levers. The hissing sound was from gas this time, not giant serpents. A flight of shuriken caused more sparks, igniting a huge inferno.
"Hold tight, Hinata!" Naruto leaped over crates and slid under large racks of pipes and tubing. At any given moment, the girl was either clinging to his back, clutched firmly in his arms, or limping at his side. Pulling her with him, he ran this way and that, jumping off of any structure that offered support or provided the needed trajectory. Despite his valiant efforts, he was unable to find a way past the onrushing walls of flame. "I'm not going to give up!"
"Naruto-kun… this way… follow me…." Hinata had caught sight of something at the center of the cylindrical room. Breaking free of his grasp, she scampered across the floor on all fours like a mouse, ducking under large gushers of flame that shot sideways from punctured fuel tanks. Naruto quickly followed suit. Helping her, he pried up a large hatch and slid down into darkness, bumping painfully along the rungs of an unseen ladder. The hatch closed over head seconds before a huge wave of fire engulfed the site.
Sakura was impressed by the way that her quarry had eluded her. Susubori allowed her to have a change in heart, erasing every last shred of anger and hatred that he had caused. Making her way to the hatch, she was oblivious to the screaming workers and the rising streamers of black smoke that rose from charred debris. Her face and hair were soon covered with tiny bits of soot and flakes of ash. Without wondering what might be below, she followed after her two friends.
"Naruto… Hinata… wait up…." Her voice echoed through the access tunnel and the large sewer that made up the deepest part of the underground area. "I wasn't myself… I don't know what happened… I'm back to normal now…." She had to find them before they got completely away. She needed to do so before the terrified and furious laborers found the courage to pursue them again.
A sudden clatter sounded. Just as Sakura stepped into the light, she was surrounded by a large group of shadow clones. She offered no resistance as they held her still, so that Hinata could work Hakke Rokujūyon Shō.
"I think she's telling the truth," Hinata said, not certain why she thought that way. She held off from closing off the sixty-four specific chakra points on an the other girl's body, which would have effectively eliminated her ability to use chakra for quite some time. . "I think we can trust her again."
"I hope you're right," a wary looking Naruto replied, ready for any kind of trick. He really didn't want to do anything to hurt his teammate; but, he would do whatever was necessary to restrain her. "She's never been one for tricks." He made a face, and scowled when he felt the after effects of countless bumps and bruises. "Then again, she hasn't ever chased after me trying to kill me, either."
"I'm… I'm sorry…." Tears came to Sakura's eyes and ran down her black soot-covered face, leaving gray trails. "I really don't want to hurt you." She pleaded with her eyes. "Promise of a Lifetime." She sniffed. "It was like someone was controlling me."
"OK," Naruto said. He knew exactly what Sakura meant, seeing all the things that he and Hinata had done, too. "That was one hell of a chase." Being who he was, he threw out his chest some and smiled. "As long as you admit that Hinata and I won." He nodded his head happily, seeing the look on Sakura's face. "But… I guess that was to be expected…." That had Sakura clenching her fists; but, she was able to restrain herself. "Right?" He folded his arms over his chest. The clones all did the same.
"There's a bathing area over there," Hinata pointed. A large sunken pool area was flanked by a number of showers, inside of a nearby open door. The room seemed to be deserted at the moment. "You could clean up in there." After saying that, she gasped and sat down hard. Her ankle wouldn't bear her weight for long.
"Clean up?" Sakura sounded perplexed. Why would Hinata mention that? She and Naruto were somewhat grimy and dirty looking, but that kind of thing could wait until everyone got home.
Naruto simply smiled. Before long, he began snickering. Then, he burst out into loud laughter. The shadow clones followed suit, before they began disappearing in puffs of smoke. That had a miffed Sakura marching into the bathing area. She almost fainted when she looked in the first mirror she came across. Her face and hair were pitch black. Her shirt hadn't fared much better.
"Naruto, why don't you help Sakura wash her hair?" Hinata had no idea why she suggested that. She was also surprised that the other girl like the idea. Stranger yet, Naruto agreed to help, without making a single snide remark.
