Chapter Four

Without even consciously thinking it, she found herself at the SGC, in the doorway of Daniel's office. Obviously time as passed quicker than she'd realized once again because Daniel was back at work. She looked around, her eyes finding the calendar pinned to the wall. Although it was still on the same page it had been the last time she'd seen it, something told her that was due more to Daniel's lack of attentiveness rather than the date. Of course, that something might have been the fact that he hadn't turned the calendar in over three years, but Sam ignored it.

Daniel was her best shot. He was the most likely of all of them to believe in some kind of existence after death - he had died a bunch of times, after all, and he was still standing. He was also a sucker for just about everything anyone had ever presented to him. He was so gullible, in fact, that Jack had actually tired of playing practical jokes on him since Daniel's reaction was always the same - utter, albeit transient, disillusionment and hurt. If she couldn't get Daniel to believe ghosts, she was screwed.

"Daniel?"

He was pouring over a thick book and when she spoke, he held up his hand to quiet her. "Give me a sec, Sam."

She smiled, thinking it was going to be easier than she'd expected. "Now, Daniel."

"What?" He looked up, a strange look passing over his face when he looked around the empty room. He shook his head, screwing his face into a disappointed frown. "Of course she's not here. She's dead." His face fell and he squeezed his eyes closed. Putting his head down in his hands, Sam heard him draw in a few shaky breaths. She wanted to cry the first time he'd died, but somehow it shocked her to see him still so upset. Crying at a funeral didn't count, she determined, since she cried at all funerals, even make-believe ones on TV. Daniel adjusted his glasses a moment later and went back to his book.

Ok, so she'd suspected that was just too easy. Sam puttered around his office, feeling bad for upsetting him. She used the time to investigate her limitations. She could feel things, smell things, but she couldn't move them. She wondered if that was something she could learn to do or if she was limited to just watching. She concentrated on a piece of paper, feeling the edge of it and trying to slide it the slightest bit with her finger. Nothing happened. Nothing happened repeatedly. Nothing happened all eight zillion times she tried. Infuriated, she slammed her fist down on the pile of papers.

Amazingly, a few of them cascaded to the floor.

Daniel looked up, saw the papers and sighed. He muttered something about the air conditioning as he stood up to collect them into a messy pile. He hesitated when he stepped close to her, so close she felt his sleeve press against her arm. She backed up while he shook his head. She was getting to him. She just had to keep it up until he admitted that he felt her - she had a feeling that was when he'd finally be able to see her. She could torture him senseless. Her brother had always told her she was the most annoying person in the world when they were little.

Standing behind him, she leaned in close. "Daniel!" She hoped her shout would have an effect.

But seeing Daniel jump a foot in the air and hearing him shriek like a school girl wasn't exactly the effect she was going for. He walked past her, once he'd glared at the empty space she occupied, and looked out in the hallway. "Is someone there?"

She smiled, figuring she was wearing him down.

"I am here. As is O'Neill." Teal'c's face appeared in the doorway, a haggard, tired, old looking Jack at his side.

"Me too!" Sam decided it wouldn't hurt to try all three of them at once.

Teal'c looked in her direction, but said nothing. Jack was staring at nothing and Sam's unheard voice was hardly enough to distract him from it. "Are you expecting someone, Daniel Jackson?"

Daniel glanced in Sam's direction uneasily. "Did you see anyone in the hall when you were coming in?"

"We did not."

Sam felt awful for not being able to do more, especially seeing the way Teal'c spoke for Jack in a way that made her aware that he was quite used to doing so.

"I think someone's screwing with me." Daniel looked around, raising his voice. "And it's not funny!"

"No, I'm trying to talk to you." Sam watched as Teal'c and Daniel turned to her, both squinting in her direction.

Daniel turned back to Teal'c. "Did you need something?"

Teal'c also ignored her, which Sam actually found more irritating that Jack's complete unawareness of her presence. "We came to inquire if you have eaten lunch."

