Summary: A collection of snippets, depicting possible scenes either never taking place in front of a camera, or ideas/thoughts/emotions hard to relay via that media...
Warning: The tense may vary from piece to piece, as will the length and POV. Spoilers about for each and every episode so far released in the USA.
Disclaimer: Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell the blood of nice men, be they CW's or be they Kripke's, mine they'll never be.

COGITATIONS
108: Bugs
by Sade Lyrate

Seeing the Pikes, Larry and Matt together like that, father and son, smiling at each other, apparently happy...
To him, it felt like a slap in the face. As if Life was holding a big neon sign with "Look carefully. This is what you'll never have." written on it with big, unfriendly letters.

They helped people, even with things that had not a whiff of paranormal about them, but when it came to themselves... Heck, they didn't even have a clue where their father might possibly be. And even if they did, what would it matter?
Over four years, and the reasons why he had left Dean and Dad were still fresh in his mind. Even without being reminded, the recollections of myriad confrontations, orders, disputes, misunderstandings, challenges were still close to the surface of his psyche.

On the other hand, though, seeing Larry and Matt also gave him hope. Maybe the relationship he and his father shared could be mended, too.
If they ever did find Dad, he could...try and fix everything. Take back words he was too incensed to swallow back then. Forgive and be forgiven mistakes by both, face to face. Maybe then...maybe then John would smile at him like that, too. Look at him without contempt, without mockery, talk to him like he was a son instead of a soldier.

He could dream.

It all still smarted, just like it had in the years preceding his departure. Now, though, it was tempered by some objectivity brought forth by years, shared loss of a loved one, Dean's words...above all the silence revealing nothing of John Winchester's wellbeing or whereabouts.

He wanted a family. He wanted his family, together.