Chapter 5

Please read this note… it's important. I wrote this note yesterday… and I thought I had my mind all made up as to the end pairing and I was going to drop the bomb.

But then I realized I wasn't being true to myself as a writer for picking that pairing. Jaters… you know what's coming, and I am really sorry. Either way I lose some readers, but I know that I'll be able to spin a better story if it goes Skate, because I really connect with Sawyer as a writer more than I do with Jack.

Skaters, rejoice. Jaters, please, I'd love it if you kept reading because Kate is going to be with Jack for a period of time and I promise the closure there won't come until the very end of the story, and it'll be good, I promise. I want everyone to keep reading, but I understand if you don't, all I'm saying is give me a chance.

Oh, and with regards to the timeline in the story… I get the general impression they've been there for about a week, ok? I don't know how accurate that is, but deal. kthnxbye

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Sayid's eyes widened in shock as Rousseau planted her lips forcefully on his. Normally, a woman like Rousseau would have interested him. She was intelligent and resourceful, if not a tad crazy. But the lingering memory of Shannon, so pale her skin was translucent as she died in his arms was more than enough to push Danielle away almost immediately.

She looked shocked, wounded and confused. "I- I am sorry. I don't know why I did that-"

"It's alright, Danielle," Sayid said quietly. "I know you have been alone without human contact for a very long time- and maybe one day we can pursue something more together… but right now we are pursuing other things… and it is too soon… since…" he couldn't quite get himself to say it.

"Since she died. That girl."

"Shannon," Sayid murmured. "How did you know about that?"

Rousseau shrugged. "I move around a lot. I hear things."

They were silent for a while, each lost in thoughts and memories. Finally Rousseau put her hand on Sayid's arm. "I am very sorry for your loss," she said.

"Thank you," Sayid said, glad to hear words no one had said to him for a very long time, since Nadia, since Shannon. "Thank you."

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Kate was literally sick with worry all night. Jack seemed even worse than last time. He didn't sleep at all, just lay on the ground and shivered, eyes wide open and muttered incoherently. Whenever she tried to hold him or wipe beads of sweat away from his temples he would simply jerk away from her. Every time she thought back to that horrible look on Jack's face- something of disbelief and disappointment- she felt physically ill.

Finally she kept to leaning on the wall, looking on in silent agony as Sawyer gave Jack sips of water and wiped his forehead. It was worse because he didn't shrink away Sawyer, it was just her, like it was her fault that she and Sawyer had kissed and Sawyer was just a lucky bystander. She felt like she had betrayed Jack, and it was the worst feeling in the world.

And yet… she looked at Sawyer, tending to Jack so diligently and knew that he would do the same for her- and that he would literally kill for her. She didn't regret kissing him- it had been an experience beyond words, to know the real Sawyer that way.

Jack finally fell into a restless sleep in the middle of the night. Try as she might, Kate couldn't bring herself to do the same. She wanted more than anything to curl up beside one of their warm bodies and drift off, but Jack didn't seem to want her and she was too guilty to go to Sawyer, because she didn't really want to rub salt in Jack's proverbial wound.

"Kate, come here," Sawyer said, seemingly on the same page as her, "you're exhausted. You got circles under your eyes the color o' death."

"I- I can't Sawyer," she said, her sentence interrupted by a large yawn. "I'll just… nod off over here. I don't want Jack to see us again…" she finished softly.

Sawyer shrugged. "Freckles, the good doc is gonna be out for a while. Just have a little nap, ok? I'll wake you before he wakes up."

Kate considered for a moment and then nodded weakly. "Thanks Sawyer." She crawled over to him, lay her head in his lap and fell into an exhausted sleep.

Once he knew she was asleep for sure, Sawyer bent down and kissed her softly on the cheek, reprimanding himself slightly. When had he become so soft?

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Locke was rummaging around in the store cupboard. He really, really, gotten tired of eating fruit all the time and the cereal that had been dropped was a welcome change.

There was just one tiny little problem.

There was no milk.

There was all manner of other canned and bottled drinks- concentrated juice pulp to be reconstituted, Dharma Initiative spring water, and the like. But no milk.

Locke scowled, picked up a can of orange pulp, did as the directions said and mixed it with water and poured it into his DI issue cornflakes.