Sam, who hadn't even thought about food since her untimely demise, was distracted from her pursuit of recognition long enough to realize she really wanted to eat. She wasn't hungry, but she missed tasting food. The desire for chocolate overwhelmed her. Daniel always had candy bars in his desk and Sam, in her desperation for chocolate, grabbed for the top drawer. Because she was so focused on it, she saw her hand connect with the wood, resulting in the drawer rattling. Sam looked up, hoping someone else had noticed the sound.

Teal'c smiled in her direction and turned to Daniel to speak, but before words came out, he seemed to remember Jack's silent, despondent presence beside him. "It does appear someone is trying to get your attention, Daniel Jackson."

Daniel's voice was a whine when he replied. "It's not funny. I wish they would knock it off."

Teal'c was silent as he realized Daniel wasn't quite understanding the message. He nodded finally. "Will you be accompanying us for lunch?"

Daniel eyed the drawer and the stack of papers and the chair Sam had thrown herself in dejectedly. "Yeah, I might as well."

Sam joined her friends, sliding in the elevator with them just before the doors closed. The buttons taunted her. She couldn't resist - she jabbed at the button for sublevel nineteen where her lab had been. The button lit up in response. She was quite pleased with her results, squealing with glee at her success. Her cheeks burned in embarrassment for doing so until she remembered that no one could hear her. It made her feel a little better.

The guys, however, took no notice of the button until the door slid open on her floor. They all looked up, startled to discover their location. For some reason, that was the one time Jack actually noticed anything without Teal'c prodding him. Jack saw the hallway, the one they all associated with her. His face was hopeful for a second as though he almost expected her to appear. And then he closed his eyes, his face twisting as he tried to hold back tears.

Daniel reached past Sam, trying to get the doors to close. "Sorry, force of habit." His face was guilty as he glanced at Jack. "I don't even remember hitting that button."

"You did not, Daniel Jackson." Teal'c's words were sure and Sam's face burned red again, certain that he had heard her silly squeal.

Daniel looked at him curiously. "I'm losing my mind."

Teal'c's eyes darted in Sam's direction. "I do not believe that you are."

Sam narrowed her eyes, stepping toe to toe with Teal'c. "You can see me, can't you?"

His eyes focused on hers for only a moment before the doors once again opened, revealing the correct floor for the mess. With a hand on Jack's arm to drag him along, Teal'c led the way. Jack only made it a few steps before he pealed off into the bathroom. Sam was pleased to see there were some things he could still do on his own; she didn't want to imagine the sorts of rumors that would fly if Jack needed to be told to use the bathroom.

Sam expected the guys would continue on to get a table and not wait for Jack. But they both stopped, Teal'c leaning against the wall and Daniel staring at the closed elevator doors.

"You know, it still feels like she's here sometimes. I keep expecting to see her when I look up." Daniel abandoned his study of the elevator and leaned on the wall next to Teal'c.

"I too feel her presence strongly at times." Teal'c's head turned in Sam's direction as she uttered a frustrated sigh. She hated to admit it, but Marge was right. Even though they had some idea she was there, they were refusing to acknowledge it and that was driving Sam nuts. She suspected they were both afraid to mention it to each other for fear of embarrassing themselves and so both tried to pretend they didn't notice anything weird.

"I could have sworn I heard her voice in my office before you got there. I actually answered her until I realized what I was doing."

"It is common in human culture for survivors to believe they continue to have contact with the dead in some way. I believe it is an outlet for unresolved emotions." Sam wanted to smack Teal'c for his arrogance, considering he seemed to be the most receptive of the three.

"I don't have any unresolved emotions for her, Teal'c. She was my friend. Now she's gone." He sighed and shook his head, glancing up to make sure Jack was still not there. Sam realized that Jack was taking an awfully long time and while she knew there could by another explanation, she chose to believe he was hiding. Daniel shrugged at himself and kept talking. "I don't believe in ghosts. I don't believe in an afterlife. It's a nice thought to hold onto, that you'll go on forever and still have your memories and feelings. When I was little, after my parents died, I kept thinking that they were sitting up on clouds watching me. I used to wave at them when I thought no one was looking." Sam smiled at the picture of innocence Daniel's recollection brought to mind as opposed to her own childhood's ice-cold conviction that her mother was gone and didn't give a shit about her anymore. "But it's just a nice thought. Nothing more." Daniel stared at the floor, looking like he wanted someone to disagree.

