Hyotei and the Happy Panda

Chapter Four: In which everyone gets a little advice and Jirou gets a gun

A/N: Many funnel cakes to my reviewers and especially microgirl for being the bestest super-beta ever and putting up with my "mild" fangirl tendencies.

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"Gaaaaah!" Gakuto let out another shriek. "Quit it!"

Jirou yawned. "Ne, you're too bouncy, Gakuto. You can't aim straight if you keep bouncing up and down."

"Another game." Gakuto handed the carnival lacky another 200 yen. Jirou sighed and hefted his rifle lazily against his shoulder. Gakuto squinted, taking careful aim, his face matching his hair in color.

The clerk groaned; no one else had been allowed at the paintball shooting gallery game for the last half hour. "Fire," he called without much enthusiasm.

Gakuto let loose a Rambo-worthy barrage of red pellets, shouting inchorent English phrases as he did so. Eventually, the guns ran out of ammunition, and he grinned smugly before noticing that every single duck worth over 100 points was coated in yellow paint.

"Yellow wins again." The clerk handed Jirou another stuffed panda. Jirou added it to the pile of plushies he was resting his head on.

Atobe pretended Jirou's deadshot accuracy wasn't somewhat unnerving and brushed his hair away from his eyes. Kabaji should be back with that beverage by now.

Footsteps squelched behind the buchou. Finally...

Squelched?
Atobe turned to see a soaking wet Shishido standing a few feet behind him, looking about ready to shove his fist through the nearest wall.

"Say it," the dash specialist muttered.

Atobe raised an eyebrow, holding in his snicker. "Say what?"

"Whatever snarky comment you've got stored up. Just-- say it."
"Ore-sama does not believe this particular situtation requires commentary. Do not drip on ore-sama's shoes."

Shishido slumped across the picnic table from Atobe, making sure to toss his sopping ponytail enough to splash on Atobe's dry clean only shirt. Atobe made a face, brushing himself off as he scooted a few inches away. "So, where is he?"

"Who?" Shishido refused to look at him.

"PoPo the Magic Panda," Atobe sighed. "Whom do you think ore-sama is referring to?" Shishido shrunk even lower. "Posture is important, Ryoh. Please at least try to act like we belong to the same social class."

"Shut up."

From the shooting gallery came the words. "Yellow wins again."

"Gaaaaaaaaah!"

"Here," Atobe waved his hand. "Watch Gakuto lose. That always cheers you up." Shishido folded his arms across his chest. Less wet footsteps sounded behind the two of them. "It's about time, Kabaji. Where have you--"

The sight of his teammate struck Atobe completely dumb for all of ten seconds. After the pause, he asked. "Kabaji, what is that on your head."

In what was one of the longest sentences Atobe had ever heard Kabaji utter, the second year stated, "A hat."

"It has purple panda ears attached to it."

"Uhs."

Atobe put a hand to his forehead, staving off the headache that Shishido's snickering was only increasing. He snatched the fruit juice from Kabaji's hand.

"Sugoi, Kabaji-kun! Where did you get that hat!"

If Atobe did not have reflexes worthy of being Hyotei's captain, he would have dropped the fruit juice. Jirou appeared to have transformed into an enormous lavender panda ambling in his direction. Shishido turned his head to see what had Atobe speechless twice in the same hour and promptly fell off of the bench with a sound something like "Gak!"

From behind the marshmallow-shaped head popped Jirou's confused face. He spared Shishido a glance, then looked back to Kabaji who pointed towards a row of souvenir shops.

"I'm going to get one too. Ne, Atobe, hold him for me while I do, kay? Do you want a hat? I think I saw someone with kangaroo ears too!"

Atobe was not prepared to focus on this particular question as Jirou thrust the oversized plushie into his arms. "Jirou, what is this?"

"Sugoi, ne? If you win enough little ones, they let you trade them in for a big one." Jirou's eyes sparkled in awareness and excitement. If it were anyone else, Atobe would have thrown the panda on the ground and ordered a hundred laps for failure to remember his station.

But it wasn't anyone else, so Atobe had to settle for, "Where did Oshitari and Gakuto go?" He could make Oshitari hold the damn thing.

"Gakuto got mad that I was getting too tired, so Oshitari took him to the Guess Your Age game to win him something. He always wins that game. I was gonna take a nap but then I saw the hats, so I'm gonna get one. I'll be right back!" Jirou grabbed Kabaji's arm, tugging the larger boy away.

Shishido pulled himself up on the bench. Despite now being wet and covered in a good deal of dust, he was laughing.

"What is so amusing?"

"You think I'm having problems today." He dusted himself off, mumbling. "I hate those pandas."

"Ore-sama does not know what you're talking about."

"Uh huh. How come you're holding a four foot plushie, then? Honestly, just admit you like him already. It's not like anyone's gonna say anything bad about you. And you're both regulars, so what's the problem?"

Atobe raised an eyebrow, drawing one hand over his face. "So that's what this little spat is all about?"

"Quit it," Shishido smacked his hand away. "The hell do you know?"

"The solution to your problem ... which, by the way, is so ridiculously simple I believe PoPo here could solve it."

"Shut up. What about your problem?"

Atobe sighed, glancing at the stitched on eyes before quickly looking away. Stitched on eyes should not be able to mock. "Ore-sama can hardly expect you to grasp the situation when you choose to sit here spoiling ore-sama's beverage with a rather mildewy odor while Taki probably has poor, little Choutarou cornered on a ferris wheel."