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Jack remembered everything that had happened the night before with disturbing clarity. He had taken in everything, his eyes and ears open. His brain just didn't seem to be able to send necessary signals to his muscles so that he could talk or move.

It was a terrible nightmare, like those horror stories med students always recounted about patients under anesthesia who could feel everything during an operation but weren't able to scream or move.

It was exactly like that, Jack thought. Like someone had drugged him improperly and then ripped out his still beating heart.

The drugs they had given him had been worse this time. There were more of them, and they left him in agonizing pain that would knock most people out, if the drugs weren't designed to keep him alert. He had been tied down again and all he remembered was Henry's smug face and beady eyes floating in and out of his line of vision as he plied Jack with drugs.

There was one period in the middle of the session of blissful unconsciousness… the time when Jack had officially contributed to the Hanso Foundation's view of the future, though he didn't know it yet.

The only light at the end of the tunnel was the knowledge that sometime, after all that, they would throw him back in the cell and Sawyer and Kate would be there and Kate would take care of him and just being around her would make everything better.

Instead he stumbled in to witness Kate and Sawyer kissing. Not, nice, sweet, first kiss kissing, but real, passionate, take-me-right-now kissing. If his body had been responsive at all he would have turned around and walked right back to the torture room and lay down on the table.

And when they thought he had been sleeping, he had actually just been laying very still, willing his body to nod off, but he hadn't been able to. He didn't sleep a wink and he had to watch Sawyer and Kate cuddle the whole nightlong. He felt like a petulant child, and he didn't care right now. He was the better man, damnit, and Kate should have chosen him. The funny thing was that he wasn't even mad at Sawyer- just at Kate. He was tired and drugged into a terrible state of wakefulness.

He pushed the thoughts from his mind and concentrated on being very still instead. Maybe it would all be better in the morning.

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It wasn't better. Morning came and they took Sawyer again, leaving Jack alone with Kate.

He felt better in the morning… much better. Whatever was in his system made him feel stronger and more alert.

They were sitting in distinctly uncomfortable silence now, Jack tracing patterns in the dirt floor and Kate looking at her feet. "You feeling better this morning?" she asked, voice slightly strained.

"Yeah," Jack answered shortly.

"So, do you, um, remember what happened? You were pretty out of it."

"Yeah, Kate, I remember pretty well," Jack said neutrally, looking up at her.

"So do you know what they're doing, I mean, you being a doctor and all? I was really worried, and Sawyer was too." Kate was pointedly avoiding the inevitable. She knew he knew, but she didn't want to come out of denial just yet.

"Well, I used my doctor eyeballs to spy you kissing him."

Kate blushed hotly and turned away. "You weren't supposed to find out like that."

"Clearly not, Kate. Just tell me one thing: how long has this been going on?"

Kate snapped her neck to face him, nostrils flaring angrily. Jack recoiled. He was used to having the upper hand in conversations like this, but with Kate, that just wasn't an option. "How long has this been going on?" she raged at him, "How long could it have been going on? You've only been out of this cell once before!"

"And since then you've already kissed, gotten engaged and ordered monogrammed towels with your initials," Jack snapped, temper rising in turn.

"Fuck you, Jack," Kate said quietly. "Please tell me why anything I do with Sawyer is any of your fucking business?" she asked in the same deadly tone of voice.

"Because I'm in love with you!" Jack burst out, instantly regretting his words.

Kate just looked at him in shocked silence. He couldn't detect exactly what the saw in her face… horror? Pity? Relief even?

"Oh my god…" he groaned, burying his face in his hands. "I'm so sorry you heard that."

"But it's true, isn't it Jack," she said, pressing him on.

He looked up, chin still resting in his hands. "What do you think?" he asked softly.

Kate nodded and looked down. "Look… Jack, you know I care about you, and I don't know if it's…love, but-"

"You care about Sawyer that way too," Jack finished for her.

"Yeah…" she said awkwardly. "Do you think you can… feel that way about two people at the same time?"

"I don't know, Kate. Maybe," he admitted slightly jealously.

"I- I just- Sawyer got there first, and I think we need to at least give things a shot before-"

"Kate, it's ok." Jack said, reaching out to touch her arm. "I understand. I'm sorry I acted the way I did."

"It's fine," she said, touched by his admission of love, and now, apology. "I know I've been playing both of you, and it's selfish of me, but I just don't know yet."

