The streets were busy for that time of night.
But, the traffic was mainly made up of municipal police, ANBU, and angry townspeople.
Reports were trickling in, about the numerous problems that had arisen after drunken revelers began sweeping through the village. Anyone who wandered into the Rec Center soon exited, aghast.
"On a much smaller scale, things look worse than after the Sand and Sound attacked." Uzuki Yugao removed her mask. The appearance of the party room had been hard to comprehend at first: that had been caused by shinobi of the Leaf, not some invading enemy.
"That's no exaggeration," Shizune said, looking exhausted. She had just gotten off shift, and wanted to collapse on her bed. Instead, she had work to do. "There's a great deal of smoke coming out of vents. The fire fighters paint a pretty bleak picture." She had been sending medical teams down access ladders, telling them to check for any one suffering from smoke inhalation or burn injuries.
"It stinks like alcohol in there," Anko said. She had happened by, during one of her nocturnal jaunts. "There are bottles everywhere." Unbeknownst to her or any of the others, Jiraiya had been sending the partygoers out to bring back beer and sake on a continuous basis. "I suggest you send people down below. There's a great deal of noise coming from the basement."
"There's no need for that!" Naruto slid into view, looking the worse for wear. "The girls are all on my tail!" That was an apt choice of words. At the moment, he was in his 'one-tail' Kyuubi form. "The guys won't be too far behind them."
"Naruto!" That was Tsunade. "Front and center. Now!" She was standing by a rather disconsolate looking Frog Hermit. The demon bottle stood at his feet. His hands and feet had been bound by the ANBU members, after the Hokage had hit him with an unbelievably powerful Ranshinshō. She had fought the urge to follow up with Isshi Rensshin or Tsūtenkyaku.
"That's right!" Jiraiya threw out his chest, feeling somewhat wrongly accused, even though he knew very well that things were his fault. "The boy can tell you. This was all for their benefit. Not only was it fun, but it was educational." He made a face when his former teammate glared at him in disgust. "They all learned about the dangers of alcohol first hand, not through some stuffy and forgettable lecture." He was using his own techniques to reverse the effect of the Hokage's jutsu. Before long, the flow of electricity in his nervous system would be back to normal. He felt like cursing, when Susubori refused to help.
"Wow! Granny Tsunade! That was some mess!"Naruto turned and glowered at his hairy mentor. He was very glad that Ero-Sennin hadn't been able to pull off another of his patented escapes. Oblivious of the crowd around him, and spurred on by a mix of relief and excitement, he blurted out something he should have kept to himself. "But… to be fair… without that… I never would have gotten to see Hinata and Sakura naked…."
Hidden by the darkness, Kakashi stood on top of one of the lamp posts whose lights were turned off. He sighed, hearing Naruto's slip of the tongue. When would that boy ever learn? Scratching his head, he didn't want to contemplate what the training sessions for Team Seven might be like over the next few weeks.
"That was a little too much information," Kurenai said, walking up. She looked over at the Frog Hermit, making the same kind of face that she did when she came upon long dead bodies on a battlefield. She shivered. What would happen when word of the events reached Hyuuga Hiashi and the clan elders?
"Yes. It certainly was. We'll talk about that later." The look she gave Naruto promised a long private lecture of some sort. "For now, I want to know everything that happened." She waved her hand. Enlisting the aid of the Konoha Keimu Butai, the ANBU squad began moving the crowd back out of earshot.
"You came to the right guy, then!" Naruto hooked one thumb in his armpit. Lowering his voice, he finally managed to be a paragon of discretion. He might have blurted things out; but, it wasn't as if word wouldn't get out eventually. Something like that was unavoidable. "But… I should keep things private this time…." He said that for Jiraiya's benefit. He didn't want his former teacher to know that he was well aware of the amanojaku and its abilities.
Standing alone with the Hokage, Naruto began telling her everything that he knew, while keeping one hand firm on his necklace. A number of times, he felt the bottle demon trying to control his speech. Kyuubi easily blocked those efforts.
"An amanojaku?" Tsunade raised one eyebrow. Then, she frowned, her face clouding over like a dark and ominous sky. That would explain Jiraiya's and Orochimaru's actions, long in the past. It seemed that another of her fellow Sannin's crimes had come to full light. "I see. That would explain a lot of things." She sighed. She felt a headache coming on. "There's something you are dying to tell me…." She knew Naruto very well. He was shifting his weight from one foot to another, an eager look on his face.
"Kyuubi knew about the other demon," Naruto said. "He wasn't too happy. I think he was madder than I was." He looked back at the Frog Hermit and made a face. "I bet he can…." He paused, hearing a great increase in noise. Still under the effect of Susubori, the wannabe Amazons streamed out onto the street, making efforts to shake off the hands of concerned friends and police officers. "Damn…."
"Does Kyuubi have some way of stopping all that?" Tsunade had shrewdly guessed some of what was on Naruto's mind. She tapped her well manicured fingernails against her cheek. "Some way that might be a great deal more satisfying than dragging that hairy idiot off to prison and locking him behind bars?"
"That's why we made you Hokage, Old Lady," Naruto said, a large smile lighting his face. He felt a bit of relief when Kurenai, Anko, Yugao, and the others managed to corral Ino and company. "Once I get hold of the bottle, the stupid fox can start doing what he wants to the other demon. And, if you can do that trick of yours again…." He was referring to the Ranshinshō. "…I can get Ero-Sennin to take a drink. The two things combined might leave me in control."
"Of Jiraiya, you mean." The Hokage gave Naruto a very piercing look. Things were bad enough as it was. She didn't want to think what might happen if Naruto gained command of his fellow drunken partiers. That bottle was a very dangerous thing. She would have to take steps to prevent any similar occurrences in the future.
"Right!" Naruto said, rubbing his hands together. Jiraiya had it coming. He wasn't certain what he wanted to do yet; but, whatever it was, it would be good! "Just give me the bottle. I won't abuse it. I promise." He had guessed her concern. "That's my Way of the Ninja."
"Alright." The Hokage stood staring at Naruto for a moment longer. The young scamp had trained with her fellow Sannin, after all. Then again, anything he did now would catch up with him later, if he tried to carry the nonsense any further. No. There wasn't any reason for concern. She knew the boy well enough to trust him, regardless. And, if the look on his face was any indication, he had a bone to pick with the hairy troublemaker.
"Naruto…." Jiraiya looked a bit worried when the two returned. Naruto had a penchant for finding rather creative solutions to problems. "Remember all that I taught you… all of the good times we shared…."
"My frog purse," Naruto said, walking over to lay his hands on Susubori's bottle. He needed to establish communication, or have Nine Tails do it for him. He had to hurry, since the drunk shin obi were threatening to overrun the peacekeepers, or force the authorities to take serious measures to prevent a riot. "All that hard training… while you were drinking sake and pinching women's butts."
"Hey! You got your chance to pinch quite a few, too!" The Frog hermit grinned, seeing Naruto flinch. Then, he realized that he wasn't helping himself. Hmmm. So what! There was probably nothing he could do or say at this point that would make a difference. "There was one particularly pretty woman who…." Glancing over at Tsunade, he smirked. She looked ready to burst.
"Na… rooo-oo-o… to…." Sakura didn't look too pleased herself, standing there with a large table cloth wrapped around her.
