Disclaimer: see first chapter, please
Length: 883 words
You hold me securely, enveloping me with such care. I never would have let any but you do this. I don't need to be sheltered in this manner. I'm the protector. You've always been an exception.
It's not that you don't want to be guarded. You want nothing more than to not be on the edge of sanity for just a moment. To do that you need to hold on, you need to cling. You need the physical sensation of reality.
Perhaps that's why after your staff had gone off to show my new companion around I had given into you. Perhaps it was the way your defenses had shattered into a million pieces the moment your arms were around me. Maybe it was simply this lonely gap that had been growing within me. Whatever it was, this is where it had ended with you in my bed, embracing me tenderly.
Tenderly. Ha. I'm becoming a sap in my old age. Another excuse.
I shift and your grasp becomes tense. A wave of fear washes over from you and I settle, not wanting to distress you further. Your form may be the same as when we departed, but the wrinkles in your body language are clear indicators that time has had on you.
Your hand is on my face. This form was so different than what you remember. That only seemed to break you even more. My hearts ache as I recall the look of agony your eyes held when we were left to ourselves. I had never seen a person so suave as you so uncertain, so frightened.
That was when we had stumbled down this rocky path. All I had wanted was to see a spark of the old you back, and so I had tried to flirt ferociously as you used to do with anyone you thought merited the effort—myself included. But you would have none of it. If anything, you were disgusted by my actions.
My doctor would never do that! You spat at me. And you were right. The old me would have never gone as far as I did…no matter how many times it had run across my mind.
The momentary flicker of pain at your rejection must have struck a cord within you for in the next second you had pulled me to you again, this time into a soft kiss. The sensitive affection quickly had turned into a heated desperation on both of our parts. It was the personification of the longing for all we had lost, the frantic accumulation of so many sleepless nights.
I allowed myself to get lost in your touches as you sought clemency. Some would say the union was one of pity. But how can that be when I needed to be forgiven just as badly as you did.
I do. I do forgive you, Jack. Can you pardon me?
The faint smell of cooper, the smell of human blood, wafts towards me. My stomach flips. Why do you cause so much pain to yourself? What is it that pains you so?
An answer to my inquisition comes in small jolts of words. I refuse to delve completely into you without your consent. I'm not even sure if I can.
Your mind quivers in terror. Forgotten. Is that what your deepest nightmare is? Oh Jack. What have I done? I've hurt many people, unintentionally, but to cripple the strength that had shone in you is overwhelming. I don't know how you hide your pain to the others; how you've become the leader you are. You truly have grown into an asset for this Earth.
That thought shakes me. You have contributed so much that the people of this planet don't know about already. How much longer must you fight? About as long as me, I assume. Now I realize why you're so worried.
Your work is here. Mine is out there. I would be deceiving myself if I thought that perhaps I could pick you back up and drag you back along with me. One would think after nine hundred plus years parting with companions would be easier. It never is especially now.
I will have to leave you again. The thought leaves me cold. I reach out to wrap my arms closer around you, seeking refuge against your skin. I will never abandon you like that again.
I inhale deeply to imprint your smell into my mind. My hands fold flat, one against your back, one against your chest, feeling your lungs expand and retreat gently. Your single heart drums lightly. I loose myself in your rhythm in the small hope that I will be able to remember this capture throughout my days.
I won't forget anything about you. How could I possibly forget you, my Captain?
I owe you so much for keeping your faith in me to the last. Even if our journeys lead us in opposite paths, I swear I will never completely leave you. No matter who enters and exits either of our lives, I promise you one thing. I will always be your Doctor.
Look, you stupid ape. You lot have manages to domesticate me just a little bit after all. Maybe I am too sentimental now. You know what? It's not so bad.