Teal'c looked at Sam again. "I concur. There are no spirits."

"Bullshit!" Sam was so pissed off she didn't care at that moment if that was the one message that made it back from beyond the grave.

Daniel's head jerked up. "Sam?"

Teal'c was carefully staring straight ahead, which Sam knew he did whenever he was trying to deny something was happening. Sam knew he'd heard her too.

But her attention was caught by Jack, who'd appeared the doorway of the bathroom just that moment. His mouth was hanging open, his face pale, his red rimmed eyes revealing that she'd been right about him hiding out in the bathroom to cry. She nearly jumped for joy. Until she noticed his eyes were on Daniel and he was a great deal more horrified than she would have expected him to be at seeing her.

"I'm sorry, Jack. I didn't see you."

Jack's face was cold as he fixed his stare on Daniel's eyes, startling them all with his as of late unused voice. "Sam is dead, Daniel."

Teal'c took Jack's arm, steering him away from his confrontation with Daniel. "There should be no pain in hearing the name of your friend, O'Neill." Sam noticed Teal'c's eyes slide in her direction. "I do not believe she would choose to be forgotten; however, if hearing her name causes you to suffer, we shall continue to avoid its use."

Because of her victory, or near victory, Sam wanted to continue trying. It seemed that Daniel and Teal'c were getting more receptive to her attempts to communicate and she was sure they would be able to convince Jack once they saw the light, or the ghost as the case was. But just seeing the floor her lab was on reduced him to tears and hearing her name had left him so shaken that she didn't dare draw attention to herself. She was pretty sure that even seeing her right then would be devastating for him.

Instead, she hung back, watching them as they found a table in the corner, where the four of them had never sat together. She saw Teal'c and Daniel take turns sitting with Jack while the other went to get food so that he wouldn't be alone. She noticed that Jack didn't touch the plate Daniel brought him, not even to play with it or pretend he was eating it. And mostly, she stood there, hating the way everyone was staring at or whispering about the group who had once been so popular. Everyone had liked and respected them when they were amazing and pulled a rabbit out of the hat time and time again, but apparently, that respect was forever sullied by the simple fact that they were really human and mortal and when it turned out that they really didn't always come out unscathed.

The hatred built while she watched them eat, especially when she saw they were serving pie and that Jack wouldn't even eat that. She couldn't take it anymore and approached the service line, furiously reaching out and hurling dishes off the counter. The shattering glass and terrified faces should have brought her to her senses, but she was having a colossal temper tantrum, which she'd never had in her life, and she felt perfectly justified as she continued to throw and hit and smash and break everything she came in contact with. She had to release it, to let out the frustration and the tension and the stress that had been building her entire life. She was angry, damn it, that she'd spent her entire life and especially the last few years following the rules and waiting for something she was supposed to get and had it snatched away by mistake.

By the time she was done, the room was trashed. Everyone had run out, screaming and clawing one another to get through the door first. Everyone, except them. Teal'c and Daniel were looking at one another, forks frozen mid-way to their mouths. Jack was staring, which appeared to be his full time job, completely unaware that Samantha Carter had thrown a holy-living fit behind him.

She approached them, snatching the fork out of Daniel's hand and flinging it down on his plate, sending food flying up onto his glasses. "Ignore that, Danny!"

Daniel reached up, removing his glasses and wiping at them with a napkin. He looked at Teal'c. "I'm not really very hungry today."

Teal'c shot his most disapproving glare at Sam. "I am also no longer hungry."

They stood up, Teal'c bringing a reluctant Jack with him, and headed for the door.

Sam picked up Jack's untouched plate of food and threw it at them, quite happy when it connected with the door right in front of them. "Assholes!"

And still, they continued on their way, not even giving her the satisfaction of looking her way.