"You should probably take off all your clothes first," Naruto quipped, as he walked with Sakura towards the one sink in the large room that had a deep basin. That time, the comment was his own, not Susubori's. He wanted to see if the joke would send his friend into another murderous rage. It didn't. Oddly enough, she didn't even give him one of those mini-Tsunade punches that she often did.
"I thought you'd never ask." Likewise, that was Sakura's doing. She could play that game, too. Pretending she was going to disrobe, she began slipping the blouse up over her body. When Naruto put one hand over his eyes and then spread the fingers wide, she pushed her hand hard against his chest, sending him stumbling backwards, arms flailing as he tried to maintain his balance. There was a loud splash as he fell into the bathing pool.
"Naruto-kun…." Hinata couldn't help but grin. Naruto looked like a soaked kitten, his hair plastered to the sides of his face. As she watched, he spat out a long stream of water.
"I guess you really are back to normal," Naruto said. He sounded as if he was convinced. He wasn't. Seeing a number of rails on either side of the large sink, he knew just what he would do. If Sakura was telling the truth, she'd forgive him. If she wasn't, it would given him and Hinata a head start. "I'll help you. You'll never be able to tell when the gunk is out of your hair by yourself.
"Thank you," Sakura said. When Naruto helped her lather up her dark and grimy hair, she felt her scalp tingle. There was a strange little feeling deep in her heart. She was touched by the gentleness he was showing. But, before she knew it, there was reason for her to lose her temper again.
"Not bad, if I do say so myself." Naruto used a long flexible hose to rinse the soap out of Sakura's hair. "Maybe I should be a hair stylist or something." He had Sakura and Hinata both giggling, as he piled mounds of wet hair on top of his teammate's head. But, that was merely a way to catch her off guard. Before she knew what was happening, he moved swiftly, tying her hair to the railing. He couldn't help but wonder just where he had gotten an idea like that.
"What… this…" Sakura was stuck. It would take her some time to untangle that mess. "Naruto!" She started undoing the knots. "This… is… not… funny…."
"Let's go, Hinata-chan!" Naruto ran over to Hinata, took her hand, and pulled her out of the room, ignoring her protests. "This is the best way to be sure. We need to get back up to the village. Granny Tsunade should hear about everything that happened." He paused at the door. "Sorry, Sakura-chan!"
"Oooh!" Sakura's anger flared, eclipsing her better judgment and common sense. "That jerk!" She was royally pissed off, having been fooled like that, especially after she had begun to enjoy Naruto's attention. "Owwww-owww-oww-ow…." She had pulled up with all of her strength. Hair still attached, she yanked the huge sink along with her. Pipes were torn out of the wall. Support beams buckled. The entire section of the room collapsed. Smashing her fists against the dangling sink, she broke it into manageable pieces.
Once again, the events that took place deviated from the story of O-Kuni-Nushi and Suseri-Hime. As Naruto and Hinata ran, Sakura watched from a distance. But, she did not yield the point to them, not by a long shot. Moreover, she was not going to let Hinata develop some kind of personal relationship with him. She just wasn't sure how she felt about the big blonde galoot. Furious as she might be, she couldn't help but feel a swelling of pride in her chest. He had tricked her good!
She would have a chance to catch up. Naruto slid to a halt, suddenly finding himself in a very different looking place. He hadn't noticed the exact moment of the transition, as things had blended together. But, the maze of corridors he found himself in looked, smelled, and felt different than the village underground. This place was familiar. All too familiar. The only difference from the past was that Hinata was still with him.
"I don't like this stupid place…." He didn't want to wrestle with the logic of it all. That always left his head hurting. He began walking again, passing through hallways that looked like they belonged to some kind of abandoned industrial site. Small pools of water dotted the floor, here and there. Every room they passed was dark, but radiated a sense of emptiness. Every room except one.
"Wh-… Wh-… What is that, Naruto-kun…." Hinata pointed to a vast enclosure, the front of which was made up of immense bars. She felt a chill pass down her spine. Her hand trembled.
"It's…." Naruto was faced with a very big dilemma. He no doubt had to speak with Kyuubi, since the demon fox had prompted this meeting. But, Hinata was with him. If he sent her away from him in this dream-like state, something bad might happen to her. However, if she remained, she would learn his secret. He wouldn't take risks with her life. As it was, she might be in grave danger. The Nine Tails had reason to keep him alive. It had no reason to be charitable when it came to anyone else. "It's a cage…."
