Disclaimer: All characters, etc., belong to their owners...yep...just wrote this story here.
Chapter 9: Sorting through the Mess
Christine rang the doorbell of the Parker-Nichols house. She had no idea where else to go. No one else would understand. She had to talk to someone. Drake had tried, but he even said he wasn't sure what to say or do. He admitted he wasn't home as much as Christine was. He understood why she felt the way she did, but try as he might to make her feel better, he didn't know what to say a lot of the time. Christine knew why. Drake was Rob's family by blood. He was having the same trouble she was. Probably even more so, but she knew where she could go.
Audrey answered the door and was surprised to find her daughter-in-law.
"Christine?" Audrey questioned. "Did you need something?"
"I wondered if Walter was home," Christine replied quietly.
"Yes," said Audrey. "Did you need to talk to him about something?"
"Yeah. If he has the time."
"I'm sure he does," said Audrey. "I'll be right back."
A few minutes later, Walter appeared at the door.
"Can I help you with something?" he asked.
"I need to talk to someone. I don't know who else to go to."
"Okay," Walter responded. "Come on inside, then."
Christine followed Walter into the living room. He sat down in the chair, and she sat down on the sofa. It was quiet until Walter spoke.
"Are you and Drake okay?"
"Oh, yes, we're fine. It's not that. I just...I guess I wanted to ask you how you felt about Drake going to see Ford in the first place."
"I told him to talk to him."
"But how did you feel about it?"
"I didn't know he went to New York the first time. None of us did, except Josh. When I found out, I guess I felt a bit worried. He'd been calling me 'Dad' for so long that I wondered if him seeing Ford would change that."
"I see."
"Is something wrong?"
"Rob's mother has been writing him. She wants to see him." Christine paused. She was tired of going over the story in her mind. "The problem is, it's been a long time since she left Ford, and Rob hasn't seen her since then."
"And you're the one who's taken care of him since you and Drake got married." Walter paused. "It's hard, I know. The thing is, and I hate this, we're not their real parents. We have to accept that they are or were out there."
"I know. It's just, I never..."
"I know. I was scared I would never get that with Drake. I did, but you don't seem to have that with Rob. I'm sorry. I wish I could tell you what to do. It doesn't always happen for everyone."
"I know, and he's allowed to go, he knows that. I'm not his mother, but it's just so hard after so many years..."
"I know. All you can do is support him. He'll appreciate it. Trust me, he'll know how much it hurts you."
"Sometimes I don't know what he thinks. I've spent these last few years trying to figure him out and so has Drake. It's just difficult. I'm not his mom."
"It's all right," said Walter. "I think he's more like Drake than he lets on. If he is, he's probably looking for something."
"I'm worried he doesn't know who he is. He claims he's not Drake...like he's searching himself."
"Maybe he'll come to realize what he's looking for has been with him all along. At least, I sincerely hope so."
"Thank you, Walter."
Christine left feeling a bit better. She knew she wasn't the only person who had been through something like this, but maybe she would rather have found out after Rob left like Drake's family had. She sighed. Poor Drake. She knew the reason he was having trouble making her feel better about the situation was because he felt he hadn't been around enough for Rob. He had always questioned his moves. He'd put off studying or worry that a large paper was going to get in the way of the things he thought were important. Christine would point out that he had planned this. Then she would feel that was too harsh, so she'd simply tell him his grades were important. She wanted to see him succeed because he wanted to succeed. She knew that Drake was feeling the pressure of Rob leaving too, and because she had urged him to take care of his classes, Christine felt guilty for making him feel that way. But should she? Who would have known this was going to happen? Besides, Drake had done plenty for Rob. It would always feel like it would never be enough, but didn't every parent wish they had done something more? Even the littlest thing? Now that Christine had put her thoughts in order, she had to figure out what was really up with Drake.
Since school took up a lot of time, Rob decided to get a jump on his packing by packing up his books and things first. He wanted to get a number of things ready to go before he had to leave. He had a suitcase for his books and cds and was looking through them to see which ones he wanted to bring with him that summer.
He glanced up and noticed Angela standing in the doorway.
"Hey," he said.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Packing my books and cds for the summer."
"Why?" Apparently Drake and Christine hadn't mentioned this to her yet.
"I'm going to see my mom for the summer."
"Your mom?"
"She lives in New York."
"Is that in Los Angeles?"