"Naruto-kun…." Hinata kicked at a rock on the side of the street, the curtain she was wearing blowing in the wind.
"Don't forget Rasengan," Jiraiya said. He felt compelled to list some of the positive things he had accomplished, not that his bragging would influence the chesty jury of one who was preparing to use her jutsu again. "And… the things I helped you learn about you know who…." Joking around and causing a wee disturbance was one thing. He was far too responsible to mention Kyuubi's name.
"'Train on your own, Naruto… I need to buy more sake… none for you'." Naruto closed his eyes, feeling a subtle pressure on his mind. He also felt a sudden surge of blood thirstiness, which must have come from the Bijuu sealed within him. "Do all these chores, boy… I can't keep the lovely ladies waiting… you're too young for that kind of stuff'." He concentrated as hard as he could, trying to break through somehow. "'What do you need all that money for, any way… you would just waste it on noodles and squid'." Success! He was in contact with the amanojaku. So was Kyuubi. Needless to say, the demon in the bottle wasn't about to put up any resistance or try any tricks.
"Any luck?" Tsunade had the ANBU squad ready, surrounding Naruto. She was not about to take any chances. The boy was very strong in his own right, and could be a big threat to the village if the demon possessed him. She swallowed hard, thinking something later than she should have. What if the amanojaku somehow was able to free the Nine Tails, or at least bring Naruto to his four tail form or worse? Whispering in the ear of Yugao, she sent the other woman off to find Yamato, just in case.
"Yes," Naruto said, suddenly looking very tired. When he staggered a bit, both Sakura and Hinata rushed to help him, surprised at their own actions. The demon no longer had any hold on them, or anyone else who had tasted the liquor. "I can have the demon do whatever I like." He put both hands behind his head and looked over at the perverted hermit. "He has some pretty good ideas, Ero-Sennin…."
"I told you not to call me that!" Jiraiya looked over at the bottle. "Traitor!" If he ever got his hands on that bottle again, he'd put it some place where no one would ever find it again. "Both of you…."
After Naruto told Tsunade his plan, she did what needed to be done. Jiraiya's talents were so great, that he was almost able to break free. To make double sure, Tsunade added something to the demon liquor. It was the same substance she had spiked his drink with, back when he and Naruto had come to offer her the chance to be Hokage. With all that working against him, he soon became completely manageable.
"You know… if we could get Sasuke to drink some of this…." Naruto's sudden inspiration had Sakura's eyes widening. His mind began thinking up fanciful ways to convince his missing friend to return. To return and actually be a friend again. "But… I guess… if he didn't want to change on his own…."
"It wouldn't mean much," Tsunade said. "And it wouldn't last. Some lessons work better than others." The look she gave her fellow Sannin could have peeled whatever paint remained on the walls of the wrecked party area. "You know how you would feel, if you were tricked…." That had her setting her jaw and clenching her fists. She hoped that Jiraiya's 'little' lesson didn't backfire horribly.
"I know how I feel." That was Ino. She blushed suddenly, realizing that she was still in faux Amazon attire. She had mixed feelings about the memorable night.
"You smell like pork," Tsunade noticed. How did that happen? Maybe she didn't really want to know. No doubt the story would show up in the Frog Hermit's work in the future. She wished there was some way that she could block him getting any profit out of it.
"I could say 'Ino pig'," Sakura said to Hinata. "But, I'm bigger than that." She smiled. Ino had heard.
"In the forehead, maybe." Ino said. She sought some way to wipe the smile off of her contentious friend's face. "You still have some areas that need to catch up. We all saw that, during your shameful little show." She grinned, seeing Sakura turn red.
"Hey! Sakura looks alright!" Naruto's defense of his teammate had him shooting off his mouth again. "Not everyone can be Granny Tsunade." He nodded his head, continuing when he should have stopped. "At least Sakura's looks are natural. Hinata's, too." That had the Hokage scowling, the vein on her forehead pulsing. Hinata hugged the curtain tighter to her.
"Ino's not the only one who suffered," Kiba said, walking over. "We all had to hear Lee sing. Where is he, any way?" He was still smarting over losing the three-on-one match. He hadn't learned about the amanojaku's role yet.
"I saw a medical team bring him outside, over there." Shino pointed. "They think that he will be fine. He's exhausted and embarrassed. Little more." Those words fit him, too. That, and disappointed. His brief reign at the top of the singing charts had been a revelation. But, the effects of the liquor gone, the girls who had been showering him with undergarments had reverted to their normal standoffish behavior.
"Things were close," Sai remarked, joining the growing group. "The weapon came close to making your nickname apropos for him." He said that to Naruto, before turning to Ino. "And your misconception about me."
"That's right!"Kiba's mood changed for the better, hearing that. He laughed. "She pulled down your pants, thinking she could sew your sausage back on!" That had Ino coughing. Tsunade had her hand on her forehead.
"It was very bothersome," Shikamaru said, strolling over and seeing the Hokage's reaction. "I suppose I should be the one to give you a full report later. At least on the things that happened in the Rec Center itself." He looked over at Ino with mixed feelings. He would have some difficulty sorting out his own feelings from those that had came by way of an outside influence.
"You know you liked it," Choji said in a downtrodden tone of voice. "At least some of it." He looked over at Shino, jealous that his friend had been popular for a while, even if it had been a trick. He also would have given anything, if he had been in the closet with Ino. "I got to be a human wrecking ball." He would rather have been a love machine.
"There were some good things," Ten Ten admitted. She looked over at Neji, who made a big show of ignoring her. But, he didn't have that usual emotionless look on his face.
"Believe it!" Naruto shook his head enthusiastically. He pointed to Hinata. She looked ready to faint, thinking that he was talking about seeing her naked. She began trembling, remembering how the demon had made her bend over. "I got to see Hinata in action!"
"I bet you did!" That was Kiba. As usually, he knew how to make things better.
"Hey! I mean fighting." Naruto looked at Hinata with a new found respect. His obvious admiration had her fainting. "She rocked. Big time." He looked at the unconscious girl for a moment longer, watching as Kurenai moved to help her. "And… I got to help Sakura wash her hair…." He said that with a mischievous smirk. Already, he had begun to focus on the amusing or pleasant things that happened during the ordeal. But, he wouldn't be surprised if Sakura showed up in his nightmares, intending to kill him. That had been some chase! No doubt, a pink-haired monster would show up in the dreams of the workers, too.
"Naruto… you…." Sakura put her hand to her head. It was still sore, where she had pulled some hair out. And, in a hurry she had been forced to cut off a number of strands that she couldn't untie. "You did a good job." She decided to change tack. It was her turn to make Naruto feel uncomfortable. "Maybe you could do it again some time." She looked down at her feet. All things considered, she might actually enjoy that. Add her to the list of people who needed to sort out their feelings thanks to Susubori.
Kiba whistled loudly. Choji looked over at Ino. Sai smiled his trademark closed-eye smile. Hinata, eyes fluttering as she woke up, almost keeled over again hearing Sakura's remark. The other girl was bolder than she was, without the demon liquor. But, she was not about to concede Naruto, not just yet. A lot of bad things had happened thanks to the demon; but, with its help, she might have found the courage to approach her precious person on her own terms.
