A/N: I'm sooo sorry its late, school is getting pretty busy lately and I had horrible writers block. But here it is!

Day 1

Breakfast...

"Is it just me or is everyone eating cake for breakfast?" asked James.

"Just you," mumbled Sirius not looking up from his plate.

"Good lord, everyone really is eating cake," exclaimed Remus.

"Is this the first sign of sugar deficit?" asked Peter worriedly looking around, "We're starting to see things aren't we?"

"You're all paranoid, not everyone is eating cake. See, look over there that first year in Ravenclaw…not eating cake," said Sirius

"Look around you everyone but us is eating cake," pointed out James. At that moment Dumbledore stood up and cleared his throat and the hall went silent.

"As some of you might have noticed there seems to be an abundance of cakes and other assorted desserts on the table today. Our house elves miscalculated and made all the Halloween desserts a week early. Don't worry though; they have assured me that this mistake will not affect the desserts for next week's festivities and they will work doubly hard on those. I trust that all of you will lend a helping hand in finishing off the excess dessert for the next week That is all," he said and then sat down. His words were met by a roar of approval from the students.

"I can't believe we picked this week for this stupid abstinence stint," complained Sirius loudly.

"I can't believe you can even look at a cake after that sugar fest last night," said Remus.

"Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder?" tried Sirius.

"Yeah whatever, flabby. So, will we be telling Mcgonagall about our one week plan?" asked Remus.

"We probably should."

------

17 minutes later…

"Is she still laughing?" moaned Peter sitting outside Mcgonagall's office

"Cackling more like, the evil witch," grumbled James.

"I think her hair actually came out of its bun when she went into hysterics," said Remus closing the door to the office behind him.

"You know, in the beginning I think she was actually listening…," said Sirius thoughtfully as the door to the office flung open and hit him in the back. Mcgonagall appeared in the doorframe, hair disheveled and a face as red as something that's really red.

"On your feet, Black. I did listen to what you four had to say and I'm glad that you're trying. I might even agree to reduce your "sentence" if you succeed and all I have left to say is that I wish you luck. Now, get to class!" and with that she closed the door behind her.

"She doesn't think we can do it does she?" asked Peter.

"Not a snowball's chance in hell," said Sirius shaking his head.

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Divination

"All I see is waterfalls in your future," said James shaking his head.

"So, I'm going to get wet?" asked Sirius.

"Either that or you're going downhill," said James.

"Are there rocks at the bottom of the falls?"

"I really can't tell from this angle, what do you see for me?" asked James.

"A flowery pink bag," snorted Sirius.

"What? My mother has one. Am I going to turn into my mother? Is that what you see? Tell me, you madman!" said James as he shook Sirius violently.

"Potter, Black. No violent shaking in my class, get out," called the teacher from the other side of the room, "And Black, try not to bang into my desk."

Sirius promptly banged into her desk and upset some crystal balls on it that went rolling in every direction.

"How does she do that?" asked Sirius astounded.

"You bang into that desk every time you leave this class, it doesn't take a Seer to 'see' that," said James shaking his head.

"Well it isn't my fault that desk is so well camouflaged against the wall," complained Sirius as they made their way down the stairs.

"The desk is yellow," said James.

"Yeah…"

"The wall is black."

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Ancient Runes

Due to lack of sustenance (sugar) our favourite full-moon-challenged Marauder is having trouble concentrating and nothing the teacher is saying is making any sense to him. His brain feels foggy and he puts his head on the desk and proceeds to take a power nap.

Beside him sits our vertically-challenged Marauder who up until now does not understand why he is taking Ancient Runes. But for once the class is making sense to him, everything is starting to click. He's already answered the teacher many times this class and even corrected him once. Everything is so clear to him. Why hasn't he thought of all these things before? He feels like writing poetry, in fact he even jots down an entire Petrarchan sonnet in perfect iambic pentameter as a footnote to his Ancient Runes' notes.

The bell rings and he packs up his things. The two boys make their way down the hall together. One complaining about his fogginess and one reveling in new found genius-ness (he's not sure whether that's a word either).

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In the dorm…

By evening Sirius was cracking, Remus had regained his cool; Peter had his hands on "The High Philosophies of Merlin",and James was grouchily drinking his third cup of coffee.