"C-… C-… Cage…." Hinata swallowed hard, feeling an instinctive almost ancestral fear. What kind of thing would live in a cage like that? Where were they? Why did Naruto seem to know this strange place? In a day of frightful events, this had the potential to be the most unnerving of all.
"Yes," Naruto said. He would offer explanations later, if necessary. Making a face, he approached the Bijuu's enclosure. "What did you want, stupid fox?" That wasn't exactly the best way to start things off with the beast. But, if the damn demon didn't want something from him, it wouldn't have done this.
"INSOLENT AS ALWAYS. I WOULD THINK THAT ONE AS STUPID AS YOU WOULD HAVE LEARNED THE PROPER WAY TO ADDRESS ME. SOMEDAY, YOU WILL PAY FOR YOUR INSOLENCE, AND I WILL MAKE CERTAIN THAT EVERYONE YOU CARE FOR DIES A PAINFUL DEATH."
Great evil eyes opened, barely visible in the darkness of the cage. Hinata gasped, seeing them. A large snout pushed against the bars, finding them as unyielding as always. The teeth that showed were taller than both of the ninjas. The breath breathing between them almost caused the girl to gag.
"Some day I'll find a way to shove a giant sock in your mouth," Naruto replied. This kind of exchange was hardly a game, but he was used to it by now. "That, and give you a bath. What's it been, a thousand years since you showered?" Mention of bathing left him distracted for a moment. How was Sakura? She hadn't been brought here too, had she? No. She hadn't. He somehow knew that.
"It… it speaks…." Hinata wondered if she was delusional. That must be it! What other explanation was there?
"OF COURSE I DO. MUCH BETTER THAN THE PULING INSECTS THAT INHABIT THIS WORLD. IT'S A SOURCE OF GREAT SHAME, MY BEING SEALED INSIDE SOMEONE SO USELESS AND DEFICIENT. THE GREAT FOOL CAN'T EVEN SMELL THE WAY YOU FEEL ABOUT HIM. BUT, WHAT DOES THAT MATTER? I HAVE KNOW MANY HYUUGASHHHH. I WOULD PREFER FOR THEM ALL TO DIE."
"Huh?" Naruto wished that he could read Kyuubi's thoughts the way that the big jerk could read his. First, there had been some kind of recognition of the Uchiha clan. Now, the Hyuugas. "What do you mean… how does Hinata feel about me…." His eyes narrowed. He clenched both hands into fists. "You better not be threatening Hinata, asshole!" Wait. It sounded as if the damn demon had slurred a word there. What was up with that?
"N-… N-… Naruto-kun…." Knees shaking badly, Hinata tried to focus on the one thing here that she could trust. Naruto. The demon's words had her feeling nervous for a number of reasons.
"If you're done with your usual stupid threats, are you actually going to tell us why we're here?" Naruto put his hands on his hips. He absentmindedly wondered if the other Jinchuuriki had to put up with crap like this. Oh. That's right. The number of mature Jinchuuriki had been greatly reduced through Akatsuki's abortive efforts. "Or was it because you missed me?"
"AT LEAST YOU HAVE SPIRIT. THAT HAS SERVED US WELL IN THE PAST, WHEN IT DID NOT PLACE US ON DEATH'S DOOR IN THE FIRST PLACE. THERE IS SOMETHING THAT EFFECTS US ALL. THERE IS AN IGNOMINITY EVEN GREATER THAN THE ONE YOU IMPOSE UPON ME WITH EACH OF YOUR MEAGER BREATHS. WHEN YOU UNDERSTAND THE CRIME COMMITTED, YOU WILL WISH TO PUNISH THOSE WHO ARE DIRECTLY BEYOND THE REACH OF MY CLAWS."
"Now you're talking!" Naruto stood more at ease, almost as if he was talking to a long time chum. "I knew something screwy was up."
Hinata still stared at the Bijuu, unable to tear her eyes away from it. Those eyes went very wide, when the tips of a number of great tails brushed up against the bars. One. Two. Three. Six. Nine. There were nine tails, or the illusion of such. But… that… would… mean….
