Disclaimer/ A/N – I do not own star trek, O Brother Where Art Thou, Pirates of the Caribbean, Brokeback Mountain, or the massive amounts of blue eyeshadow the cast must have gone through in three seasons of this. If you can't tell, this has been a busy chapter... Kirk fangirls/guys please forgive me... enjoy!

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Kirk is now recording his Captain's log, with "No stardate". Why is this? Unless I miss my guess, there is still time, it still travels the same way regardless of whether or not the Enterprise is in orbit. And how is he making this log, if he has no ship to record it?

Er– anyway– Kirk decides that he and Spock will go back in time and try to catch McCoy.

Kirk stares moodily at the Ruin.

Spock pokes him. "Now, Captain!"

They jump through, into the mists, looking for all the world like they are in a music video.

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They come into being in front of a door with a 'Boxing' poster on it. Quickly they step into a corner and Spock discerns they are in the 1930's. A couple of old ladies stop to gawk disapprovingly at them. Spock covers his ears and Kirk leers at the women until they go away.

They wander a bit (Spock, being himself, almost gets run over by a car) before stealing some poor sap's clothing. A random police officer swaggers up and starts questioning them.

Kirk tries to explain... "I can see you are a police officer... As you can see... My friend here is obviously Chinese..."

Spock settles back, knowing that he is going to enjoy this.

"Oh really?" says the cop, who seems to be trying for an Irish accent.

"Yes... I see you've noticed his ears... They are actually.. easy to explain..." Kirk turns and looks at Spock, trying desperately to come up with something, (much like the author of this parody). "Ah, yes! When he was a boy, there was this unfortunate childhood accident, he caught his head in a mechanical rice-picker–"

"Actually," grunts the police officer, "I was wondering about all that blue eyeshadow... Is he, uh... with you?"

Kirk gives a fake laugh. "Ohh the eyeshadow.. Well, that's just to cover up the scars, obviously! And no, no, he's not with me! Of course not!"

Spock's smug expression rapidly fades.

"Ah, of course. Say, I'd probably better check you for weapons, y'know." The cop leans over and tries to...er... cop a feel, getting in a good pinch on Kirk's rear before a jealous Spock intervenes with a neck pinch. Well, more like a shoulder pinch.

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They R-U-N-N-O-F-T and somehow get into a very dusty and well-lit basement. Spock sulks in a shadowy corner, pretending he's the Phantom of the Opera. I am not sure at this point whether Kirk is Raoul or Christine. But, I digress. Spock quickly emerges however, when Kirk starts changing his clothes. Kirk, in plaid shirt with bottons undone partway, looks quite a bit like a cowboy from 'Brokeback Mountain'.

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Spock starts complaining that in this "zinc-plated, vacuum-tubed culture" there is no way he can hook up his machinery to find out what McCoy changed in the past. "Yes, well, it would pose an extremely complex problem in logic, Mr. Spock."

Spock turns and scowls to himself. "Damn, he got me again!"

Suddenly a female voice calls out, "Who's there?" and more lights turn on.

Spock runs to a corner and puts his gangsta hat on, "to cover his ears".

Kirk, being the man he is, stands in the middle of the room to wait for her.

A lovely young woman descends the stairway, her eyes locked on Kirk's. The soft focus airbrushes her delicate features into ethereal obscurity.

"We didn't mean to trespass, Miss," Kirk says, using his cheesiest pick-up voice. "It's... Cold outside."

To her credit, the young woman doesn't fall for it.

Spock sulks out to stand behind Kirk, then blinks. "Soft..focus... vision cannot... cope!"

The young woman introduces herself to the two strange men who snuck into her basement as Edith Keeler. For some reason, she offers them a job. Spock promptly agrees for them, saying he needs radio tubes and such for his "hobby".

Kirk claps him on the shoulder. "Very good, Mr. Spock, I approve of hobbies."

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Over dinner Edith Keeler gives a speech to the soup-eating men. We are here given evidence that Kirk is falling madly in lust with her, (big surprise). Eventually Spock gets tired of rolling his eyes at Kirk's appreciative sighs and drags his beloved Captain from the room.

