And finally here I am---lying on the sand of Green Palm Beach---breathing my newfound freedom with closed eyes.

Death was kind enough not to hit me before I reached my destination, the Green Palm Beach.

Now, the only thing I am wishing for is to be alone until my final day. Oh wait, will anybody even bother to look for me in the first place? Who am I kidding? I mean not having me around will only lighten things up for everyone right? I've been nothing but a burden to my family anyway. I've been battling with Leukemia for the past 17 years or should I say I've been loosing to Leukemia for the past 17 years.

I remember that time when I was 7, my teacher entertained this sick idea of having me participate in a school song presentation and guess what, right in the middle of the song, I went collapsing and pretty much ruined the whole presentation. Moments after I regained consciousness, I overheard some angry parents who were having this heated conversation. One of the kid's mom furiously blurted that sick kids like me should have never been accepted to the school in the first place. Another one said that her daughter had been practicing her solo for a month and thanks to me, her little sweetie didn't even have a chance to sing her solo part.

And then there was that time when I was 9 years old; I was darn stupid enough to ask the other kids, who were having a blast running around in the playground, if I could join them. The answer I got of course is a big NO WAY! One of the kids snorted, "Who would want a weakling for a teammate?" And all the other kids erupted into laughter.

Yeah, they were right. Who would want to be around a sick freak?

And so for a couple of agonizing years, I walked alone in the school corridor, eat by myself in the cafeteria; sit in one corner of the classroom…

I would never forget that time I was 12, I was sitting in one corner in a school dance watching the other kids let it all loose on the dance floor. And then these two girls came in. One of them muttered that they were late and that all the other boys were already dancing with somebody else. "No one's left for us!" she exclaimed in total dismay. And then her friend tried to be all funny by pointing at me and saying, "Look there's Ivan Walsh, he's still available." I watched the other girl vehemently shook her head saying, "Uhm no thanks, the collapsing dance move isn't really my thing!" and then they both burst out laughing.

When I was 13, my parents decided that I be home schooled instead. And I was since then. Thankfully.

I believe my mom's reason is that she thinks I might break a bone with the mere act of standing. My mom is very protective of me. Every 3 seconds, she would check on me, asking me if I had my injection which totally drives me nuts.

On the other hand, I believe my father's reason for deciding that I be home schooled is that it's a big shame for him to have a sick, weakling son. You see, he was a big-shot varsity basketball player during his time so you can just imagine how damaging I must be to his name.

I have a brother who's not really bad but I can't stand him just the same. I can't bear to see how he just have everything I've ever wanted. Mom gives him space, Dad's proud of him, he does well in school, he has friends, girls want to dance with him…

Oh wait, why am I dwelling on all these stuffs? These things are precisely the reason why I run away in the first place. Now finally, I am here, away from it all, away from the vicious world that sees me as nothing but the sick pathetic kid.

The doctor said that I wouldn't make it in 2 months.

And now, this is where I want to spend my last days in, the Green Palm Beach. And this is how I want to spend my last days, on my own. I thought if I reached this state I'd finally be able to welcome death with open arms. But at this moment, for some reason, I am still afraid of death. I don't understand it I mean my life has always been a living hell but I've always been afraid of death…terrified.