He had put sugar in his first cup and had to throw it out. His second cup had been caffeinated. Thus, him being on his third cup, which was sugarless and decaffeinated

Sirius was rocking back and forth claiming he would die if he did not have a chocolate bar. He also claimed wild cows left their panties under his bed (How else could they have gotten there?).

Remus was also rocking back and forth…on a rocking chair, reading some book. His mind had cleared and he now seemed totally unfazed. He was evening taking notes about the book he was reading. Mad fellow.

Peter had finished his book and his homework, he was now writing a recipe for stuffed chicken.

"Insert the stuffing via the tube into the recipient…" said he biting the end of his quill.

"We should just call this whole thing off, we officially picked the worst week to do this in," complained Sirius, "Did any of you realize it's my birthday tomorrow? What will my cake be made of? Carrots and honey?"

"It's not your birthday tomorrow, moron," grumped James.

"It is too! It's my half birthday, I always celebrate it. It's a pureblood thing."

"I'm pureblood, I do no such thing," argued James.

"Are you pure pure pureblood?" asked Sirius.

"I'm not that inbred."

"Well, it's a pure pure pureblood thing. There should be an exception for me. I deserve a half birthday cake. None of you even got me presents."

"No cake for you, no exceptions," stated Remus simply.

"A half birthday? What's the point? You pure pure purebloods squander your time with all these useless archaic traditions! Arrrgh!" cried Peter.

"Err…right Peter," said Sirius eyeing him and backing away.

Silence.

"But it's my special half day…"whined Sirius.

"No cake, no eating, screw you," grunted James, who was now on his bed trying to get some sleep.

"You know…" started Remus.

"No! We don't know and we don't want to know. Sssh!" came the muffled shout from James with his head under a pillow.

"Well, it's an hour to midnight, we could make that cake for him ourselves," said Remus.

"Yes, make me a cake make me a cake!" chanted Sirius jumping up and down in his seat.

"What? We're making him a cake anyway? If we make one exception, there'll be more and soon enough this will be anarchy!" cried Peter.

"Peter! Calm down, and stop using big words," said Remus, "We won't be putting any sugar in it."

"Ah yes, make it ourselves so that the cake shall contain none of the banned substance, therefore he won't be able to cheat," said Peter blowing on his bubble pipe.

"He's freaking me out man," sad James to Remus who nodded in agreement.

"Sirius, meet us in the kitchens in half an hour," said Remus as he hauled James out of bed and kicked him out the door.

The three of them went on their way leaving Sirius still rocking (in the free world)…back and forth.

45 minutes later in the kitchens

"Peter, just stall him for a little while longer, we're almost done," yelled Remus frantically.

"Where do I stick this? Where?" shrieked James waving a candle about.

"Just stick it beside the cake! Alright Peter let him in," hollered Remus.

"I can't believe you went through all the…what is that?" shrieked Sirius.

"Just what you asked for…"said James simply.

"…A half birthday cake with carrots and honey," continued Remus.

"It looks more like half a carrot with half a bottle of honey emptied on it and half a candle that isn't even lit…" stated Sirius.

"We were going for the half theme," nodded James as Remus lit the candle.

"This took you guys the better part of an hour to complete?" asked Sirius incredulously.

"Peter was being a perfectionist, while cutting the carrot. None of the carrots were ever exactly in half for him," replied Remus.

"Now blow the bloody candle out so we can get out of here, it's late," sighed Remus.

"Give me a minute," said Sirius holding up a hand to stall. James blew out the candle when Sirius wasn't looking.

"Your candle has gone out. I saw the bastard wind that did it too, it went that way," said James pointing left, "Now eat your carrot, we have classes tomorrow."

Sirius promptly stuffed the carrot into his mouth and they headed back to the dormitory.

"Is it just me or do we seem to end every chapter in the kitchens?" asked Peter.

"Chapter? What are you on about?" said Sirius.

"I don't know, but for a moment there I was almost certain that we were just characters in some elaborate story. You know, part of someone's imagination?" said Peter.

"And to think, we thought you were the normal one," tutted Remus.

Oh my god! YAY! I finally got this up! My computer crashed three times while I wrote this. I lost 3 pages that I had to re-write and then my bastard internet didn't want to work. I might love my computer Bertha like a sister but I wanted to strangle her last night.

Now you had better review after all that trouble I went through.