"So, Pervy Sage…." Naruto stood in front of Jiraiya, hands on his hips. "Do you solemnly swear that you will take part in this contest?" He smiled. "Knowing that there will be severe consequences if you lose…." He would make those up as he went along.
"Yes," the Frog Hermit answered, even though it wasn't truly on his own accord. "I have nothing to fear. I will prove the righteousness of my cause by winning."
"In front of all of these witnesses…." Naruto waved his arm. A lot if the Sannin's previous 'victims' were crowding closer and closer, pushing on the wall of stressed ninjas and the Konoha Keimu Butai. "Do you promise that you are doing this of your own free will…." He didn't feel bad, knowing that his former mentor wouldn't be able to speak for himself. The hairy reprobate hadn't exactly given any of them a chance earlier. "So that you won't try to blame anyone else later?" The witnesses all looked at Naruto with knowing smirks. Dirty trick or not, they were all impressed by their fellow shinobi. He was, after all, acting on their behalf, too.
"Sure. Of course. Whatever." Jiraiya waved his hand in nonchalant fashion. Inside his mind, he fought the amanojaku's influence with every ounce of power he had. But, he was playing with a stacked deck. Being a Legendary Sannin doesn't make someone immortal or invincible. "Let's just get this over with. I have a new book to start." It wasn't exactly wise, saying that then. He didn't care. Whatever happened next, he would have a chance at vengeance later.
"So do we," Tsunade said. Catching her former teammate's eyes, she smiled a tight-lipped smile. Standing by her side, Sai had his pad out, a pen at the ready. Naruto's little contest would make up a big part of the work she considered commissioning. The remainder of the book would be an expose on the life and times of a certain perverted individual. "I bet it will be a best seller…."
"That…." The Frog Hermit squared his shoulders and made a rather disgruntled looking face.
"I suggest you save your strength for the contests, Ero-Sennin." Naruto looked practically giddy. This was going to be fun. "Anyone in the crowd can volunteer to take part." Civilians had left their homes, wanting to see what was going on. There was quite a gathering now. "Just raise your hands." He blinked rapidly when just about everyone did so.
As Naruto told Tsunade, Susubori had informed him that a number of Jiraiya's pranks and set-ups had been based on myths and legends from various cultures. The demon had suggested another legend, thinking that a clever human could find some way to make use of it. The Frog Hermit had gone Japanese, Egyptian, Greek, and Babylonian. For Naruto, the amanojaku selected something with a Scandinavian flavor. With the Hokage's permission, the boy had the spirit project knowledge of the story in question into the minds of everyone who had suffered through the demonic influence earlier.
The norse god Oku-Thor set off with his goats and chariot, bringing with him his fellow Æsir, Loki. In the evening they arrived at a peasant's house and were given a night's lodging there. Thor slaughtered both animals, skinned them, and put them in a pot. When the meat was cooked, he sat down to his evening meal with Loki, the peasant and his wife, and their children. The farmer's son was called Thialfi, and his daughter Roskva. Then Thor placed the goatskins on the other side of the fire and instructed the peasants and his household to throw the bones on to the goatskins. Unprompted, Thialfi took hold of the goat's ham-bone and split it open with his knife to get at the marrow.
Thor stayed the night there, and in the small hours before dawn he got up and dressed, took his famous hammer Mjollnir, raised it, and blessed the goatskins. The goats came back to life, as they always would, as long as their bones and skins were saved. But, one of them was lame in the hind leg. Angry, the god declared that the peasant or one of his family must have failed to treat the goat's bones with proper care. Looking, he saw that the ham-bone was broken. He was in his right to smite the group of them, then and there. However, when his fury left him, he struck a deal with the peasant, taking his children as bondservants.
Naruto frowned. He had learned a lot, training with Jiraiya. There had been good times, as well as bad. But, on many occasions, he had felt like a bondservant. And, there were numerous days that he had thought of his sensei as a big old goat!
"Hey! Naruto!" Kiba stepped to the forefront. "If you do a good job here, maybe Hinata will give you a kiss.
"You shouldn't joke that way," Shino said, not usually one to interfere with his friend's mischief. "Our teammate had been through a lot tonight." They all had. But, for a girl as shy as Hinata, things would have been magnified tenfold at least.
"Ummm…." Hinata rubbed her fingers together. She spoke without thinking, influenced by her experiences that evening. "OK." Her eyes went wide. She was stuck now. It was her Ninja Way.
"Huh?" Naruto looked over at Hinata. Had he heard her right?
"What!" Sakura didn't sound too thrilled.
"And if she does that, Sakura will give Lee a big smooch." Ino knew that she couldn't speak for her startled friend. But, a little fun at her expense wouldn't hurt, right?
"Ahhhh-hhh-hh-h….." Out of sight, Lee had still heard everything that was said. The medical ninjas called for assistance, to make certain he stayed flat on his back, getting the care that he needed.
"B-… B-… But…." Sakura turned pale. She would do anything to help Lee get better. Anything but that! Flowers would be fine. Yes, indeed. Flowers. Just like she had done after his match with Gaara. No kissing! "No way." She narrowed her eyes. "Not unless Choji gets to kiss Ino."
"Guh!" Ino's eyes bulged. Looking over at Choji, she saw his eyes light up. "Forget I said anything!"
"Hmmmm-mmm-mm-m…." Naruto eyed Ino, and then Choji. He looked over to where Lee was resting.
"Don't even think about it," Tsunade said firmly. She had no doubt that Naruto was considering using Susubori's powers on the feuding kunoichi.
"Me?" Naruto tried to look innocent. He failed miserably. "But… I could use it to get you that kiss from Ero-Sennin you always wanted…."
The Hokage didn't say a word. She didn't have to. The single finger she held up spoke volumes.
"It's not nice, boy… getting my hopes up like that…." The Frog Hermit grinned. He pointed down towards his groin area. "My hopes… among other things…." The look of disgust on his fellow Sannin's face had been priceless. But, deep inside, it still stung a little.
"Euwwww-www-ww-w…." A number of the girls spoke up at once, making faces.
"That was way too much information," Ten Ten said, sticking out her tongue.
Thor and his companions left the goats behind and started on a journey towards Giantland, one which took them all of the way to the sea, and saw them crossing the deep ocean. Loki ,Thialfi and Roskva disembarked with him, and soon the travelers found themselves in a huge forest. They walked and ran all that day, finding that Thialfi was the fastest of the runners. When it had had gotten too dark to continue, the group looked for somewhere to spend the night, and came upon what they thought was very large building. There was an entrance at one end and it was the full width of the building. Setting up camp, they all managed to get some sleep, until midnight rolled around. Without warning, the ground began to shudder and the building shook. Thor clasped the shaft of his hammer and planned to defend himself.
When dawn finally arrived, the Thunder god went outside, coming upon someone laying a little way from him in the forest. Judging by the other's size, he realized what had caused the noises in the night. The giant woke up, stretched, and got to his feet. Seeing Thor, he introduced himself as Skrymir and said 'But I do not need to ask you your name. I can tell that you are Thor of the Æsir. Were you planning to make off with my glove?' Thor knew then that the chamber and his fellow travelers had slept in was Skrymir's glove. When the giant asked if the god would mind his company, Thor said no. Skrymir went and undid his knapsack and prepared his breakfast, as did Thor and his companions in a separate place. When the giant suggested that they pool their food, Thor agreed. Skrymir tied up all their provisions in one bag and put it on his back. He went ahead during the day and took rather long strides. And then in the evening Skrymir found them a place to spend the night under a large oak tree. 'You guys can take the knapsack and get on with your supper,' he said, settling down to sleep and snoring like a thunderstorm.