"No," Rob laughed. "Come here." He motioned her over to his desk and pulled out his social studies book. He flipped open to a United States map. "We're here in San Diego, and my mom lives all the way over in New York over here." He pointed it out to her. "It's pretty far. Miles and miles away."
Angela eyed the map for a moment then glanced back at him.
"What about Mommy?"
"Huh?"
"You said you're going to see your mommy...what about mine?"
"What do you mean?"
"Don't you like her?"
"Yes..." said Rob, uneasily. "But she's not my mom. Do you understand that?"
"I know that, but why are you leaving?"
"Because I have things to figure out."
"What things?"
"Things that little girls wouldn't understand."
"Are you coming back?"
"Yes," he replied. "I'll be back in the fall when you start kindergarten."
Somehow, she didn't believe him.
Drake had been extremely quiet lately. It was like he was always thinking about something. He and Christine were getting ready for bed one night. Christine was reading, and Drake was really just sitting on the bed as he did often now. He used to read a report or article or something either relating to medicine or music, but he'd stopped lately. Christine closed her book and gently touched him on the arm.
"Drake, are you all right?" she asked.
He sighed and rubbed his forehead.
"Yes," he finally replied. It was Christine's turn to sigh.
"Something's bothering you. Now what's the matter?"
"I'm just feeling strange about something."
"What is it?" Christine gently pressed. "Does this have to do with Rob?"
Drake didn't say anything for at least two minutes.
"Yes," he answered at last. "I just wonder if I spent enough time with him while he was growing up."
"Oh, Drake, of course you did. As much as you could."
"But was as much as I could enough?"
"Don't all parents wish they could do something more?"
"Maybe, I just...after Ford died, I actually thought I could be a father to him." Drake paused. "It's clear I don't mean that to him. He's always known who his father was. Maybe he wasn't the best father in the world, but he was his father. I can't change that. Blood is thicker than water."
"Drake, no one has ever expected you to be more than his brother. When you first said you wanted to adopt him, we all stopped to ask if you were crazy. But you loved him so much. We all knew you'd be fine. You've done so well for yourself. Rob has turned out fine. I know what you wanted to be to him, but maybe he could never get past seeing you as his brother."
"I just haven't been around as much as you have. I can't help but think that's the reason why he doesn't see me that way. I'm just the older brother in authority."
"As much as I have been around, he doesn't see me as a parent either. I'm just one of his guardians. It has nothing to do with how long you were around. He's always been old enough to understand that you've needed time to study and work."
"And Angela...am I around enough for her?"
"She loves you so much, Drake. And please don't worry about this anymore. You've only got one year of your fellowship left after this. Then you'll be able to open a practice or something soon and make your own hours instead of running around a hospital and leaving only when your work is done. Maybe you will have to work in a hospital the first year or two, but..."
"Actually, I saw Dr. Reynolds today."
"Oh, really? What did she want?"
"She offered me an office in her building. The doctor there at the moment is retiring at the end of the year, and she told me if I wanted it, she'd save it for me."
"Oh, Drake, that's wonderful," Christine said brightening. To tell the truth, she would prefer to see Drake more often. She knew if he set his own hours, he would be able to be home more. He'd also have more time for his music. It had seemed like he'd stopped that lately. It wasn't often that he got to sit down and play his guitar.
"It's just a huge step. She told me that while the psychiatrists at the hospital may seem pushy, a lot of them have actually been impressed with me. Which is shocking considering Mrs. Hayfer would be saying something along the lines of 'I hate you.' Dr. Reynolds told me I would have no problem being referred patients."
"Are you going to take the office, then?"
"I think so. I want to be home more. Even if I have to get called away on a weekend, at least it won't be every weekend."
"I'm glad things are working out for you. I can't imagine how tired you must be at the end of every day, and I'm proud of you."
"Thank you," Drake replied.
"Now, please don't think this is the reason Rob is acting the way he is. He is eighteen and at least thinks he's an adult. I think the letter from his mother shook him. I wouldn't worry about it anymore. If he finds what he's after, then he's found it. But he's going to be fine because at the very least he's been raised right."
"Yeah, by you."
"Not just me. You were the one who dragged him back to the store after he stole from it. You were the one who came up with the idea to put him in a sport. You were the one who wanted to take care of him in the first place. You owe yourself more than what you think. Just know that."