A/N: I didn't bring it to a super happy ending, but it's what I see even in my alternative universe. At least for now. Thanks for those who read and the very few of you who actually left comments. I don't write for reviews, but I love them anyway.

xxx

The darkness was where Cristina felt she belonged at this very moment, but it certainly wasn't where she desired her relationship to be heading. Standing completely still in the room, Cristina reckoned it's been a while since she last owned this much personal space.

She used to be a very private person. Ambitious and driven, flying solo all the time. Hanging out with her fellow squashy interns dragged her down a little, but her ultimate downfall came when Burke entered her life.

She actually liked being tied to the ground. That felt pretty safe. But since Burke was injured, she had been feeling like she was being shoved underground. When she wasn't playing the supportive and understanding girlfriend, she was being the intense and blood-thirty intern, working to avoid the pain, proving to the world they were doing okay.

What was this going to lead to? What did it mean for her to be doing all these? Bailey was right, she couldn't be covering it up for Burke every time. The Chief was wrong, it did them no good to be hide.

Burke never liked the idea of hiding, and she kept wondering if she was guilty of promoting that possibility to the Chief. This was so unlike her. Cristina was not supposed to be a self-conscious wreck. It's Burke fault. She's never experienced as much guilt in her life as she's had since she began dating Burke.

Cristina's tired.

It's not that she didn't want to be part of his life anymore, but why couldn't she make him happy without feeling upset or drained herself? It wasn't completely a lie when she said she missed scrubbing in with Burke, but whether the surgery they performed together was successful or mediocre, rare or common, honestly didn't matter anymore, so long as everyone left the OR with a beating heart.

Meredith was a bad influence. Cristina felt that her thoughts were beginning to get dark and twisted like her friend's. Shaking her head, Cristina laughed at herself in silence as she tried to drive away all her cynical thoughts before walking back into reality and acting like "herself" in front of everyone else again.

She paused in front of the supply cabinet. She wasn't ready.

Everybody was expecting something from her. They saw her as the aggressive and biting woman who was taking advantage of Burke's injury. It didn't seem like she had a choice to act otherwise. When the burden was all shifted to her shoulders, people thought she was bullying the nurses and residents and acting like she's the Chief. Why didn't people see beneath the surface that she was neither thrilled nor happy?

Perhaps she was expecting too much from herself? Did she really have to do everything for Burke? Was it for their best interest? Was she, or he, ready to accept that buying themselves more time might not change the fact that Burke might never be a "surgeon" surgeon again?

She already told him he meant more than just a surgeon to him. Why didn't he seem to understand? Why didn't others seem to trust her? Why didn't she feel 100 sure about her own words?

Aimlessly opening the supply cabinet door, the sight of the scrub caps saddened her.

"Cristina, you're here," The voice was so soft it was nearly inaudible, but Cristina turned and acknowledged it with a faint smile.
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"Hey, what's up?"

"I thought you've already left," Meredith stuck her head in. "It's getting late."

"I got some errands to run."

"You seem really busy lately."

Cristina shrugged. She knew Meredith wasn't like the rest of them. She wasn't trying to mock at her. Yet, the word busy sounded ridiculous to Cristina at this moment. "Yea."

"You must have been thrilled being in that OR today."

"I guess."

"You don't seem very excited," Meredith was concerned. "Is everything Ok?"

"I'm just tired," Cristina gently rubbed her temple. "Scut work wears people out."

"I thought they wouldn't put you through that in cardio?"

"Someone has to do the dirty job, Mer. Neurology, Cardiology, Plastic, Gynecology, they're all the same."

Meredith nodded knowingly. "Derek usually asks someone else to do the lab work. He only asks me to scrub in & do the fun stuff. Do you think I should let him if he pursues me again?"

"Yea, why not?"

Meredith knew her friend was tired, but it was odd to see Cristina being so passive and quiet.

"Want me to give you a ride, Cristina?" Meredith didn't know what else to say to her friend. First it was Izzie, now Cristina. Everyone was acting weird.

"Thanks, but I've to get more work done."

"Alright," Meredith smiled slyly. "When you aren't that busy anymore, we should go running again.

"Right."

Once Meredith stepped out of the room feeling a little uneasy, Cristina fell back into her private world. In her head, she tried to count to 10 before stepping out of the cave. She was a strong person and she knew she could gather her strength quickly.

But she couldn't.

Cristina was trying so hard to let happier thoughts rush into her head that she didn't notice someone was watching her.

"Ready to go home?"

Cristina did not utter a single word, but fixated her gaze on Burke's face.

"What are you doing with the scrub caps?" Burke walked closer to her and laced his hands on her shoulders from behind.

"Nothing," Cristina shut the cabinet.

Gently turning her around to face him, Burke asked, "Do you still keep that one in your locker?"

"Yea," The memory brought a subtle smile onto Cristina's face. She remembered how she fought to make sure nobody would take it away from her. Looking at it every morning before work used to be as important as having her morning coffee.

"You don't need it anymore," Burke looked at the tip of his shoes and remained very composed. "I am no longer the surgeon you aspire to become."

Cristina's eyes followed that of Burke's. She thought they would be staring at the ground forever, until she finally broke the silence.

"You'll always be the best," Cristina rested her hands in his. "Are you happy, Burke?"

The question took him by surprise. Why was she asking him that?

Gently stroking her head, Burke saw the toll on his woman's face. He wasn't sure what response could take the sadness away. "Are you, Cristina?"

"I want us to be happy."

"I know." It was hard for him to say if he was happy, but he knew for sure that without her, he wouldn't be able to operate—either as a surgeon and a man. From the first day they met, they were destined not only to be a tag team, but a single entity.

Cristina hugged him tightly and closed her eyes as her lips were matched with her lover's.

"Time to go home."