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Edith offers Kirk and Spock a "flop", or apartment, where she lives. One can almost see her pinching Kirk's cheek and saying what a cute couple they make.

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In their one-room "flop", Spock has a set-up that would make ET jealous. Random buzzing wires and electric bunny ears cover the table.

"Captain, I need platinum. A small amount will suffice, about 5 or 6 pounds."

Kirk facepalms.

"Captain, I cannot work with stone knives and bearskins."

Kirk sighs and flops down on his bed. (Is it me, or does he seem disappointed that there are two beds instead of just one?)

There is a knock on the door, and Kirk jumps up to answer. Spock races to put on his gangsta hat. For his ears, let's remember. It's Edith at the door, saying she found them five hours work if they leave right away. Then she spots the Frankenstein's lab on the table.

"What on Earth is that!"

Spock blinks, trying to get rid of the soft focus. "Yo yo Homie! This be my mad science wiz, yo!"

Kirk chokes and Edith looks mightily confused, in a blurry sort of way. Spock pulls himself together.

"Ahem. I am endeavoring, Madam, to construct a mnemonic memory circuit using stone knives and bearskins."

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While sweeping the floor at their five-hour job, Spock spots some tools that he later steals from the homeless guy!... "borrows...borrows without permission, but with every intention of bringing them back". This gives Edith an excuse to make Kirk "walk her home".

Spock glares at her when they leave. "Damn soft focus.."

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Later, Spock is fiddling with his equipment. He gets in some funky background music, but isn't satisfied with that. On the screen he procured from... Somewhere... there pops up a picture of Edith Keeler. But before he can read much of the lettering underneath, the wires short circuit, singeing his eartips. "Damn!"

Right on cue, Kirk enters, fresh from his 'walk' with Edith.

"Captain, I believe I have found our focal point in time."

"Ooh, look! It's Edith, six years from now!"

"Yes, it seems she was known as a... 'ruthless bi-atch' on a show called 'Dynasty'. And she also led peace talks with the President."

"Wow, I knew she was cool!"

"Captain, I have also seen her obituary. She may have to die for time to be corrected."

Kirk strikes Dramatic/Tragic Hero pose #7.38.

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Suddenly it is very very early morning. Some Random Homeless Guy steals a bottle of milk, then sees McCoy run out of a brick wall in the swishiest way possible. "DEMI PLIE!" Our Good Doctor is looking perfectly dreadful; apparently walking through brick walls is not good for one's complexion.

"YOU!" he shouts at the R.H.G., "What planet is this!"

R.H.G., (who coincidentally is the Union manager for the Redshirts Liberation Front), drops the milk and runs, with Crazy McCoy ARABESQUE!ing after him, shouting.

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Back at the flop, Kirk and Edith are falling even more in Love... Well, she's falling in Love. I won't get into what the Captain is thinking.

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McCoy has caught the R.H.G. and is still freaking out. He grabs the guy and starts feeling up... his skull? (in all fairness, he starts by squeezing the guy's thighs).

"Where are we... Arabesque... needles..." He passes out.

R.H.G. takes the opportunity to return the attention, under the pretense of picking McCoy's pocket. He finds the stolen phaser and accidentally vaporizes himself. Oops.

Somewhere, in another time and solar system, Uhura smugly accepts more winnings.

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A/N – Hokay, this was funfunfun... Thank my Dad for Spock's Gangsta line, that was his idea. Heehee... Redshirt Liberation Front Forward!

Allyp

Quote for the day: "Who are you?"

"No one of consequence."

"I must know."

"Get used to disappointment."

-Inigo & the Man in Black (aka Wesley),

the Princess Bride

Extra Quote for the day: "I will do him left-handed."

"What? Why?"

"Because if I use my right hand, it is

over too quickly, I am not satisfied."

-Inigo & Vizzini, about the Man in Black

and to my dad's friend (the former English teacher) Emily, "Hi!"