Hyotei and the Happy Panda

Chapter Three: In which Atobe expands his tastes, and Shishido puts physics to use

A/N: Hopefully the computer won't spit this back at me again. Take two of my crackfic of joy. Many thanks to all my reviewers who keep me writing even when I feel like burying myself in fangirl shame. Fangirl pride is much better. And extra cookies to my beta gals for all their support and snacks.

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Jirou was aware that his tastes in food were somewhat unorthodox from someone of his social and financial standing. However, he didn't see what Atobe was making such a big fuss over.

"Jirou, what is that made of?"

Jirou frowned at the plate in front of him; honestly, he'd never considered what ingredients actually went into creating a funnel cake. "Well, you know, batter."

"What manner of batter?"

"Funnel cake batter," Jirou sighed. "Just try some. It won't kill you."

Atobe didn't look so sure about that. Admittedly, the amount of grease could probably contribute to clogged arteries, but that sort of damage took years of abuse. Atobe's eyes, however, remained suspiciously narrowed. "And what exactly is on top of it?"
"Fruit." Jirou happily downed another piece slathered in purplish gelatin.

"That's not a fruit, Jirou. That is ... I don't know what that is."

"It's tripleberry. Three fruits."

Atobe frowned. "Which three?"

Jirou studied a piece. "Well there's a raspberry. And blueberry. And ... another berry."

"Ore-sama will not eat a miscellaneous berry."

Jirou rolled his eyes. "Fine, more for me. Ne, Kabaji, want some?"

Kabaji nodded, extracting a modest piece from the plate. Well, modest for someone of his size. Atobe carefully watched him chew, apparently checking for any signs of eye rolling or foaming at the mouth. Even though Kabaji seemed perfectly content, Atobe still remained apprehensive. Jirou yawned, deciding to switch tactics.

"Jirou, that is obviously draining your energy. Ore-sama demands you stop eating it."

"Mou, Atobe, the sugar will keep me awake," Jirou protested, pouting.

Atobe's eyes narrowed. "You've been speaking with that Rikkai boy again."

An eye roll. "Marui-kun never returns my emails. Just try some." Jirou moved with lightning fast reflexes, shoving a forkful between Atobe's lips. After the initial shock wore off, his face contorted in concentration, as if it took every ounce of strength to fight down his noble digestive system and just swallow. He managed though, eyes still blinking in surprise.

"That is absolutely vile," he stated blankly.

Jirou laughed, eyes losing their drowsiness. "You need to try it with whipped cream to get the full effect." He gleefully offered another piece.

Atobe muttered a few more complaints to himself, then took the fork.

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Contrary to popular opinion at Hyotei, Shishido was not a complete idiot in the ways of romance. He did understand what Choutarou had been trying to do all day; he just wished there were an easy to explain why it wasn't going to work. A few weeks ago, maybe. Hell, definitely. But not now. Not anymore. Still, that was no reason to allow Taki to violate the poor kid.

He also understood why Ohtori wanted to ride the Pharoah's Tomb, unlike some wannabe tennis starlets who refused to let go of the second year's arm.

"Isn't this some kids' ride?" Taki asked.

"It's one of the first rides built in this park," Ohtori explained, "All the animatronics have been refurbished, of course, and the ride treks through almost fifty meters of waterways. It's a classic. You really can't leave the park without riding it once." He stopped for a second, a faint blush creeping into his cheeks as he realized he sounded a little like a park brochure. His eyes met Shishido's, and the blush deepened as he added, "And the last drop is pretty cool."

Taki still seemed unconvinced, "I'm not going to get wet, am I?"

Jesus. Shishido pushed past Taki, making sure to ram into his shoulder. "Just get in the boat, pansy."

"Shut up, shrimp." Taki jumped to get back between Shishido and Ohtori.

"Taki-senpai, if you like you could wait out here. The ride's only about four minutes and--"

"I'm in, I'm in," Taki said hurriedly as the three of them crossed the yellow safety line to step into the circular raft. Nice try, Shishido thought. But Ohtori probably knew that wouldn't work.

Taki slid along the wet bench to sit next to Ohtori, leaning one arm over the edge. Shishido had a pleasant, momentary thought of him snagging his arm on something large and sharp as the ride progressed, pulling him out of the boat and maybe dislocating something. He contemplated sitting between the two of them out of spite, but Ohtori would no doubt take that wrong. He shouldn't encourage him more than he already had. He walked around the pole in the center of the raft that held the safety ring to sit opposite them both, trying to ignore the hurt look on Ohtori's face. A bubbly couple followed the tennis players in, forcing him to sit closer to Taki. They seemed more or less oblivious to his glare.

And then the lot of them were floating into spotlit caverns that probably would have made a real Ancient Egyptian clock the designers upside the head with a 3 ton brick.

As soon as the raft passed the gateway, the riders were struck blind. Shishido couldn't see a thing, and heard no sound except the lapping of the water and the face-sucking the couple next to him had begun as soon as the light disappeared. It made Shishido both violently annoyed and quietly jealous. After a few seconds, he heard Ohtori whisper, "Taki-senpai, you really should keep your hands inside the boat for your safety."

Shishido growled, shifting his weight a little to increase the boat's turning. If they spun a little more to the right...

"I'm fine, Ohtori. Ow!" Shishido felt Taki recoil into him as the other boy yanked his arm back into the boat and thus away from Ohtori.

Huh. So physics did have applications other than tennis.

The raft turned a corner, spotlights now revealing the first of the animatronics: Egyptian slaves carving hieroglyphs in the wall. Their motionless eyes stared at Shishido, almost accusing. He turned away. He was being a good senpai this trip, damn it...

...even though the spotlights illuminated Choutarou's features in a soft, almost mysterious way. The colored lights tinged his hair scarlet and the shadows cast across his eyes would make him look right at home as a spy in a film noir movie. He looked dangerous and beautiful.

Shishido shook his head, closing his eyes. Why had he even shown up? Oh yeah, Atobe. Couldn't let Atobe see him looking weak or beaten, even if he was. God, he was pathetic.

The ride took a rough turn, making Shishido open his eyes long enough to see he was in a room filled with machine-generated fog and cat statues. Oddly enough, the rhinestone cat eyes weren't half as disturbing as the panda people outside. Overhead, a booming voice warned them to beware the curse of something or other that would destroy all who passed this way. The ride dipped down.

Reflexively, Shishido's hand gripped the safety ring in the center of the raft, not realizing the Choutarou's much longer arms had done the same thing, reaching across the ring, thus causing Shishido's hands to land directly on top of them. He pulled back quickly as the raft rocked. Damned if Ohtori hadn't done that on purpose. He wasn't going to make this easy.

A gargled sound effect probably designed to be a mummy's moan echoed through the caverns as the ride neared what was probably its final descent. Good. Get him out of this mildewy ride and somewhere he could properly see Choutarou so he could properly avoid him.

Choutarou, at the moment, was wriggling awkwardly towards the couple next to him. "Shishido-san, Taki-senpai, we're going to want to spin right."

Shishido frowned. "Right?"

"Right! Lean right!"

It was only then Shishido realized he was facing backwards as the raft tipped over rise.

Crap.

The Ellipses Bandit…'s continuing inside jokes

I once consumed a "tripleberry" waffle. I have yet to identify the mystery fruit, but I do plan on naming my band Miscellaneous Berry.

The EllipsesBandit… is always on the back of damn river raft rides. Sorry for making you feel my pain, Shishi.