Standard Disclaimer on my Author's Profile.

Past

by Ryuu no Taiyo

I often saw her in my dreams.

She was dressed in the traditional white gown, symbol of a purity she tried everyday to attain, and to most, had. Her hood covered her hair, but her face shown through. She was beautiful. Her eyes were half-closed, but an uncanny concern and love would be present in them, locked in her dark eyes. She was human. Nothing but. For some reason, this difference made her an object of curiosity of many, as humans hadn't set a foot in Azarath since two centuries ago. The doves that flocked the palace gardens were attracted to her, maybe for that reason. Her aura was different than the Azarathians.

They are a proud people. Arrogant, often blinded by their own wise knowledge of the world, and of other worlds too. They knew so much. Their libraries were huge, filled with every piece of literature that was ever written.

They were an intellectually-oriented people. They had little to do with violence and rejected it. Their laws forbid any violence. They were adept in magic. They were adept in astronomy. They knew every law of science. They knew laws of science that even humans haven't discovered. They knew how to break those laws, too. If they had wanted, the Azarathians could have taken over the world. Easily.

My birth had been predicted more than eight centuries ago, in Azarathian time, and countless more millennia in human time. According to a popular myth, which most seem to believe, the great Mage Kahrar ventured to earth searching for something. He wasn't sure exactly, and those around him hadn't really understood his departure. He found his way to Africa. Humans were so far behind us. Correctly speaking, they weren't even humans yet.

He had fallen asleep, that very first night, in a lion cave, amongst the fierce creatures that he had subdued and trained to keep him safe against the animals of that time.

As he slept, he saw the future in a dream.

He woke up, shaken, and meditated upon the sudden prediction. Writing down the dream, he fell asleep once more, as it was still not yet dawn and the nightmare of a prophecy had tired his mind.

Yet he dreamt the same dream again.

It was so strange, he could not possibly understand how the planet's fate could be so intricately intertwined with the fate of a parallel dimension, Azarath.

The mage came back to Azarath and told his tale.

Since, every king and queen that has ruled Azarath has kept an eye out for my arrival

It was Azar's turn when they felt my sudden appearance on this plane. She quickly ordered her strongest mages to seek out where I was.

They searched every dimension, until they found her.

She was about to commit suicide, they say. She was breaking down, a nervous wreck.

They brought her back to Azarath, and they healed her. But they could not rid her of me. They tried. Finally, Azar decided that she would allow my birth but that Trigon would have no hold over me.

The night before I came into being, Azar had a dream.

And she saw exactly what was going to happen.

I was told on my tenth birthday the real reason concerning my existence.

It was on my tenth birthday that I was finally permitted to meet her.

I had wanted to meet her all my life. And there it was.

Azar had been a mentor to me for all of my early childhood, almost a mother. But she never allowed herself to come too close. At least she tried. We had a bond. But it was not a bond that a mother or daughter would share. It was much too distant.

My mother, Arella, was dressed in her white, hooded gown. A dove has positioned itself on her shoulder, and it made soft noises in the tense silence.

I was forbidden to feel.

I could not feel.

I could sense my mother's stare all too well. I was an empath. That was my Azarathian training. My senses were not heightened to the physical, material world, but they were heightened so I could understand to the language of the heart.

I remember the first words I ever heard her speak.

"Raven…" I sensed such sadness that I lifted my head.

She was crying and smiling at the same time.

I opened my mouth to speak, but one of my teachers, afraid that I would lose my delicate control over my own web of emotions, quickly ordered that she be taken away, as she was much too frail to handle this reunion. He had thought it a bad idea from the start. Azar had been planning this reunion for many weeks.

I could not cry, even though I could sense that one of my inner emotions, that I had nicknamed Timid, was crying.

The first time I saw Arella, my mother, and I wasn't allowed to speak.

People wonder why I'm so messed up.

I'd never really given her a thought before I actually met her. She was more like a distant relative that you only see once every few years.

Except that every time I'd seen her before that, I was always far, far, far away; so far that I couldn't speak to her. I couldn't go up to her. I couldn't see her eyes.

¤¤¤

"Raven? Raaaeeeeveeeeeennnn?"

The lavender-haired girl snapped out of her daydream. She was sitting in front of the large window, her legs crossed as she sat down, her back straight and a rather thick volume was lying forgotten on her lap. StarFire and BeastBoy were each on her either side, staring at her. They each wore questioning glances.

"Friend, did we perhaps interrupt your precious meditating time?" StarFire asked, suddenly worried.

"No…It's alright." She said, her voice rather tired, "I was just very deep in thought." She looked down to the thick volume. Secrets Unlocked: A History of Azar…Raven sighed again. No wonder she had started thinking about her darkened past.

"Pray tell…would you give me your thoughts for a penny?" StarFire asked, curious. BeastBoy snickered slightly at her odd twist of the adage. Raven sighed, a smile tugging her lips albeit the subject that StarFire was inquiring about was rather…intrusive.

"I was thinking…about my mother." She admitted, surprising the three, herself included.

She got up and placed the hood over her head again.

"What did you want to tell me?" she asked, picking up her book.

"We wanted to know if you wanted to come have pizza with us." BeastBoy asked in a soft tone.

Raven turned around and walked away from the window, but the two others did not move as they awaited her answer. Her back was still facing them, but she arched her neck slightly as she looked back at the two.

"I think I'll pass." She said, her tone soft yet tired.

Thinking about her past brought memories that resurrected certain emotions. Strong ones. Love, hope, yearning…Sadness… She needed to meditate.

The past was the past. It was no use dwelling over it. She was over her past, even though it still hurt. Sometimes it was better to forget. Even though to forget meant that you would never evolve or learn from your mistakes, some events were so painful, they were better left untouched.

But it was alright. She wasn't the lost ten year old who had never knew her mother or had never had a friend. She had friends. Robin, StarFire, Cyborg…BeastBoy. Sure, they could be annoying. But they were real friends.

Raven sighed as she walked into her room.

She needed to meditate.