Thor took the knapsack and tried to undo it; but, even as strong as he was, he failed, making the strap even tighter. Enraged by his predicament, he grabbed Mjollnir in both hands and struck the sleeping giant on the head. Skrymir woke and asked if a leaf or a twig had fallen on his face, and then asked if they were done eating. Thor said they were just about to go to sleep. But, they were all too filled with fear to get a good rest. At midnight, Thor went and swung his hammer again, striking the snoring giant in the center of his crown, feeling the face of the hammer sink deep into Skrymir's head. His action merely caused the giant to wake and say 'What's the matter now? Did an acorn or something fall on my head? And what are you doing, Thor?'
Getting no answer, he fell back to sleep, and Thor vowed that his third attempt would be successful. This time, the hammer sank in up to the handle, but Skrymir simply sat up, stroked his cheek, and said 'Can there be some birds sitting in a tree above me? I am sure that as I awoke some rubbish from the branches fell on my head. Are you awake, Thor? It must be time to get up and dress. You don't have to travel far to reach the castle called Utgard. While I am by no means small, you will find much bigger men there. I will warn you not to act tough. Utgarda-Loki's men will not easily put up with cheekiness from babies like you. It might be best if you turned around and returned from whence you came.' With that, the giant left them.
Naruto sighed. It certainly wasn't easy dealing with giants, figuratively speaking. The Frog Hermit was certainly a giant among men in his own way. Looking over at the perverted sage, he wondered if the Sannin's intentions had really been good, as he had claimed. But, that shouldn't matter, should it? Motive couldn't possibly excuse method, right? It was all so confusing, just like a story that had a god named Loki and a giant named Utgard-Loki.
"You're not having second thoughts, are you?" Tsunade raised one eyebrow. She was standing there studying Naruto, trying to take his measure. She wanted to see if he had the courage to go ahead with things, acting against someone he cared a great deal about. She also wanted to see if he would show some restraint, or get caught up in the game.
"Huh? Me?" Naruto stood taller, practically strutting in front of his friends. Then, he sighed. Who was he fooling? "Maybe a little bit." Looking over at Jiraiya, he was shocked to see the older shinobi make a gesture with his hand that said 'Do what you have to do, boy.'
"Remember everything that happened," Sakura urged. She was feeling particularly guilty. While Lee had caused a great deal of the damage up above, the devastation down below had been primarily her doing. "That… I… you know what I mean…."
"I crapped in my pants," Choji said, remembering the shame he had felt. "Twice." He blinked rapidly. Maybe that wasn't the best thing to bring up. "Hey… I changed… both times…." He held out his hands when everyone took a few steps back away from him.
"My… ummm…" Hinata couldn't look Kurenai straight in the eyes. "My dance…." Naruto had missed most of that. But, he had seen more than enough at the end.
"Ino talking about my deflowering her," Sai put in, a quizzical look on his face. "I'm still not certain what that meant." That had a lot of people whispering amongst themselves. Ino looked ready to strangle the clueless boy. "Are you still jealous?" That question was directed to Shikamaru. "After all, you spent a good deal of time alone with her in seclusion."
Shimakaru sighed and hung his head. It was too much trouble trying to explain everything. He didn't really care what anyone else thought, unless he was forced to keep answering the same questions over and over again.
"This will indeed be an interesting report," Tsunade said, wanting to shake the taciturn young man up a bit. Some times he was far too apathetic for his own good.
"Don't forget all of the erotic dancing," Kiba put in helpfully. "I know that I won't!" He grinned, looking around the crowd for certain kunoichi. "Heh… heh… heh…."
"Maybe you don't want to know, after all." Shizune brought a brief medical summary to the Hokage. Lee's injuries had been the most severe. Other than that, a small number of partygoers had bumps and bruises, but nothing worse than that. Unless bruised egos and embarrassing memories counted.
"Sounds like you guys had the fun part." A dusty and soot-covered foreman walked over to join the group momentarily. He had a rough estimate of the damages caused by fires and the workers' misguided attempts at stopping what they thought might be marauding enemy shinobi. "Although… you know… there's nothing wrong with watching a pretty pair of legs run past…." He swallowed hard when he caught sight of Sakura's face.
"Sakura-chan…." Lee's plaintive moan had everyone turning in his direction. He was back on his feet, but barely. Seeing him, Sakura immediately moved to the other end of the crowd.
Numerous people spoke out, reliving some of their most memorable slights and insults. Listening to them all, Naruto felt his resolve stiffen. He had to do what he had to do, Ero-Sennin or no Ero-Sennin. Besides, who knows what Kyuubi might do, if he didn't take sufficient action!
Thor and his companions went on until they came across a remarkably tall castle. The mighty god was unable to open the gate, but they all managed to squeeze between the bars. Once inside, they made their way to a great hall. When they entered, they saw many giants, most of them a fair size, sitting on two vast benches. Approaching the king, Utgarda-Loki, they addressed him. The great giant smiled and said 'Am I wrong in thinking that this little fellow is Oku-Thor? I might have wagered that you would be much bigger! What are the feats that your party thinks they can perform? No one is allowed to stay here amongst us unless they have some art or skill in which he surpasses most people.'
Hearing that challenge, the trickster Loki spoke up, saying 'I know a feat that I am quite good at. There is no one inside here who can eat his food quicker than I can.' Hearing that, Utgard-Loki replied 'That would indeed be quite a feat, if you can perform it. We must find out.' With that, he called out to someone named Logi to compete with the smaller of the two Æsir. At his command, a trencher was fetched and brought onto the floor of the hall, where it was soon filled with meat. Loki sat down at one end and Logi at the other, and each ate as quickly as he could, until the two met in the middle of the trough. Loki had then eaten all the meat off the bones, but Logi had also eaten all the meat and the bones too, not to mention a good bit of the trencher. To everyone present, it was obvious that Loki had lost.
""OK," Naruto said, getting Jiraiya's attention. "You need only win one contest. If you do, Granny Tsunade will let bygones be bygones. But, every time you lose, she wants me to add another penalty."
"Alright. Whatever. I can beat you at anything." Jiraiya shrugged. "You, or any of your friends."
"We'll see," Naruto replied, communicating with Susubori while he hid a smirk. "First up, the eating contest." He waved his hand. "Choji… over here…." He then asked some of the shinobi to bring him what he needed. Tables were dragged outside. Food was piled onto plates and over-sized platters. For the Frog Hermit, there seemed to be an abundance of unspoiled mutton and beef. He couldn't help but drool. "First one who finished, wins." Naruto gave the signal to begin. What he saw, and what his former mentor saw, were two different things.
"This should be easy," Jiraiya said, working a justu that he knew. He had hooked his esophagus up a giant toad's esophagus, one similar to the one that he had summoned to fight Kisame and Itachi. The food would go in through his mouth, and transfer to the stomach of the unseen toad. The chubby boy, on the other hand, had been eating all night. How could he possibly eat another bite? Immediately, he began shoveling food into his mouth without biting or chewing. There didn't actually seem to be any end of it. "But… how… it's not possible…." He dropped a half-eaten prime rib. Choji had picked up an entire platter, swallowing its contents faster than the eye could follow. Was that a secret Akimichi family technique?
