Author's note: hey people, everyone seems to love the nobility bit which is good because I really love writing it. So here's a nice fun patrol with a nice spot of violence for everyone.
Chapter XXXIV – Nobility on Patrol
Buffy dodged the swipe of a massive hand. A massive scaly hand that was attached to a seven foot tall demon. A scaly and slightly reptilian demon with long teeth and a spiked tail. Buffy and Spike were on patrol when they ran into this particular bugger trying to kill a human.
They managed to distract the demon and the human was able to get away. Now the demon unfortunately decided to stay and fight as demons often do, forcing Buffy and Spike to launch into fully synchronized slay mode.
Which, they soon found out was a bad idea.
A really bad idea.
"ALEX!" Buffy cried into the cell phone, as Spike kept the demon at bay. "How do we kill it?"
Spike managed to get a slice out of it.
"Tell her to hurry, pet!" he thundered "This is a Hanauchanara. Mean buggers. We're gonna have to behead it!"
"Behead it? You mean you know how to kill this thing?" Buffy demanded as she dodged out of the way of the spiked tail.
Spike decided not to remind her that, yes of course he knew how to kill it. That was, after all, his job. He was knowledge guy. But then again he was also 'don't want to have Buffy mock me and therefore get killed by the demon for getting distracted' guy so he let the knowledge thing slide.
"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" Buffy demanded.
Spike would have rolled his eyes if he was not keeping them peeled for an opening in the demon's defenses.
"Fat lot of good it'll do us."
"How on earth are we supposed to behead this thing? It looks bigger than Carney Wilson before the whole gastric bypass surgery-thing! There has so got to be an easier way!"
"Not that I know of, pet." He said without a moment of hesitation. "Which means that there probably isn't one." At this point he thought for a moment, dodging a swipe just in time. "Not easier anyway."
"Spike, so not the time to hold out on me!"
Back at Wescott manor, Alex was standing next to the phone, Rosemary handed her a book and pointed out to her where the passage about the current demon Buffy and Spike were fighting was.
"The Hanauchanara demon," Alex read. She frantically scanned the page trying to find something useful. "Blah, blah, demon hordes of the orient, originated in the blah, blah, took an army, blah, blah,"
"I know that part!" her father cried.
Spike dodged another blow, that one was close. He cursed himself for not thinking to bring anything other than a few stakes, a little holy water and a dagger. With out thinking he threw a canister of holy water at it, as he had expected, no effect.
"MINION!" he cried.
Alex searched more frantically. She could hear her father in the background yelling 'knock it out! Knock it out!'
"Was the sole cause of the Gernatatiuim revolution, blah, blah-"
"ALEX!" Buffy cried in to the cell phone. Back in Wescottshire, Alex had to hold the thing an inch from her ear as her mother yelled into it. "Hurry!"
"I'm trying!" she cried back in the phone.
Buffy dodged another crushing blow.
"Try harder!" she cried. Then she shot a glare at Spike. "Some watcher you are."
Spike managed to glare back after slicing a good part of the monster's abdomen which only succeeded in making pungent smelling good ooze out and pissing off the demon more.
"This species isn't indigenous to England." he said dodging the spiked tail. "it usually can't function out of tropical climates but obviously things have changed since I've had any access my books."
Buffy didn't reply, but she didn't need to, but Spike knew that she cared about and listened to exactly nothing of the technical jargon he had just rattled of about.
"Then brush up on the mustiness would you!" she cried, she round housed the monster and ducked away from one of its claws. "Tap your inner tweed-man."
Spike rolled his eyes.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah."
Quickly he dodged another blow and cursed himself for being distracted by banter.
"There!" Alex cried triumphantly from the cell phone. "The only ways to kill this demon is to behead it, or to make it hear the cry of the werewolf."
"Gee, thanks!" Buffy cried sarcastically.
"It's not my fault!" Alex replied. "I suggest you run. Like now would actually be a good time."
"Yeah, yeah." the slayer conceded and shut off her cell phone, she was so glad Alex had insisted they buy cell phones a few weeks earlier. So glad she had been bored on one of their plane trips out of England and actually figured out what all the pretty buttons do.
"We've got to either decapitate it or make it hear a werewolf." she told Spike and they both rolled away from its spiked tail. "That's it."
Hanauchanara demon was not a particularly good fighter but what it did not have in finesse it made up for in sheer size and invulnerability.
"Hate to break it to you, Slayer," Spike said. "But all I've got is this dinky little dagger and you don't even have as much, how are we going to behead the bloody thing?"
Buffy looked up at the demon, round housed it and then staked it, hoping her stake would hit at least one integral organ. The monster bellowed and Buffy and Spike dashed off to take cover behind some tomb stones.
"Hope we meet a werewolf?"
He scowled at her.
"Strategic retreat?" she said as she round housed it and dodged another swipe of its claws.
A sudden shrill howl filled up the graveyard that they were fighting in.
Buffy and Spike both glanced around, and then peered over the top of their cover. Immediately, the demon they had been fighting fell to the ground completely dead. Buffy got up and looked confusedly at Spike.
"What was that?" she asked.
Spike looked up to a sky obviously looking at the moon. It was a crescent moon, which meant that it was no fledgling-were cub. They were probably up against a real snarling experienced wolf. And probably really pissed off seeing as how, it had wolfed out on a night that wasn't a full moon.
"That, Slayer," he said cocking his jaw and surveying the scenery around him with his sharp-night accustomed eyes. "Would be a werewolf."
"No way."
Spike would have rolled his eyes if he wasn't staring intently at the snarling canine.
"Well, you asked for it, pet."
"But I thought the odds that getting my wish were like a hundred fifty billion to one or something."
"Call it a happy coincidence."
"Oh joy," Buffy mused sarcastically. "We go from a big, strong, impossible to kill monster, who wants to eat us, to a small, fast, impossible to kill werewolf who wants to eat us. I love tonight."
Spike rolled his eyes.
"The sarcasm really helps, Slayer." he said.
He held his dagger out in front of him. Buffy grabbed his arm; he glanced down at it and arched an eyebrow. Even now after everything, she barely touched him unless she absolutely need to.
"We can't kill it." Buffy hissed. "It's still a person." She paused. "Well, most of the time."
Spike looked slightly agitated but nodded.
"What I get for working with a damned slayer" he muttered under his breath.
Suddenly the werewolf broke into a run, straight at Buffy, and before she could react, it was on top of her snarling and displaying ugly teeth.
"Why," she asked, trying to fend it off and being very, very careful not to let it break skin in anything the PTB's might consider a bite. "The hell, do they always go for me?"
Thinking quickly, Spike put all the force he could muster and grabbed a piece of the nearest tombstone (the head off a marble angel) and brought it down on the werewolf's head. Had he been a human the force of the blow would have probably done nothing more except to annoy the werewolf further but thanks to Spike's supernatural strength it gave of an almost pitiful yelp and collapsed right on top of Buffy.
"Alright," she said. "I am so going to burn these clothes when I get home."