Dear Diary,

I guess…things are cooling down just a bit. Sakura forgives me at least. She wants me to go to this party Tenten's throwing, in hopes that it will "take my mind off things" for a awhile. I'm really not too sure. On any other day I would have leapt up and accepted without thinking twice. But now I have another issue and it's not just about Shikamaru now…

As weird as it is to admit, I'm a cutter now. I didn't really open my eyes to it until yesterday when I looked at my arms in the mirror and saw all the cuts and scratches penetrating my skin. A part of my mind is telling me to tell Sakura, because I have never kept a secret from her, and another part is telling me that if she knew, she'd only try to stop me because she would think she was "protecting me". I mean, I know it's bad, I've seen those TV shows and I've read the books, but how can something that feels so liberating be so wrong to do? I really don't understand it. The only things that have been carrying me through all my conflicts are the razors. I just feel like when the blood flows out, so do my stresses and worries. So, it's not really a self-destructive habit, right? I'm just making myself feel better. RIGHT?

Even so, it will still get in the way of the dance. I'm so not into long sleeves. I've always worn sleeveless everything for as long I can remember. But now, if I wore sleeveless or even short sleeves, everyone could easily see my cuts. They're not so easy to hide with makeup since my skin is so pale and the redness of the scratches pops out a whole lot. If people saw them, they'd eventually put the pieces together and find out my secret. I hadn't been on a mission for the past two weeks, my heart felt broken, I felt depressed, and I had locked myself in my house until I felt better (which still hasn't come yet.) What else would they think with those reasons? That I was making cupcakes and picking buttercups? I'm so screwed. What would Sakura do right now…well, she'd say "just wear long sleeves! I'll jazz them up for you if you want!". That won't help. Let's think some more. If this actually was happening to Sakura she would say…"I'll just use a shawl to wrap around my arms, no big!" Perfect. Sakura has no idea what a help she is to me, even when she's not around. I'm going to that dance.

So wrong yet so right,

Ino

WE GONNA START AN EPIDEMIC WITH THIS ONE!

(music changes to Cascada)

Every time you read, I get real happy, and every time you review I look at the faves! Can't you see the hits rise slow, I won't let them go, need them in my staaaats!

That was the most retarded thing I've ever written by far.