"Bummer," Naruto said, patting the hairy old pervert on the shoulder. "You lose. Maybe you'll win the next one." He winked at the Hokage before making his pronouncement. "The penalty makes sense to me. You'll have to clean up all of the food that spilled during the party. The food… the walls… the fountain… everything…."
"You'll work at it as long as it takes," Tsunade said, impressed by Naruto's thinking. "If it takes days, you will work days. If it takes weeks…." She left that hanging. "After the Rec Center is back the way it once was, you can assist the city workers down below." She watched as the boy took a bow, after his friends all expressed their approval.
"But that…." Jiraiya clamped his mouth shut. They all had him over a barrel. There was nothing he could do, short of winning the next contest.
Utgarda-Loki asked what talent Thialfi could perform, and Thialfi said that he would attempt to run a race against anyone Utgarda-Loki chose. Hearing that, the giant led them all outside, where there was a good running course. He called out to a small fellow named Hugi and bade him run a race with Thialfi. Run they did, and Hugi was soon so far ahead, that he turned back to meet Thialfi after finishing the race. Utgarda-Loki announced the winner, and then addressed Thor's bondservant. 'I've never had a visitor that ran as fast as you; but, you will have to do much better if you want to win.' With that, he called for a second race, which ended with Thialfi a good arrow-shot behind Hugi. A third race ended much like the first two did.
"Hope you have some good sandals there, Pervy Sage." Naruto grinned, putting one hand behind his head. "The next contest will be a race. Both contestants will run all of the way to the Ichiraku Ramen Bar. The first one there wins." He created a number of Bunshin and sent them ahead as judges. "Ten Ten. It's your turn. If you need any motivation, just think how much Ero-Sennin must have enjoyed looking at you in that Amazon outfit."
"You made a big mistake here, Naruto." Jiraiya looked very confident. It was true, he never ran where he could walk, and never walked where he could ride. But, he could move very quickly when necessary, especially when he employed a number of forbidden techniques. He would be able to beat any of the kunoichi without a single bit of trouble whatsoever. "One punishment is more than enough." He got down in a stance that would have made a track star proud.
"Hinata, I'll give you the honor." Naruto looked over at Hinata, who had been standing close to her sensei, looking rather withdrawn. "You can start the race by kicking the old hermit in the butt, or by saying 'Go'."
"Hah! Baka! I heard that." Jiraiya started running. If he had to cheat, so what. Naruto said 'Go.' No one could prove him wrong. Building up a tremendous head of steam, he caught sight of the waiting Bunshin. Piece of cake. "What the f-…." Something passed him in a blur. When he blinked, he saw Ten Ten waiting for him, waving cheerfully. He didn't put up any resistance when a pair of ANBU took him bat the arms and led him back to the starting line. He was too stunned, wondering what kinds of jutsu Gai could have taught that girl.
"Cheaters never prosper," Naruto said, admonishing the Frog hermit when he returned. "Here's your penalty. The carpenters and masons you will be working with have a lot of things to repair, thanks to you. That's hard work, and it will take up a lot of their time. While you help them, you will be their runner. Any time that they get hungry or thirsty, you will run to the restaurant of their choice and bring back what they want."
"On your tab," Tsunade put in. The costs to repair the Recreation Center and the underground facilities would be staggering. This would be a nice way to put the old jerk's fortune to good use. "Oh… and while you're at it… you will also pay the bill for the party that will make up for this little debacle…." Her eyes sparkled. "If you try to welsh on things, I'll speak to the other Kages. We'll put a lien against any of your future royalties."
"That's highway robbery!" Jiraiya looked incensed. But, there wasn't anything he could do, unless he wanted to become a missing ninja.
"Remember what you told me, once?" Naruto tugged on the hairy Sannin's sleeve. "If I ever decided to do something wrong, I better enjoy it, since things would eventually catch up with me." That had been a warning about slacking off instead of training, and a cautionary tale about messing around with wine, women, and wild oats. If anyone would know the price one might have to pay for that kind of thing, it was Jiraiya.
"I hate it when you throw my own words back at me." The Frog Hermit used his sleeve to mop the sweat off of his brow.
The giant asked Thor which of his accomplishments it was that he would be willing to display before them all, saying that they had all heard a great deal about his mighty exploits. Thor said that he would be more than glad to take part in a drinking contest, with anyone that Utgarda-Loki chose. His host said that would be fine, went back inside the hall and called for his butler, and told the man to fetch him get the horn that the men at court were accustomed to drink from. The butler did as he was told, and handed the drinking horn to the Æsir. Utgarda-Loki then said 'This horn it is considered to be well drunk if it is drained in one draught, but some people drain it in two draughts. But no one is such a poor drinker that it is not emptied in three.' Hearing that, Thor looked at the horn critically, noting that it was very long, but not that big around.
Thirsty, Thor drank with great gulps, stopping when he became short of breath. He couldn't tell much difference in the level of drink, and heard Utgarda-Loki say 'That was a good drink, and not excessive. I would not have believed it if anyone had told me that Thor of the Æsir would not have drunk a greater draught. But that's probably because you intend to drink it off in the second draught.' The god made no reply, and put the horn to his mouth, determined to drink a much greater draught. Again he gave it his best shot. But, if anything, he drank less this time than he had before. The giant scracthed his head and said 'What's the matter now, Thor? Are you holding back for one drink more than you will find easy to manage? Here among us you will not be reckoned as a great a person as the Æsir say you are, if you do not give a better account of yourself in other contests than you seem to be doing in this one.'
Angrier than before, Thor put the horn to his mouth and drank as hard as he could, struggling mightily. Never before had he come across a tankard that he couldn't finish with ease. After that, he handed back the horn, and said that he would drink no more. That had Utgarda-Loki remarking 'It is obvious now that your might is not as great as we thought. Do you want to have a try at more contests? It is clear that you are going to get nowhere with this one.'
"Alright! Konoha two, Ero-Sennin zero!" Naruto was really getting into his role. "I thought you would have done better," he said with a jaunty shake of his head. "But… you always told me… never give up…."
"I told you a lot of things," Jiraiya grumbled. "Showed you a lot of things too. Things any boy here would give his eye teeth for." He tried to stand more heroically. No one looked impressed. "There was a lot of hands on training, too…." The boy wouldn't get out of this unscathed. He would leave things like that, suggestive, even though that last comment really has to do with jutsu practice.
"Sign me up for Sannin training!" Kiba looked over at Naruto and gave him a salute.
"Ohhhh-hhh-hh-h…." Lee was still teetering on his feet. "Naruto… does that mean…." His eyes went very wide.
"The Frog Hermit is trying to shift the attention someone else," Neji opined. He didn't need the Byakugan to see what was going on. Looking over at his cousin, he saw Hinata let out a breath that she had been holding.
"That's right," Shino put in plainly. "And… remember… he was talking about Naruto…."
"Hey! There are a lot of stories I could tell you!" Naruto didn't like being written off in any way, shape, or form. But, once again, he spoke when he should have zipped his lips.
