My cell phone rang.

"Natsume?"

It was my dad.

"Yea. What the hell do you want?"

"It's Mikan. She was found across the street…collapsed"

This couldn't get any worse, could it?

XXX

Chapter Ten: But For Now

XXX

NOW PLAYING: But For Now by Jamie Cullum

I ran out the door. Yep, it was my fault again. It was my fault for making her blind, my fault for killing her memories and my fault right now. My dad text messaged me saying that she was in the Cancer Center.).

I hopped on my car and drove to the hospital. The place was packed with people, the echoes across the hallway of doctors and nurses. The beeping sound of life support systems and the sounds of mourn of families who have just lost their loved ones – but I don't want to be the one mourning in the future, I want to be smiling, damn it. It's been a long time since I did. And now that I have my memories, I want to make better ones.

I got to the Cancer Center, pushed my way through the doctors who tried to push me out since it was a forbidden part of the hospital, I saw the idiot lying down on a hospital bed as I got to the units, dressed in a hospital gown. Her hair was down and her face was sweating. She has a fever, I said to myself as I felt her forehead.

She was hooked up in machines, some were stating her temperature – 43 degrees – it said and that wasn't good. Her heartbeat was unusually slow and her face was white as a ghost's. Cold sweat trickled down her forehead and she breathed with much effort. Her eyes were shut and her fists were clenched.

Sure I know you'd like to have me
Talk about my future
And a million words or so to fill you in about my past
Have I sisters or a brother
When's my birthday how's my mother
Well my dear in time I'll answer all those things you ask

She opened her eyes, it was a blank stare. "Someone's in with me" she whispered softly, her voice hoarse and tired.

"Yeah, it's me you idiot"

She blinked.

"It's painful," she said – giving a faint smile. "I heard the doctors talking. The cancer cells are as stronger as ever. If we don't act now…I might not make it for Christmas"

"Damn those doctors"

"It's not their fault, Natsume"

But for now I'll just say I love you
Nothing more seems important somehow
And tomorrow can wait come whatever
Let me love you forever but right now
Right now

"Don't blame it on anyone, especially yourself" she muttered softly and took a deep breath.

"If you die, I swear – I'm going to kill myself" I said, my fists clenched. It pained me to see her not smiling.

"Don't say that. You're lucky enough to be healthy. But here's one thing, don't continue smoking okay? It's gonna kill you"

Some fine day when we go walking
We'll take time for idle talking
Sharing every feeling as we watch each other smile
I'll hold your hand you'll hold my hand
We'll say things we never had planned
Then we'll get to know each other in a little while

"Natsume," I turned around. It was my dad. "This place is forbidden for visitors. It has patients who are extremely ill and terminally ill"

"I don't care" I replied.

"I had a meeting with the doctors"

"What did they say?"

"It's either chemotherapy or a bone marrow transplant. It won't cure the cancer, but it would prolong her life for a few years"

A few years is not good enough, damn it.

"We'll contact any of Mikan's relatives or close friends. She said before that she doesn't want chemotherapy, so she'll have to go through the transplant"

"I'll donate" I said.

"What? You can't!"

"And why not…? You know, I haven't done something good for anyone for a long time – and this may be an opportunity to do so. She uses up life better than I do, damn it. I'm just wasting mine, at least when I die I know that I've done something good. I can stand the pain, for a person who survived a vehicle accident, I can survive this"

"You remember that?" My father looked extremely flabbergasted.

"Yeah, I do. My childhood memories were stored in the cupboard in my kitchen – and this girl lying down before me was my best friend…"

My dad fell silent.

"If anyone's going to donate bone marrow to her, it's going to be me. I don't care what the doctors think but I'm going to!" I yelled. I clenched my fists. This will ease the guilt.

"I'll speak to the doctors" he whispered and left the room. Mikan's eyes were wide open.

"Natsume, you don't have to…"

"OH SHUT UP!" I yelled at her.

But for now let me say I love you
Later on there'll be time for so much more
But for now meaning now and forever
Let me kiss you my darling then once more
Once more

"Just shut up right now" I said, then leaning down and kissed her. Her cheeks flushed into a color of carnation pink and she closed her eyes as I prolonged the kiss. I felt tears stream down her cheeks as she gave into the kiss.

But for now let me say I love you
Later on I must know much more of you
But for now here and now how I love you
As you are in my arms I love you
I love you
I love you

XXX

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Currently wiping away tears. Haha. 3 Hope you enjoyed CHAPTER 10. The end is near. Or could it be just the beginning? Heeheehee