Warnings for entire story : Slash, femslash, het, gore, angst, taboo subjects, CROSSOVER with Final Fantasy VII.
Warnings for this chapter : Angst AUTHORS NOTE : Reviews, especially critique would be greatly appreciated!
What is Lost…
Chapter Two – Shall Cause You Pain
Three days had passed since Harry's uneventful birthday. He was currently involved in completing his chores as thoroughly as he could, in an attempt to block the memory out of his mind.
But the pain festered. He was supposed to be the Savior! He knew he wasn't anywhere near Voldemort's level of magic yet. How could he ever expect to defeat him if there was still part of him missing?
And that was the thing. It wasn't so much a feeling of a lack of power that plagued him; it was a feeling that something was physically missing.
It hurt. It hurt so much.
"Psst!"
A low sound from the bushes shook him from his depressing thoughts. His hands stilled in their weeding movements. Then he panicked.
He'd left his wand inside
"Psst!"
He leapt to his feet in fright, grabbing the small trowel that rested beside him. It wasn't much of a weapon but anything would do.
"Harry!"
It knew his name!
He swallowed anxiously, then called out nervously, "Whu… What do you want?"
There was a rustling from the bushes, then a soft sound of cloth moving, and a head appeared next to the rose plant.
"Merlin!" Harry stumbled back in shock and dropped his trowel.
The head chuckled quietly. "No, but thank you for the compliment!"
Harry stared for a moment, before regaining his ability to speak. "Pro… Professor Lupin?"
Remus Lupin's head smiled at him, the movement emphasizing the creases in his skin that had already begun to form. The three scars across his face tautened in response.
It felt wrong that he looked so manic while being so nice.
"Yes it's me. Who on earth did you think it was?"
Harry giggled nervously, then threw himself at his teacher, hugging him tightly.
After a moment of surprise, Lupin did the same, nuzzling his cub's hair and drawing in the scent of his family. "And call me Remus, Harry. How many times do I have to tell you!"
Harry giggled again, then released his professor, pulling back and quickly taking in the drawn form of Remus' face. "Are you okay?"
Remus sighed softly. "I will be Harry, don't worry."
A concerned frown flitted across Harry's face, before he swept it away with a grin. It still amazed Remus how much Harry hid himself. Often there were scents which didn't quite match with his expression.
Like now. Remus could smell the deep pain and unrest in his cub's soul, and he was deeply saddened that Harry didn't think he could share it with him.
"Harry, are you..."
"So, why are you here?"
There was a tenseness to Harry's expression that warned Remus that he would not be able to get anything out of the boy that day. He sighed, then pulled up his own mask of a smile.
"Well, it's been enough time after your birthday that you'll have settled into your new powers…" Remus stopped. Harry had gone completely still. The scent of pain had engulfed any other, and the wolf in him was screaming to protect his cub.
"Harry?"
"I… I don't have any… powers."
The wolf silenced in shock.
"Come now Harry, I'm sure something..."
"Nothing happened Remus!" Harry pulled completely away and turned his back to Remus. "No lights, no music, no mystical people, no locks breaking, NOTHING!" By this point Harry's voice had risen to a shout, broken by retching sobs.
Remus was silent, eyes wide.
Harry trembled.
"Nothing."
Remus swallowed at the heartbreak in that last word. He didn't want to believe him, but his entire being was crying out that it was true.
"Harr..."
"Don't you get it Remus!" Harry sun around, self loathing written across his face. "I'm useless to you! I can't defeat Voldemort! I can't be your weapon!"
A part of Remus reeled in shock at those words.
An even deeper part felt guilt.
He paused at that, and realized that yes, a part of him had considered Harry as a means to end this war, and not as the human being he was.
He hated himself then. This was James' son! His own cub!
What kind of monster was he?
Remus looked up into Harry's angry face, and a thrill of shock pierced through him as he realized that he desperately didn't want to be anywhere near the boy. Didn't want to hurt him in his sudden fury with himself. The wolf was howling within him, rebelling against him.
It was too close to the full moon.
He staggered to his feet, then turned and ran from the crumpling boy behind him. He could hear the gulping sobs, the interspersed mewls of pain.
They pierced his heart.
As Harry watched the fleeing head of his mentor disappear, he let loose a call. The block in his soul didn't fade, but seemed instead to reach for something he couldn't describe.
And on a world many times and spaces away, three souls paused and brightened in joy, as the thing they had been waiting for finally reached for them.