"So… what's going on…." After asking that question, Naruto saw a number of images in his mind. One was of the large bottle he had brought to the party. He frowned, recalling that he had poured the contents of that bottle into the punch. The other pertinent image was that of someone very familiar to him. "Ero-Sennin! That's right. He must have tricked me somehow." He scowled and then pursed his lips. He now had access to recent memories that had been blocked off from him. "What was in the bottle?"
"AN AMANOJAKU. A LESSER DEMON NOT MUCH GREATER THAN YOUR OWN LOATHSOME SELF. AN INTRUDER WHO MADE THE ULTIMATE AFFRONT, TOUCHING UPON MY DESMENSE AND SOILING ME WITH ITS TOUCH. ACTING UPON THE WISHES OF A HUMAN WHO IS NO MORE THAN A FLEA ON THE ASS OF MY EXISTENCE."
"Hah!" Naruto actually gave the disbelieving Bijuu a 'V' sign. He smiled. "I'll have to remember that one. A flea on the ass of my existence." That was a great description of the Pervy Sage. "Kyuubi… poet…." His words had the great demon growling.
"Kyuubi…." Hinata brought her hand to her mouth. That thing was the Nine Tails? The creature that had wrought so much havoc on her clan and the village as a whole? Why was it here? Where was here? How did Naruto know the legendary monster? This had to be a strange dream of some sort!
"So," Naruto continued, his anger and pride pushing his good humor aside. "That hairy old jerk did something that caused everyone to act crazy?" He wouldn't put that kind of thing past his former mentor. "Some kind of weaker demon." 'Weaker' was a relative term, considering everything that the spirit had done. "You want my help in getting revenge."
"IF THE UCHIHA CHILD WAS HERE, I WOULD WANT TO WORK THROUGH HIM. HIS CHAKRA IS TAINTED EVEN MORE THAN MY OWN. BUT, I AM LIMITED IN THE TOOLS AT MY DISPOSAL. YOU TWO CRETINS WILL BE MY AVENGERS… RIPPING, TEARING, AND FEASTING IN MY PLACE. YOU OWE ME A GREAT DEBT, FROM THE TIMES I HELPED YOU IN THE PAST. EVEN ONE AS USELESS AS YOU SHOULD SEE THE DANGER IN DENYING ME NOW."
"Sasuke isn't so great," Naruto answered by reflex. "And there won't be any ripping, tearing, or feasting." He put a hand on his forehead. "You really need a good hobby. I suggest Ramen or manga." He scratched the back of his head, feeling a need to give the cantankerous and contemptuous demon tit for tat. "I think knitting would be perfect. With fur like that, you could whip up some really great sweaters!"
Kyuubi made a tremendous effort, pushing against the unyielding bars with his full strength, saliva dripping from his snarling maw. The brutality of his hopeless actions had Hinata taking a few steps backwards. Her heart was beating rapidly. She couldn't speak.
"It's OK, Hinata-chan." Naruto spared a moment to comfort his companion. He could imagine what she must be going through. "I'll explain everything to you later, some day. That's my Way of the Ninja." He scuffed one sandal on the dusty floor. "Having that stupid fox inside me is a real pain in the ass, even though he's actually sealed behind my navel." He patted his abdomen. "I keep waiting to cough up a fur ball or something."
"PATHETIC VERMIN. YOU DO NOT DESERVE THE HONOR BESTOWED ON YOU, JUST AS I DO NOT DESERVE THE INSULT DONE TO ME. YOU ARE A POX ON MY FLAWLESS LIFE, A MANGE I CANNOT BITE OUT OF MY PEERLESS COAT. DO NOT THINK THAT BY MOCKING ONE OF MY GREATNESS YOU GAIN ANY VALUE YOURSELF. I LOOK FORWARD TO THE DAY THAT I CAN IMPALE YOU ON MY CLAW AND CRUSH YOU BETWEEN MY TEETH."
"He gets like that sometimes," Naruto said, sounding far more nonchalant than he felt. He looked at Hinata and shook his hand in Kyuubi's direction, thumb out and other fingers folded. "The Fourth put him in this big cage. I wish he had thought to neuter him first." He knew that there could be Hell to pay for making that kind of wisecrack. He didn't care. He had suffered through too much of the Bijuu's insults. "Stuck up fleabag."