"I understand." He said, looking up and locking eyes with her. "And I'll be waiting," he gave her one of those looks of his that made her want to fling herself at him and run away at the same time.

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Sawyer was back in the room with Alex again, blindfolded. She had set him to a much harder task this time, and he was getting quite frustrated. Instead of mixing the balls and asking which position a certain color was in, she now expected him to be able to describe the position of each ball in order.

He was very distracted, worrying about Kate and what kind of shit the doc would be giving her right about now.

"Sawyer, concentrate!" Alex would say crossly every once in a while. "I know you can do this. Believe it or not, you do have some innate psychic ability!"

Sawyer would growl and close his eyes beneath the blindfold once more. The only thing that seemed to work for him some of the time was to just imagine the balls, arranged randomly as him mind would have it and then tell Alex and hope he was right. More times than not, he was, and he couldn't help but feel slightly surprised with his own abilities.

When they were finished at last, the guard in the room removed Sawyer's blindfold. "Go get me the stretcher," Alex said, beckoning for him to leave.

"The stretcher?" Sawyer asked, slightly alarmed.

"Look, Sawyer," Alex said as soon as they were alone, "they just need some blood and DNA samples from you. They aren't going to do anything bad."

"Like they did to Jack?"

"Jack will be fine," Alex said dismissively. "Now, just sit still so I can sedate you. It'll be easier if you just co-operate."

Sawyer scooted away from her, intent on planting some doubt into her young, impressionable mind like he had discussed with Jack and Kate. "Tell something 'bout yourself, darlin'," he asked in tones he would only use while working a con, "were you born in this hell hole?"

Alex looked down. "I'm not supposed to talk to you about anything other than your testing."

Sawyer ignored her. "'Cause really, there ain' no one here as far as I can tell, who looks like your momma."

Alex shrugged. "They said I was a test tube baby. Some woman who died when I was a week old."

"And you believe 'em?" Sawyer asked, aghast at the extent of the lies they had planted in her head.

"Why would they lie to me about that?"

"What if your mummy dearest was still alive, and she wasn't part of this little organization?"

"Sawyer, don't be daft," she said, feeling nervous. What was he going on about.

"Your name, Alexandra, it's French," he pressed on. "Your mum is French, she still lives on the island."

Just then the man with the stretcher came in and Alex discreetly cuffed Sawyer on the back of his head to shut him up.

"You going to just let me give you this?" Alex asked, voice shaking.

"Nope," Sawyer shrugged.

It took them another fifteen minutes before he was finally sedated- but not before leaving the guard with a broken nose and black eye.

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Alex and Henry bustled into the meeting room, where Bea was already waiting patiently. "Phase two is finished," Henry said. "Alex is getting to be quite the little doctor," he said dotingly, giving Alex a thin smile. She smiled back, but shrunk away, wondering if everything Henry had ever told her about her conception and her past was a lie. She hoped it wasn't- Henry and the others were all she had ever known, and she was content.

"Good," Bea said, consulting her papers. "Tomorrow we will complete phase three… and then only time will tell if we've succeeded."

"There is another matter I wish to discuss," Henry said. "The cell the captives are currently occupying isn't an ideal environment for the project to flourish. I would propose we move them to The Staff and resume operations there."

"The two men," Bea said, "do we really need them?"

Henry shrugged. "For a few more months, at least. We'll slowly wean her off them until she retains no memory at all."

"Why don't we just do that now? It will only require one dose of medication."

"Ms. Austen is an extremely strong willed individual. She needs the support of Mr. Ford and Dr. Shephard to get over the initial shock, for a while at least."

"Fine," Bea said in agreement. "I'll make the arrangements."

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AN: dundundun. What are they going to do to Kate? I have dropped a few fairly obvious clues. About Sawyer's little roll in the hay with Ana Lucia… it'll be addressed later.

I just feel so much better about this now that I can write in whichever pairing I want. It just flows better; I really hope you guys understand. It's going to be a great story for Jate lovers to, so I really hope you guys keep reading.

Hobbits on the island: I put in that little Locke scene just for you. Don't lose hope, Locke will eventually find the meaning of life and some milk for his cereal.

Oh…. And there was a Buffy quote in there… catch it and I'll give you your very own clone of Jack or Sawyer.