"Really?" That was Sakura. Her eyes were narrowed. Her nostrils flared. "Like teacher…." She glared at Jiraiya. "Like pupil…." Then, she shook her fist at her teammate. "We have to work on that!" That had everyone 'oooh-ing' and 'ahhh-ing.' Lee looked like someone tossed all of his beloved stretchy suits into a trash compactor. "That's… not… what… I… mean…."
"Time for the next contest," Naruto put in quickly. "Nice try, Pervy Sage." He motioned for someone to bring something over. To Jiraiya, it looked like a small gleaming metal bucket. "I had them fill this with sake. All you have to do is drink it all down. You have three minutes."
"You ought to know better than that, boy!" Jiraiya smiled. "Maybe this is just your way of letting me off the hook." He said that looking at Tsunade, hoping to make her suspicious of Naruto. "How many times have you seen me put away a lot more than that." He pointed at the bucket.
"Begin," Naruto said. He had to fight to keep from smiling. There was absolutely no way that the perverted old sage was going to win this one, either. After a minute, he checked on the bucket. "Hey! It doesn't look like you drank very much. After all that bragging."
"I'm… not… done… yet…." The Frog Hermit redoubled his effort. He wished that he could have kept his connection to the toad gullet. But, this was still something he should be able to accomplish with ease. He began thinking it might be some kind of genjutsu, but Susubori erased that conjecture from his mind without him knowing.
"I bet that Sai could do better," Naruto remarked, looking down at the bucket again. "Maybe even Hinata." That had the Sannin growling, tipping the bucket back even further, and sloshing liquid down the front of his robes. "Time! OK, let's see. You lose again…."
"It doesn't make sense…." Jiraiya looked befuddled. Putting a hand on his belly, he felt bloated.
"So," Naruto said, waving to the cheering crowd. "Penalty time." He rubbed his chin while thinking. "Ahhh! That's it. This one will really hurt…." He looked over at Tsunade. She would approve. "Until all of the repairs are done, you can't have any alcohol to drink. Not even a single drop." Now that was a true punishment for the old sot! "This will help teach you about the evils of alcohol."
"Brilliant," Shikamaru said. Everyone agreed. Everyone except a certain pervert.
Thor asked 'What game do you want to offer me now?' In response, Utgarda-Loki said 'What the young lads here do to show their strength, though it may not seem of great significance to one such as you, is lift my cat off the ground. But, I don't know if I should even mention that to you, seeing that you are a much less impressive person than I originally thought.' Not long after the giant said that, a grey cat ran out onto the hall floor, and it was rather large. Thor went over and placed his hands under the cat's midsection and tried to lift it up. But, as much as Thor pushed upwards, the cat arched its back. Straining with the effort, Thor tried again, but only managed to lift the cat far enough to have one of its paws leave the floor. Seeing that, Utgarda-Loki made another snide comment. 'This game went just as I expected. The cat is rather big, and Thor is short and small in comparison with the big fellows gathered here tonight.' Thor replied in anger. 'Small as you say I am, just let someone come out and fight me! Now I am truly angry!'
"I hope you do better this time, Ero-Sennin. I'm certain that your loyal customers would be disappointed, if they found out their favorite author wasn't the man they thought he was." Naruto motioned towards Kakashi, who was sitting on top of another lamp post, one that gave him the best vantage point. He closed his Icha Icha book and stashed it inside his vest. "You couldn't eat as much as I remembered. You didn't drink as much, either. I thought a Legendary Sannin would have some way to win a foot race, especially if he had a big head start." Catching sight of Yamato, he inclined his head politely.
"It's kind of sad, really." Choji actually perked up, glad to see someone else having a hard time of things. "Maybe if you lost a little weight…."
"Tsunade might be the only Sannin worthy of her reputation," Sakura said. She looked over at Shizune who nodded her head. Anko shook hers. Orochimaru had certainly earned his reputation, every black-hearted bit of it.
"That's right!" Naruto said. A mischievous glint in his eyes, he tempted fate by saying "Maybe we should have gambling night at our next party!" His fingers flipped the stone on his necklace this way and that. "We could all win big, if we invited the Legendary S-…." He didn't have the chance to finish.
"We… don't… have… all… night…." The Hokage did not look amused. "If this continues much longer, I may assign someone to help him." She looked over at the Frog Hermit, and then back at Naruto. He got her point.
"If there are no more delays," Naruto said. "Let's get on to the next contest. I've seen how strong you are, Pervy Sage. This is your chance to show every one else." He bit his thumb hard enough to draw a significant amount of blood. After working a series of hand seals, he slapped his hand hard against the cobblestones. A vast cloud of smoke appeared. It didn't look nearly as large to the troublesome old hermit. "All you need to do is pick him up off of the ground, completely."
"I don't believe I know that one," Jiraiya said, as the smoke began to clear. Rubbing his eyes, he saw what looked to be a sizeable toad, one about the size of a small pony. He didn't recognize any of the markings on the huge amphibian. "But… that doesn't matter… I should be able to lift it without breaking a sweat."
The Sannin tried multiple times, grunting, complaining, and finally swearing. He managed to lift the toad enough to pull one foot off of the street, but no more than that. Panting, he hung his head and muttered to himself, wondering what punishment Naruto would think up this time.
"You tried really hard, Ero-Sennin." Naruto nodded his head, truly impressed. "How about a round of applause for the famous Frog Hermit…." Everything went completely silent, except for the chirping of crickets. "Oh well…." He shrugged. "There was a story you told me once, back when I was trying to get some sleep, after you had me training for two days and nights straight. I can't remember the guys name; but, I do know the story…."
"Great," Jiraiya said. "I can't wait…."
"He was the one put torches to the tails of three hundred foxes, and caused them to run through the fields and vineyards of his enemies, burning everything in their path." Naruto felt a sense of warmth behind his navel. It seemed that Kyuubi liked that image. "Later, when his people were about to hand him over to the angry enemy, he broke free and killed one thousand men with the jawbone of a donkey."
"Samson," the Frog Hermit said, recognizing the myth. He wondered just where the boy was going with this. His eyes widened. He couldn't possibly be thinking to….
"He fell in love with a woman. His enemies approached her, wanting to learn the secret of his strength." Naruto smiled. It looked like Jiraiya had caught on. "He foolishly told her that he would lose his strength if he lost his hair. She called her servants and had them shave away his seven famous locks. Because that broke an oath made at the time of his birth, his power vanished, and he was caught by his enemies." He turned to look at the girls and women in the crowd. A lot of them owed the Frog hermit in a big way. "I think it would be fair if each of the ladies you wronged had a chance to cut off some of your hair…." That made Naruto even more popular than before. At least, with the girls. Not with Jiraiya. "Seeing that you're weak already…."
"That's ridiculous!" The Frog Hermit almost broke free from control, this time. "Do you know how long it took me to grow this magnificent hair?"
"I think it's very fitting," Tsunade said. "Seeing everything that the young women here had to put up with." She reached into her medical bag and took out a large pair of scissors used for cutting bandages. "If you put up any kind of fuss, we'll cut off every hair on your body." She didn't sound like she was bluffing.
"I think you should give Naruto two kisses for that one," Ino said to Hinata.
"Don't listen to her, Hinata." Sakura looked like she would rather shave Ino bald.