"Ohtori's smarter than that. I don't have to babysit him."

"Really? So where did you leave them?"

"Over by the souvenier shops."

"That row of souvenier shops surrounded by those small, discrete, enclosed photo booths, ah?"
Shishido pondered this thought for a second, then stood. "I hate you."

Atobe smirked. "And while you're over there, tell Jirou to come retrieve his pet."

"I'm not your damn messenger!" Shishido shouted, walking a step too brisk to be considered casually down the midway.

Atobe turned his attention back to his current problem, choosing to fluff his hair and loosen the collar on his shirt. He was Atobe Keigo and thus perfectly capable of looking alluring and cool while sitting next to a four foot panda.

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"Ohtori-kun!" Jirou launched himself at the second year. "Come help me pick out something for Atobe." Before Ohtori knew exactly how it happened, he was being dragged away from Taki and into a booth of novelty hats, and Kabaji was blocking Taki's path to follow. Jirou-senpai babbled the entire time, "I can't decide which color goes best with his hair, and he won't wear it if it doesn't match."

Ohtori refrained from saying he doubted Atobe would wear one of those hats if ordered to at gunpoint. Then again, if anyone could make him, Jirou-senpai could. "I'm not so sure that Atobe-buchou would--"

"Of course not. That's the fun part," Jirou beamed. "I'd like to get him pink, but the hippo ears aren't that impressive. He needs something bigger." Jirou scanned the shelves. "Ne, can you reach that top shelf for me?"

Ohtori dutifully reached up towards a row of kangaroo ears when he heard Jirou whisper in a voice that was neither his half-asleep slur nor his wide-awake chatter, "It's a good plan, Ohtori-kun, but you forgot something."
Ohtori looked down, not exactly surprised, but a little taken aback. He'd never heard Jirou-senpai sound so ... focused. "Plan, senpai?"

Jirou nodded. "Everybody just thinks you like Shishido, but it's more than that, right? You want him back on the regulars."

Ohtori debated lying, realized it wouldn't do any good, and then nodded.

Jirou smiled. "You've got Shishido pretty figured out.He won't leave you alone too long as long as he thinks you're in danger from Taki, but you forgot he's not the most important person in your plan."

Ohtori was inclined to disagree with this, but asked anyway, "Then who is?"

"Atobe," Jirou said with the sparkle that always accompanied him saying the buchou's name.

Ohtori thought he had a pretty good conception of Atobe and his motivations. "Atobe-buchou wants to win. He'll let Shishido-san back if he knows he'll win." And Ohtori could make sure that happened.

Jirou shook his head. "Nobody ever gets back on if they've been dropped. It'd make Atobe look like he was playing favorites. He won't do it."

Ohtori knew that, but he didn't plan on giving the buchou much of a choice. He debated how much of his plan he should be discussing with Jirou-senpai, who didn't seem a bit tired at the moment. For now, he decided to play it safe and be a polite, naive kouhai. "Shishido-san doesn't deserve to be dropped, though," he said tentatively.

Jirou snickered. "You're good. Nice inflection. Anyway, I'm guessing you know all that and covered your bases, but I thought I'd warn you that there's gonna be some complications if it works."

"Complications?"

"Shishido's gonna have to lose some face or it'd set a bad example. Just thought you should know." Suddenly, Jirou's eyes widened, returning to their usual over-excited state. "There! Top right, do you see that one?"

Ohtori followed his senpai's finger. "That character was discontinued, senpai. It probably shouldn't be here."

"It's perfect. Could you reach for me?"
Ohtori obeyed cautiously, handing the hat to Jirou who whispered. "Good luck, Ohtori-kun. You've still got a good shot, but be careful." And with that, Jirou-senpai bolted for the register, snagging Kabaji along the way. Ohtori blinked as Taki-senpai started walking toward him. He knew Atobe would never let Shishido back in as a singles player, but Jirou seemed to be hinting at some larger sacrifice.

Still, it would be nothing Ohtori couldn't handle. Even Atobe with all of his power and influence had weak spots like everyone else, and Ohtori was perceptive enough to see one of the buchou's tricks coming. His more immediate problem was detaching Taki's arm from around his shoulders long enough to corner Shishido-san. He'd need to get back in the vicinity of Mukahi-senpai for that. Barring interruption, Ohtori would soon have Shishido-san in the one place he couldn't run away from this conversation. He smiled as considered his next transition, not paying much attention to his current doubles partner as they walked out of the gift shop.

The sight of Shishido-san's fist connecting with the foam jaw of one of the park's PoPo impersonators forced him abruptly out of his mental haze.

"What's gotten in to--"

Ohtori didn't hear the rest of Taki-senpai's sentence. He flew after Shishido, hoping the dash-specialist's energy gave out before he got too far.

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The EllipsesBandit...'s continuing Inside Jokes and Commentary

1. Wouldn't Jirou with a gun be the most adorably lethal thing in the world? "Aww, look how cute ... crap, he's got a gun! Run for your--! But awww, look at him setting the scope function..." BOOM!

2. I believe the entire cast could win a lot of cheap, carnival merchendise playing Guess Your Age Games.

3. I hate people in animal suits. Hate them, soooooooo much. So disturbing. This entire fist was based on the idea of Shishido knocking one unconscious.