The temperature in the environment seemed to go down a few degrees. That had Hinata shivering for an entirely different reason. Kyuubi was seething so greatly, that the great beast had gone completely still. It was an ominous scene. She began to think that there was some basis of fact behind the things that she was witnessing. There was no way that she could imagine something so terrible.
"I'm pretty good with insults too, stupid fox." Naruto made a fierce face of his own, thinking back to his early childhood. "I've been picked on and put down for a long time. I don't need any more of that shit from you, no matter how great you think you are." That was vintage Naruto, alright. He was not about to back down, even though it might be the prudent thing to do. "If you want my help, I suggest you act a bit nicer. I want to get back at those jerks, too. But don't piss me off!"
"IT DEBASES ME TO ADMIT IT, BUT I AM FORCED TO ADMIRE YOUR SPIRIT YET AGAIN. AS YOU WOULD NOT WASTE TIME INSULTING A WORM AT YOUR FEET, I SHOULD NOT TAINT MYSELF BY INSULTING YOU FURTHER. UP UNTIL NOW, I HAVE BLOCKED KNOWLEDGE OF THIS MEETING FROM THE AMANOJAKU. IT IS A SIMPLE MATTER, NOW THAT I HAVE THE UPPER HAND. YOU WILL CONTINUE TO BE SUSCEPTIBLE TO ITS INFLUENCE, UNTIL THE TIME I CHOOSE TO STRIKE. AS YOU HAVE A TALENT FOR TRICKERY, I SHALL ALLOW YOU TO AID ME IN MY PLANNING."
"Now you're talking my language," Naruto said, rubbing his hands together. He ignored the final insult that the Bijuu had slid in there.
Far above them, watching the frantic and frenetic fiasco unfolding, Jiraiya was oblivious to his former apprentice's discourse with the nine-tailed fox. He knew that he had time for only one more big score, seeing that the shinobi who had left the party were raising some kind of ruckus in the quiet village. No doubt, the Keimu Butai would be sending people to investigate, and none of them could be tricked into taking a drink of the demon liquor. If word had reached Tsunade, she might send a number of jounin to assess the situation. "Who should the lucky victim be?"
There were so many to choose from. Some had gotten this far unscathed, in relative terms. If he was going to be fair, he should pick one of them. He didn't. There was one ninja whose antics were impossible to ignore. Gai's favorite pupil. He had so much useless energy, even more than Naruto! There was no way that the Sannin was going to let that go to waste. Now, the only question remaining was 'From where should he draw his inspiration, this time?' Hmmm-mm-m. Why not stick with Greek Mythology?
"Admittedly, the story is a bit obscure," Jiraiya said to Susubori. "But… given everything that's going on down below… I think there may eventually be a way to tie everything together…." He nodded his head and grunted, finishing of the urn of Sake. "Knock yourself out." He grinned. "Or anyone else you choose…."
After Proitos became king of Argos, a young man named Bellerophon came to ask him for purification. Bellerophon had accidentally killed his brother and, even though it was not a deliberate murder, he still had to leave his home and find a foreign king who would cleanse him of his unintentional sins. Proitos agreed to do this for Bellerophon, but while the young man was staying in Argos, Proitos' wife Stheneboia attempted to seduce him. When Bellerophon refused her advances, she went to her husband and twisted the story around, claiming that their guest had tried to seduce her.
"Ahhhhh-hhhh-hhh-hh-h…." Lee went flying past like a green comet without a tail. He was in the full grasp of the Drunken Fist, unable to think clearly or control all of his actions. "Nejiiii-iii-ii-i!" Old feelings came back. Before the first Chuunin exams, he had wanted very much to fight his teammate and to best him. Neji had been thought to be amongst the best his generation had to offer. But, Naruto had gotten to him first; he himself had been severely injured by Gaara. "Dynamic attack!" He actually kicked through a short wall, one that partitioned off a small alcove in the rear of the party room.
Neji had been in the process of offering a flower to Ten Ten, wondering where his sudden surge of emotions had come from. The look of anticipation on her face was a miracle to him, even though she had already cozened a number of long kisses from him throughout the evening. That too had left him mystified. But, nothing was as surprising as Lee's sudden appearance in their midst. Taking two heals to the back of his head, he was thrown flat on the floor where he lay unmoving.