"Let's stay with the program here," the Hokage said, sighing. She handed the scissors to Hinata. "You will get to cut off twice as much as everyone else. I get the impression that you suffered a lot more than the other girls. Go ahead and get things going."
Hinata had to be pushed from behind by Ino, Sakura, and Ten Ten. Standing in front of Jiraiya, she shook her head. A sensitive sort, she couldn't bring herself to cut the Sannin's hair, despite everything that he and the demon had caused her to go through. That is, she couldn't until Naruto called out encouragement, just the way that he had during her first match against Neji. Before she knew it, there was a growing pile of hair at her feet.
"Hey! Hinata! Leave some for everybody else." Naruto gave the shy girl a 'V' sign. That left her distracted.
"O-U-C-H-!" Jiraiya put his hand to his ear. "You almost cut that off!" There was only a small nick.
"There may not be enough hair to go around," Naruto said, looking over at the glowering hermit. "Somebody go see if they can find some tickets. I think we should hold a raffle."
Later, after the girls had finished pretending to be barbers, Jiraiya ran his hand over his head. He was a cue ball! Growling, he looked like he wanted to give Naruto a good thrashing, then and there. Shinobi in animal masks appeared in a flash, holding him back until Susubori could establish greater control.
"I can't imagine what the two of them must have been like together," Neji said to no one in particular.
Utgarda-Loki replied looked over at the long benches filled with giants. Rubbing his nose, he said 'I do not see anyone in here who wouldn't think it demeaning to fight with you.' He snapped his fingers, nodding his head. 'Wait a minute. Someone call the old woman, my nurse Elli, and let Thor fight with her if he likes. She has brought down people who looked about as strong as he does.' Before long, a wrinkled old crone walked into the great hall. Utgarda-Loki announced that she was going to have a wrestling match with the mighty Thor. The match began. The harder that Thor strained, the firmer Elli stood. Then, the old woman started to try various tricks, and the Thunderer began to lose his footing. When the old woman pulled fiercely, he fell down on the knee of one leg. At that point, Utgarda-Loki put a stop to the wrestling, saying that there was no point in having Thor challenge anyone else there.
"So, you want to fight?" Naruto made a big show of rolling up his sleeves. Then he stopped, and scratched his neck. "It wouldn't be much of as fight. I'd have you pinned in no time flat." He actually knew better than that. But, it certainly sounded cool! "Seeing how poorly you've done at your other challenges, I think we should find you an old lady." He looked over at the Hokage.
"One more single word, and you will be back in the Academy." Tsunade's fingernails were digging into her palms.
"I think it should be Hinata," Kiba suggested, having gotten a telepathic message from Naruto by way of the amanojaku. "She's so timid and kind. If he couldn't beat her, he probably couldn't beat anyone." He scratched the back of his neck. "Besides… she's the one who cut off the most hair… maybe he wants to teach her a lesson…."
"Right." Shino pulled his cowl further over his face. "If that lesson goes as well as the other, I doubt that Hinata has anything to worry about."
"Normally, I wouldn't fight a girl like that," Jiraiya said, his pride stung. "But… it would be a golden opportunity…." He held his hands out at breast level and made squeezing motions. Even being as perverted as he was, he would never do that. But, anything that got inside the head of his opponent might provide him an advantage.
"I'll allow it," Tsunade said when Kurenai objected. "Hinata needs to learn how to defend herself outside of battle conditions." She made a sour face. "Who could we get that would make a more convincing lecher for her to practice against?" She made it a point to look over at Naruto, as if to say 'You better not have learned any bad habits from that pervert.'
Naruto gave a hand signal to both wrestlers. Crouching low, a sneer on his face, the Frog Hermit moved in for a quick take-down. But, before he knew it, he was sitting on his rump, chest aching. What had hit him? It certainly wasn't the Gentle Fist. Getting up, he brushed himself off, and when it looked like he was going to be afew moments more, he made a mad charge. Reaching for the girl's ankles, he felt something strike his head hard. He scrambled backwards. Putting his hand to his nose, he brought it back bloody.
"She's a lot tougher than I thought," Jiraiya said. He would have to go all out, throwing caution to the wind. "No more mister nice guy." Bald head glistening in the light from the street lamps, he moved so fast that everyone in the crowd lost sight of him for a moment. "Got you!" Just as he tightened his grip, he was sent skyward, tumbling end over end. He landed awkwardly and stayed down moaning.
"And the new champion of the Village Hidden in the Leaves…." Naruto walked over and raised Hinata's hand high when the Sannin made it back to his feet. "Hyuuuu-uuu-uu-u-ga Hinata!"
"So… what's it going to be this time…." Jiraiya asked. He figured that he had suffered the worst of his indignities. He was wrong.
"Well." Naruto put both hands behind his head and looked up at the darkened sky. "Let me see… you couldn't even beat a girl…." That had the kunoichi grumbling amongst themselves. "And… you don't always give women the respect that they deserve…." His eyes lit up. He smiled. The answer was simple. "I think you should walk a mile in their shoes." He chuckled. "While you are helping the workers, you should wear high heels." That brought a number of cheers and a loud 'Hell yeh!' Naruto rubbed his hands together. "And a dress."
"W-H-AAA-AA-A-T-?-!" The Frog hermit stood, mouth hanging open, his hands twitching.
"He certainly has his moments," Ino admitted to Sakura.
"Shikamaru and Neji aren't the only geniuses," Choji said.
"Is that the last penalty?" Tsunade tried to hide a smile. She failed miserably. "I suppose that's enough… for now…." She also had to fight to keep from giggling. A woman her age, and keeper of the Tricorner hat, giggling? No way!
"So, you promise to see your obligations through to the end?" Naruto asked the old pervert.
"Yes." Jiraiya didn't have any choice. The amanojaku had command of his tongue.
It was also now late into the night. Utgarda-Loki showed Thor and his companions to their places, and they spent the night there with hospitable treatment. When the morning came, and they were all dressed and ready to leave, their host appeared and had a nice table laid out for them. After a meal of good food and fine cheer, the travelers set out on their way, with Utgarda-Loki accompanying on the road out of the castle for a short distance. 'So, how did your expedition fare, then?' The giant asked Thor. 'Do you think that you came up against anyone stronger than you?'
'I know you will say that I am a person of little account,' Thor told his erstwhile host. 'That is what irks me the most.' Rather than look down condescendingly at the god, Utgarda-Loki smiled and said 'Now you shall be told the truth, since have come outside the castle, and will never enter it again. If I had known truly how strong you were, I never would have let you in to start with.' He continued by admitting that it had been him, in the guise of Skrymir, that had met him in the forest. 'I had fastened the knapsack with trick wire, and you could not find where it had to be unfastened. Each strike you made with your hammer would have killed me, if it had been me it struck. Instead you smite a mountain, and broke it down with your swings.'
'And the contests?' Thor now looked like he expected them to be tricks, too. 'Your companion Loki was very hungry and ate fast,' the giant replied. 'But the one who is called Logi was actually wildfire, and it burned the trencher just as quickly as the meat. Thialfi ran against Hugi, who was actually my thought, and there was no way that he could compete with its speed. When you were drinking from the horn and it seemed to you that it was going slowly, I swear by my faith that I thought I was watching a miracle! The far end of the horn was out in the sea, and while you did not notice it while you drank, you will find a lowering in the level of the ocean when you see it again. And, while it did not seem to be impressive when you struggled with the cat, we were all filled with fear when you managed to lift one foot off the ground. That cat was none other than the Midgard serpent in disguise, and that great beast encircles all lands. You reached so far up, that you came close to the sky. The wrestling was a greater wonder yet. You stood so long and fell only to one knee, when facing Elli, who was actually old age. No one will ever bring that down.'
The giant turned to leave. 'It would be best for both of us that you do not return here. I will defend my castle with similar tricks, and you will get no power over me.' When Thor took up his hammer and swung it in the air, he found that Utgarda-Loki had vanished. Deciding instead to destroy the castle, he saw nothing but a vast plain where the structure once stood. After that, they all returned home.
"Hah! I hope that will teach you, Ero-Sennin!" Naruto sounded as energetic as always. "Don't mess with me or my friends!"
"Naruto-kun…." Hinata had that hero-worship look in her eyes. She came close to fainting again, when Kiba reminded her about the kiss.
"So… are you going to tell me how you did it…." Jiraiya reached up to run a hand through his glorious mane, before remembering that it was gone. Susubori had removed most of the mental veil that had shielded him from seeing the truth. The demon would remove the remainder, as soon as Naruto was ready. "That would only be fair…."
"Sure!" Naruto couldn't keep the secret a second longer if his life depended on it. "It was great!" Everyone around him nodded in agreement. "What you thought was Choji, was actually that bonfire." He pointed over to where he clean-up crew had started burning some of the wreckage. "There was no way that you could keep up with that. By the way… the food you were eating… that was the stuff that they scooped up off of the floor…."
"Yummy," Kiba said, rubbing his belly. He laughed, seeing the look on the Sannin's face.
"The race you ran was actually against a kunai that Ten Ten threw," Naruto disclosed. "You weren't actually drinking out of a bucket, and that wasn't sake." He motioned over at a group of fire fighters who were standing by in case the fire got out of hand. One of them held up a fire hose with a metal nozzle.
"Ooooo-ooo-oo-h…. that was the funniest thing I ever saw," Lee smiled, his aches and pains forgotten for a moment. "I wish Gai sensei had been here to see it." It was certainly a classic moment. His teacher would be angry, realizing that Kakashi had witnessed things while he did not.
"You actually did a good job with the weight lifting," Naruto told Jiraiya. "Look behind you." The toad standing behind the Frog Hermit was a great deal bigger than that famous man had first realized. It was Gama Bunta.
"YOU ACTUALLY MANAGED TO LIFT ONE OF MY FEET," the frog boss said. He blew out a huge smoke ring, pipe hanging from his massive lips. "BUT… I THOUGHT YOU WERE A LOT MORE CLEVER THAN THAT…." He discounted the power of Susubori, since his kind were immune to that kind of demon. "I'M FINISHED HERE." Having said that, he disappeared in another cloud of smoke.
"I almost soiled myself again," Choji said. He had trouble believing that Naruto could summon something so humongous.
"Tell me about it!" Kiba looked a little rattled himself. Akamaru wouldn't believe a single word about any of this.
"And the wrestling?" Jiraiya looked over at Hinata. "It wasn't her, was it?"
"Actually, it was…." Naruto smiled. "Not really. See that horse over there? The really big one, pulling the wagon." The workers were piling large pieces of debris on a large cart. "He got really pissed every time you tried to grab his rear end."
"I have to admit, that was all pretty good." The Frog Hermit was being sincere. He could appreciate a good prank as much as the next man. "But I'm not the only one to blame, you know." He was referring to Susubori.
"I know," Naruto said. "His punishment was reduced a bit, since he did such a good job helping me fool you." He wasn't about to say that Kyuubi still demanded an accounting.
"What else do you have planned for the demon?" Tsunade asked, after telling Anko to pass word that the shinobi and civilians should begin heading home.
"He'll stay strapped to Ero-Sennin's back for a long time," Naruto said. "Until he's heard every little detail of the Pervy Sage's life." He folded his arms across his chest. "In excruciating detail…." The demon was under Kyuubi's compulsion, just the way that Jiraiya would be under his.
That's almost too severe," Shikamaru said. "Almost." He shivered, remembering Ino's single-mindedness in the closet. She had been like a force of nature.
"You've all had your laughs," Jiraiya said to Tsunade and the others. "Now that I've realized the error of my ways, you can forget all that penalty nonsense, can't you? I'll be glad to do some kind of community service." He stood straighter and spread his legs apart. "I've looked after the best interests of this village for a long time. I've done things that no one else could have done. I've sacrificed a great deal." He cringed when the party room at the Rec Center collapsed. "And… tonight… I meant well…."
"That's truly touching," Tsunade said. All eyes were on her now. "But, you will end up teaching everyone here a very important lesson." She spoke to the gathered ninjas. "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." The Hokage turned and gave her former teammate a stern look. "The punishment stands."
"I wonder if Akatsuki has any openings," the Frog Hermit griped. His shoulders slumped in resignation when Yugao and some of the other ANBU members led him away. There was no way that the Hokage was going to let him skip town. Her trust for the amanojaku went only so far.
"Well, we should all get going," Sakura said. She looked up at the lamp post. "Good night, Kakashi-sensei." That had the Copy Ninja smiling and waving with his book. "Sai… Naruto… let's go! Practice is early tomorrow."
"Wait a minute!" That was Ino. She knew very well why Sakura was trying to rush matters. "I think we can all agree that Naruto did a great job tonight… as shocking as that might seem…." She grinned, seeing Naruto's reaction. "And if I recall correctly…."
"Ahhhh-hhh-hh-h…." Lee remembered, too. "Hinata promised to give him a kiss!" He knew the subsequent bit about Sakura kissing him hadn't been binding. But, he could still hope, couldn't he?
"But… that… she probably didn't mean…." Sakura looked over at Naruto, as if to say 'Just you wait, mister. If she kisses you, you're in trouble.'
"Wellll-lll-ll-l…." A number of people said that at once, all looking at Hinata.
"It's my Way of the Ninja," Hinata said, rubbing her fingers together. Slowly, she made her way over to Naruto, whose eyes had gone very large. She looked up into those eyes, wanting to find some courage there. She did. He looked as scared as she felt. Somehow, that made things a lot easier. Besides, it would be a quick chaste kiss. "Naruto-kun…."
The amanojaku had been severely chastened by Kyuubi, in a way that humans would never understand. But, being an imp of sorts, it could never truly change its nature, any more than a tiger can change its stripes. There was no way it could pass up this opportunity.
"Yeh… sure… it's no big deal… really…." Naruto swallowed hard. A lot had happened that night. After seeing Hinata naked, and having her chase after him, something as innocent as this should be easy, right? Not in the slightest! Especially with everyone watching. "I mean… it's only a kiss…." He swallowed hard again when Hinata tilted her head up and closed her eyes.
As Naruto bent over, vowing to be strong, Susubori took control. "Hinata… my dearest…." He swept the white-eyed girl into his arms, swung her around like a seasoned gigolo, and put his lips on hers. The kiss he gave her left all of the others girls swooning. Afterwards, he helped her stand back up. "Well… that takes care of foreplay…."
"Naruto… you pig!" Sakura's punch flattened her teammate.
"I think I need a drink," Tsunade whispered.
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