"My… my brother…." Lee was stricken. In some ways, Neji did remind him as a brother. Not bothering to check his teammate's pulse… or to simply look down at his writing near unconscious form… he came to believe that he had killed his friend. "I didn't mean it!" He staggered off in search for absolution.
Shikamaru had found an umbrella in a box used as a Lost and Found for the Rec Center. He had it open indoors, caring nothing about superstition. It was more important to keep dry from flying food and clean from plaster, brick dust, and flaking paint. Normally, he would have long since left the building. He had no logical explanation for his remaining there. Looking to the side, he sighed. Ino was still there gazing at him with adoration in her eyes.
"Is there room under there for me, Shikamaru?" The blue-eyed blonde sidled next to him. He took a few steps away from her.
"You need to forgive me," Lee said, walking over to join his two friends. As Shikamaru was a genius, and had been the first amongst them to make Chuunin, he would serve in the role of king. The green-clad shinobi didn't know enough to realize that Shikamaru's sudden attraction to Ino hadn't been their moments earlier.
"OK… alright… whatever…." Shikamaru sighed, grabbing Ino's hand. He eyed Lee uncomfortably, knowing the uncontrolled nature of Suiken. He had no idea what the other ninja was talking about. He didn't care. "Just make sure you get yourself under control." He hung his head. "Things are bothersome enough as it is." He closed his eyes. It didn't make everything go away.
Lee went to stand on the other side of Ino, where there was room. Seeing him there, the girl fell prey to Susubori's telepathic commands once again. Looking sultry, she leaned over and kissed an unsuspecting Lee. She forced her tongue into his mouth, causing him to jump.
"Uhhh-hh-h…" Lee's eyes went even wider than usual. He swallowed hard. Obviously, there was another effect of Suiken. More than his fist was drunk. His erection had appeared as if out of nowhere.
"You cad!" Ino slapped Lee hard on the cheek.
"She does that a lot, it seems." Nearby, Choji rubbed his own face. It was still sore.
"Perhaps it is that time of the month," Shino offered. "In that way, insects are superior to humans. The females do not suffer a similar problem."
"Heh!" Kiba laughed. "With Ino, every day is that time of the month!" That had a number of listeners laughing along with him, much to Ino's chagrin. "It's only a problem for everyone else."
"What seems to be the trouble here," Shikamaru asked Ino. He coughed, catching sight of the tenting of Lee's green stretchy trousers. He had heard old wives' tales which insisted that men with big feet were supposed to have big… you know. But, he had never heard the connection made with men having huge eyebrows. He had no reason to feel inadequate. It wasn't the size that counts. It was how one used it! Then again, he had never used it. What an annoying subject!
"Lee just French-kissed me," Ino said. "Then he grabbed my tush."
Proitos believed his wife's lie and gave Bellerophon a sealed letter to deliver to his father-in-law Iobates, king of Xanthos. There were restrictions imposed on those involved in purification rites that compelled the angry Proitos to find an indirect means of punishing Bellerophon for his alleged crime. The letter told Iobates kill the person who had brought it. When Iobates read the letter, he wanted to please his son-in-law; but, he knew that an outright execution would risk war against the Corinthians. He slyly sent Bellerophon to slay the Chimera, sure that he would never return alive. Each night, the monster swept down upon the valley and carried off women, children, and livestock. The bones of his many victims lay strewn along the mountainside. The population lived in constant fear.
The Chimaira had the front and rear end of a lion in front, a tail that was a large serpent, and mid-portion that was goatish in origin, horned third head included. It had wings and could fly, and the goat's head on its back could breathe fire. To fight against this monster, Bellerophon needed divine assistance. The goddess Athena gifted him with a magic golden bridle, which enabled him to ride the winged horse Pegasus.
In a midair conflict between Bellerophon and the Chimaira, the hero was ultimately victorious, putting a lump of lead on the tip of his spear and thrusting it into the Chimaira's fiery mouth, causing the monster to swallow the molten metal and die of instant lead poisoning. Iobates then sent Bellerophon on a number of additional missions, hoping one of them would prove fatal to the young upstart. Helped only by amazing steed, the boy fought the warlike and wicked Solymoi, before taking on the Amazons, a fierce race of women who lived along the shore of the Black Sea. When Bellerophon returned alive and successful from each of these tasks, Iobates sent the best soldiers of his army to ambush him, but the young warrior killed all of them. Eventually realizing the futility of his intention, Iobates gave his daughter Philonoe to Bellerophon and named him as heir to his kingdom. The boy then returned to Tiryns, persuaded Stheneboia to ride with him on the winged horse, and threw her from the sky to her death.
"I was going to do that!" Shikamaru cringed, trying to reason his way out of the demon's control. He never shouted. He never planned to speak to anyone about his romantic intentions, not even Choji. And, he had most definitely would never French kiss anyone or grab their behind! He coughed between scowls. "I mean… why don't you go talk with Sai… he can tell you how to find forgiveness…." After saying that, he found himself pulled along by Ino, who was headed for one of the few intact closets remaining.
Naturally, Lee ran searching for Sai. He found the newest member of Team Seven sitting up on top of a cabinet, surrounded by a fortress of inked creations. Unaware, the demon kept his Suiken tendencies in check for the moment, so he didn't start tearing into the products of the other boy's Chōjū Giga.
"Sai!" Lee waved his hand to get the other ninja's attention. "Shikamaru sent me to find you. For purification." He didn't bother explaining what he meant by that.
"Me?" Sai cocked his head. Why would anyone do that? And what exactly was purification? In 'Root,' that had meant clearing away all of his human emotions, to make him the perfect weapon or tool. But, in normal relations, it likely indicated something different all together. Maybe the opposite. Yes, that might make sense. Perhaps people should seek purification through peace. "I believe you should do your best to stop the fighting." That was ironic, since Lee's Drunken Fist routine was the thing that had gotten everybody stirred up in the first place.
"I'll do that, Sai-sensei!" Lee struck his most heroic pose. Sai wasn't actually his sensei. But, Sai rhymed with Gai, and that was enough for him at the moment. "The burning heart of Konoha should never harm its own!" That was a bit of a paradox. He would need to fight to stop the fighting. But, that didn't matter. It sounded good.
At Jiriya's suggestion, the amanojaku momentarily sedated everyone one in the room except Kiba, Choji, and Shino. Effectively acting as if those three were Suiken users themselves, he sent them on a raucous rampage, destroying everything in sight. Bones form the rib roasts and legs of lamb littered the floor. That, taking in combination with unconscious partiers sprawled here and there, made the room look like it had been ravaged by some kind of terrible beast. To spice things up a little more, the demon decided to split the Chimaira into three separate parts. Using a powerful Genjutu, he left the three boys looking as they were, with the exception of their heads.
"Monshhhters!" Lee fell into a fighting crouch, moving in the strange and unnatural motions of the Drunken fist, his slurry speech back again. "Lion shpirit!" He pointed to Choji, whose big round head appeared to be that of a demonic lion. "Sherpent shpirit!" He pointed to Shino, whose head now looked to be that of a giant hooded cobra. "Goat shpirit!" He pointed to Kiba, and then rubbed his eyes. Susubari had decided on a more personal touch. "Shorry. I mean Dog shpirit!" He didn't notice that everyone was standing in a large oval now, content to watch the coming match. Everything seemed strange to them. It was going to get stranger yet.
"What the hell is he talking about," Kiba asked, ceasing his destructive behavior. He wiped the long streamers of slobber off of his chin.
"It could be anything, I guess," Shino replied. "The way things have been going tonight." He looked down at one hand and raised an eyebrow. He held a pay-phone that he had ripped from the wall. Coins were rolling around the floor at his feet.
"Does it really matter," Choji asked, looking in the direction that Shikamaru and Ino had headed off in together. He was coated with white dust like a giant jelly donut, having rolled through the walls at various points in the room.
"I will shhhtop you all!" Lee concentrated, his face taking on a frightful look as he began opening his chakra gates. Or, more accurately, while he thought he was opening those gates. "For Gai Shhhensei! And Shhhakura!" He charged into action, his bizarre movements hard to follow.
Jiraiya looked around the party room. It already looked like it had been hit by a cyclone. There might not be anything left when the green-suited boy was finished.